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Thread: oops

  1. #1
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    oops

    So my SO just found my panty stash and now thinks that she is not enough for me. Im releaved that she now know but how do i prove to her that dressing up is just a turn on for me

  2. #2
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    You talk to her. Tell her how you feel and invite questions. It won't happen quickly. Many conversations will be had.

  3. #3
    Julie Gaum Julie Gaum's Avatar
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    Jennie has answered that question many, many times. May I suggest you visit the sticky devoted to this very subject.
    Julie
    Summer-wear time

  4. #4
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    Like Julie said read the sticky on this subject.
    You know her better than we do but I will say you need to talk with her and tell her everything.No lies or excuses the whole truth .
    Don't make any promises you can't keep.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.
    Expert plumpologist

  5. #5
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    Bad choice of words for the first go around. You just insulted the heck out of her saying that I hope you know.
    You should apologize to her for that one.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.
    Expert plumpologist

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    Oh boy, it's just an 'escape' from the unbelievable stress of your job/etc, becoming a COMPLETELY different person is therapeutic and keeps you functional..it's all good (kidding aside, there's truth in that)!

  7. #7
    Banned Read only SamanthaLouiseScott's Avatar
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    She has now found your deepest secret. Talk to her, explain. you have nothing to lose and everything to gain if you stay calm.

    I have not come across a genetic girl who does not like wearing sexy lingerie and panties. Imitation is the best form of flattery and make sure she is aware of that. She should have some empathy with that.

    I took that tack with my ex wife. She actually agreed with the good feeling wearing sexy outfits but later went to ostrich mode, head in the sand , then as we drifted apart for other reasons , to describing it as my dirty secret.

    Be prepared for that but tbh it depends on her personality and her ultimate feelings for you.

    All the very best to you x

  8. #8
    Silver Member Amy Lynn3's Avatar
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    Be up front with her and with the truth. You were born with the desire to dress and nothing can be done about it. It is part of who you are and always will be. Now that she knows only the both of you can determine where Alice will fit into your relationship.

    Just a thought... maybe ask her if she would like to look at some of the threads here. I know many women come here and ask questions and seek other information.

  9. #9
    Silver Member Mollyanne's Avatar
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    When u talk to her, put yourself in her place when u try to explain as to y u do it. How about using this as a starter; "I am wired just a bit differently". Be prepared for questions and answer them honestly but use compassion when u do.

    Molly
    "To thine own self be true"

  10. #10
    Senior Member Robin777's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Robin414 View Post
    Oh boy, it's just an 'escape' from the unbelievable stress of your job/etc, becoming a COMPLETELY different person is therapeutic and keeps you functional..it's all good (kidding aside, there's truth in that)!
    There is a lot of truth in that. With some of the pressures I have with my job, being able to dress is a great stress reliever. It helps more than coming home from work and drinking a beer.

  11. #11
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember your lie. Funny the truth is rarely the wrong choice
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
    Chief Joseph
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    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  12. #12
    Banned Read only SamanthaLouiseScott's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MelanieAnne View Post
    "Do these jeans make my butt look fat"?
    I strive to make my bum look big lol

  13. #13
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    "Do I look fatter in the red dress or the blue one?" Silence is golden.

    Why would an apology be in order if you told her dressing up is a turn on if that's the truth?

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    Thank you all you have been very helpful

  15. #15
    Senior Member Ceera's Avatar
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    The only thing I seriously gave into on my TG impulses while I was still married was under dressing with panties. I intentionally allowed my wife to see that I had purchased several pairs of rather plain women's bikini panties and that I was wearing them under my male clothes. I didn't let her see the more lacy ones that I had tried, and while I kept them, I didn't wear those very often. I also didn't let her see the small gym bag that had a full female outfit, including a wig and a heavily padded bra, which I only wore when alone at home. I allowed my 17 year old daughter to know about the panties as well. ( I didn't start serious dressing until my wife passed away prematurely.)

    I explained to both of them that I simply liked how the silky bikini panties felt. They reminded me of the bikini style mens underwear that were popular in the early 70's, when I was in high school. For me, this was mostly true. It was a mild turn on, but more to the point I simply liked how they felt, any sexual aspects notwithstanding.

    Ask your wife why she likes to wear perfume. Is it to please others, or because she likes how it makes her feel? If she wears perfume because she likes it herself, does she think it it makes you 'less of a man' or 'inadequate' in her eyes, because she wants to wear that perfume? Or does it just make her feel more sexy, for herself? So why should your desire to wear panties make her less of a woman? Explain that you wearing panties is like one of you wearing perfume. It enhances what you feel. It doesn't mean that what you feel about anyone else without the panties is inadequate. It simply adds another dimension that you find pleasant.

  16. #16
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MelanieAnne View Post
    Ummm, "Does this dress make me look fat"? "Do these jeans make my butt look fat"? A truthful answer will land you in the emergency room!
    actually if your spouse is that insecure, you need to talk anyway. If you lie about any one of those don't you think they ALREADY know the answer? Honestly if they didn't feel it made them look fat, they wouldn't have asked and although you may think they feel better, now they KNOW you lie. And you lie to protect you,not them
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
    Chief Joseph
    Nez Perce



    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  17. #17
    Member Liz57's Avatar
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    Visit the sticky, it's full of good advice. I recently came out to my wife and the sticky was immensely helpful. One truth without doubt is this is something you were born with and it's not going away or else you will suffer emotionally by trying to abstain. That's become blatantly obvious to me from not only experience but from hanging out on this forum for a few months. Read the sticky and good luck.
    So never judge a book by its cover
    Or who you gonna love by your lover
    Love put me wise to her love in disguise
    She had the body of a Venus,
    Lord, imagine my surprise

  18. #18
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    The start of a very long road, when my wife found out, she asked if she wasn't enough for me and was I gay, but I found the way to go was to be honest, she knows now, so nothing to hide

    Once I got over the initial shock of the words coming out of her mouth, there was an underlying relief as the hiding was over

    All partners are different and for me it wasn't about being turned on or anything like that, it was just me and I was happy to explain why I am a cross dresser and why I had a better selection of lacy lingerie than she did!!

    I have to admit that for me it was a massive relief after most of my life living in the shadows

    Talk, talk talk

  19. #19
    Crossdresser Taylor186's Avatar
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    I agree with Rachel above. My wife had the same initial reaction as yours along with the two frequent questions: are you gay and do you want to transition? We got through these by talking. talking, talking. In my case, and yours I suspect, it was her emotional reaction based Western cultural traditions regarding what 'normal' men do and do not wear. This has nothing to do with perfume.

  20. #20
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    There will be a lot of questions. GG's have self esteem issues when it comes to "anything" replacing them as the main source of sexual focus.

    Be prepared to answer the whole litany of questions including why you are hiding this from her, are you gay, etc. Be honest. Give her the chance to stay or bail.

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