have you ever shut someone out after telling them you CD

[Amanda2016]

Hi All

Im new to the forum but could use some advice.

Im female in my Mid 30's and recently a childhood friend Male who I was getting closer to again (after my recent divorce and him splitting from his long term partner) told me he dresses in underwear/stocking during a text conversation around fantasies, I was surprised but accepting of this information and the trust he placed in me and told him so. Then the next day he said I had misunderstood him and that he didn't dress, he didn't speak to me for a few days and then we arranged to meet up to talk.

He came to my house and we ended up having sex and I told him I would like to try his fantasy one day, when he left my home we were good with each other that was 4 months ago since then he has ignored my texts, blocked me on social media and has got back together with his ex.

I am so confused and I cant talk to family/friends about this as they know him and I don't want to betray him

part of me thinks he got what he wanted (we had never had sex before)
part of me thinks you would only share something so personal with someone you cared for/trusted
part of me thinks he is in denial/ashamed
part of me wonders if he has ever told anyone before

what are your thoughts have you ever reacted in a similar way after telling someone?
would you tell someone if you didn't have strong feelings for them?
is this something you had said when horny and regretted?
or do you think I just got used for sex.

Thanks Mandy x

[Fiona123]

Hard to say what the fellow's motivation is. Maybe its remorse for coming out to you. Coming out is an extraordinary difficult thing emotionally. 🌺

[Stephanie Michelle]

It's hard to say what he was thinking. Sounds like he took the easy way out and got back with his wife. I would not give him any more thought. You seem like a great person. Go find someone that respects you. And make sure they are not involved with someone else.

[Lorileah]

Part of you should realize he's back with his ex and doesn't want to cause problems

[Sarah Louise]

Hi Mandy,

Welcome to the forum. It could be any of those reasons, all of them, or something else. Only he knows, and it doesn't look like you're going to find out any time soon.

What I would like to believe is he didn't use you, but told you of his desire to dress in female clothing and panicked as it's something he perhaps feels guilty about, hence the later denial. In the meantime, he's given it another go with his wife and not surprisingly, doesn't want to put that at risk by keeping in touch with someone he had a relationship with.

But who knows? Probably it's best to put it down to experience and move on.

Well done on having such a positive attitude to his hobby btw. If you meet anyone in the future who likes to crossdress, please continue to try and be accepting. Most of us are just otherwise normal guys who have a softer, sensitive side that manifests itself in dressing up as a woman now and then.

[Jenniferathome]

..

1) part of me thinks he got what he wanted (we had never had sex before)
2) part of me thinks you would only share something so personal with someone you cared for/trusted
3) part of me thinks he is in denial/ashamed
4) part of me wonders if he has ever told anyone before

5) what are your thoughts have you ever reacted in a similar way after telling someone?
6) would you tell someone if you didn't have strong feelings for them?
7) is this something you had said when horny and regretted?
8) or do you think I just got used for sex.

Thanks Mandy x

1) Yep
2) Maybe, but his risk of telling you, specifically, is low risk
3) Could be
4) We'll never know
5) Never, but I never left my wife, told someone new and got back together with my wife.
6) I have only told my wife, whom I love. However, I can see telling others if it was relevant to them and that is not the same as "strong feelings."
7) Never done it, so no
8) Likely

[StarrOfDelite]

I wouldn't even be sure that the issue of his fetish crossdressing is even part of the reason he's ignoring you. It is probably not uncommon for a person of either gender in the middle of a potential breakup with a long term SO to have sex with someone with whom they've been friends in the context of the relaitonship. It's probably also not uncommon for that person to then feel guilty about the sexual encounter, possibly to the extent of going back to the SO and ignoring the someone with whom they had sex.

So, the reason he won't have anything to do with you might be focused on his guilt about the sexual encounter more than his admissions about CD'ing.

I'd suggest you chalk this one up in the category of "Life Experiences" and move on. If you should mention it to anyone you might not be believed anyway, and might be perceived as just another vengeful rejected woman.

[Rachelakld]

We have many fantasies and yes I would tell my female friend as I'm comfortable about my sexuality.
If I manager to get a leg over "as consenting adults" that would also be fine, unfortunately that would also cause a lot of issues for me and I probably wouldn't talk to her again.

[AbigailJordan]

We cannot change how others act, only how we react.

It sounds like you reacted in the best possible way. The fact that he's chosen to distance himself isn't anything you can control, and unless you hear from him again, you can only make educated guesses as to the true reasons.

It sounds like you have serious feelings for him which may be making this more difficult to accept. Ultimately however, you sound like a really nice person, and I'm sure you will find someone deserving of your love, whether or not they want to raid your wardrobe in the process x x

[Amanda2016]

Thank you for your responses, I know no one can tell me why he has behaved this way (only he knows) but I am upset a 20+ year friendship has ended this way. He knew I had been through a rough time with my ex husband and I am shocked at how cold he has been towards me.

Him and his partner has been split for about 10 months before we got involved and I would have respected his decision if he told me they were trying again, now we are in a situation where we live in the same area, know the same people and I am dreading seeing them around.

I appreciate you letting me post on here I am unable to talk to family/friends without telling them about the dressing (something I would never do to him) but im going from feeling used and played to worrying about him and if I handled the situation well enough x

[Nadine Spirit]

From what I can tell, you handled the situation just fine. Sometimes people are a bit weird about talking about their gender variance. It comes from lots of different issues and is often very difficult to understand, especially from the outside looking in. Having had sex and then him going back to his long term SO also makes things a bit uncomfortable. Most likely he just assumes the easiest way for him to deal with situation he created is to just have nothing to do with you anymore. Sucks huh? The unfortunate reality of friends is that friends are disposable.

[AnnieMac]

Well, he got back with his ex. so that pretty much explains it. Shoot, you seem nice enough - I'd date you

[Jaylyn]

Amanda it sounds like you are a very normal GG and your old friend is very mixed up and possibly feeling guilty either from telling you about his CD and scared you will out him in revenge for him using you as he did or he is ashamed of what he has done to you as an old friend of his. I'd say just move on and learn from it. I can assure you though that he is the one with the problems and now he has to live with his mess he created.
Speaking from a cd point of view, if you ever date another CD you'll find that most of us are very kind and I will say more in tuned with our feelings toward the opposite sex than the normal male. I adore my wife and place her on a pedestal. I enjoy CD and she helps me and is very accepting. Just hearing your story I would say you are that type of GG and you'd be a great Catch for some one. Hang in there and I hope the best for you it sounds like you are a very well based woman and deserve the best.

[bridget thronton]

I am sorry this happened - you were being a good accepting friend

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Hi Mandy, thanks for sharing your story.

what are your thoughts have you ever reacted in a similar way after telling someone? ...No.
would you tell someone if you didn't have strong feelings for them? ...Sure.
is this something you had said when horny and regretted? ...No.
or do you think I just got used for sex. ...I think he was searching for something, at a crossroads, relishing being open and trying something new - and the sex you had was an equal responsibility and an equal decision - you might as well ask 'Did you use him for sex' - it isn't relevant. What's relevant is that he resumed his relationship, perhaps because reality was a bit too much to handle.

He may well feel ashamed of his crossdressing urge - it's very common. I'm sorry that he was unable to treat you more honourably, but he probably scared the crap out of himself and to protect himself he felt no choice but to cut off ties with you. My guess is his desire to dress will cause him to break up with his partner again, but that doesn't mean he'll come back to you.

Let it go. He wasn't ready. Don't feel bad about somebody else's emotional immaturity - in no way are you to blame for his behaviour. What an opportunity he threw away- most of us can only dream of having a partner who accepts our crossdressing and wants to explore it with us.

Good luck Mandy!

[Tracii G]

Welcome to the forum.
I know its hard for you not to wonder about all this but for your own sanity let it go .
1 He cut it off with you by blocking you on SM and not returning your texts.It means he doesn't want to talk with you.
2. He got back with his ex. Nothing you can do about that.
3.None of this sounds like anything to do with his cross dressing so to assume it does is wrong.He just told you one of his little secrets nothing more.
Be a decent human being and keep his secret he shared with you don't be vindictive towards him.
He probably feels guilty of using you for sex and is pretty embarrassed about it.
Main thing is let it go and try not to pick apart reasons you "think" he might have had.

[Alexa CD]

He blocked you out of his life because he regrets telling you and maybe even having sex with you, he doesn't want what he told you and what you did together to get out. Particularly because he is back with his ex, and because he doesn't want anyone to know what he told you. He trusted you and now what he has done is his way of saying there's no chance, forget it. It's damage control. He obviously regrets it.

Do not talk to family and friends about anything related to what you have just said, just don't.

To answer your first three questions that's a no, but could he have said what he said and did what he did because he was horny? Sure. Where you used for sex, did only he get what he wanted by having sex with you? That's a strange thing to wonder in my opinion, because it implies that you didn't want it and that you got nothing out of it. The best thing you can do is let it go and not compromise his situation, just accept the experience it's all you can really do.

[donnalee]

One thing not suggested is that perhaps this may have been something imposed by his partner as a condition of their getting back together.

[Vickie_CDTV]

It was almost certainly 100% because he got back with his ex. How do I know this?

A GG who is wants to have sex with their boyfriend dressed is one in a million (and that is *barely* an exaggeration.) He would not have turned down your offer to be with him while dressed unless he had a really, really compelling reason. Might be a bit... blunt... but seriously, a woman like you is not someone a guy who dresses would easily turn away from!

[heatherdress]

Amanda - I am sorry to read of your experience.

Just because we are crossdressers, we could not possibly have any understanding of his motives and behavior. It does, however, seem like he probably did take advantage of your divorce, got what he wanted and then discarded you. Too bad. Just move on. He is not worth your time.

[Amanda2016]

Thank you again for your responses have just read the most recent ones.

As said I came to this forum as I am unable to talk to family/friends and as a few have said I have no intention of letting others know this information, He trusted me enough to tell me and I will respect that.

I probably will never know why he had behaved like this and will have to put this behind me and move on, thanks Mandy x