Many threads on 'did your mother know' but what about your father?

[Helen 2]

and if he did, what was his reactions/feelings?

I had been dressings with Mom's full permission, encouragement and blessings since I was about 10, but Dad -who was away sometimes for months for his work- did not know or suspect anything until four years later when he came home a day early from one of his trips and was in the living room waiting to surprise us when Mom and I waltzed in from an afternoon of a bit of shopping and a movie and I was head to toe en femme...dress, stockings, girdle, long-line bra, forms, heels, wig and full makeup.

After 15 seconds of staring at me in disbelief, he let out a guttural scream, lunged at me, tore my wig off my head, ripped the dress from my body and stopped when Mom pulled him away from me, leaving me standing there in tears in nothing except my underwear. In my whole life, I saw Dad cry twice: this was the first, the second was when I broke my leg in a motorcycle accident five years later...;o(

This resulted in several months of appointments with shrinks -but that's another story altogether

Did your father know or suspect?
Hugs
Helen

[Kayla Marie]

I am so sorry to hear that Helen, I would like to believe it was just a knee jerk reaction and things have improved between you two.

I am not sure if my father knows or not, he almost caught me once when I was still living at home but managed to sneak back to my room to change. The only reason I think he might know is he was helping fix my bathtub and my current place and after he left I went into my closet and noticed all my dresses had been pushed to one side of the closet so he could access a panel to get under the tub. I know it wasn't me that moved them and no one else had been in there. We have never discussed it so I think it is more of a DADT policy at this point. I know it has been hard for him after my younger came out of the closet 8 years ago (who is happily married now) but it is one of those thing that I think for Mothers it can be a bit easier to accept but for fathers it could make them feel like they are failures especially if they are the handy man type of fathers that can build anything.

[Judy-Somthing]

My 3 brothers and 2 sisters knew. My mother said I was going through a phase.

I think my farther knew but he never said anything.

[sometimes_miss]

Nope. Growing up, no one had a clue. Dad simply didn't notice much going on around the house. Mom was the one who would be poking around the kids rooms, looking for, well, whatever. It was easy enough to stay 2 steps ahead, because she worked all day too, so after a while, she simply didn't bother much with us other than to ask if we did our homework. If anyone had suspicians, I would have thought it would have been my sister. But she never said anything. And, knowing how she would eagerly pick on me for ANYTHING, that meant she didn't have the slightest clue.

[Nikki.]

yep. caught at 5 wearing phose, found some selfies (Polaroids!) in my room around 20 when he moved some furniture in my room. he wasnt snooping. never mentioned it. I've thought about asking him and/or telling him my cd'ing has always been there and it's ok. we have a good relationship, but we've never had deep conversations about anything.

[Lily Catherine]

He knew; my mother told him. He is visibly disapproving and seems to hold a fairly stereotypical view of TG individuals in the local context. For that matter, he doesn't even know what I look like while dressed, but he definitely comments that I would be unattractive. Despite this, nothing really much has been brought up. He always had a son, and I am still exceptionally close to him.

He tried on some of his sister's clothes while he was younger, but it is far less than likely that he ever continued with it or even so much as liked it. He even said "Since when would I be pretty if I dressed like a girl?" on hindsight. He thinks it's a phase; he's been thinking like this for exactly a decade, while I wound up here still wondering, and still presenting on occasion as a woman.

[DaniChan]

I don't think either my father or mother know anything. The only incident I remember was years ago when I was going through some old floppies that were in my room (I had no clue what was stored on those) and there was a text file named "I became a transvestite" which was something I got from the internet and kept for some reason. Well my father saw that and was like "what's this?" and I was like "no idea" *poker face*
Nothing more was said.

One of my sisters on the other hand might suspect something, as I've asked to wear her heels a few times (and she let me do it)

[Raychel]

My mother knew, I would guess that she told my Father,
Although I do not know that for sure, She was very close to him and
as far as I know there was no secrets between them.

I would never tell him now, He is old enough and been thru enough.
If he does not know, I am not going to be the one to burden him with this.

[WandaRae2009]

I don't think my mother ever new, but it was my father that caught me wearing my mother's clothes. He came home one day ill from work unexpectedly, and caught me dressed. I said i was just experimenting and he agreed not to tell my mother. The following week we went on a canoe trip with our church group. He brought up a discussion with the group at lunch that one of his customers told him they caught their son dressed in his mothers clothes. Being there with my girlfriend, thought it was a good time for a walk so didn't hear the whole discussion. Nothing else was ever said.

[Pat]

I think you may have pretty much answered your own observation about there not being a lot of threads about Dad knowing. Most of us would rather forget the memory. Yeah, my Dad was made aware of it one time when I was 6 or 7. It set the pattern of making sure he never found out again.

[Dana44]

No, my Mom and Father never knew. They had there own drumbeat and paid attention to that and were very religious. IT was easy to stay two step ahead. But by ten an older boy got me and we had sexual relationships for some time. My dad said that I was girly many times and called me a sissy. In those days you had to grow up as a man. yep was told that almost every day and the pecking order was there. I felt I was in several hundred fights as older boys beat on you and you beat them back as best you could. As I got older I knew I was not a manly man. So, I started researching and beat to my own drum. I always wanted to talk to my dad, but he never let me do more than little talk as he was very religious. They are both gone now and I am alone in this world , my sister won't even talk to me. It is a crazy world and being gender fluid is harder than being cis. But i am what I am and the path out is getting more fem.

[Ceera]

My father was the primary reason I savagely repressed almost all my own feminine or gay/bisexual urges until I was in my 50's. I knew before I was twelve that it would totally shatter our relationship if he ever suspected that his only son was gay or bi. I knew even then that I was bi, but I knew better than to express that inclination to anyone. It wasn't until after my father's death that I dared explore my feminine aspect.

If that factor had not been there, my life might have been very different indeed. My parents were a very loving and open-minded couple about most things. Later in life, they even begrudgingly accepted it when one of my female cousins had a lesbian Partner for a while. I could talk to my mom about just about anything else, including religious differences. But me not being straight? That discussion could never happen. Mom might have accepted it, but if dad learned of that discussion, it would have been all over between him and me.

[Mykaa]

Yes he did and no the comments werent nice and still arent. Wonders how many have had court involved with their situation.

[Steph_CD_62]

My father knew, but I didn't tell him. My ex-wife threw all my girly clothes in their front yard one day when she kicked me out of our apartment. Since it was my father that picked up all the clothes, he had to know. But I never had a conversation with my father about my dressing.

[marlacd]

As far as I know, they didn't know, but I believe my mom suspected that I did.

Now, my dad was very un-educated about gay men, and how they enjoyed sex. The look I got from him when I explained what gay men did for sexual pleasure was priceless! What made it really hilarious, was that he was 59 years old, when I told him.

[Amy Lynn3]

I am the youngest of my brother and sisters. My sister and my Mom caught me wearing their cloths, before I started school. Those two told everyone in the family, but my Dad acted very civil and no issue was made of it. When I was older my Mom caught me again, and to this day I feel if I had come clean with her, I could have been her youngest daughter. Both parents have been gone for a long time and so was my opportunity.

[lingerieLiz]

My mother put me in panties at 5 because of "laundry". My father accepted it and asked how I liked them. I said I did and wanted to wear them. He treated it as a joke. I kept wearing them and was caught at 10 or so wearing makeup and lingerie. He had a sex lesson which was totally a waste. I kept wearing and my sisters supported it. My mother recognized it and provided support while not embracing it. I moved away as soon as I graduated high school. Had a job at a store that carried very upscale women's (and men's) that let me buy top line clothes at a fraction. I'm sure the clerks knew they were for me. Some of them indicated that "I should check out ...". I came out to my mother soon after. By then I was successful and had built an extensive wardrobe. About a year later, I was working in the area and stayed with my parents. My mother went through my wardrobe and we discussed it. She was worried that I would get caught. When I transferred again I left a lot of clothes behind until I found accommodations. Didn't get around to picking them up for several years. When she wanted to down size I found out that she had not only saved my clothes, but my sisters too. So then I had their clothes from the 50/60s too.

She eventually accepted it and went shopping with me. Has purchased women's clothes as gifts. My sisters don't care. My parents divorced and dad died soon after. Everyone in family knows, but it doesn't come up.

My aunt knew and was a great supporter. Told me that I easily passed and looked and walked like my mother. That is another story.

[Diane Smith]

My mom was sort of a reluctant co-conspirator in my earliest days of dressing, but both of us silently understood that my dad couldn't be allowed to catch the slightest whiff of it, lest I be sent off to a military school, or shock therapy, or jail, or the emergency room. He nearly caught me once, but I don't think actually saw anything, and both before and after that I was very careful to cover my tracks.

Strangely, my dad was present, and gave his consent, when I got my ears pierced at age nine. I don't think he associated that with sex or gender at the time, but saw it more as an act of social rebellion.

- Diane

[Robin414]

I think so...could it be hereditary? Seriously?

[Linda E. Woodworth]

I don't believe either of my parents knew as I didn't do much dressing while I was at home. I did experiment with some of my mother's clothing when they were gone but didn't we all start there?

I know he would never had approved due to his reaction of my taking up ballet lessons in my 50's. He didn't like it when he was told and he never wanted to discuss it again for the rest of his life.

[RylieCD]

My father discovered some of my stash when I was a teenager, we talked and I tried to relate as to him drinking beer or smoking ( I was a teenager and didn't know myself). He wouldn't accept that. Even when I told him the items ( bra and panties) were comfortable, he said that women don't even find them comfortable, so that didn't work either. So out those items went ( luckily it was part of the stash I wanted to get rid of.) and end the "phase", yea right.

I would like tell my family who I am but instances like that and other comments make me believe it will not be accepted.

[JessMe]

I always figured that my dad had no idea (and that I'd be the second to know if he found out.) ,so you can imagine my surprise when he mentioned the big ol' bag of girl stuff my mother had found under my bed when I was younger a few months back.
My dad has the trifecta of things that tell me, in no uncertain terms, that I would be better off to keep it to myself: an affinity for alcohol, an explosive temper, and absolutely zero tolerance for anyone who colors outside the lines. Hell, I'm going to be 33 in a couple of months and that cranky old veteran still terrifies me occasionally.
Anyway, apparently my mom told him when I got busted all those years ago, and he reassured me, over drinks of course, that he explained that it was "just preteen boy s***". Which explains two things: firstly, he thinks it was a phase that ended. And secondly, he knows that I was caught red-handed with girl stuff, but doesn't understand the nature of my crossdressing... relegating it to teenage masturbation and not being TG. I'm ok with that, but only because that was easily the most uncomfortable and scary conversation I've ever had with the man.

[Beverley Sims]

Yes, like others he did not approve, it was the women that took a softer approach.

[Cheryl T]

I'm pretty sure my mother knew....and certain that my father did not ... Or I would not be here to tell you about it.

[Claudia D]

I had been shopping online and in store for shoes/skirts/dresses/tights for a while. My sister came to visit and that was the first time I 'went out'. A few weeks later I told my other sister and her wife when I went back home to the cabin. I wore my ballet flats but nothing else fem. My dad commented on my feminine shoes but no other real comments.
Mom just came out to visit and I wore a skirt and my cute little booties. She asked why and I told her that I liked it. Haven't told my dad but it is coming!