Lesbian or Gay bar?

[AllisonS]

Can anyone offer their perspective about going to Lesbian bars vs Gay bars? Is one more accepting of us than the other... generally. Are there do's and don't for a hetero CD? Tips to get along? I went to one TG friendly bar and that was comfortable and fun, but there are fewer of those around. I'm not looking for anything other than a drink and friendly conversation. I don't pass but I could be mistaken for a GG from a distance and from some angles..

Do gay guys think a hetero-CD is just not admitting they are gay?
Do lesbians think we are outsiders trying to crash their party?

I know these are generalizations, and it "depends". What do you think?

[Kate Simmons]

Only one tip. Never go to a lesbian bar on "Ladies night" unless you are en femme. We fit in for the most part that way.

[Dana44]

I had two gals with me on a date and we went to the lesbian bar and there were crossdresers in there who wanted me LOL. But I had two pretty girls and they stayed around me and keep me busy there. But yeah go en femme. But if you go to a gay bar en femme you might be lonely there. So go there as a male.

[Jenniferathome]

Why are you limiting yourself to gay or lesbian bars? Go where you want.

[CONSUELO]

I agree with Jennifer. There are lots of pleasant places to go to. Just find some place that you like and feel comfortable in.

[AllisonS]

I'm not limiting anything. I'm just asking about CD acceptance/perceptions at what are predominantly L or G environments.

I know, I know... what do you care what other people think... I get that. I'm working on it.

[StarrOfDelite]

If you live in a larger metropolitan area, there is a good chance that one of the Gay or Lesbian bars will have a Girls Night Out for Transgenders. For example, in Pittsburgh Cattivo is known as a Lesbian bar, but it's accepting for everyone, and the Blue Moon is a LGBT friendly bar known for its gurls' nites. The Funky Skunk in Ohio has a big GNO once a month, and also a Lesbian's night which I attended once. I was well treated by the Lesbians, too. Beware of Admirers and Chasers if you go to a GNO, but don't be too aggressively hetero.

[mechamoose]

Been there, done that.

I usually end up in a corner talking with a butch lesbian.

Gay guys... they just want sex or opportunities. You either *click* with someone or you don't. Sex is stupidly easy, relationships are hard.

If you want a relationship while TG?

That is even harder. Or not... how about just you being YOU? Someone WILL track on to you.

- MM

[AllieSF]

I say go to both. A lot of reactions from others depend directly on our own actions, our personality and conversational abilities. Be happy, have fun, laugh and be engaging and you will be accepted everywhere. Yes, sometimes we may encounter one of those rare places that do not accept us for whatever reason. Just avoid that place the next time out. Most bar tenders and bar owners are more than happy to have more customers that have fun and don't cause problems. Just be a good customer and a nice person and it should all work out. Also, from my experience there tends to be many more gay bars than lesbian bars, with many being a combination of both with a lot of straight couples and groups there too.

[jenni_xx]

Such bars are not about you. They are gay bars and/or lesbian bars. You can of course go to such bars, but just keep in mind those bars (or specific nights) are not for you.

The people in thosye bars will of course accept you, if you are respectful to them. They are not there for you (gay guys will not think that you are a hetero-CD in the closet, nor will any lesbiam think you are trying to gate-crash their party. So just be yourself, be respectful, and realise that you frequenting THEIR space, and so treat THEM with the respect that they deserve.

Now, and this is putting this out there. If you want to go to a transgender bar (that's a "transgender bar", not a "transgendered bar" (I know you're reading this), and there aren't any such bars in your area, then by all means, organise one.

[mechamoose]

How about we just be US, in a BAR? We don't really need or want our own space, do we?

We just want to just BE.

MtF/ FtM/ Gerbil to Squirrel, just BE.

Don't get me started on Bathrooms...

- MM

[Ceera]

The nightclub I started out in was an LGBT place. Both gay males and Lesbian ladies were present on most nights, as well as an assortment of bisexual or pansexual individuals, and usually half a dozen or so straight people. On most nights there were at least a few CD or TS people there, spanning the orientations and birth genders. We all got along quite well. The club would occasionally have a 'ladies night', where the crowd was typically 90% or more lesbian GG's. When I was there en-femme, I was always welcome, even on ladies nights, and the Lesbians were quite friendly and liked dancing with me.

In the town I live in now, there is only one true LGBTQ bar and nightclub, and they have regularly scheduled nights for 'ladies only', where an en-femme MtF CD or TG is still quite welcome. They also host nights specifically for CD / TG folks. Again, even on ladies nights, the lesbians always make me feel welcome.

I haven't yet been to a 'strictly lesbians' club, but I pass pretty well and would not hesitate to go to one en-femme.

Now bear in mind, most of those lesbians may be happy to socialize with us, buy us drinks, and dance with us, but few would be willing to date us. Maybe 5% or less of them, or in particular the ones who are bi, might entertain the idea of dating a MtF CD who is intact as a male and identifies as heterosexual. A few might, but the vast majority will only want to be friends.

[AllisonS]

How about we just be US, in a BAR? We don't really need or want our own space, do we?

We just want to just BE.

MtF/ FtM/ Gerbil to Squirrel, just BE.

Don't get me started on Bathrooms...

- MM

That's the goal. I'm not there yet with self confidence and I also think there is a (perhaps inflated) real safety issue, which I do not want to confront head-on, alone, at Dale's Dive bar. Also, I want to have fun! Not be worried about anything or anyone. In general LGBT neighborhoods "feel" safer, more tolerant, to me. But I don't know since getting out has been a rare occasion.

Jenni - I agree those bars are not about me, en femme or drab. Its kind of the same either way. Its just a place to be out that feels like I'm at least a welcome outsider.. haha.

[Sara Jessica]

Why are you limiting yourself to gay or lesbian bars? Go where you want.

We really need a "like" button!!!

Go anywhere you wish. Even better if you do so with a friend.

[Lorileah]

Also, from my experience there tends to be many more gay bars than lesbian bars, with many being a combination of both with a lot of straight couples and groups there too.

That is true. L bars in my experience are more open because I wasn't seen as a threat. Gay bars I got ignored by the men but taken in by the women. But KNOW your community. If you aren't leather, don't go to a leather bar (while they may serve you, they will give you a cold shoulder. Same with Bear bars or hipster bars). If the womyn's bar is having a womyn's event...best to avoid that

[Pat]

I wouldn't waste time categorizing a bar by sexual orientation. Pick it if it seems to be a fun place that you'd enjoy going to. If you like to dance and they have a good dance floor, go there. If you like to nod your head to jazz and they have a good band, go there. Patio overlooking the water your thing? You know what to do.

As to if gay guys are going to think you're gay and in denial -- what if they do? Gay, straight or lesbian (or gerbil) some will think that of you, some won't. Most won't care. It's way more important to be a fun and interesting person (FAIP?) People like FAIPs no matter what their story is and they're generally welcome wherever they go. Be a FAIP.