Passing versus being a CD

[Tabitha_Sinn]

I hear a lot about "blending in" and "passing", and I guess that's fine for the individuals in our community who want to *appear* as GGs, but what about the fact that we are a group all our own?

For example, who ever sees a GG wearing six inch heels, unless they are in porn? But I *love* wearing six inch heels. Am I giving crossdressers a bad name? Or am I entitled to be a CROSSDRESSER, in a group all (my) our own?

It sounds like so many wanna pass as a GG, but I really don't mind being in a separate group.

But see, we are all our own individuals. some people want to pass as GGs, some people, like myself just want to be who we are.

I gave up long ago trying to pass for a GG. I mean, I *can* but I'm not interested anymore. I wanna do what *I* enjoy.

We should all be as accepting of each others differences as we are of others differences. Not every crossdresser is the same.

I was "raised" by a drag queen. And anytime I was not wearing high heels, in particularly HIGH heels, I was "cheating". Although I am not a drag queen, that is something that has always stuck with me. Not something a GG would do, but I'm not a GG. I'm a CD.

I'm not knocking those who want to pass as GG's, just saying for those of us that might fit in a different category :-)

[Rachelakld]

of course - be a bit boring if we were all the same.

For me "passing" seperates my CDing from those who hang around street corners late at night while trying to get clients, as that is what we were all categorized as, back in the 80's and probably even today in some areas.
I'm trying to create a more respectable image in the public mind.

While I've not yet seen a male at my shops with heels, what do you do in your heels? where do you go? what do you wear with them?

By the way, my daughters who are not in to porn, have 6 inch heels for their school balls (unfortunately they are only worn at friends parties after the balls finish, because working with babies and wearing heels is a no-no).

[Tabitha_Sinn]

Wow Rachel! Your daughters wear six inch heels? I must admit I am surprised! But that's very cool :-)

As for your questions...I don't go out out much anymore, and I don't mind. Sometimes I will wear heels to clean the house, just because I like to. What do I wear them with? Sometimes nothing to be honest!

I understand what you mean about "trying to create a more respectable image", but (mind you I was "raised" by a drag queen!) doesn't it count for what we enjoy? Isn't it *their* problem if they don't like it?

[Kate Simmons]

I'm just myself whether en femme or en homme. If others see me as a woman, that's their perception I guess.

[Martha G]

I am a male who enjoys being a male. But I do enjoy dressing as a woman.

When I am dressed as a woman, namely Martha,I become a woman mentally. I enjoy at that time being a woman.

Thus I want to pass as a woman. I do make an attractive and passable woman and have developed some very feminine gestures when dressed.

So I really was to pass as a woman when dressed. I also thoroughly enjoy being a woman as well.

[Fiona123]

I said in a different post I am a middle aged man with a hairy middle aged body (yuck). No gonna pass any time soon. I love being en femme in private. I love the fantasy if being a woman.

[Ressie]

It's all crossdressing. Blending vs not-blending would be a better title. The consideration is, how much attention do you want to draw to yourself? Just being who you are is fine, but it could lead to getting the wrong kind of attention. High heels are one thing but adding fishnet stockings and a leather miniskirt isn't wise unless you're out clubbing etc.

[Tracii G]

What you do at home is one thing but out in public try to tone it down a few notches is always a good idea.
If you want to look like a working girl in public you have every right to do so but be ready for the consequences.
If you want to dress and be you well thats fine I do it every day.

[Jenniferathome]

Stripper heels, fishnets, and a miniskirt at the mall are a perfect stereotype of what a cross dresser is to most normals, I would think.

Do you have to be a stereotype to be your own person? Appropriate attire for the venue, time, day, event, etc is simply "appropriate." You going clubbing? Cut loose. Going to the grocery store? Be normal. Normal has a very broad range and can be one's own person, I should think.

And as for the "passing as a GG" comment, I have to write again that that is a fantasy for all but a very select, genetic lottery winners. The normals typically say noting because they don't care. I don't pass and I am not out to make a statement or be a stereotype.

[SeanErin]

Guess I am too simple, racer backs and baseball jersey....

[Stephanie47]

I am in agreement with Jennifer

I think whatever one decides to wear at home is fine. I'm an in-home cross-dresser whose domain is the backyard and home with some forays in the evening into the world. For me wearing women's clothing is a 'private affair.' At home I will always 'dress up' as in being presentable. It's always a dress, hosiery, heels, all the proper undergarments and a wig. Ask me why I do what I do, and, I cannot really give anyone an answer. That's the answer I gave my wife, and, it's the truth. That's totally different than 'how I feel' when I am wearing women's clothing.....at peace, less stress.

If a person just wishes to wear six inch heels or any other attire that's their business. Some of this forum just wear a woman's panty; some hosiery; etc. Maybe some would be characterized as having a 'fetish.'

Currently, any male wearing female clothing is under scrutiny or outright attack....."the bathroom wars." It is appalling how some are being treated and viewed. I'm a casual in-home cross-dresser. My heart goes out to transwomen.

I've seen pictures of some very very passable women on this site, and, some not so passable. I'm sure I've encountered some very passable women at the mall, but, then I would not know it. I've encountered some not so passable cross-dressers. I personally think it is unfortunate for the greater cross-dressing and transwomen community, when I see what "I" consider to be inappropriate attire at a particular venue. If we are attempting to gain acceptance, not for me, but for transpeople, I think it is imperative to act as a woman and dress appropriately.

[Taylor186]

But see, we are all our own individuals. some people want to pass as GGs, some people, like myself just want to be who we are.

Having been around a while, I would say that everyone here just wants to be "who they are." For some some that includes the desire to pass and for some it does not.

[becky77]

Not something a GG would do, but I'm not a GG. I'm a CD.

I'm not knocking those who want to pass as GG's, just saying for those of us that might fit in a different category :-)

I totally get that and see nothing wrong with what you are doing, my only confusion is if you are happily a male CD who is comfortable with your own sense of gender expression why then use a female name?

Why not fully own it? If you are crossdressing in a non-conforming way and happy with your male identity why don't you use your male name?
In that way you really would be making a statement that you are your own category.

There are an awful lot of CDers on here that claim they are not really trans and they are happy being male yet then confuse things by using female pronouns and a female name??

For example there are some here who rightfully fret that their wives may worry they want to become a woman and Transition, those people are often quite vocal about distancing themselves from being Trans and especially TS, which I get.
But don't you think your wives would feel less concerned if you just used a male name and pronouns?

It's just something I noticed that seems to contradict what is being said.


"I like being a man and don't have any feelings to be a woman also I'm strictly Hetero, but call me Cindy and refer to me as her" If you think about it's that's pretty confusing to an outsider they are going to assume you are Trans and want to be a woman. So by default unless you own being a male Crossdressers and answer to masculine descriptors, the right thing to do would be to dress respectfully and represent the Trans community fairly.

Or is the name also part of the expression?

[Heidi Stevens]

Hey Tabatha, most of us here are accepting of what ever variation of cross dressing floats your boat. So when most folks ask what you're trying to accomplish with your dressing or look, we try to help them out to be their best with out drawing unwanted attention. So when I offer advice to help someone pass in public, I'm not degrading any of you who have no desire to be seen in a public venue.
BTW, being raised by a drag queen sounds like a kernel for a great personal story.

[ClosetED]

I dress to please me, but I have tried outfits that would blend in with local women who want to be feminine. I have not ventured out as yet, but if I did, I would try to blend. Just like I go to work to fit other co-workers, I don't come to work in my tuxedo or my bathing suit. On casual Friday, I wear casual clothes. It is being part of society, unless you want to make a statement that you disagree with society and are prepared to attract attention for it.

As to female name, rather than stick with male name, I consider us a coin - we have a heads and a tail side. We are still a coin, but it makes it clearer to others when showing a specific side to use the correct pronoun of heads or tails. If non-specific, you could just use coin (or human or person).
Hugs, Ellen

[Jenniferathome]

... my only confusion is if you are happily a male CD who is comfortable with your own sense of gender expression why then use a female name?...

"I like being a man and don't have any feelings to be a woman also I'm strictly Hetero, but call me Cindy and refer to me as her" If you think about it's that's pretty confusing to an outsider they are going to assume you are Trans and want to be a woman. So by default unless you own being a male Crossdressers and answer to masculine descriptors, the right thing to do would be to dress respectfully and represent the Trans community fairly.

Or is the name also part of the expression?

Becky, for me it is a simple case of convention and convenience. When out in the world, if my wife or a friend called out, "Hey Joe, come look at this dress." It would be odd for me and the normals to react to that. So, it's really more about blending in than going for shock and awe. When alone with my wife, she calls me by my male name and pronoun.

I'll add that if my male name were androgynous: Chris, Terry, etc, I'd use that name. Jennifer or Jen has no special meaning to me other than a name I liked,

[heatherdress]

Tabitha - I understand your sentiments and agree 100%. Everyone should wear what they want to wear and not be judgmental about the attire of others. There are no crossdressing rules. If anyone wants to go out and attract attention, that is their business. No one owes anyone else an approved crossdresser appearance. There are risks attracting attention, but it is up to each person to decide how they want to look and they must evaluate their own safety and comfort.

[SeanErin]

Newbie again, but why would we have to "pass"? Does it matter if I go out and look like a guy in a dress,which is what it is foe me... That rolls off my back, get over it world. Guess I learned a bit ago to not care what people think, that is their problem.

[becky77]

Becky, for me it is a simple case of convention and convenience. When out in the world, if my wife or a friend called out, "Hey Joe, come look at this dress." It would be odd for me and the normals to react to that. So, it's really more about blending in than going for shock and awe. ,

That makes perfect sense, the majority of CDers being closeted in regards to most friends, family and work don't know are in effect trying to remain as inconspicuous as possible therefore using a female name when out seems logical.

But:
a) Why on here though? A CD forum where there is no need for subterfuge other than concealing your real name perhaps, but still why not use a male identifier that corresponds with how you identify?
b) Why someone who isn't trying to fly under the radar when out and who is openly dressing in a non-typical female appropriate dress, again why are they happy to present as a CD which in this case is man wearing women's clothes if that's the look they are happy with all power to them but if they then use a female name and pronouns then that confuses people into thinking a Tran's identity is in evidence. That confuses me also.

Eg.
Guy goes to the supermarket in 6" heels, leather mini skirt, stockings and boob tube. Hopefully most will agree this isn't the essence of being female rather than an enjoyment of feminine expression?
If conversation is made and he says "Yeah I'm John I like cross dressing". Those spoken with will leave hopefully with curiosity and a little admiration for him being different and open.
If in the conversation he instead says "Yes my names Brenda this is who I am".
More than likely those people instead might be offended that he 'thinks that's how a woman dresses' and by his words assume all he is Trans and they are all like that.

This seems unnecessary and damaging to those who are Trans in nature be it TS, somewhere inbetween or fluid who want to be taken more seriously.
Perception is everything.

Is this a fair question?

[StarrOfDelite]

Technically, the term "crosssdressing" in the context of the M2F crossdressisng forum covers everything from the male who wears pantyhose or women's panties once or twice a month, to the male who wears women's intimates and outer garments 24/7/365. There are many reasons why a person might want to do this, and the term itself does not imply anything regarding gender identity or sexual preferences.

The OP's preference for the Drag Queen presentation is just as legitimate as that of a Full-time person in the context of the term. Not better, not worse, just different.

The desire to pass might be a reason for crossdressing, but it's not a variant or alternate definition of the term.

[Teresa]

Tabitha,
I recall seeing my daughter in law in very high heels, I asked her if she needed a step ladder to get into them.

I had to see my GP recently and asked her about the arthritis in my big toes, she looked at her notes , smiled and turned to me saying it shouldn't be a problem as long as you're wearing sensible shoes, I replied no nothing over a 4" heel !

[Jenniferathome]

Becky,

To your example, I agree. A name will not make you blend in.

As to the "why on this forum" question, again, it's convenience. For me, my male name does not go well with my female image. Frankly, no name really matters here it just convention, nothing more.

I'll share a real life story that illustrates the point. I once met a genetic female at a customer whose name was Larry. No joke. Larry. I was so taken aback I had to ask if it was a nickname or some family name, but no, her Dad liked Larry and that was that. Now, every time I called or met Larry subsequently, I was always taken aback. It NEVER got normal. It's just odd. For me, that is the same thing here. My female picture and Bill just don't go together well. Round peg in square hole kind of thing. I'll add that when I created my username, I was trying to be clever/funny. Now that I am going out occasionally, it helps when being out, as I mentioned previously.

While I agree with your "it's unnecessary" comment, I do not agree with the "damaging" part of it. How can it be damaging? I think the normals with whom I interact, prefer to hear and use a female name when I am dressed that way. That goes back to my "Larry" story. Meeting and chatting with a cross dresser can be jarring enough for a virgin. Throw in a male name and the whole relationship gets more wonky. By the way, I want to be taken seriously in either mode I present. My choice of moniker is irrelevant to that.

[SeanErin]

Wow, lots of opinions. I guess I was at if I present as a woman and fail, I am an ugly woman or a guy in a dress. If I "pass", I am relatively easy on the eye to either gender. That is society, but that is a standard
I am going nowhere near.

[Magnetar GG]

As far as I understand, my husband (who isn't on here) wants to blend in because of two reasons. First, he is self-conscious and would like to draw as little attention to himself as possible when dressed. He has not been out of the house, though should he decide to at some point go out, he wants to make sure he has it down as best as he can. Also, I believe that for him, going a bit over the top in comparison to what a typical GG wears is closer to drag (i.e. exaggerated), which he doesn't want.
The second reason is because when he really dresses up, he's trying to get as close to his ideal image of female as possible. He wants to be beautiful, not just a guy dressed in women's clothing.
That doesn't mean that he doesn't partly dress or underdress much more often. If the clothing item in question is "gender neutral" even if it was purchased in the women's section, he'll wear that on a more regular basis - and that I think eases the need to dress up to the nines as much while still giving him that comfort knowing that he has on something more feminine.
Otherwise, he still uses his male name/pronouns. I think at one point he tried to think up a name for using online, and he may have told me, but that was the first and last time I heard of it. I guess when you're dressed at home, it doesn't matter what name you use, most of the time it's just the two of us, and we rarely use each other's names in conversation. If one of us is speaking, it's generally understood that it's directed at the other person.

[AllieSF]

Tabitha, You have the right to be who you are and how you choose to do that. Whether someone wears flats or 6" heels out is their choice. If they have done it a few times (the 6" heels) they have a pretty good idea how others will react and have learned to accept it. My very strong opinion is dress as you want when you want and be damned all the others. As long as it is legal and does not physically harming anyone else, it is not your problem how they feel. You want to wear a short skirt, tight top with big breasts, go for it. Now, I may not want to be with you when dressed that way, and may even giggle or make a comment to whomever I am with. But I will never deny you your right to do that. The fashion police and those overly sensitive would want, demand or hope that you did not dress like that, but in the end it is your business and not theirs, period.

As for harming our overall image, hurt TS's chances to advance and just live a normal life, yes, that may have a very small impact on them. However, it seems like everyone here likes to lump all of the general public into that narrow range of people who are not that intelligent, do not like change and look for oddities in others as lame excuses to denigrate them. However, real life people are not that way. The vast majority really are nice people who do not care and generally look at our differences as an oddity to be soon forgotten until they encounter it again. They may not understand, yet, but they don't immediately turn to negative thoughts and opinions about all of us. Most adults and a lot of younger people too have seen the rare oddities of personalities, looks and deformities. They realize they are just that, rare and different from the norm, and then move on with their own lives.

Becky: To help you out, do a search here for threads on "why have a female name". There have been several in the past explaining many times the why, with many replies similar to what has already been stated above. There have been very few members here that have ever stated that they get confused because we use female names. For me, it would confuse me to see a well presenting CD out introducing himself as Jack, and some of us, though a very small number, actually do that. So be it, and I can live with that.

Returning to hurting our trans cause, TS's, and others, I think that we really need to look and see how many really are out there presenting to the general public in non-presentable ways. I believe that number is extremely small and thus its affect on the overall trans population is minimal. Every part of society has its outliers who refuse to conform to the generally accepted norms. Some people make a big deal of it and others just accept it as a fact of life and sometimes even like it as it brings welcomed diversity into all of our lives. Imagine post war China and all of the Mao outfits/uniforms. Now that China has opened up so much, the local views have greatly improved.