Relationship issue as a CD

[_Eliza_]

So here is my issue.

I haven't dressed in over 17 years and have spent the past 12 years in a relationship, my partner is aware that I used to dress and that I am bisexual, my fear is that she will not be able to accept me if I start dressing again or even worse, accept it, but secretly resent me for it. She is a wonderful person, but she has the sort of personality that makes me fear the latter of the two, she will say nothing and quietly ignore that anything is going on. She unfortunately surrounds herself with friends who are very intolerant of the TV/CD community and in fact have many other negative views on other subjects such as homosexuality and racism. It leaves me feeling a little dirty every time she invites them to our home. Her own views tend to swing depending on the company she is keeping and it is sometimes very hard to understand what her true views are. So what do I do?

[Jenniferathome]

You talk to her about it. Occam's razor.

[Mykaa]

I find many things being said around me relating to people like us, I find since I accepted this large part of me, I find offensive, I find them to be "ignorant" and really its because when someone says something like that they dont understand how it is to be different and how will they know my viewpoint if I dont express it? I do understand the consequences of being more expressive since it would likely "out" me and thats always another set of issues. Like Jennifer said, simple as this, "talk to her".

[I Am Paula]

Wether you CD, or play golf on the weekends has little to do with the much bigger problem. Your wife surrounds herself with bigots. That's alarming.

[_Eliza_]

I think you are pretty much telling me what I already kinda know, I do need to talk with her and explain that even though I have not dressed in 17 years, the pull to do so again is getting stronger and stronger. Even though I did not dress in 17 years, I did kind of dress by proxy via Second Life which helped to a point, but since I left there 2 years ago, the need has got more and more powerful to the point that I can no longer ignore my needs. I think like I said before, my biggest fear is not talking to her, but her accepting it at face value and secretly resenting it, I know there is very little I can do about that, so I just have to tell her and hope she tells me her honest feelings.

[Diversity]

You should really talk to her about it and hold your ground in being sincere about your desire to crossdress.
Could she be trying to control your behavior for some unknown reason?
Di

[StarrOfDelite]

Wether you CD, or play golf on the weekends has little to do with the much bigger problem. Your wife surrounds herself with bigots. That's alarming.

I agree. When I read the original post, I wondered how the OP could hope to confront the Significant Other about crossdressing if the courage to confront her about racism and homosexuality is lacking. I am only one person with my own viewpoint and my own observations, but it seems to me that most of the people whom I know who are racist and homophobic are also transgender phobic. And, I darn well try to avoid them whenever possible.

[Tracii G]

Ok you are a man speak up and say something when these "friends" engage in hateful speech about gays or TG people or men that CD.
Let them know you don't appreciate it in your house. If your lady gets mad then so what you made your stand.
You don't have to tell them anything about your past if fact you aren't obligated to give them a reason for anything you do in your own home.
Its OK to be a man and say no or get upset over something if it really bothers you.
Holy cow are you guys afraid of your wives?????
You don't have to be quiet and just sit and take things to keep the peace speak up its your house too.

[kkaye]

That's fine hon. Speak up in your own house but dig this. We are dealing with a female that has 1000 issues alone with us as men let alone another woman in the house. I have having fits with this woman of mines. I let her know from the beginning what, I do and, I keep it away from her because it is to her a gay thing. F her. I have not been out in over 2 months and, I feel like, I have been on cold turkey and it is killing me. This girl in me is about to bust her way out.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I'm confused. You describe her as wonderful, you've been with her for 12 years, you're clearly very committed to her and you fear her leaving you, or resenting your desire to crossdress.

But she chooses a social circle which are completely alien to you, she's dishonest about her feelings (or let's say she finds it hard to express her true feelings), and she expresses no real opinions herself, just blows which ever way the company dictates.

My advice is stop second guessing her and just be yourself. She likes others to lead - so lead.

FWIW I'd be a bit more discerning about her friends: as others have said, it is your house too. I'd consider their effect on your feelings as having equal importance to her feelings about your CDing.

Hugs and good luck-

Nikki

[audreyinalbany]

Well I'm a bit confused as well, you say she and her friends are intolerant of the TV/CD community, and yet she knows you are bisexual?? and she's okay with that? Hmmmm?