CD impulses when going to an event with family I am not out with yet.

[Ceera]

This weekend I am going, as a male, to a charity fundraising event, which I was invited to attend with my sister in law and her husband, as well as my other sister in law and sister's husband. (These are the two sisters of my late wife.) My daughter is also invited, and will be with me. It's one of those $50 a plate dinners, with auctions for other fund raising, to help a local dyslexia charity. One of my sisters in law is affiliated with the event and has a table that she has invited us to join, at no cost to us. (Though we will likely bid on some of the auctions to help raise money for the charity.) My late wife had dyslexia, and the condition has been something her eldest sister has been active in championing support services for.

While we are there, and before the dinner, My daughter and one of my sisters in law will go to the cemetery where my late wife and my parents are interred, and pay our respects to them for the first time since moving to Oregon. after the dinner, we will be spending one night at one of the sister's homes, and return the next day. (The sister who sent the invitation.)

I am not out yet to any of my sisters in law or to their husbands or their daughters (my two nieces, on that side of the family). This will be the first time they will see me with pierced ears and acrylic nails... I had neither when they saw me just a few months ago, over the Christmas holidays last year.

I have been assisting my daughter in getting appropriate shoes and pantyhose for that event. But as we prepare for the event, I keep thinking in 'girl mode', for what Ceera (my feminine alter ego) ought to plan to wear!

For all of the charity events that I have attended in the last two years, I have gone to them as a woman. My feminine side kind of expects to be set loose to do the same for this function, even though I am not ready to come out yet to my sisters in law. Or at least, I am certainly not ready to present my feminine self to them without due warning. If they ask why I have pierced my ears, gotten my nails done, shaved my arms, and even had my eyebrows threaded, I suppose I will try to come out to them. Frankly, I don't care if my late wife's sisters disown me for being TG. But I doubt they will react badly. Both families are pretty solid in affirming the rights of minority groups.

It shall be an interesting weekend, to be sure...

[LelaK]

Do you want to tell them by mail (like in a greeting card) or by email first? That way you could get everything said without being interrupted?

[Beverley Sims]

Ceera,
Are you sure you NEED to tell them yet?

[Jaylyn]

Ceera, I don't know that I would say anything about it to them. You can always scruff your nails up, don't know about the threaded eyebrows, and tell your female side this is one event your not attending. I feel that by honoring your deceased wife at this event and the fact her sister is helping do that should be observed as what they still remember of you and their sister. I was always told by my dad "son you don't mess with the family reputation". Why upset the way they may or may not feel about what you are doing. I take it that you may not care for your wives sisters but I also think that charity that her sister is sponsoring is a good one and she is to be commended on her work in behalf of her sister. I personally would give up a night of CD'ing to help out their cause. Just my thoughts. You can always tell or show them later your new life.

[Ceera]

I don't intend to tell them anything if I don't have to, nor do I plan on having any 'girly' stuff with me for the weekend. (Other than very plain earrings and my panties, since I really don't have any male underwear any more. And those will be plain black bikini briefs with no lace.) I'll be presenting male and my feminine side has been told she has to wait for some other weekend to have her fun.

I've toned town my nails to a French cut with white tips and natural nail beds. No colored polish, though they are glossy.

I can't do without my earrings for the weekend. My piercings were done in January and they will close up if I go without studs for the weekend. But I have some pain gold ball studs that I will be wearing, which are a fairly acceptable 'male' earring.

I think I could use just a touch of eyebrow makeup to make my brows look a more masculine width. But just leaving them plain may call less attention to them - especially since I wear glasses, which kind of hide the eyebrows.

[Virginia1983]

They know. Why pretend.

[char GG]

even though I am not ready to come out yet to my sisters in law

Is this or is it not important to you? Do it when you are ready.

[Sallee]

If you're not ready don't tell them. My guess is they won't notice your shaved arms or pierced ears or even acrylic nails. They may notice but won't say anything. If they do just say you felt like doing it. They look nice and you like it. If more comes of it then come out. It doesn't sound like a problem to them but you are making it one for your self. I totally understand good luck

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I was always told by my dad "son you don't mess with the family reputation"

Boy was he ever asking for it.

[Ceera]

A follow up for the few people reading and watching this thread.

I was over-thinking it. My step sisters and their husbands and friends were either sufficiently unobservant and focused on other things to notice my feminine 'tells', or they saw but didn't care or react.

I kept my shaved arms and legs covered with long sleeves and long pants, so that wasn't an issue. I was dressed and acting in a completely male manner, aside from having pierced ears with 5mm gold ball studs, and French-cut acrylic nails in a natural color scheme. The low-key nails and plain gold ball earrings either escaped notice, or were sufficiently 'metro-sexual' that no one cared. At the charity event Saturday night I wasn't the only male in the room with pierced ears or nicely done nails, though we were not common.

At one point I was chatting with two of my sister in law's female friends, and one was debating getting an additional piercing, perhaps in her nose, in addition to her two 'normal' earlobe piercings. I refrained from interjecting anything of my own experience with being pierced, or my preferences in pierced ear jewelry. They didn't comment on my ears, but they seemed comfortable chatting about such things with me there.

It one point, while discussing politics with one of my brothers in law, the issue of the anti-trans bathroom bills and the amazing fact that a certain conservative politician actually stated he believed the trans bathroom stuff was a non-issue came up. We both simply agreed that in that one rare case, he was right, and the conversation moved on. My brother and law and I don't see completely eye to eye on which candidates in either party would be best, or will get nominated, or have the best chance of being elected, but for most things we are in agreement, and neither of us cares for that politician. But nothing else in our conversation ended up touching on TG issues.

As it happened, I was glad I didn't try to reveal anything in particular. It wouldn't have helped anything, and could have detracted from what we were there for. My sisters and brother in law introduced me to their friends as their brother in law, and several people there knew of my having lost my wife a few years back, since they knew the sisters had lost their little sister. If I had been at all 'out' while there, it would only have added a very awkward note to the evening.