Could need some help here

[ringo]

Hi !

So first, let's explain the situation. My mother knows about my crossdressing but we didn't talk about that since i told her. In July, i will be going abroad in Japan for my studies. She told me that she'd like to buy new clothes to me before i go as mine are getting old. The point is that i am planning on going full en-femme once abroad and i don't want her to spend money on clothes i don't want to wear or have in my closet. I don't know how to tell her that i want to buy woman's clothes, and just woman's clothes. It may be a chock to her. Plus, my father still doesn't know about my dressing at all, don't know how to tell him. Does someone have an idea of how i can tell her or bring up the topic ?

Thanks you for reading and for your answers !

[Jenny22]

Hi, Ringo. When you told your mom, what was her reaction? Tell us something about yourself that may enable forum members to help you.

[ringo]

Hi Jenny, my mom accepted it, she said she would love me anyway. What do you want me to tell about myself ?

[NicoleScott]

Ringo, my wife's mother and sister visited us from Asia. They bought some clothes requiring them to buy a new duffle bag for them to take the new clothes back home. The airline charged an additional $130, and that was over ten years ago. You might explain that you want to take a minimum amount of clothes with you and use the money to buy clothes over there, after seeing what's currently in style there.

[ringo]

Hi Nicole ! That is a good idea ! i think i will tell her to make a bank transfer once i bought the clothes in Japan

[AmberCDinNC]

It sounds like you've already broached the subject with your mom, so that's a good start. I agree with Jenny's question... how did your mom react? I would use that as a litmus test on determining where to go from here. If she's not really sure how she feels, she may be hesitant to buy you feminine clothes thinking that she may make things worse. On the flip side, she may be happy to accommodate you. I would tread lightly and see. If there seems to be any tension I'd just drop the idea for now. After all, if you're going to relocate to another country your correspondence with her will likely be limited, and you don't want to leave a tough topic just dangling for who knows how long. Have you thought about just asking her for money instead? Or, if she wants to make sure you spend it on clothes, see if she will give you a gift card to a store/stores you like.

One thing I would suggest. I've never traveled en femme before, but I've read numerous posts/articles with cautionary tales of doing such a thing. After all, in some countries being GLBT is a criminal offense. I think Japan is fairly enlightened, but I would certainly look into the laws and attitudes dealing with gender. Even if it's legal, what are the general attitudes in the various regions you will be visiting? What about passports/IDs? It might cause some issues/confusion if you have a male ID and a female presentation. Be safe! :-)

[ringo]

Hello Amber

how did your mom react? -> she said she will love me anyway, but she thinks i have the need to feel masculine but actually it's the contrary. She wants to help me feel right but i am a bit afraid that making her buying me feminine clothes might be too much.

I surely can ask her for money and she trusts me on that

As for the travel, i have been 4 times in Japan and i went out en femme often doing shopping, karaoke and going to restaurant with my girlfriend and crossdressers friends, i never had any problem. But i will check the laws to be well informed, thank you for bringing up that point

[NicoleScott]

A late thought, Ringo. If she gives you money to buy clothes in Japan, she might ask you to email a pic of the new clothes she paid for. You might need to borrow some for that purpose. Gotta think it through....

[ringo]

Nicole : I don't think she would ask this to check if i really bought clothes with the money, but she might want to ask for a picture just to check the style. Although it would be possible there're great chances she doesn't ask but thanks for noticing it to me, i'll keep it in mind so i'll be prepared if this situation shows up

[jenniferinsf]

j'achete une tres belle robe a comme de garcon....fantastique

[ringo]

Jennifer : tu parles français ?

[Jenniferathome]

Ringo, a few thoughts for you. 1) items in Japan are rather expensive compared to costs in the US. Your yen will not go far. 2) sizing is I credibly different in Japan. A women's XL, if you can find it, is like a US medium or size 10. Japanese women are small, almost universally. 3) I have lived in Japan. I go frequently. I even speak ten language fluently, and I have never, ever, seen a cross dresser in any setting. There is a huge difference between going to a karaoke bar and living as a cross dresser all day, every day. Class rooms will not be nearly as forgiving. Gay people are treated today, like the USA did 20 years ago. Think this through. If you are on your way to transition , great. If you want to live presenting female, great. But think it through

[ringo]

Hello Jennifer,

1) I am not from the US and prices are much lower than in Europe (as i have been shopping in Japan several times)
2) I know about small sizes however i found multiple items that suited me in stores and i have ordered from a site specialized in crossdressing
3) Well, i saw crossdresser friends on multiple occasions, there're meetings organized. I have been going out several times in several different places, yes i agree you can get some weird looks, like everywhere but nothing bad happened. As for classrooms, a friend of mine came out recently and people were absolutely fine with it

Okay, reading my reply again, it sounds really bad and pretentious which is not my intention at all, i can't thank you enough for caring for me and warning me about potential dangers. I am perfectly aware of the problems that this lifestyle may bring. However, if i don't live how i want to live, i will regret a lot of things which is something i don't want. And don't worry, my girlfriend knows when to tell me doing this or this could create problems. Again, thank you very much for informing me about all that

[Jenniferathome]

I don't know how I missed your France notation. My error. Euro and yen are about the same.

[ringo]

It's alright ! by the way, i can give you the site i order on when i'm in Japan if you are interested https://yamadaya.tv/

Do you go to Japan for business purpose or vacation ? or others ? (if i may ask)

[Krystenw]

I lived in Japan, Hiroshima, for more then a year.
While I was there, I had all of my clothing tailor-made.
They have tailors everywhere and when I was there the prices were a third of the cost.
Best of luck.

[Jenniferathome]

... Do you go to Japan for business purpose or vacation ? or others ? (if i may ask)

Business.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Make sure the store you go to offers total refunds, then take mummy there.

Win-win.

[docrobbysherry]

Ringo, I have a friend that is into "role playing" and loves Japan! Says he's always able to find dressing friendly places. And, Japan IS the original home of all the This and ThatCon expositions.

Add to that, no Puritanical reactionaries and I'm sure you'll have fun with like minded friends there! I'm jealous!

[ringo]

Sorry for the late reply !

Krysten : I didn't think about tailor made clothes, that could be interesting, i will look that up, thank you

Nikki : Well i could definitely do that, i have to have courage and tell her to go together

Docrobbysherry : Aw, does he go often ? i'd love to meet him That is why i love Japan, i have met a lot of open-minded and kind people (not all crossdressers). Have you ever been there ?

[lingerieLiz]

Back to your mother. My mother vacillated between acceptance and denial. One day she offered to buy me a really cool woman's jacket. Later she sent me two blouses. On the other hand some days she is not as receptive. I would suggest you ask her how she feels about it and explain your goals.