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Thread: Feminine instincts and interests -- do you have any?

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    Texas gal sherri's Avatar
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    Feminine instincts and interests -- do you have any?

    It's no secret that most of us single gals have difficulty finding a love life, and I'm not referring to sex in particular but rather relationship stuff. It used to really frustrate me, but now I just accept the facts of life and don't dwell on it much. Still, I find myself thinking occasionally that someone is missing out on a great catch. What I mean is, not cuz I'm some raving beauty or fascinating creature, but I know I bring a few things to the table that I would find attractive in a SO and would think others might too -- and quite honestly, I know it's taken me several years to cultivate these sensibilities. So that got me wondering, how many of us CDers have genuine interests and skills normally associated with women and that would translate into enjoyable living as a couple? Obviously, I'm mostly talking about stuff above and beyond dressing etc.

    For instance, how many of us are good cooks? I'm not talking about the occasional weekend grilling or simply following a recipe, but real understanding of food and creative kitchen chops for both special occasions and everyday meals. For years I was definitely just the occasional kind of guy cook, and over time I did develop a small but versatile repertoire of specialty dishes, but I have in recent years also become a pretty good (so people tell me) everyday cook. Is your kitchen well equipped and stocked? On any given day I can open the fridge and pantry, see what's there and come up with something creative and good. I've also expanded my skills to bread making, desserts, several ethnicities and even growing some of my own food. It's really fun and satisfying. How about you?

    Do you like to entertain? One of my mostest fav things to do is dinner parties, and I tend to go all out -- although I can be spur of the moment too. I luv setting a beautiful table and putting good food on it, naturally, but I also thrive on pairing good company, wine, music, etc. and the long lingering over dinner with laughter and good conversation. How about you, do you like that sort of thing, do you have pretty dishes, do you put flowers on the table, etc?

    Are you a homemaker? Do you enjoy decorating and are you good at it? Do you understand colors and textures and spaces? Do you enjoy that kind of shopping? Do you notice details about how others decorate? Is your taste more feminine or masculine or something in between? Do your rooms have flair and character?

    Are you conscientious about housekeeping? Does your home feel like an inviting, comforting sanctuary? Or do you tend to let things pile up?

    Do you have any craft interests, sewing, gardening, etc?

    Are you a nurturer? Do you have a mother instinct? Do you like children? Does comforting and caring for, even pampering, come natural to you? Do you think a lot about the people you know, or are you more out of sight out of mind?

    Are you intuitive? Are you emotional?

    Is feminine body maintenance and appearance an every day thing, or just a special occasion thing? On any given evening or weekend at home, do you wear something feminine, even if it's just casual? Do you keep your legs shaved, maybe makeup, hair well kempt, manicured, jewelry, do you smell good? If a love interest popped in, would he or she see a pleasingly fem person or not so much? If you wanted to go out could you be ready in minutes or would you have to spend all day prepping?

    Do you think people feel like they're interacting with a feminine person or a guy in a skirt? Are you good at putting people at ease, drawing them out, maybe innocently flirting a little to make people feel good about themselves?

    In what other ways or interests do you feel like you are -- or are not -- typically feminine? Are you more of a guy most of the time and a special-occasion-only kind of gurl? Do your male interests outweigh, or even exclude, fem interests? I'd really like to know what's "normal" among us.

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    Aspiring Member Amy07's Avatar
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    NO. NO to all what you posted, really dear?
    You must work for the free press... like thats real
    [SIZE="3"]Amy[/SIZE]

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    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    This topic has come up before, and a lot of us reject feminine interest gender stereotypes.
    My dad worked and my mom was a stay-at-home master domestic engineer. Dad did the handyman stuff and Mom did all the stereotypical wife stuff: cooking, shopping, cleaning, ironing (back then EVERYTHING got ironed. Tuesday was ironing day), sewing, planning, decorating, doing the lion's share of child rearing, chauffeuring (we were a 1-car family back then. Before cell phones. How did we survive?). She was good at it. But times have changed.
    I cook, clean, and sew. My wife cleans better but I organize better. Whatever "feminine interests" I have are completely separate from my crossdressing. I think of them as making me a well-rounded guy with broad skills (no pun intended). My crossdressing is very compartmentalized. I dress up. When not in a dressup session, I don't think of anything I do as girly.
    But I recognize that some people's feminine identity is always there.

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    Well I have always been a real good cook; Learned from my Uncle, He was
    the chief dietitian at a VA Hospital. We ate real god on our fishing trips.
    As for house work, well there is lots of room for improvement.
    I can build anything, but can not sew, strange I know.
    I guess I am just a June Carter want - to- be
    Rader

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    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
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    Stereotypes or not, what do we enjoy that is often associated as a feminine thing, including the OP list?

    I love cooking, all aspects, creative recipes, I also do home-making and a lot of gardening, design, even clothes design though not the making. Intuitive and emotional, yes.

    It can be either a guy in a skirt or a feminine person depending on the situation and their perception/knowledge of me.

    Going out depends on the occasion - all day or minutes.

    Appearance is not an everyday thing, like most women, it's something for special occasions.

    There is no normal among us tho'. We're full-spectrum, so rather than seeking to fit into some norm here, just do what feels right for yourself.

    xx
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    Member Chelsea B's Avatar
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    I think Nicole's response resonates well with me. Other than the fact that my mother worked as well, as a bookkeeper.
    My dressing is compartmentalized as well. In fact, that is the exact word that was used as my wife and I went to our therapist after I came out to her. That notion, in her estimation, was a positive, and less threatening to my wife in terms of where this might or might not lead.
    On the other hand, I have a soft, emphathetic side. My wife loves this. But neither of us considers it feminine. And it has no connection to the things I do. I build and fix things, I work with my hands, a lot of stereotypical 'man' stuff.
    One exception: sports. Just not into it, maybe other than golf. Countless times, I have to shut down a male friend who asks me about 'the game' last night....I don't know, and I don't care....lol

    One more thing. As I dress more and more (having just started 6 months ago after a very long hiatus), my pleasure in it and love for it becomes more profound. But yet, I still feel like a man in a dress, and that's fine with me.

    Chelsea
    Not a woman, I just enjoy looking and feeling like one now and then!

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    Aspiring Member Fiona123's Avatar
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    I am emotional. I would like to think that I am much more empathetic than your typical male.🌺

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    Silver Member Mollyanne's Avatar
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    OK, how about this------- I like to wear good quality clothing and LOVE to shop. I buy and use good quality make-up. I read Vogue, Good Housekeeping and People magazine. I WILL NOT go bare legged when wearing a skirt or dress and WILL WEAR pantyhose or stay up stockings. I AM NOT A MEMBER OF THE FASHION POLICE but I will "rat you out"

    Molly
    "To thine own self be true"

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    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    I love counted cross stitch, and have created a number of nice pieces. There are a few men who cross stitch, but the overwhelming majority of cross stitchers are women.

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    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    Gawd...love stereotypes. I am amazed this world functions without female secretaries and nurses and teachers.

    Did you know that 99% of crossdressers are....? Could have sworn we are in the new millennium .

    I agree with Nicole
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    The highest paid female CEO in the US (Martine Rothblatt) was actually born a 'boy'.

    For what it's worth.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sherri View Post
    Still, I find myself thinking occasionally that someone is missing out on a great catch.
    There are a lot of us who, because of our 'adventures in crossdressing land', have learned more and felt more about female life than straight men, so yes, there are benefits for a woman to be with us. Yet, when a woman thinks of 'a good catch', they pretty much don't include having any feminine behavior anywheres near the top of thier list of attributes they're looking for, or will even tolerate. Girly behavior in her man is usually way high up on the 'deal breaker' side of the equation.

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    I am interested in the domestic arts. I do all of it with attention to detail. I would like to learn to sew. Spending an afternoon planning a dinner, getting the ingredients, preparing and serving is a joy. My other pattern has close to zero interest.. food is just fuel.. somewhat clean is clean enough. I am not out so there are limited ways to occupy my time. The domestic arts are pleasurable.
    Every human being is the natural guardian of her own importance.
    The art of progress is to preserve order amid change, and to preserve change amid order.

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    Member Patrica Gil's Avatar
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    Definitely female, maintenance routine weekly, working on losing more weight, cook, clean, laundry and decorate the house as well.
    Keep my legs shaved as well as taking care of my skin. Have more heels than my lady, and wear them more too. Definitely the girl in this relationship as well. Even taken to reminding my love that since I wear the heels I get to make the girl decisions. She had now quarrel with that at all. Yes I am prissy as well but also much more romantic also. Role reversal but it works for us both.

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    Aspiring Member Georgette_USA's Avatar
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    To the OP, Sherri I always said I need a good wife. LOL

    Unfortunately I have to do everything, or pay someone to do them. Hate all these Gender stereotype roles. No one has given me yet what are these "Manly" things that women can't do. And just what are these Feminine interests, that men can't do.

  16. #16
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Sherri,
    Forget the Cding for a moment and look back at your upbringing, I was told by father that there's no such word as CAN'T ! You can put your mind to most things. He was a boy entrant in the Royal Navy, some of the skills he learned might be considered girly now, he could handle a sewing machine because he was taught sail making etc.

    To be brought up like that is useful now , I have totally built two houses between running my own photography business , now I've retired I've taken over the cooking , cleaning, washing , ironing and I still do the house repairs and keep the garden right. Much of that is done dressed when I get the chance . Now I'm finally out the door the enjoyment of choosing outfits has been added to the list of CAN DOs, it's great when a GG says you have better dress sense than them and ask for tips !

    The point is life is for living , do your best and try and live it !

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    Sherri,
    Back around 1970 I worked in a fast food restaurant, I can remember the owner - referring to my cleaning capabilities - telling me I 'would make a good wife someday for some lucky woman'.

    The quote definitely applies to your skills (nut to be politically correct, for the most part skills aren't gender specific in today's world).
    Michele

  18. #18
    Texas gal sherri's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amy07 View Post
    NO. NO to all what you posted, really dear?
    You must work for the free press... like thats real
    Alrighty then, I'll put you down in the Al Bundy In A Dress column. I really appreciate the sarcasm.

    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleScott View Post
    This topic has come up before, and a lot of us reject feminine interest gender stereotypes.
    My dad worked and my mom was a stay-at-home master domestic engineer. Dad did the handyman stuff and Mom did all the stereotypical wife stuff: cooking, shopping, cleaning, ironing (back then EVERYTHING got ironed. Tuesday was ironing day), sewing, planning, decorating, doing the lion's share of child rearing, chauffeuring (we were a 1-car family back then. Before cell phones. How did we survive?). She was good at it. But times have changed.
    I cook, clean, and sew. My wife cleans better but I organize better. Whatever "feminine interests" I have are completely separate from my crossdressing. I think of them as making me a well-rounded guy with broad skills (no pun intended). My crossdressing is very compartmentalized. I dress up. When not in a dressup session, I don't think of anything I do as girly.
    But I recognize that some people's feminine identity is always there.
    What I hear from you is that you have an abiding sense of being a guy, you just happen to like to dress like a woman sometimes. That seems perfectly plausible to me. It is not, however, my own perception of myself -- diametrically opposite, in fact. My own sense of identity is that of a feminine person who feels compelled by a genetic luck of the draw and cultural constraints to sometimes suppress the overt expression of that identity. The point of contention here -- and what strikes me as politically correct nitpicking -- seems to be with the traits and interests that I associate with femininity as opposed to, say, just being a well-rounded guy. Again, I have zero problem with your self-perception and your gender associations. If it works for you that's fine by me. What I do have a problem with is my own associations being demonized. Based on my own upbringing, life experiences and rampant evidence in the world around me, by and large the two genders do in fact have different traits, characteristics and proclivities, and that's a good thing. Sure, there has been some blurring of those distinctions in modern culture, some of which is good and some not good. Some of it is downright artificial, even culturally detrimental, imo. In this thread's context gender neutrality doesn't resonate with me and doesn't interest me. I am way more intrigued by and attracted to the differences than the similarities.

    As for the dirty word "stereotype", when a guy tells me he likes to dress up like a woman, and he does it to the extent I see in your avatar, all I can say is, if that's not an expression of a stereotype I don't know what is. I mean no disrespect by associating femininity with some traits, interests or talents, but for me, they are decidedly that, feminine, and I make no apologies for that perception. It's painting with a wide brush, admittedly, but from where I sit there is abundant stereotypical evidence for my perspective. For me, not only is it not derogatory or dismissive, it is highly complimentary.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lorileah View Post
    Gawd...love stereotypes. I am amazed this world functions without female secretaries and nurses and teachers.

    Did you know that 99% of crossdressers are....? Could have sworn we are in the new millennium .

    I agree with Nicole
    This is great -- you love stereotypes and I love snarky dissing of my sensibilities. I sense the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

    Quote Originally Posted by sometimes_miss View Post
    There are a lot of us who, because of our 'adventures in crossdressing land', have learned more and felt more about female life than straight men, so yes, there are benefits for a woman to be with us. Yet, when a woman thinks of 'a good catch', they pretty much don't include having any feminine behavior anywheres near the top of thier list of attributes they're looking for, or will even tolerate. Girly behavior in her man is usually way high up on the 'deal breaker' side of the equation.
    I think you're absolutely correct in that general assessment, and while I would welcome an accommodating relationship with a woman, the unlikeliness and complication is pretty much why I tend to visualize myself in a relationship with a guy. It might be just as unlikely, but at least if it did happen it might be the opportunity to play the role that I prefer and am best equipped for.

    Quote Originally Posted by Chelsea B View Post
    On the other hand, I have a soft, emphathetic side. My wife loves this. But neither of us considers it feminine. And it has no connection to the things I do. I build and fix things, I work with my hands, a lot of stereotypical 'man' stuff. One more thing. As I dress more and more (having just started 6 months ago after a very long hiatus), my pleasure in it and love for it becomes more profound. But yet, I still feel like a man in a dress, and that's fine with me.

    Chelsea
    I don't think there was anything in my post to suggest that having traditionally feminine aptitudes means you can't have manly skills. I've always been handy myself and have a lot of mechanical aptitude due to my upbringing, and my mom, besides being good with crafts, had a similar aptitude. But unlike you, I don't see the softness and empathy as being "a side" of me, it's just my nature regardless of what I'm doing, although I will say such characteristics have become more pronounced over the last few years. And not only do I equate the association with femininity, I don't see that as a bad thing. But you're right, there's nothing wrong with the man in a dress sense of identity. While I feel like my personality is predominantly more feminine than masculine, I've never had any overpowering sense of "trapped in a man's body" sort of thing and have no wish, at this late date, for GRS, hormones, etc.

    Quote Originally Posted by gilda hernandez View Post
    Definitely female, maintenance routine weekly, working on losing more weight, cook, clean, laundry and decorate the house as well.
    Keep my legs shaved as well as taking care of my skin. Have more heels than my lady, and wear them more too. Definitely the girl in this relationship as well. Even taken to reminding my love that since I wear the heels I get to make the girl decisions. She had now quarrel with that at all. Yes I am prissy as well but also much more romantic also. Role reversal but it works for us both.
    That's way cool, girl. I would love the chance to explore that dynamic.

    Quote Originally Posted by Georgette_USA View Post
    To the OP, Sherri I always said I need a good wife. LOL

    Unfortunately I have to do everything, or pay someone to do them. Hate all these Gender stereotype roles. No one has given me yet what are these "Manly" things that women can't do. And just what are these Feminine interests, that men can't do.
    If you'll notice, I never used the word can't. Wouldn't even occur to me to say such a thing.

    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    Sherri,
    Forget the Cding for a moment and look back at your upbringing, I was told by father that there's no such word as CAN'T ! You can put your mind to most things. He was a boy entrant in the Royal Navy, some of the skills he learned might be considered girly now, he could handle a sewing machine because he was taught sail making etc.

    To be brought up like that is useful now , I have totally built two houses between running my own photography business , now I've retired I've taken over the cooking , cleaning, washing , ironing and I still do the house repairs and keep the garden right. Much of that is done dressed when I get the chance . Now I'm finally out the door the enjoyment of choosing outfits has been added to the list of CAN DOs, it's great when a GG says you have better dress sense than them and ask for tips !

    The point is life is for living , do your best and try and live it !
    My mother was a very talented seamstress and left me the high-end sewing machine I bought her, and I have good intentions of learning how to use it a bit, but I confess to being a bit intimidated. But yeah, I do have a pretty well-rounded skill/aptitude set.

    Quote Originally Posted by DMichele View Post
    Sherri,
    Back around 1970 I worked in a fast food restaurant, I can remember the owner - referring to my cleaning capabilities - telling me I 'would make a good wife someday for some lucky woman'.

    The quote definitely applies to your skills (nut to be politically correct, for the most part skills aren't gender specific in today's world).
    I have received similar comments, and for similar reasons. Obviously there has been some blending in today's world, and it's certainly not a bad thing when a man can cook or a woman can change a flat tire, but I think there is still a ton of gender specificity out there and I for one think that's a good thing -- or perhaps I should say I like it that way.
    Last edited by sherri; 06-08-2016 at 11:58 AM.

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    I love to cook and bake ,not cooking on a grill but a stove .I too am a home maker and a nurturing person, also I am very emotional. I would love to learn to sew and crochet. Alto of times I wish that I was a female

  20. #20
    Senior Member NancySue's Avatar
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    I am convinced I have both feminine interests and instincts. Music, art, fashion, women's magazines, romantic books are a few of my interests. I enjoy softness and comfort which enhances my dressing. Currently, women seem to rarely wear hose.
    My instinct is to wear hose and I do. I love full slips. Wearing these things seem to me to be the right thing to do to feel feminine.

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    I must admit that I love doing the dishes and cleaning up after dinner. Most of the house cleaning chores are left to me. Sewing has always been a passion and I'm the only one in my family who can use a sewing machine. My only failing as a home maker is that I never developed a skill for cooking.

  22. #22
    Aspiring Member Fiona123's Avatar
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    I believe that I am more empathetic an sensitive than a typical male. 🌺

  23. #23
    @--}----- Sissy_Michelle's Avatar
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    Sherri,

    I really liked your post. You brought up some interesting facts that I have overlooked. I guess my wife takes me for granted sometimes, but I think I'll share your post this evening with her. She has commented several times on a lot of the things I do around the house does help her out. I just appreciate the way you wrote it.

    Thank-you

    @--}-----
    Michelle

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    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    I guess that my best answer is none of the above.

    I do often cry at movies. Do I get any brownie points for thay?
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

    Gender fluid (adj.) - Describes a person whose gender identity is not fixed. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel [more] like one gender some days, and [more like] another gender other days.

    Ref: https://www.lgbthealtheducation.org/wp-content/uploads/LGBT-Glossary_March2016.pdf

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    Silver Member Barbara Jo's Avatar
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    Sherri....
    If I may....

    Everything that you listed as a feminine traits are actually good traits for either sex and are mostly just all stereotypical female traits.
    Not all woman have the majority of traits and many man do .

    So let's not deal in stereotypes .
    Happiness is not a future condition. It is a Present state of mind.

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