Went out and visited while dressed

[leannejacobs]

I've just returned home after an out of town business trip, while I was away (with all my fem clothes) I contacted a female relative with whome I am very close, I have no idea what possessed me but I shared my dark secret with her through texts, she asked if I planned to visit her to which I replied I'm not suitably attired, she replied you can turn up dressed as Mr Blobby for all I care, I think she thought I was winding her up.
I informed her I was in my car fully made up en femme but she insisted I come round and that she doesn't judge people, I did go and she met me at her door with a big smile, threw her arms round me and told me how proud she was of me for feeling I could be me with her, we had an excellent night and I returned a couple of other nights, chatting very casually about our past and family etc. She made me so comfortable, it was fantastic.
With the confidence on overdrive I went shopping a number of times too, a great trip from start to finish.
As I try and be as honest as I can with my wife I informed her of my coming out to my cousin and that I had visited her dressed, having had to drive 6 miles and through the city to get there, she was non too pleased, stating that she sees this as progression which is her biggest fear, she also said "what if you got stopped by the police?", I just told her I didn't though and even if I had, it's not illegal, she's not very happy but I'm sure she'll get over it soon enough.
I was that delighted with my visit and catchup that I told my mother who also knows I dress, she just laughed and told me I was no wise lol, great trip and can't wait until next month when I'll get to do it again.

[Mollyanne]

As far as the wife goes, if you want your marriage to endure PLEASE take her feelings into account. I wouldn't take for granted "she'll get over it soon" attitude. You may get a VERY UNPLEASANT SURPRISE.

Molly

[bridget thronton]

Glad things went so well with your cousin - hope things improve with your wife (perhaps let her know your plans before hand - though it is very good you did not hide the details of your trip)

[jenniferinsf]

i am with mollyanne....do not think for a minute that your wife "will get over it soon"

my wife is very very tolerant and mostly accepting but it the situation is never far from her thoughts

tread lightly and listen to what she says and try to understand her feelings

[Jenniferathome]

Leanne, what you see and experience as a discrete event, can look like a logical progression to transition. You can't allow your wife to form opinions by her filling in blanks on her own. You've got to talk about it. If you want to be out with the normals, tell her and explain why. Also explain it ends there (if true). The unknown is scary.

[DanielleLee]

I agree with Jennifer. While the experience was innocent... it probably scared your SO. The whole "where will it end" scenario for her?
I do applaud you for telling your wife. No one can take away that you were trying to hide it. You did tell her. The key is to remain steadfast and remain honest about your intentions.
I'm very happy for you that your cousin was so accepting. That is great news for you and maybe even your wife down the road. Someone she can talk to about this (if she needs it)

[AmberCDinNC]

I have to agree with what everyone here has said. I just finished a PM to a friend on this site and mentioned how the general public sees crossdressing and transgenderism through different sets of goggles created by any number of varying sources, many of them not very useful at displaying any factual information about either one. Obviously, the big talk in the media these days is about Caitlyn Jenner. If you've seen her talks, interviews and so-on, you know that she had been fighting her battle with transgenderism for decades. She kept it hidden for years out of consideration for those around her and finally just had to outwardly express who she felt she had always been. For many people that know about this part of us, they apply this limited worldview to our situations because it's all they know. While some may progress to SRS from what initially seems to be crossdressing, many will not, and many people don't understand that there's a difference. A good example... A couple of years ago, when I decided to really put some effort into my feminine appearance, I decided to tell my doctor about my crossdressing so she could better understand my questions (I was asking her in-depth questions about skin care and wanted to start using prescription Retin-A). She was wonderfully helpful and understanding, and before I left she thanked me again for opening up to her and went out of her way to tell me that she would love to help me when I began taking hormones. This was quite surprising not only because she is a medical professional, but because she is openly gay and is an outspoken advocate of GLBT issues in our area...!

So... there is a lot of misinformation out there, and if you truly care about your wife and your marriage you need to be fair to her. Make sure that you listen to her concerns and discuss them with her. Guide her to information that is truthful and unbiased so she can understand this part of you and make her own conclusions. She undoubtedly sees this as a threat to your marriage and is simply showing concern as any spouse would. If nothing else, let this be an avenue to help you and your wife communicate better in all aspects of your marriage :-)

With that said, it has always been such a wonderful feeling to me when I've opened up to someone and have found nothing but love and acceptance about this part of me. Congrats!

[Diversity]

I'm glad you and your cousin had a nice time and that you have such a good relationship with her.
However, if you value your wife's feelings, you may want to take another look at things from her side of this equation, especially if you want to keep your marriage for life.
You may Aldo want to discuss the idea of all three of you meeting together with you dressed en-femme. That way everything (mental, emotional, physical, and visual) is all out in the open and above board. This is worth your consideration and can address any hints of jealousy which I believe are lying below the surface.
Di

[leannejacobs]

I seem to have written my post in a manner that looks like I'm not too concerned with my wife's feelings, apologies for that as it's not so, she is the single most important part of my life and I am as honest as I can be with her, I love her with all my heart and the last thing I want to do is upset her, hence the reason my CDing was kept a secret for so long, I didn't have to tell her I visited my cousin but as honesty seems to be the best policy I told her, the progression is her worry.

My vision of progression is if I was to take hormones or want to transgender, I don't, I like the man I am and have no desires to change, she sees progression as me coming out to others, there are only a select few I would trust with my secret, I have no intention of getting to the point where I'd walk down my local high street dressed, I am happy exposing this side of me in areas where no one knows me though I need to slow it down or even stop it all together, I seem to be getting bolder as time goes on.

My wife is a wonderful understanding woman but she takes her time to gather her thoughts and feelings on matters, I have no doubt she'll support me in whatever I feel I need to do but perhaps I need to discuss it with her first in future, I'm not taking her for granted, I know her very well having been with her over 30 years.

[Tommie.]

In the femme mode I am much more spontaneous and less focused... I sense that innocence here... my SO calls me her 'blonde pixie' lol. I too feel the same about my SO as you do yours.... I could not be without her I know we must communicate more as already mentioned... so when the urge strikes, maybe a simple phone call will alleviate any issues in advance and if there is impetus against that, then perhaps it is not the right thing to do. I saw a thread here of late that said 'do no harm' and for me that is a good litmus test. With that said, I think it is sweet the meeting went well and your confidence builds!

[Beverley Sims]

It's nice to do what you have achieved, yes your wife may go along grudgingly for a while and slowly accept what you are doing.

She may not either, so try not to push the boundaries too much.