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Thread: Would you date a CD/TS?

  1. #26
    AKA Lexi Read only sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    I have severe trust issues with men, so, probably not; there would always be this underlying feeling that the other person is somehow just biding their time until they can find some way to take advantage of me somehow. I know it's because of my bad past experiences in my relationships with males, but I haven't been able to just put that all behind me.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  2. #27
    Banned Read only LisaJ1's Avatar
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    I do as my female side,I am bisexual and do have a pre op TS girlfriend.Her name is Kimberly also my fiancée's lover too.My fiancée,she is bisexual as well

  3. #28
    Slip Into Something Femme Piora's Avatar
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    I would most definitely date a transgender female. However, the criteria of my attraction to her, such as her personality and other things that would also apply to a genetic girl, would be the focus of whether or not I would date her. So, to clarify, I would have to be attracted to her in all the ways that I would with a genetic female. Not sure, but I think she might have to be post-op as well, or planning it, although I think it would really depend on her and how much I liked her from the start. Being pre-op wouldn't STOP me trying to get to know her (likely that information wouldn't come up right away), but I'm a bit on the fence with the post-op or pre-op situation.
    "Taking the time to be in touch with my feminine side"

  4. #29
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    Oh in a heartbeat.

  5. #30
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    The TS is too difficult for me to address. I have trouble relating to it. I would have no trouble at all having a TS as a good friend. I would probalby have no problems dating a female CD. It could be quite interesting.

  6. #31
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    It's really depressing to login in here tonight and read transphobic rants from some of you.

    I spent my morning in court with a trans woman who got her name / gender marker changed. I worked with another activist to plan how we can combat the horrible effects that current anti-trans propaganda is having on the community. There are a lot of murders and suicides. Some of the suicides have kids.

    I spent the afternoon trying to find shelter for a trans woman who was trying to escape her rapist father. (The police in her state didn't care, he was ex LEO, she's trans.) Her first HRT doctor demanded she have sex with him in exchange for hormones. She found me because an activist in another city who I don't even know told her I was the real deal. That made me weep - I'm just a person trying to help. I'm in no way equipped to handle any of this stuff. Almost no one else does it though.

    I spent part of the afternoon talking to a very nervous trans woman who was told she'd lose her job if she took time off for SRS.

    At every turn we face discrimination that most of you can't imagine, and are too craven to face.

    ... and people wonder why trans women on this site sometimes display animosity towards CDs.

    We're women. Our medical status is not what determines that fact.

    We're the victims of men. How dare you call us men!

    I may be ill equipped for what I take on. But me and many others fight - oftentimes for your rights too. I may be wholly inadequate to the task, but at least I'm not part of the problem, like some of you are.

    There's a word for those of you who aid the transphobes who are quite literally killing us. And that word is "traitor."

    Normally I'd find it in my heart to forgive you. I know you've been abused. I know many of you are as screwed up as a soup sandwich. I know this isn't your fault. But tonight, as I try to find a rape free place to stay for a terribly abused woman, and ponder how many people I know will be dead this time next year, forgiveness just isn't coming to me.

    Good night to you.

  7. #32
    Member laura.lapinski's Avatar
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    If "attracted our attention" means I was attracted to her, then yes, I would.

  8. #33
    Member Anneliese's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by becky77 View Post
    It's a bit disappointing that on a Trans website so many see little difference between a CD and TS.
    Is it internal transphobia or ignorance?
    Either way it saddens me.

    One is like dating a man one is like dating a woman regardless of clothes or genitals but I fear even here there are those that can't see beyond the physicality.
    In my case, I'm not sure exactly what I am, and I'm sure I'm not alone. There are many here who are absolutely positively hetero who like to dress. I have only been with women, and am not attracted to men. However, I am very attracted to men dressed as women, whether CD (as long as they weren't constantly talking about how manly they are) or TS, and yes, I would date one. I would be dressed as well.

    I am truly gender-fluid. Like women. Like CD/TS. I would like to experience the male organ before I die...on a womanly person.

    I am absolutely not a manly man. Never have been, never want to be. Who would? I have always related to women, and often feel I am one.
    Last edited by Anneliese; 05-20-2016 at 04:19 AM.

  9. #34
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    Try answer this.
    Do you see a Transitioned FtM Trans man (TS) as a man because that's who he is inside and how he presents, or as a woman because that's what he was born as?
    Think hard on that question. Because flip that to MtF Trans woman (TS) and many of you still see that person as a man.


    Quote Originally Posted by sometimes_miss View Post
    I have severe trust issues with men, so, probably not; there would always be this underlying feeling that the other person is somehow just biding their time until they can find some way to take advantage of me somehow. I know it's because of my bad past experiences in my relationships with males, but I haven't been able to just put that all behind me.
    So TS are men to you?

    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleScott View Post
    If a TS has not had SRS and has sex with a male, that's gay sex. Your brain can tell you that you are a woman, you can call yourself a woman, and others can recognize you as a woman, but a male cannot become a female by declaration.
    It's crazy that within the so called 'Trans community' I see greater Transphobia, Misogyny and sexism then I ever experience from Cis people.

    It's incredibly hurtful. It reminds of the saying 'Wolf in Sheep's clothing', so many of you may dress up as the Sheep but you are still every bit the Wolf. Proclaiming to understand the feelings of a Sheep whilst eating Lamb stew and having no idea why that's hypocritical!

    Anneliese you are woefully misinformed. What exactly do you think TS means?? It's NOT the next step for a CDer.

    MtF CD = Man mentally who enjoys wearing women's clothes and expressing feminine traits. Some have identity or Dysphoria issues and I would then say they are in the 'Between' bracket which is yet to be truly recognised.

    MtF TS = Woman mentally who was born male physically, typically they Transition (live full-time) at some point because they can no longer cope trying to live as a man.

    Gender fluid = Someone who's internal gender identity shifts. Not who they are sexually attracted to that's called Bisexual.

    A CD and TS are almost nothing alike unless you're ignorant enough to only see what someone looks like rather then get to know them as a person.
    What you write is horribly objectifying.
    Last edited by becky77; 05-20-2016 at 04:16 AM.

  10. #35
    New Member Natasha_Lovegood's Avatar
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    I'm bisexual, but I think I wouldn't like to date a crossdresser, maybe a trans yeah

  11. #36
    Aspiring Member JeanetteX's Avatar
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    If she would have the right personality as well, then yeah I'd most definitely date a CD/TS. Perhaps not for sex right away, but I'd love a great night out on the town and a good chat about all the gender issues. And who knows what might happen later!!
    Love and hugs Jeanette

  12. #37
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    Becky. I suspect you read into things what the original writer may not have intended and jump to conclusions. For example your response to 'sometimes miss' of "so TS are men to you" assumes that her reply was referring to mtof transsexuals whereas I think her reply was likely referring to crossdressing men. The original question was NOT would you date a transsexual was it?
    Furthermore, your quoted portion of NicoleScott's reply was not transphobic or sexist as you suggest. She was clearly stating a viable opinion relating to biology. It is not unreasonable to suggest that two males (neither with any GRS surgery) having sex is simply that regardless of whether one or more declares himself to identify as female. She in no way suggests there is anything wrong with two males having sex whatever their internal gender identity. It is as if you want to be 'horribly offended' so much that you make it up as you go along and see offense where non is meant.
    Last edited by Lorileah; 05-20-2016 at 08:02 PM. Reason: You didn't need to quote the post

  13. #38
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    Sandyhappygirl
    The question is:
    Would you date a Crossdresser (CD) /(or)Transsexual (TS)

    So YES the question was also Transsexual?? I'm not sure how you didn't understand that part.
    However the answer from Sometimes Miss isn't clear if she is answering to one or both, hence why I asked the question. I wouldn't put a question mark if I was assuming.

    Nicole on the otherhand when talking about Transsexuals says "Your brain can tell you that you are a woman, you can call yourself a woman, and others can recognize you as a woman, but a male cannot become a female by declaration".
    How is that not Transphobic?
    Do you see MtF Transsexuals as women? Clearly not as you also state it is two males and you dismiss the identity as if it is meaningless. Therefore you see Transsexual women as men which also makes you Transphobic. Unless of course you are also ignorant of what being TS means??
    You do know that TS means Transsexual right?

    I don't look to be offended and I'm not offended now I expect this stuff it's the norm, but I dared hope there would be understanding and acceptance within the Trans community.
    Last edited by becky77; 05-20-2016 at 11:05 AM.

  14. #39
    Woman first, Trans second
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sandyhappygirl View Post
    Furthermore, your quoted portion of NicoleScott's reply was not transphobic or sexist as you suggest. She was clearly stating a viable opinion relating to biology. It is not unreasonable to suggest that two males (neither with any GRS surgery) having sex is simply that regardless of whether one or more declares himself to identify as female. She in no way suggests there is anything wrong with two males having sex whatever their internal gender identity. It is as if you want to be 'horribly offended' so much that you make it up as you go along and see offense where non is meant.
    Wow. You are so wrong. You, NicoleScott, and a bunch of others.

    First of all, we are women. Paula responded to this point much better than I could.

    Beyond that, even just biologically/physiologically, I can tell you that many pre-op/non-op TS women who are on continuous HRT actually have a lot more in common functionally with females than males. Screw "declaration" - it's a question of biology. Sexual response, erogenous zones, orgasm... All shifted towards female patterns over time. With respect to genitalia, the change can be dramatic. I presently lack a vagina, but i do not have a functional penis either. While sex with me is not quite the same as sex with most natal females, it is most assuredly not like sex with a man.
    Last edited by Zooey; 05-20-2016 at 11:22 AM.
    Coming out is like discovering that you've been drowning your whole life after actually breathing air for the first time.

  15. #40
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    I would potentially date a man who was CD if I was attracted to them - ie, a good guy, secure about who they are, caring, responsible, respectful, thoughtful, attractive, strong but gentle, thought of me the way I think of chocolate.....

    If they seemed unsure about there gender identity or it was a out of control sexual fetish thing though I would run like hell.

    I would also be open to relationships with transitioned women. I have found I can connect on a deeper level with them then I can with anyone else.

  16. #41
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    Wow, this thread is making my head hurt. I personally am attracted to all things feminine. Nothing about a male or masculinity attracts me. Not on any level. I do have many friends who are cis gender male, but platonic is platonic. I have a hard time answering any dating question because I am married and do not think of dating. I really am hoping those days are behind me now. That is definitely my plan. I have spent many years being single. If things do not work out with my wife and I, I may just choose to be done period. And no, I didn't say that after my 1st marriage lol. But there was a time when I thought I was done having relationships. So I guess you can never say never.......... As for the whole CD/TG/TS. Does anyone see why those who are transitioning or have transitioned or just has non questionable identity as a woman is not happy with this thread? Just like the tolerance thread, it shows a serious marginalizing here-

    Would I date someone other than a cis gender female..... Yes, if they had the special something that makes them a woman. I am not talking about the anatomy. The anatomy, if they had what I had, I wouldn't want to be doing anything sexually with theirs, but I think when it comes to transwomen, generally they do not want to either??? So I think that can be worked around. Very likely no to a CD who has male gender identitiy, and wants to be sexually active as a male. I am wired to be attracted to women. When I see someone I am attracted to, I am not seeing their anatomy underneath their clothing.
    Last edited by Tina_gm; 05-20-2016 at 12:13 PM.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

  17. #42
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    One of the problems of this discussion is that gender identity and sexual orientation are separate and the question tries to make a correlation (maybe not deliberately, but it does). And then the discussion devolves into who has what part. This is where it becomes Transphobic as it is trying to categorize us by body parts instead of accepting and knowing us for who we are. Parts do not define gender identity, our brain and sense of self do. A woman can have a penis and there is nothing wrong with that. A man can have a vagina and that is okay. Or either can be Intersex. There are many Intersex conditions where you could get naked with them and never know. Being careful with categorizing people and opening your mind to hearing who they say they are is the appropriate way to approach understanding.

    Some of the types of sexuality for those interested:
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/...b0082030a35f80

  18. #43
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    Sue you are correct in a sense, But the phrase having a relationship is in itself not directed entirely to intimacy, although it is I am sure deemed to be such. Romantically??? In which case do we need to have actual sexual acts of whatever type to be romantic?? Think of an older couple, at a restaurant. Maybe their "time" has come to where they are not really able to be physically sexual. Can they still be romantic with each other? I would say yes to that.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

  19. #44
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    Becky.
    No you didn't ask Sometimes Miss a question, you put a question mark after a statement, it is not the same.
    You ask: How is that not Transphobic? I believe Nicole is not transphobic and you have to remember that words written and the same words read can mean different things to the writer and the reader. Why would a transphobic person be on this forum?
    You ask: Do you see MtF Transsexuals as women? Yes I do but then after asking the question you then answer it for me in an incorrect manner that is offensive to me. You do not know me so do not tell me what I am. I would not presume to do that to you.
    You ask: You do know that TS means Transsexual right? Really?

    Zooey. Wrong I maybe but I really think that before stating that Nicole is transphobic, a personal insult to her, Becky should have tried polite discussion first.
    Last edited by Sandyhappygirl; 05-21-2016 at 02:20 AM.

  20. #45
    Member Anneliese's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by becky77 View Post
    Try answer this.
    Do you see a Transitioned FtM Trans man (TS) as a man because that's who he is inside and how he presents, or as a woman because that's what he was born as?
    Think hard on that question. Because flip that to MtF Trans woman (TS) and many of you still see that person as a man.



    You may very well know more than I do about this subject, but it seems many here, including yourself, feel there are strict lines to be drawn in the whole gender/CD/TS discussion. I do not believe it is that simple. Nothing is that simple. I am not that simple. You probably aren't either.

    I truly have good thoughts and compassion for all groups represented here. The only group I find a little weird...but it's just me...are the CDers who express their extreme heterosexuality at every opportunity. Is there really such a thing as an ultra-masculine CDer?

    I think not.

    JMHO.
    Last edited by Lorileah; 05-20-2016 at 08:05 PM. Reason: you didn't need to quote the whole post

  21. #46
    summer renae renae.lake's Avatar
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    first, to the op, sure i would, if i were single and the chemistry was right.

    second ...

    Quote Originally Posted by I Am Paula View Post
    It's interesting how the OT puts Cd, and TS together. As much as I hate labels, and believe you should fall in love and/or have sex with whomever you click with, there is an ongoing debate in these pages about who is/what is gay.
    A male having sex with a CD is, by traditional definitions, gay.
    A male having sex with a TS is not.
    Quote Originally Posted by becky77 View Post
    It's a bit disappointing that on a Trans website so many see little difference between a CD and TS.
    ...
    One is like dating a man one is like dating a woman regardless of clothes or genitals but I fear even here there are those that can't see beyond the physicality.
    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleScott View Post
    If a TS has not had SRS and has sex with a male, that's gay sex. Your brain can tell you that you are a woman, you can call yourself a woman, and others can recognize you as a woman, but a male cannot become a female by declaration.
    Quote Originally Posted by becky77 View Post
    MtF CD = Man mentally who enjoys wearing women's clothes and expressing feminine traits. Some have identity or Dysphoria issues and I would then say they are in the 'Between' bracket which is yet to be truly recognised.

    MtF TS = Woman mentally who was born male physically, typically they Transition (live full-time) at some point because they can no longer cope trying to live as a man.

    Gender fluid = Someone who's internal gender identity shifts. Not who they are sexually attracted to that's called Bisexual.

    A CD and TS are almost nothing alike unless you're ignorant enough to only see what someone looks like rather then get to know them as a person.
    umm, i'm not sure it's all that clear cut. there may be some cd's who are 100% hetero and in no way ever identify with the female gender, but i'm going to go out on a limb to say that many of us are somewhere in the middle of the gender spectrum. we are not just wearing the clothes for their own sake, nor are we women trapped in a man's body. i would not pretend to understand the struggles a ts person has to face, but i do not think we are so completely different in terms of the outside not matching the inside. if the feminine in me falls in love with the feminine in someone else, and we both happen to have male anatomy, which matters more, what is in our hearts and minds, or what is between our legs? call it what you want, i suppose, but to me it is something very different from a relationship between two gay males.


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    just getting the hang of this

  22. #47
    Senior Member Ceera's Avatar
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    It would depend on the person, I suppose. I'm bi, but generally prefer women - mostly because I repressed my bi side for most of my life and tried to remain straight. I married a GG who was of average appearance and, frankly, rather overweight in her later years. But we stayed together and I was faithful to her for 30 years, until she died of heart failure. At the start of 2014 I was widowed, and I opened up to my feminine side. So I've only in the last two years or so accepted and been open about my feminine side, cross dressing, or bisexuality. Now, pretty much anyone is a possibility, but it's still a bit more difficult for me to start things up on an intimate or affectionate level with a male or male-appearing person. There is a lot of self-imposed repression to overcome.

    I recently moved from Texas to Oregon, so for the two years since I was widowed and before the move here, I wasn't trying to start a new relationship with anyone, of any orientation, gender identity or dressing mode. In the 5 months since I moved, I have been taking it slow.

    I have dated a FtM cross dresser, since I arrived in Oregon. Only one date, so far, but I hope we shall have more once her academic schedule eases up. We met socially and found we had a lot in common before I asked her on a date. We made a nice couple when I took her out to dinner. Her in a dapper men's dress shirt, slacks, vest, tie and gentleman's cap, with her hair cropped to male length, and me in full femme attire, breast forms, wig and makeup, doing my best to present as female. It's certainly nice to do things with her, and she encourages me to expand my feminine activities.

    Born a genetic girl, she prefers to go out and about publicly in a male mode of dress and a male presentation. She largely still self-identifies as female. She doesn't particularly care which pronouns you use on her, or if you address her by her female given name. She doesn't usually try for a 'male' voice, unless presenting male in a historical reenactment group that we both belong to - where she does try to get everyone to use male pronouns for her, and to use her chosen male name in that group. I haven't gotten to know her well enough yet to be certain of she is 'only a crossdresser' or if she considers herself to be somewhere on the transgender spectrum, with transition a future possibility. For her, it probably wouldn't matter to me how she identifies, or if she eventually transitions to male completely. I like her as a person, and I find her attractive. What bits she has now in her panties, or intends to have in the future, don't matter all that much.

    As far as other crossdressers or transgender people go, of either birth gender, I've found a few that I thought were attractive, and that I thought I might like enough as people to strike up a friendship with, and maybe date. About the same percentage as I have found among genetic girls or guys who don't cross dress and who are not transgender. Most cross dressers or transgender individuals don't fire up that spark of attraction for me. But the same can be said for anyone else, of any gender, orientation or dressing mode.

    I'll confess to being shallow enough that appearance certainly plays a factor in who I find attractive. But it is far from the only factor. Before I left Texas, I 'said yes' to one guy that was only average in appearance and decidedly overweight. But he was a charming gentleman, accepting of my dressing, and nice to socialize with. What kind of person he was became more important than his looks. I wouldn't go so far as to call that evening a date, and it didn't repeat, but we had a nice night. The same would hold true for any CD or TG people that I might possibly date. If they become friends first, and I like being with them socially, their odds are greater than someone who is merely physically attractive.
    Last edited by Ceera; 05-20-2016 at 03:05 PM.

  23. #48
    Member Anneliese's Avatar
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    Agree 100%.

  24. #49
    New Member ChryssiePie's Avatar
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    Well, yes. It is far more likely I'd find myself attracted to a femboy/crossdresser than just any male, simply because I love clothing that accentuates feminine features and feminity in expression as well.

    but again, common interests usually trump gender and how one presents themselves.~

  25. #50
    Member Rhian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lorileah View Post



    So I can make the assumption your rules apply to GGs too? Otherwise I find this very insulting.
    The same standards apply to GGs. I'm quite picky.
    Last edited by Lorileah; 05-20-2016 at 07:29 PM. Reason: You didn't need to quote the whole post

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