Why are married men afraid to communicate with thier wives?

[Imeni]

I've been around for a few years now, lurking and reading different threads. Some nice, some not so much. And one thing I've noticed is that there are all these men here who will straight out either lie to their wives or simply not talk with them about their cross dressing.

Whats up with that?

I'll give the older members here the benefit of the doubt as things weren't really an easy place to even start to have this talk with wives back in the day without serious issues but even in the past ten years, how many of you guys have had the chance to actually sit your ladies down and just tell them? I'm thirty. And I've been doing this so far back that its nothing that i can hide or even want to. Dating is a challenge as in my mind, I don't think anyone would WANT to date a cross dresser so i don't really put myself out there. But when I do end up dating, you bet your panty covered ass that I tell them. With a few questions around the topics of LGBT and the trans community on the whole, I can gauge whether or not they would be cool with it and I'll end it because of it. Not just for my end of it but if you can't be even open to the idea that trans people can use the bathroom, we sure as hell ain't going to date. No thank you.

But with all that said and done, you guys are married. Not dating, not just friends who live together. But married. You are sharing your life with someone, but many of you here are straight up afraid of your wives. Let's not forget the one thing we all have in common, GG's aside. We're men. Under all the dresses, panties and wigs, we're men. While yes, its important to take the considerations of your wife into play about how to proceed, you owe it to them to be honest, you owe it to your marriage and your vows that you said to each other not to lie, and most importantly, you, as men, should be man enough to live the way you want to live without fear of what they would say.

I mean, if you are going to come out, do it with class, style and don't just broadside her, especially if you think that she might seriously leave. Make sure your ducks are together, people. Brains. We all got em. But for heavens sake, stop being afraid of being truthful with the women in your lives. They loved all of you when they married you. And for some of us, that includes cross dressing.

[stlmichelle]

Good question, I try to be as open an honost with my wife. She is very accepting with me, that being said despite her open acceptance with me I still find myself hiding from her. I guess it boils down to I still have such a deep ingrained shame of this aspect of me that I still can't fully accept myself. She tells me she loves me regardless of my feminine side, I guess I need to love my feminine side more as well.

[Tracii G]

I don't get it either Imeni.
There will be a bunch comment on this I'm sure and over half of the big strong men here are too scared to put their foot down and tell their wives "hey I deserve to be happy too".
You will see all kinds of excuses get posted but it boils down to their lack of a back bone.
I noticed this right after I joined here and it has baffled me ever since.

[Georgia_Maine]

Native American/First Nations proverb: Great Spirit, help me never to judge another until I have walked in his moccasins.

[Judy-Somthing]

I tried coming out to the wife a few times about thirty years ago and she thought it was Ft-up so I didn't push the issue.
Five months ago I told her I'd like to put on a dress, she freaked and didn't talk to me for three days and over the next two months made unpleasant remarks about cross-dressers.
So I'm not going to push the issue!

I think If I told her I cross-dress quite often, I'm pretty sure we would end up with separate bedrooms and it would be a real Bummer!

[Brynna M]

It's easy to sit in the cheep seats and say everyone should have to courage to come out and talk this forum is full of stories that make those conversations hard and some spouses are more difficult to talk to...
So try these ideas on if you don't understand why talking to your wife is harder for some than others.

Some of us don't want to lose some one who we love very much and have good relations ships in other parts of our lives.

Divorce is rarely kind to men particularly those who pursue anything society deems "not normal" not matter how harmless the pursuit.

Some of use simply don't know how to navigate our wife's feelings.

Some made mistakes and married not nice people.

Some spouses change over time and become someone we can't talk to.

There are some reasons. It would be great if life were fair and everyone were at least tolerant and patient enough to talk about things. But some people aren't, and may not even be bad people in other aspects, and those people get married too.

[andreanna]

Agree with you to every point

[marlacd]

I was married 23 years, and will be divorced 5 years next month. In a word, no, dressing didn't sit well with her.

She was quite a closed mouth person. She didn't want to talk about my dressing. She waffled quite a bit about it. She went from being accepting, to not at all, and back again. I never knew where I stood. Turned out, she had a load of mental issues I knew nothing about. When she said she wanted out, I decided to let her. She got just too difficult to live with and keep happy.

Communicating with my wife was a real challenge. At first we did fine. But as the years progressed, I was supposed to give all, and she was supposed to be on the receiving end. It was so stressful for me that, after one month of being away from her, I was thrilled that she was gone.

I wanted to talk about it, but she wouldn't listen.

[Magnetar GG]

From a GG's perspective:
Mine told me right around the time he started getting into dressing. The interest had always been there, but he'd very rarely acted upon it, and didn't want to tell me until he knew where he was with it. OK, I can understand that. I DID tell him that I wished I had known before we got married and had a child. He asked if I would've left him. I said I honestly don't know, but I would've been able to make the decision about whether or not it was something I could live with. It wasn't the answer he wanted to hear, but I was honest. There's no way of knowing what my feelings would've been before we had a binding legal document, a mortgage, and a child to parent together, but he could've at least given me the benefit of the doubt and let me think about it. It's not just his life it affects, it's mine too. Now I have to deal with the added stress of keeping a secret I never wanted in the first place, and no friends to relate to about it (other than the forum - but I found it, not him, and it was because I wanted to figure out a way to deal with this). I said by not telling me until after, had it been the case that he knew ahead of time, he put me in a difficult situation, one where if I DID want to leave would make both our lives a living hell. Lucky for him, I stick to my promises, including the vow of loving him til death do us part. Even if it means he likes to dress up in women's clothing. You can see my point though, right? How can I make a promise like that if I don't know someone completely?
My answer would be that the guys who have been doing this for years, even before they got married, and then tell their spouses that "hey, I've essentially been keeping this giant secret about myself from you and lead you on believing I was a typical dude and got you to marry the illusion of me. So I thought now after 10-20 years I'd come clean, and you should accept me for who I am." Most are going to be like Um. WTF???
YOU LIED TO ME ABOUT THIS ALL THIS TIME?
WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU LIED TO ME ABOUT?
Because at that point it's not just about the CDing, which is a huge shock in and of itself. The GG also comes to the realization that he's been so good at lying and hiding something like this from her, he could've very well been cheating on her, or doing other things behind her back, when the worst she might have done is hide those slightly-too-expensive-for-their-budget shoes or bag or whatever and then come back and say "oh, this? I've had it for years, just never used it" betting on the fact that you're clueless about fashion and don't know it's a new release or design. Little do they know...
It's not just CD. It's trust. TRUST has been seriously broken.
So I'll agree with you, if you're dating, don't lie about it, don't hide it, and certainly don't propose to her without letting her know EVERYTHING about you so she can make an informed decision.
The guys who have been hiding it and continue to... realize that she's going to be pissed off about a whole lot more than just your wearing a dress. There's always the likelyhood she'll find out anyway, or might suspect, or the guilt of lying to your spouse eventually weighs so heavily on you that you end up confessing. Don't blame it all on the GGs for reacting the way they do.

[Tracii G]

Brynna I have been married twice and was that kind of man so I do know what I am talking about.
I suffered just to keep the peace in the family and it made my life a living hell.
Nothing I wanted was even considered it was always them that got everything they wanted because I didn't have the stones to stand up to them.
Both told me it was my fault for always giving in and trying to be the understanding husband.
Both told me after the split a woman wants a man that will stand up to her and say no and even hell no sometimes.
I had lived a life of being a pure a hole and a mean violent person and wanted to change but I found the change I had made as far as my personal life and relationships was the wrong choice.
Thats part of the reason I have no sexual desire for them. They hurt me and used me so that will never happen again.
The choice is yours be a man and stand up for yourself or be a wussy and let your wife tell you what you can and cannot do.

[Alice Torn]

I am never married, and have told the women i have talked, to or considered dating, and they ALL say it is wrong, and i must quit. The same reason i don't tell minister or more than a few people in the church i went to. Some folks will not even try to understand this thing. Every woman is different, and most do not like it. Tracii, I am pretty much where you are at with relationships, and I am no longer even considering marriage now. I no longer have sexual desire for them any more. I am asexual now, as I have been non respected , in the ashes for a long time, and i see the price of losing all respect from them, i am no longer willing to pay. Perhaps a lady from another nation or culture, that is respectful, has a different spirit, maybe. I walk alone.

[docrobbysherry]

I have to add to what Brynna and Tracii posted.

Many married couples end up being roommates. Because divorce is so devistating and expensive.

I made the same mistake as Tracii. I let crap go because I didn't want to fite about every little thing. But, my therapist pointed out my that resentment towrad her kept building because of it. By the time I finally stopped taking it, it was too late.

Rather than live together with rrsentment and hostility as roommates, I chose to move out. Many others don't!

[TheHiddenMe]

Because men fear the answer may not be one they like.

And fear isn't necessarily rational. People fear sharks, but there are only about 6 deaths from sharks a year. The deadliest "animal" for humans is the mosquito, but for us in the non-3rd world they are more annoying than fearful.

Not disclosing kicks the can down the road. It doesn't mean it's right, but it's a pain avoidance technique for many men.

Also, for many men, there is a shame involved with crossdressing. They don't want to admit it to themselves, much less anyone else.

Yes, men owe it to their partners to disclose their crossdressing, but fear is a big impediment.

[Jacqueline1965]

I was very lucky. When I met my wife in college back in 1987 I told her almost right away. She seemed open minded and she reacted by buying me lingerie from a local boutique. We have been together since '87 and married since 1994 and this has never been an issue. She lets me wear whatever I want whenever I want. Did say that I was a lucky guy?

[lingerieLiz]

Magnetar has several points that I understand. Marriage is a commitment and needs truth before not afterwards. After a few dates I told my wife. I didn't want her to get into something that she couldn't accept. On the other hand she was under the misconception that she could change me. This was back in the day that no one understood crossdressing. What I would say today is, there are no excuses for not telling before you are married or in a monogamous relationship. You may feel love, but she is not aware of who you are. Think about it, what would you feel if suddenly she told you of something that was devastating to you after you were married.

Rule 1, You must be truthful about your idiosyncrasies!!!

[Sarah Louise]

Because of the fear of the consequences. If you've grown up all your life knowing that most people think what you are doing is weird and wrong, then many will find telling very difficult.

For me, I had given up dressing well before I met my wife. I believed that it was something I'd grown out of. More than 20 years later the desire to dress came back. But I was now married with teenage kids. Do I tell and risk my marriage splitting up, my CDing getting known to my friends and work colleagues, perhaps being hounded out of work, losing my home and income. A little extreme, I know, but those were the kind of thoughts I had before telling my wife. Although I had read many positive stories on here where telling one's wife had gone well, I had also read some where it hadn't.

In the end, I couldn't stand the thought of lying for the rest of my life, but it took me 1.5 years to pluck up the courage to tell. Fortunately, after the initial upset, it went well.

[PaulaQ]

They fear reactions like this from their wives:
Out

This is a thread from three years ago about coming out to my (now) ex-wife. You can read *any* of the threads where I talk about my relationship with her after the reveal. It hasn't gone well, and that is putting it mildly. Three hears later, and she still calls me by my birth name when she'll speak to me at all, and she still lashes out at me, and does things that frankly jeopardize both of our financial futures.

Now there are many marriages, especially involving CDs, that can survive coming out. I see plenty of them. But seeing some of the bad ones gives one pause. By the way, despite the unfortunate state of relations between me and my ex, my breakup is by no means the worst I know of. Nevertheless, I'm the person they send people to talk to locally if it looks like someone is going to go through a BAD breakup post coming out.

Despite all that, I really do recommend coming out. A relationship that can't handle you being true to yourself is not worth saving, quite frankly, as sad and hard as that is. And believe me, I know how bitter that can be.

[Eryn]

Going back 5+ years I still remember the reason vividly. I was scared to death that I would destroy a 20-year marriage with something that I was barely starting to understand myself. I hadn't dressed during our marriage, but the interest was there and I kept stuffing it back into the recesses of my mind every time it tried to get out.

My own view at that time was that CDing was wrong and perverted and I hated myself for having those feelings. I came here, discovered that there were others like me, did some realistic research and discovered that CDing was not only acceptable, but not all that uncommon. Still, how do I explain this to a woman who doesn't feel what I was feeling?

So we sat down and talked. She could have been like the women who are in love with the idea of what they want their husband to be and decided to bail out. Luckily, she was actually in love with me as a person and decided to accompany me for the ride. Over the last five years our relationship has grown closer as my attitude improved and I've become a much nicer person with whom to live.

[Molly James]

My story is pretty much word for word what Sarah has posted this morning - I hadn't dressed for about 30 years when I met my wife nor did I think about it. The thoughts & urge only returned after we married which I attribute to being surrounded by lingerie. The shame & confusion was still there BUT now there was information on the Internet that told me I wasn't some oddball one in a billion which has helped me accept this side of me although I still can't explain the why bit to myself which in turn made explaining it to my wife (& her accepting it) so difficult. The subject generally remains off-limits these days & there's an uncomfortable silence whenever anything Transgender appears on the telly which is fairly often but we love each other & that in itself is something for me to be very grateful for having come out to her. I agree with the honesty part of this discussion but find it ironic when CDs are being told to man-up bearing in mind they are trying to learn to deal with their femme side.

[sometimes_miss]

Is this a trick question?

I don't think anyone would WANT to date a cross dresser so i don't really put myself out there.

You answered it yourself. We don't have any other option. I've had ads on the big dating sites that mention crossdressing, and all I get are responses from men and prostitutes.

And for some of us, that includes cross dressing.

and for most of us, NOT.


So. Why don't we tell AFTER the marriage. Easy. Because there are lots of women who become furious about it, feel they've been lied to, that we're 'not the man they married', are quite upset that they no longer have a 'strong, stable, reliable man' to lean on whenever they want. Then they take out their anger as well as those insecurities on us. It often results in divorce, sometimes restraining orders and blackmail as retaliation for not living up to the standards that they expected. We can go on, but I think that is sufficient as a starter. You can read all the horror stories about how wives have dumped their husbands after the guy came out to them by skimming through the threads on this forum. And it didn't start here. This type of behavior has been going on for, well, forever. That's why so many men don't tell. We can't change who we are, and there simply aren't enough crossdressing friendly women to go around. So we give it up, and hope it's all behind us. When we find out it isn't, it's already too late. So we try to keep it under control, hoping she'll never find out. .

Does that answer your question?

Edit. Before we go down the long arguments about how it's such a big horrible lie, lets remember that everyone lies. EVERYONE. Anyone who says they never told a lie is full of s**t. It all depends on what the lie is. We tell people what we think they need to know. Crossdressing is said by wives to be a lie of omission; that they had the right to know. Yet, many women keep things to themselves too, because they feel that WE don't need to know. And when that topic comes up, we get, 'Oh, that's different'. The problem is that we can't know what the other person thinks is important. Especially here, where the 'pink fog' slowly makes us think that we're perfectly normal just like everyone else, so crossdressing is no big deal.

But it is. It's a HUGE deal. We just forgot just how big a deal it is.
Over 90% of people don't want anything to do with us; they don't want to know us, work with us, meet us, or deal with us in any way. They'd prefer that we didn't exist (we wont go into those who actively wish we were dead, or even the ones who actively want to kill us for no reason other than we offend their delicate sensibilities). About 6% of women say they think it's ok for men to crossdress, but don't want to know them personally. Down to 3% who would be willing to socialize with us. Then half that again, and you had 1.5% who 'might' date one of us. When discussing this with my therapist, she said that about half of the women who initially thought they could accept a man who crossdresses, later changed their minds. That leaves about 0.75% as a potential dating pool. Of all women. And that's in America.

When women marry us, they expect certain things. They want a provider, a protector, a father for their kids, and when we come out to them as a fem crossdresser, they question whether we could ever be that, and then the sexual attraction starts to be questioned as well. When that's gone, the marriage is done, and you're basically just roommates. If she's still young enough to be interested in sex, her sexual desires will gradually be pointed in the direction of a 'real man', not the guy in a dress.

Yes, there are some happy endings. You'll find some here. But in general, women aren't turned on by a guy in a dress; in most cases, they're definitely turned off. And once they're turned off by a guy, attraction isn't likely coming back. Out of the 20,000+ members here, how many wives like crossdressing? A tiny fraction. Some will tolerate it. But most won't.

[Lacey New]

Did you ever hear the phrase "It's cheaper to keep her"? And all of the earlier responses are right on target as well. Some women can deal with , support and even enjoy a crossdressing partner. But I would say they are a rare minority. Most women are less than thrilled.

[sometimes_miss]

Most women are less than thrilled.

Now that's an understatement if I ever heard one!

[Magnetar GG]

There's a huge difference between acceptance and enjoying CDing.
When he came out to me, was I thrilled? No.
Do I enjoy it? Nope. Not really.
Am I attracted to it? No... I'm quite hetero, no sexual attraction to women, even men dressed as one.
Do I accept it? Yes. I want him to be happy. I accept him for who he is.
So let's first try to get past that wife being ecstatic to see you in a dress. You might be luckier spotting a unicorn.

And like some of you, he discovered CDing well into our relationship. It wasn't something he did prior. But at least he told me when he started getting into it. Does he still hide it? Yes. I can understand that though, we didn't have an easy start with it, and sometimes he just wants to do his thing without getting a comment from me. I've learned to be okay with that, honestly don't mind not having to deal with the shock/heart sinking feeling when I do see it and I'm not mentally prepared for it. I have to mentally prepare for it every time. It's like what I'd imagine being tasered. If you've been tasered once, you know what it's like, but it doesn't mean you're going to be ready to be tasered at any given moment after that. It might be easier if I know it's coming (even if it's still a shock).

If you choose/chose to marry someone who is closed-minded when it comes to LGBT issues, she is not going to accept it. If she's the kind of person who thinks you can cure homosexuality or that it's a choice, she's not going to accept it. If she is scared about the bathroom laws, no, she's not going to accept it. I'd even go as far as saying if she's religious, most of them aren't going to be very accepting (there's the whole sin and guilt and asking forgiveness aspect to that). Note that I said most, as there are many out there who are religious and still fight for equality. If she watches a documentary or news clip about trans kids and her first thing is "oh, those poor parents" and "you know, they shouldn't accept that, it's because of a lack of discipline and poor parenting" then she's not going to accept CDing.

If she has a level head on her shoulders and knows that there is a lot more to a relationship than whether or not you like to put on a dress, your marriage will likely survive, as long as you treat her right and can stick out the initial roughness of it. There's more to it than that, even if she's open minded and accepting and understanding, which I'll try to explain.

Was it easy when my husband first came out? NO

I'm going to go in to a bit of detail now all the things that went through my head when I was first dealing with it.
Did we fight a lot? YES. Quite a bit. Sometimes it got real nasty. He felt betrayed. I felt betrayed. It took nearly three years and a period of him going DADT for me to finally wrap my head around the whole thing.
Why? It wasn't really about the dressing. It was that the dressing took off with him. It's that dmn pink fog some of you get into. It was me saying okay when he first told me he was interested in exploring it, then trying to deal with the initial shock, because my first exposure was him in FULL dress, and no matter how open minded you think you are, seeing your husband completely dressed up, wig, makeup, breastforms, hose, shoes, clothes, the works is a LOT to take in. And then he disappeared for half a year. We had a baby to care for. If you have kids, you know your wife goes through a period of low self-esteem after becoming a mom, seeing her body changed, destroyed even. She may or may not even suffer from PPD, something most won't care to admit. I did, I didn't admit it to him. So here I am with a baby, I feel gross and anything but sexy, and now my husband was completely engrossed in his femme self. I thought I did something wrong. I thought maybe he didn't feel attracted to me anymore because I was a mother. (Look up the madonna-***** complex - I was seriously thinking my husband had that.) So now I'm gross, I have a baby I care for 24/7, housekeeping, and not one word about me being beautiful. No interest in me in the bedroom unless he's dressed, like he was making up for the fact that I was gross and unattractive. Just like many of you go through this whole thing of shame and guilt and self-consciousness, women do too. But it's ALL the time. We're constantly picking ourselves apart. He's dressing up as his perfect idealized form of a female, all the things he finds sexy, and to me it was just another way to rub it in all the ways I'm not. It hurt. It really really really hurt. No amount of "sometimes you need to focus on me too" and "don't you care what I'm into?" didn't matter. There was no give and take. It was just him doing his thing and to hell with my feelings or whether or not it affected my self-esteem. CDing is a very selfish thing. It just involves you and your femme, and what you want and this fight because you deserve to be happy. But is your wife happy?

If she's not in a good place, if she's not happy, if she has low self-esteem, if she's suffering from depression, if she never hears she's beautiful, that she turns you on, that she's sexy, that she's amazing - if you just reserve that for Valentines day, her birthday and your wedding anniversary (and in my case I don't even hear it then, I have to ASK), CDing to her is just going to be another way of you showing her that she is inadequate. She's not woman enough for you which is why you've found another woman (your femme) to replace her. Meanwhile you are worried you're not man enough for her. It's not talked about. There's not a whole lot of information out there available to the public about it. And any conversation you two try to have turns into a big fight, with at least one if not both of you crying, because you're both now having to deal with the deepest, darkest feelings that you both work so hard to suppress on a daily basis and are desperately needing understanding from each other, but both are so caught up in unmet needs that nobody's listening. And then when she needs you to tell her you love her, that you're attracted to her, that the reason you dress is maybe because you admire her so much that you want to BE like her, because to you she's perfect and to you being just a man isn't good enough... you don't tell her. Instead you disappear into your pink fog and become consumed with your obsession, likely taking some of her clothes in the process. (PS. a big big big no. don't do it without asking permission, and by permission I mean ask for specific things you can borrow.) She feels unloved, abandoned and even worse about herself than she did before.

You know when I finally became okay with it? When I found my self-esteem. CDing stopped being a threat when I found my self-worth. I'm pretty sure most of the accepting GGs on here will tell you the same, that it all comes down to your self-worth, self-acceptance, self-love, self-esteem. If your wife doesn't have that when you tell her, aside from having her trust broken, you've inadvertently just told her that she's not woman-enough for you. You need more. She isn't going to take your CD as a compliment. And while I would LOVE to hear my husband tell me I look good, or that he noticed when I dressed a little nicer than usual, or my hair looks great, or that I'm sexy, or I turn him on... anything, really, I don't get it from him. It took a long time to realize that I am responsible for my own happiness and self-worth and self-esteem. Most women still depend on their spouses for that bit of reassurance. Especially after having kids. Or a long day. Or when she's going through menopause, or she's having a hard time with something. She needs to hear that from the man she married, that he's not bored with her after being together for so long. Heaven forbid she catches you looking at other women (you know you do, even if the reasons why you do are different than why she thinks you do).

I can tell you though, if you're planning on transitioning and not just CDing, unless she's Bi or REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY loves you unconditionally (like a saint) and would sacrifice her needs for yours, it's not going to work out. I'm willing to bet most of you have hetero wives who have no interest in being married to a woman. CDing is a much easier pill to swallow than a full transition. If my husband told me he wanted to transition, that he no longer identifies as male, I would explain to him that I will support him as a friend, but I did not choose to marry a woman and have no desire to spend the rest of my life married to one. I would kindly request that he supports me in my needs as well as we go our separate ways.

[DutchCarla]

Manliness. Yes, you have to be a real man, any time, any place. All else is evil.
Getting married. Then all that nonsense will go away, of course.
Life would be so much easier if that wierd hobby wouldn't be there, so it MUSTgo away.

It seems like I may live in a tolerant, feminized society (the Netherlands), but all of the above still applies. And boy (!), it sits really deep. Quite a long time after I've told my wife I kept asking her what she thinks of "it". She laughs and says that is seems mostly my problem instead of hers.

"Oh, your appartment is so nice, furniture, silverware, the lots" (visiting ladies, including my now wife).
"Oh, you have such a great husband, he seems to love to go clothing shopping with you and has good style, knows what looks good on you" (sales ladies).

So my wife thinks I'm still the great guy she loves and has married, plus. She doesn't really matter seeing me dressed, but max. once a week (nightgowns and panties don't count :-) ) and no kissing when dressed: she is not a lesbian as she puts it.
Very occasionaly she buys me lingery and even a dress once.

All in all I'm a lucky guy-girl.

Oh, and that pink fog: sometimes it tears me apart when I'm walking past a store window and I just can't walk in and try on that dress, buy it and walk out of the store dressed in that new purchase. All that is left is go online and catch up with dozens of years of finally being able to buy female clothes, developing a style and so on. It is not just replacing that pair of pants or buying that new dress for a party, it is much more.

[sandyb40c]

For me it was fear of rejection. We have been married over 25 years and I didn't tell her when I met her because I naively thought that once we got married my impulse to dress would diminish. I also grew up in a very religious family that I had to hide my dressing from. I went through times where I managed to resist the urge, but I was a miserable person to live with (so I've been told). I became good at hiding things and that became the norm. There were lots of guilty purges over the years, but it kept on coming back.

I recently turned fifty and decided that enough was enough. For a little while my wife had been joking about the fact that I needed to stop pulling on the band of her panties in bed and that if I didn't she'd buy me my own to play with. I said promises promises and challenged her to get me some. One day out shopping I texted her not to forget to buy my underwear. When we met up she mumbled something about not seeing my size. The next night in bed I asked her if she really couldn't find panties in that style in my size and she said it had all been a bit of fun and that she hadn't really intended to. I saw this as an opportunity to star talking about my crossdressing. I told her I was a little sad that she had only been joking and that we should really talk some time. She said lets just talk now then and for the next couple of hours I laid out my whole life of deception from her. It was a difficult time, but as I went on I found it easier to share.

She was quiet as she processed things and said that whatever made me happy made her happy. She was relieved that I wasn't having an affair and she also asked if I was gay or not. I told her that she was the only person for me and that I thought she'd reject me. She laughed and said that I'm stuck with her (which is pretty awesome!) and that it would take a lot more than that for her to want to be out of my life. I asked her if she was OK with me wearing panties 24/7 and she has no problem with that. She doesn't want to see me dressed at this point and would prefer if I washed my own things as well. She doesn't want to shop for clothes with me, but wants to know when I do. She hasn't ruled out any of this, but it's still early days for her.

I am so relieved and wonder why I didn't tell her sooner. The time was right and I am a happier person. We have had a lot of conversations over the past few weeks, some around whether I need to tell anyone else and what to say, if anything, to our teenage children. I have also arranged to see a counselor to talk about what it means for me to be transgender, as this is who I have been all my life and I have never talked to anyone about it until now. Thankfully I now have no desire to purge and my wife is teaching me not to be guilty, as she says there is nothing to be ashamed of. I knew I was married to a wonderful person, but I'm only now discovering the total extent of this.