Great to read your update! This is exciting and I can feel the fun you are having through your writing. Good luck on your next adventure and I look forward to reading your next update.
Thank you for sharing.
Di
Great to read your update! This is exciting and I can feel the fun you are having through your writing. Good luck on your next adventure and I look forward to reading your next update.
Thank you for sharing.
Di
I guess , in my case, at almost seven feet in 4 inch heels, I would draw much more attention, and i would pack a box of guy clothes, too. But that's just me. It sounds like you are having fun!
43 Max. I just know you busted the speed limit somewhere. Looking at the rest of the numbers, Well lets just say YOU ROCK.
Hi Michelle, I think even a short while ago, I thought "courage" might be the word to be used, but now I do not. Confidence is all you need. And it's easy to be confident when you KNOW that you are doing nothing wrong, you are hurting no one, and you are presenting for the right time, location, event. If you can get out of your own head, it becomes a non-thing. Really.
Jennifer,
Well done, on all accounts!
I believe you are right in that Confidence is the key to having a good experience on these outings. It is a lot easier said than done, but having confidence, and more importantly, displaying confidence, makes others comfortable with you. If you look out of place and scared, people will lock on to that and also see you as out of place. People get uncomfortable when they sense someone else among them is not at ease.
You do have a couple other things going for you though! You do have a great sense of fashion and dress code, and to top it off, you have a wonderful smile which is always a disarming feature.
In any case, it has been fun following along!
- Suzie
Nice work Jen! Looks like you are working getting nice cavs so your awesome looks in high heels would look even better! Looks like a very nice road race. We should do the Davis Double Century, I have done that race once back when I was a student at UC Davis, but I need get my cavs into shape as well (running helps, but good to cross-train). Great that the adventure works out. As you always said to me, just dive in the pool, and never look back!....
stay pretty, christy
Wow, Jennifer. I've vicariously lived many adventures of other girls here, but your's is the first ehere I really wish it were me. I've never biked competitively, but when younger I biked often and loved doing distance rides. Now, just over 65, I want to pick it up again and get my legs back -- you've inspired me.
Kudos for going all-in with girl mode. I did that on my trips to the Keystone Conference in Harrisburg, PA, and it is both exhilarating and confidence building -- what alternatives are there when so far from home? We who have done it know to just pull up our big girl panties and deal with it.
On business travel I've gone to random restaurants and only a couple of minor issues in doing so. Except for testosterone rich sports bars and other predominantly young drunk male zones, normal caution is all any of us need.
Thanks for the great tale.
Rhonda
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Be all the woman that you can be!
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. . . and now, On With The Show!
What a great adventure. Thank you so much for sharing. You have set the bar pretty high.
I just want to encourage everyone. You can do exactly what Jennifer does if you wear clothing appropriate for the venue. I live every day as me but that is in the Bay Area and I am spoiled. Or so I thought. I just returned from 6 days in Kentucky including 2 days in my hometown of Owensboro Ky. I never heard a discouraging word or encountered any problems. Now yes I dress well and look presentable as I do it every day. But if you hold your head up and act like you belong you can do it. Get out of that closet and have fun !
Suzanne
Very nice Jennifer :-) You look terrific!
Glad you are out and about and enjoying yourself!
Photos can be a bit misleading, in comparison to seeing someone in person. So maybe I'm completely wrong about this. But your pics always seem very feminine to me. I wonder if you're a little overly sensitive about being what you call a "dude in a dress." The reason some people seem to accept your appearance without question might be that when they see you, they think they're seeing a woman. Would it be scary for you to accept that possibility?
Thanks for sharing. You look great and I love your white dress.
I sounds like you had wonderful experience
You know what Lori? Jennifer, my wife, and I discussed this very thing while dining that evening. We laughed about it actually. Because it is kind of funny to think that the reason that she and I can get out and about so easily is because we SO obviously pass as women. It is quite laughable. BUT..... I was pondering this very thing the next day while dressed as a woman again and making a purchase at a gas station and people were walking and waiting all around me and nobody did anything to suggest that they thought I was anything but a woman. But really most of those people were just passing by with most of them not even looking me in the face.
In the restaurant it was different. We were both there, sitting at a table, with an obvious GG, and two guys dressed as women. I say it was obvious because people had time to actually look at us, which most people in most situations don't normally have the opportunity to have. So then who actually knew that we were "dudes in dresses" (by the way all of our dresses were adorable!!! The waitress, she knew, the people seated all around us, they knew, the two guys seated two feet from our table, oh they for sure knew, pretty much anybody that was within oh say ten to twenty feet from us. The people far over on the other side of the restaurant? Yeah they probably didn't know. To them we may very well have been just a table of the GGs. But really, it is pretty much best to assume that everybody in that restaurant knew, and that NOBODY CARED!!
Granted, Jennifer and I dress quite nicely, and appropriately to the situation. We are not outlandish in anyway. We are not out there to receive attention by being over the top. We are not wearing fishnets with spandex minis, tube tops in bright pink with DD breasts and 4 inch heels. But even though we both take great photos, we both dress nicely, we both dress appropriately, anybody that actually interacted with us or had the time to actually look at us, they for sure knew we were both born male. And still NOBODY CARED!!
It is unfortunate, to anybody who actually wants to go out, that thinks that they can't because they have to reach some super high unattainable bar of passing as a GG. It is just not true. Yes I live in California but I have also dressed in many other states and have ALWAYS received the same reaction, NOTHING. Yes people look, yes people for sure know, but so far in ten years of getting out and about I have never encountered any that cared enough to do anything negative.
That is personally why I SO love Jennifer's stories of getting out and about and her relaying them here. Me, I get all the time and it is no big deal to me, and I generally don't write about them here. I do at my blog. But I love Jennifer's gentle encouragement to all of you that want to get out, seriously you CAN do it.
Oh btw, it was great to see you again Jennifer!! Lovely dinner! Jules and I truly always enjoy spending time with you! Thanks!
Yeah, I have to agree with Nadine. A passing microsecond glance, no problem. Any more than that...
This,..."anybody that actually interacted with us or had the time to actually look at us, they for sure knew we were both born male. And still NOBODY CARED!!
It is unfortunate, to anybody who actually wants to go out, that thinks that they can't because they have to reach some super high unattainable bar of passing as a GG. It is just not true...."
is dead nuts accurate.
And good seeing you too Nadine. Say thanks to Jules too.
(replying to Nadine Spirit) Well, okay ... but still, when I see Jennifer's pics, I don't see a dude in a dress. I see a woman. And if that avatar pic is really you, then I say you're a woman too. Totally. But whatever you look like in person, rather than in photos, I admire you both for your confidence and humor and femininity. You go, girls!
Last edited by Lori Kurtz; 05-31-2016 at 08:34 PM. Reason: clarification
Yes Jennifer and Nadine are very attractive cross dressers. However, Jennifer is correct in that they don't pass upon close close appraisal. I promise you that their confidence in who hey are is much more important than what they look like. At some point we have to own who we are. I know that I am a trans woman and that people are going to realize that when I am out. Guess what? I own it and I hold my head high and I go anywhere that I need to go. Whether it is my son's school or Safeway. I am not as well put together as these two as I am not quite as stylish. But I promise my attitude that I belong takes care of any deficiencies. So don't try to measure up to how they look. Go out and get out of the closet so we can be seen as good human beings that are a little different. The more we are seen the better for our gender non conforming children that will come behind us!
Thank you Lori. Oh and um yeah, that avatar is me, all me, and just me; no Photoshop or special effects, other than the right clothes, and the right photo. Visit my blog if you're interested in seeing just how exactly I achieve the look in that photo.
Anywho.... just keep in my mind folks, a photo is one thing, real life is very different. A camera is easy to trick, another human who is trained by instinct and survival to quickly assess the gender of others, that is pretty tough. Too tough for the vast majority of us. But seriously, it's still okay to get out.
Oh and humor and confidence do make a big difference.
I'm awed by three things: the great weekend you had enfemme without any problems, the grueling bike race and how attractive you look.
As always, I am in awe. Sigh...someday! Good for you--your paving the way will make it easier for those of us in the shadows, when we finally muster up the courage! I love the white dress with the taupe sandals, BTW.
Well done Jennifer. The read-out on your performance looks very good. Your heart rate average is stunning. There must have been lots of climbing to get it that high and the average cadence is very commendable. You kept it spinning. What other rides do you do around central CA?j
I live in Houston and the cycle riding around here is increasingly difficult because of more and more traffic and some drivers with attention defects amongst other things. I love to get out to CA in the summer and ride the hills. Such a pleasure.
Ride On and Ride Strong.
I am not a woman nor am I a man... I am an enby. Hi, I am Wren.
Suzie, I think this is really, REALLY important. I've used the analogy of animals "smelling" fear, before. And it is so true. People are not uncomfortable because there is a man in a dress near them. In fact, a dude dressed as a dude, but "lurking" will cause discomfort as well.
Rhonda, I'm glad for this! I started riding about 10 years ago. Got serious about 6 years ago. ANYONE can do this. The hardest part is starting. Commit to starting.
Cheryl, I don't think so. There are so many here that go out far more often than I but they just don't write about it. I write about it because only a short while ago I thought this was an impossible thing and I was so wrong. We have to get out of our own heads.
Yup. Just that simple
I wanted to add just one more thought. This is something I noticed towards the end of my stay. Each time I left my hotel room to go to out, I opened the door without a thought. I remember the first times I went out, I'd look through a window or the peep hole, I'd open the door a fraction and peek out to see if it was safe and it WAS safe all along. That little event, opening the door without knowing what was on the other side and being unconcerned is when you know you'll be fine in the wild world. How do you get there? Get out of your own head and answer these questions:
1) Are you hurting anyone?
2) Are you dressed appropriately for the time, event, venue?
3) Does anyone really care that you are dressed?
best wishes
Confidence and your own familiarity with being out is part of it, but not all of it. The amount of "problem" you have when out is directly proportional to passability. Jennifer and Nadine are modest in that regard. There's just no way to ignore the degree of passability and it's relationship to the public reaction.
Rhonda, I agree that appearance is part of the equation. But I would argue that the proportionality you reference is not what you link. Maybe a log scale is more appropriate but certainly not a straight slope. I don't pass. I also don't stick out. If I was 6'5" I would be noticed more quickly, but at 5'7" and 150 lbs, I am noticed later. The bottom line is that I AM noticed. THAT'S where dressing for the time, location, venue, etc... is important, I think.
Congrats on getting out there Jennifer and for the race. My legs hurt just reading about it LOL
Hugs
Samantha