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Thread: What gives CD a bad name.

  1. #26
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    Sure, each to his/her own, but, when a group is trying to gain acceptance or be viewed as mainstream, then people like that reflect negatively on the rest. It wasn't too long ago the gay men were swept under one umbrella of sex in bathhouses. None were viewed in a favorable light. Just imagine want would happen if that man in a dress with his genitals hanging out went into the ladies room at Target. In my city of 200,000 I may see one cross dresser or at least can identify one cross dresser every two years. If I was on the fence about the bathroom law and that man was all I would ever see, what would my response be?

  2. #27
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    This person is a "flasher" not a cross dresser.

    This person should be arrested like any flasher. Had I seen this, I would have intervened not because this mutant gives cross dressers a bad reputation but because it just wrong.

    By the way, you SHOULD HAVE defended cross dressers. Not from an "in the know" standpoint, but that this idiot is clearly just a sick flasher.

  3. #28
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Jennifer at home. Right on.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN. See my photos and videos on FLICKR - Alice Longstems.

  4. #29
    BEING YOUnique is AWESOME Princess Chantal's Avatar
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    I wonder if your friend's transphobia exaggerated what was reality.
    A co worker who also helps his parents at their pizza restaurant told me of a crossdressing customer that came in one night. He said how gross it was touching the crossdressers hairy hands when taking the money. Later in the day of him describing his encounter to me, the vice president of the company came in an we greeted him with handshakes. He had excessively hairy hands and arms, so I asked my coworker if he needed some therapy after that "gross" handshake. In which he replied with "what do you mean" and I answered with "does the suit and tie change your reaction to a man's hairy hands"

  5. #30
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    P C:

    That was a lesson in how irrational the thinking is for some people. It's like people don't HEAR what they say.

    DeeAnn

  6. #31
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    Wow, lots of thoughts come to mind on this one.

    Not having been a eye witness I'll take it at face value and sounds like a pervert getting off on flashing which is just plain messed up and down right illegal.

    These 'events' do totally discredit the community, I'm not down on fetishism or kinky stuff but keep the blatant stuff private.

    Now the sticky part and the reason legal documents are typed on 14" paper. This if accurate was clearly crossing the line but begs the question...where's the line?

    Given there's no 'governing body' I guess it's up to us to educate when given the opportunity. I know hind sight is 20/20 but I like Sherry's point, use Caitlyn as your source of information to educate on the difference between deprived pervert and legitimate gender fluid

  7. #32
    Platinum Member Eryn's Avatar
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    Displaying genitalia in public is illegal, even in Las Vegas. This person isn't a cross-dresser, he's an exhibitionist.

  8. #33
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    Yes, a flasher or whatever, yes illegal. But also still a CDer too. And, that is the problem. Far too many people see too much of this type of behavior without seeing those who are presenting casually, just looking and acting like any other woman. Like the person I mentioned in Salem. It wasn't the CDing that gets your attention, it is how they were CDing. Now, people are free to express themselves however they wish to. (not exposing themselves obviously) but if they want to dress like a street walker, or some sort of adult entertainer whatever there isn't much we can do. Looking like that, standing out so much not for being a CDer, but for the outlandish ways they present themselves are not going to be getting many people to be more open minded and accepting of CDing.

    I remember seeing a sister in NYC, and I think she blended well enough that most really didn't recognize. I saw enough tell tale signs that made me pretty certain of them. They were dressed casually, but decently. Just blending in being a part of society. If people see more of this, and less of the outlandishly dressed or horribly behaved, it will help our cause of being more accepted and respected.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

  9. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by gendermutt View Post
    If people see more of this, and less of the outlandishly dressed or horribly behaved, it will help our cause of being more accepted and respected.
    You realize this is EXACTLY what the gays said about Drag Queens?

    DeeAnn

  10. #35
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    Deean- the gays were correct. I know there is still quite a ways to go with gay acceptance, but it has come a long long way. Remember the movie the Birdcage? Nathan Lanes' character was what people thought of when they thought of gay men, not his partner played by Robin Williams. When more people started to see guys who happened to be gay, more like the Robin Williams' character, without the super over the top behavior, and also not being a DQ, then there was more acceptance. (exclaimer) I am not putting down DQ's. And even there, there is more acceptance, but I am saying that when breaking free from the molded stereotype, acceptance is more attainable.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

  11. #36
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    Yes, but we have to practice what we preach: Inclusion. If we aren't inclusive, how can we tell others to be?

    DeeAnn

  12. #37
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    Well, you would be right about that. I am sort of saying that so long as that is what people see the most of, we can't really complain or expect the general public to feel differently about us.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

  13. #38
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    As much as I understand the resentment of it, I believe in the value of "respectability politics" in situations like this.

    Or, as it's always also been known, "politics".
    Coming out is like discovering that you've been drowning your whole life after actually breathing air for the first time.

  14. #39
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    Gaby. It is ultimately, for both CD and transgender people the ones that do not pass that give the concept or label or whatever a bad name. The people who accept it and don't mind don't care, it's the ones that do care and do mind that have to be brought around. If the issue, that they have an issue with is thrown in their faces they are obviously not going to be pleased, they don't like difference, they don't like people who do not appear normal as either male or female. Out of sight and out of mind. If OUT and if you don't like it I don't care, is an excellent way to cause issues for everyone. Nails that stick out get hammered. I think everyone in the CD and trans community need to start considering everyone else and start making an effort to move towards a goal that would be beneficial for everyone.

    The last thing any respectable, passable CD should do is liken his or herself to the absurd person in the original post. We need to distance those that want to be accepted from those that want to be a spectacle. I would have ignored it.

  15. #40
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    I understand the over the top dresser, whether CD or TS, and yes there are both out there in minimal numbers, can cause some people discomfort and even hamper their ability to recognize that what they see is the rare exception rather than the norm. However, for anyone here to tell someone else how to present themselves is totally ludicrous. Who sets the standard, when is short too short, or bright too bright? We have had these discussions periodically ever since I joined this site almost 10 years ago. In the last few years they have fortunately been few in number as members here came to realize that personal rights and freedoms for all of us are more important than what others think about a few of us.

    We want acceptance and cannot accept out own neighbors and cousins. There are people who try to pass and blend and just can't or don't always get it right. Reading what some write here, even those innocents should stay home until they get it perfect. That is pure bull. There is always going to be outliers in every area that does not conform to the norm. People don't like it, but do not judge everyone else by those outliers. If they do, they are the ignorant ones. We want our rights to be who we are and we have to respect others' rights to be who they are or want to be. If they dress bad, are butt ugly or whatever, so be it. Let them live as they let us live. The general public will eventually get over it. I also believe that the general public is far more intelligent than some here gives them credit for and know and understand that a few over the top people do not represent the whole. Do the Walmart people of fame represent the general public?

    As someone said above, just being out and about interacting with others does so much good for everyone. They help bring the message to all that we are normal people with different interests that do not harm anyone else.

    As for the exhibitionist dressed in women's clothing, people like that exist everywhere, not just Las Vegas or big cities. People can see that they represent no one but their own sick self.

  16. #41
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    I hate to rain on parades, but the truly passable CDer, who hasn't had modifications done is a pretty rare breed. They are also likely quite young too. I am not saying there aren't any, but for a good majority of us, a close encounter will likely be a read. I think sometimes we may think we are passing or we see others that are passing because we don't see gasps of horror around them. In many places now, people are not as bothered by it as they used to be, but they still do notice if close enough. Most of us really can't hide our features without modification.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

  17. #42
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    more of a Transvestite then a CD.
    drag queens are more over the top,tv's do not try to shave there legs are chest,tuck are look presentable are passable.
    a genderF**k is gonna have a beard and a dress on in one scene.




    [ QUOTE=StarrOfDelite;3946265]1. It sounds to me that the individual who exposed himself was probably exactly the type of "crossdresser" whom the Haters have in mind when they obsess about male perverts dressing en femme to gain access to ladies' restrooms.
    2. This person was only technically a crossdresser, in the sense that anyone who wear clothes of the opposite gender is a crossdresser. I don't want to get into a long discussion of exhibitionism, which is obviously a recognized psychological disorder, but this is typically done only by males who identify as males. It's been theorized that these individuals perceive themselves as being inadequate as males, and display their genitals as if to tell the world, "I am a Man!"
    3, I think that it's unfortunate that your friend jumped to the conclusion that this person's desire was to be a woman, as this undoubtedly was not the case. He probably chose to dress in drag as a way to attract attention. You probably did the right thing by not trying to correct her, since I rather expect that she had that attitude about CD's and TS's before this incident, and it only reinforced her prejudices.
    4. Your friend did the world a disservice by not calling the police. Exhibitionist sexual behavior is a crime in all fifty states, and usually the only way that a person who is an exhibitionist gets the proper medical treatment is if the police and judicial authorities get involved. Exhibitionists usually don't stop exposing themselves without the intervention of some external agency, either the state or family/peer pressure .
    5. Whatever happened to the rule that, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas?" [/QUOTE]

  18. #43
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    A CD should dress modestly. The bottom line is that the clothes should be suitable to the physic. Not everyone can look good in a short skirt or very tight pants. A basic rule would be, "Don't flaunt what you haven't got." All of this holds true to the GGs as well. I've seen GGs in shorts and short skirts who are an eyesore as their legs and other aspects of their anatomy did not allow for this. One cannot always wears what one wants to wear. You have to be careful to avoid a style which might antagonize those around you, especially if your physic does not match this style. Self honesty and common sense applies here.
    An other rule of thumb would be to try to dress in a way appropriate to the area of the country you live in. This would be an important factor if you live in a conservative area. Another rule of thumb would be to try to look "nice" or even a bit "classy". GGs often don't seem to care much how they dress and often dress in an androgynous way. I think people appreciate those who dress in what one might call a "higher class" way.
    I can only offer my own experience. I find that the Lolita fashion I wear really helps    me get by really well. There are a range of styles so I can dress according to my mood. This is a kind of soft, sweet style which just does not antagonize. It works far better for me than the more conventional clothing I used to wear.
    People are less inclined to take offense if you dress in a good looking, peasantly appearing way.

  19. #44
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    There are very specific laws which prohibit indecent exposure, which probably describes the behavior of the person who was dressing with genitalia exposed. There are also prostitutes who crossdress and dress rather ****ty (no definition intended). It is unfortunate that these individuals diminish crossdressers in general and provide generalizations which are negative and unfair.

    But as far as expecting there to be any sort of dress code for crossdressers - I don't think anyone should try and be judgmental regarding what anyone else wears. We are not talking about blending, or passing, or proper attire for attending social gatherings or dress codes for work - all of which might have arbitrary or designated limits or restrictions. But individuals, both female and male, have a right to wear what they want to. Who are we to expect a dress code for others? And does anyone really think there will be greater understanding or acceptance of crossdressers if we all dressed uniformly, or matronly, or like Stepford Wives?

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