Telling your kids about your CDing

[Danielle001]

I agree with what a lot of you are saying about kids being a clean slate until they are influenced by others. My wife and I want to teach our children to be accepting of others differences. I think at this point, our toddler is a little too young to sit down and tell him about this. If he does inquire about the clothes in the closet, saying that mommy stores some things in there wouldn't be entirely untrue. Her wedding dress is hanging in my closet. However, I think I do want to be honest at some point. I'd rather not be in the situation where he's a teenager and comes home unexpectedly while I'm at home wearing a dress.

I have no doubt that our kids would be accepting if we told them earlier on. Probably my biggest concern is the kids casually talking about it with family, friends, etc. Might lead to some awkward social situations. But it could also lead to some additional acceptance from friends and family who don't know about it.

Thank you ladies for the excellent feedback!

[Katya@]

Hi Danielle,

I was interested to read the replies to your post after I put my own reply, because I two have two little daughters, and of course it has been on my mind as well. I was a bit surprised quite honestly to hear the predominant opinion - don't tell them, they don't need to know it, you will tell them when the are 30, 40...never. I was wondering, whether people are aware of the implications of such advice. When you live in the same household, and assuming you don't go on business travels all the time, that would mean that you can only dress up late at night, when kids are asleep, and hope that no one wakes up to drink or to pee. Alternatively, you have to wait for your family to be away out of town so you could dress. How often does that happen? You have to hide you clothes far, far away. If you need to wash them and dry them while they are hanging, when are you going to do that? You basically have to live in a state of a paranoia or give up your dressing. There is a difference between the family members (including children) knowing about you dressing, and seeing you dressing occasionally, and seeing you "full on girl mode" occasionally, and full time.
There are ways to ease into this by wearing occasional skirt or something and discuss it with kids if the have questions. Usually around age 3 when they start to figure that it is not what they see around all the time. However, in my experience - a simple (yet honest) answer as - daddy likes to wear it occasionally, satisfies their curiosity and they move on with their lives. It is a none event for them. Yes, you run the risk of being outed but that as you said, can lead to additional acceptance from friends and family.

Another important point I wanted to make is that many folks here don't take into account that 2016 is not America of 50, 60, and even a decade ago. Thanks to all those who came out openly, the mindset today is not the same as it was back then. I would be 100% on board with advice - hide it all cost, 20, 30 years ago. However, today kids and adults alike live in a different world. Far from a perfect world but a different one. My kids have two separate same-sex parents families in school, another boy has been openly wearing a skirt in the daycare and out on the streets. His mom is totally supportive. It doesn't make much sense to me to hide it from kids considering the implications I mentioned before.

In any case, just my opinion. Everyone has a right to do what they think is best for them.

Katya

[Jenniferathome]

Your kids are far to young to even spend one second worrying about this. At 4 and certainly by 5, yes, you have to address it, IF, you need to be dressed around them. Do you? Are you a cross dresser or are you thinking about transition of any kind? If you are just an occasional cross dresser, why do they ever need to know? How will it affect them in their daily lives?

You must accept that telling them means telling everyone with whom they come in contact. Children do not have a filter and asking them to keep a secret is flat wrong. Are you prepared to be out? As for their acceptance, they will have no trouble at all. Kids are sponges and they can take it all in and not skip a beat.

The good news is that you have years to answer these questions.

[raeleen]

I'm not sure why this is treated as something the kids will need to 'worry' about or have as a 'burden'. Kids will only look at it this way if you present it to them in that way. However I think this is actually a great opportunity to be able to address with them that this is not anything weird or strange, but just a different way that people express themselves. The more we can normalize these activities, the more likely that our kids will be able to grow up with an open mind and heart. If you treat it like a secret, like something that we don't want anyone to know about and it's something that is stressful, then that's how children will take it. Again, I think it's really more about adults not being totally comfortable with these topics and projecting this discomfort onto kids.

I do agree that when you talk with your kids about this type of stuff, you have to be ready for them to potentially out you. To be honest, I don't think that's any different than sharing with anyone else. It's not like adults are great at keeping things private or in confidence. In fact, I trust my kids more than some of the adults out there in the world.

Ultimately, each person must make the decision that is most appropriate and comfortable for their family. But I do hope that we can start bringing this kind of expression into the open and treat it as something to be celebrated rather than hidden.

[Rogina B]

Very well put,raeleen ! And I will repeat my earlier post..If,over time,your "feminine side" is the way you want to live,setting the groundwork for acceptance from your kids is crucial. And,"what goes on at home stays at home" is all that needs to be said.If they decide to tell,so what? If they are used to discussions of acceptance than it becomes a non issue. From my experiences,anyway.

[SallyS]

I told my eldest daughter last year and she was fine about it....mind you she is 19!!! I have younger children and the youngest being 8 years old. If we lived in world where it wasn't an issue to small minded people I'd be telling the whole world I wear a dress.

At the end of the day its probably worst for school age children as they would suffer the jibes and bullying if it became common knowledge. As for the very young, you know your own children and have to make judgement calls about all sorts of daily things when it comes to the kids. This is one of those 'biggies' I guess, so I think you'll know when the time is right.

I have my own dilemma as my middle child is going through gender issues right on her exams. I've decided to wait until after her examines and then see if I can relate to her my own experience and feelings. Pretty sure my teenage son probably knows but if he doesn't mention it neither will I. My 8 year old is blissfully unaware and, again, when the time feels right we'll have that chat.
It's a moot point at the moment as I don't get very much time to be my female self anyway.......and the family sense my slightly grumpy moods

[Danielle001]

In response to some of your questions...I am just an occasional crossdresser and have no intent of transitioning. I dress when I know my wife and kids will be away from the house for an extended period of time. She brings the kids overnight to her parent's house several times a month, which is a little over an hour away. That gives me some quality girl time. I don't feel the need to be dressed around my kids, but I just think someday that there will be a situation where they will come across me dressed.

I like what Raeleen said about not making a big deal about it. When I first told my wife 6 years ago, it WAS a big deal. It took quite some time for us to be able to talk about it casually. If I do tell the kids, I wouldn't dare tell them that "they have to keep this a secret". Way too much of a burden. If I do tell them, I will be willing to accept the fact the word may get around to others. I'm getting more and more in the mindset of not giving a shit what people think, so if people find out, then so be it.

[jacques]

hi,
children of that age are quite accepting - they are just Daddy's clothes
I have never "told" my children but I am sure that they probably know.
luv J

[EffyJaspers]

If it ain't a fetish I would dress in front of them within your regular clothes cycle and explain it to them. Simple explanation since their minds should be a blank canvas on the issue right now. They probably wouldn't have hard questions to answer because they don't have any perspective to ask from other than dad wear clothes. Why don't those other dads wear those clothes?

Unless you are abusive it'd be better to raise your children with them knowing you are a CD and them loving you, then them growing up and possibly having negative thoughts on it until you come out to them (possibly) and really fry their thoughts.