Hi everyone,

I am new here- so hope this is the right place to ask this?

My husband is a CD, i've know for 2 years, and am supportive despite not fully understanding it all. we have been out dressed a few times, and i buy her things, help with make up etc.

So, i have been doing a lot of reading lately to get my head around all this, and have read a lot of accounts from CDs and women who are Transgender. I am trying to understand how i might be able to work out of my husband is 'just' a CD or is really wanting to be/is a woman. His CD urge (is that the right word?) is getting stronger and more frequent in the last few years. I have read lots about people not knowing they were transgender until they begin to explore their gender more fully. He's on his early 40s, dressed in secret for as long as he can recall, with periods of stopping/starting. But he did not own any clothes of her own, or dress fully before I found out almost 2 yrs ago, when I bought her first pair of shoes & dress. So the Kelly side of him is relatively new i think, even though he has CD for a long time?

So, I have some trust issue because he deceived me for a long time (16 years) and is possibly still not fully opening up because i might not reach well. So even though he says he is definitely a CD only, i have a little trouble believing that because 1) He might be in denial and not know yet and 2) he might be lying.

I read recently that early experiences of dressing, in terms of thoughts emotions etc, are one way to work out if the person has gender dysphoria or just likes CDressing. he claims to not remember his first time at all. to not remember even his first time dressing in my clothes. and cannot remember if he ever dressed in previous girlfriends clothes. i find this so hard to believe- because with all the fear and excitement that caused I kind of doubt it. Because I can believe that if you dress a lot you can’t recall exact moments- but I’m pretty sure something as significant as first trying on your mothers, sisters or girlfriends clothes would be something you must remember?

Do other people remember their first time vividly- and am i crazy thinking their is some deeper reason he can't/won't remember? by deeper reason i mean fear of admitting how frequent it is/was, or fear of admitting it was more than just popping on some clothes for a quick..erm..bit of relief? So, is he in deep denial, a liar or just really bad at remembering things?

Alternately maybe i just need to stop obsessing and work on my trust issues?

Any advice gratefully received,
Maz