Ups and downs

[Lexi Moralas]

I think a lot of girls , like me have to make due with letting our girl personals live most of their lives in the virtual world. Email , chat rooms ect. And it never fails to amaze me the length I will go to for the smallest opportunity for some real life " heel time ". Even somethings small as 5 minute walk out in the real world.
Trouble is its never enough and soon comes the crushing disappointment. When you have put the genie back in the bottle.
Seems like at the point every woman on the street becomes a focus of envy , simple he see they can wear what ever they want.
I don't want to go over board with this , I had a brief outing today it felt amazing ! Now I am under the. Crushing weight of reality
Can any one relate ??

[JessieA]

Believe me when I say I fully understand. I feel the need for social interaction while dressed constantly. The virtual world and talking on the phone help but are not enough by their own sometimes. I live alone and can dress almost anytime I'm home but sometimes the house feels like a prison. Sometimes if feels like a drug always needing more but I think is a natural extension of being human that we feel a need to affirm our existence and self image thru interaction with people and the real world. What do others think?

[Pat]

Totally understand. But at some point you have to accept that unlike being transgender, being closeted is a choice. You're making that choice because something is more important to you than the freedom to present when/how you like. There can be any number of perfectly valid reasons, but whatever they are, you've made the choice not some outside agency. If you acknowledge the choice then you're not a victim, you're controlling the situation and can use that to fend off crushing reality. (And maybe someday later revisit the choice. )

[JessieA]

For me that is part of the problem I know it's a choice but choosing has consequences. I stuck between what the choice I feel I need to make more and more and the weight of the consequences. At some point I think I will have to make that leap but for now I think baby steps to be better prepared and confident in my choice. I hope that makes sense.

[Jaylyn]

I can relate to your ups and downs. I just feel the need to dress sometimes and it's not always convenient to do so. I chose not to be out though and so I know when I take off my skirt, hose n heels and get the last bit of makeup off I know I'm the one that made the choice to not be outed. I try and immerse myself in other work or hobbies though when I'm not dressing.

[sometimes_miss]

As I don't go out en femme, I never get to experience a lot of things that women do. which of course is both good, and bad. I'm pretty much a loner anyway, so staying at home isn't bad to me.

Trouble is its never enough and soon comes the crushing disappointment. When you have put the genie back in the bottle.

This is my main problem. I get so comfortable being a girl in my own private little world, that when it comes time to put on my 'man uniform' it just makes me feel sad. I waited my entire childhood/adolescence, patiently waiting for god to fix me. So when it never happened, I just felt lost. The few times when I was able to crossdress was like finding an oasis while crossing a desert. Sure, gradually I got used to the daily grind of 'acting the part of a normal guy' all day, every day, but after all those years, the expectation never really went away' it's still buried, deep inside. My avatar picture pretty much defines how I've felt most of my life, and still do feel: Waiting, forever waiting, for a life that was never to be.

Seems like at the point every woman on the street becomes a focus of envy , simple he see they can wear what ever they want.

Yup. I can relate.

Sometimes, reality bites.