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Thread: "Are you a woman!"

  1. #1
    Aspiring Member ChristinaK's Avatar
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    "Are you a woman!"

    I went into a truck stop ladies room today while travelling en femme. I was complete except I didn't wear a wig since it was very hot. My hair is halfway down my ears and have long bangs. It was styled very feminine and I have been to the ladies room at least 10 times in the last 2weeks like that with no problems, until today.

    As I stepped out of a stall, a woman was speaking to her toddler at the sink. I avoided looking at her and washed my hands, then turned 90 degrees to the left, with my back to her, to dry my hands under a loud dryer.

    As the dryer wound down, I heard her ask forcefully and loudly, "are you a woman?"

    At first, it didn't register that she was speaking to me. Then it hit me hard as I turned left again to take 3 steps to the door, with my back still to her as she continued to stand at the sink.

    I ignored her and tried to maintain my composure as I exited in what I hoped was a normal fashion. I was very afraid that when she came out she would confront me, but I filled my soft drink and stood in a long line to pay and she never appeared.

    I went to the restroom 4 times today and even had to stand in line once. No problems at all, except that one time. So, I just wanted to pass that on. It can happen at any time even if we've had much success in the past. I feel very fortunate that the event did not turn into a huge confrontation, even though we're supposed to be protected in California. The question is, if the public is not aware of that, are we really protected?

  2. #2
    Banned Spammer gabyespinotv's Avatar
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    Well...you're not a woman. Just because i feel like a fish doesn't mean i can live underwater, get real.

  3. #3
    Girl from the Eagles Nest reb.femme's Avatar
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    Always great when someone offers a positive contribution Gabyespinotv.

    We use the toilets, restroom whatever, in the gender we are presenting as. To do otherwise could bring on a little bit more than a challenge.

    Sadly, laws are not properly known by many of us, so always difficult expecting the law to defend us. How many people have we heard in life state, "I know my rights"? Normally as they're being hauled away by the Old Bill in Britain

    Personally Christina, you did the right thing and you kept your dignity whilst displaying good grace. Not sure I could have done the same. A little volatile at times.

    Becky
    Last edited by reb.femme; 06-07-2016 at 02:54 AM.
    Flying high under the spell of life!

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  4. #4
    Silver Member Mollyanne's Avatar
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    You not only did the right thing but you did it with dignity and pose. That woman sure as hell didn't show any class.

    Molly
    "To thine own self be true"

  5. #5
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    I probably would have said to her: "Are you?"
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  6. #6
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    The correct retort may have been, "I'm a lady, it is certain you are not."
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  7. #7
    Senior Member
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    nicely handled in a no win situation.

    A few years ago I was shopping and had some morbidly obese slovenly woman announce in a loud voice "hey mister you're in the ladies section, you need to be in the faggots section"
    I froze, an elderly nicely dress lady said "Excuse me, but if this is the ladies section, there isn't anything here for you" she had a voice and accent that should be italicized.
    she smiled to me, the largish lady ran for it.
    angels show up every now and then

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member ChristinaK's Avatar
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    Racael, I love your story, what a superb ending!

  9. #9
    Gold Member Read only Rachael Leigh's Avatar
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    Christina the bathroom thing for sure is a concern for many of us and your situation is one we all hope does not happen.
    You handled it nicely and well I hope we as a country realize that there are more important issues than who's using what bathroom. It's made our community out to be a target or a bigger one then it was. I actually think most people don't care.
    Glad it all worked out

  10. #10
    Junior Member prabha's Avatar
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    Brave girl you did the right thing,
    You didn't panic and you didn't argued but most of the CDs will panic and create a situation.
    It means you are not only a beautiful lady but also clever
    Hugs
    love:

  11. #11
    Senior Member Ceera's Avatar
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    Ignoring her was probably the best tactic. After all, what would most genetic girls have done in that situation? Probably would have assumed the person couldn't possibly be addressing them, and walked away.

  12. #12
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Rachel is right. Answering her would have caused a no win situation. Saying nothing is the wiser thing. I hope i have the self control to do so if ever in a similar situation. Now, is a number of GGs all confront one of us at once, a bit more intense! Being silent still woujld likely be best. I went to use a single use mens room at a small town convenience store, and it was busy, so i knocked on the single use womens room, and it was vacant, so i went in, did my business, and came out, only to have two teen boys tell me i was using the wrong room!! I just said, "when you gotta go, you gotta go."

  13. #13
    Member Alexa CD's Avatar
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    Well there's nothing you could have said really. I'm sure if I was her I would have asked myself and probably you the same question, she's in the woman's bathroom with her little girl. The woman's bathroom is for women.

  14. #14
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    For those of us that can't pass, any foray into vanilla land can result in being confronted and embarrassed.

    It's NOT fun sometimes out there, but that comes with the territory!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  15. #15
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alice Torn View Post
    Rachel is right. Answering her would have caused a no win situation. Saying nothing is the wiser thing.
    Wasn't it Benjamin Franklin who said, "It's better to be thought trans than to open your mouth and remove all doubt"?

  16. #16
    Silver Member I Am Paula's Avatar
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    As for 'Having rights', that will not stop her husbands big, hairy fist hitting you.

  17. #17
    Banned Spammer
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    Quote Originally Posted by gabyespinotv View Post
    Well...you're not a woman. Just because i feel like a fish doesn't mean i can live underwater, get real.
    Oh my I think I just had a get real moment.

  18. #18
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ChristinaK View Post
    I went to the restroom 4 times today and even had to stand in line once. No problems at all, except that one time.
    Right. Statistics. Most people won't bother with you but a few will. Just be careful not to take "the few" and translate them in your mind to "everybody".

    It wasn't too many years ago when there was NO tolerance for males dressed as females in public. In some places, they were even arrested for public indecency. We've come a long way since then, there are laws in place, insurance companies pay for SRS, large companies have HR policies in place to facilitate transition, and knowledge that gender is not necessarily black/white has reached the mainstream even if some people still disapprove. And bathrooms are particularly contentious right now with what is going on in North Carolina. Would this lady have asked you the same question, had she seen you sitting in the middle of the food court? Would she have asked you the question had she not had a young child in tow? It will continue to get better, but we can hardly expect everyone in our society to magically get on board seemingly overnight, especially when it comes to spaces that have traditionally been designated for GGs.

    Look at how long it took for GGs to reach parity in the workforce, and even then we're still not fully there. Look at how long it took for Civil Rights, and there still are pockets of people in this country who are racially biased.

    I'm glad that you went to the bathroom 4 times that day and even stood in line, without any issues.
    Reine

  19. #19
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gabyespinotv View Post
    Well...you're not a woman. Just because i feel like a fish doesn't mean i can live underwater, get real.
    mean and wrong. really? woman does not mean genetic female.
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
    Chief Joseph
    Nez Perce



    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  20. #20
    Silver Member Rhonda Jean's Avatar
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    I would have skipped washing my hands.

    I've been using the ladies room for over 40 years. Never liked to have to do it, but that's the way it is. I'm more averse to it now than I've ever been! I think people are looking for us and I think everybody has a prepared response. It's not only in the restroom. I certainly get the vibe that people are looking for us, and I think people are looking closer. There was a time when people would have had a brief encounter with me and not known how to react until the encounter was long over with. Now they already know how they're going to react and are itching for the opportunity to use their prepared reaction.

  21. #21
    Banned Read only
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    Quote Originally Posted by gabyespinotv View Post
    ... Just because i feel like a fish doesn't mean i can live underwater...
    You feel like a fish? What's that like?

    And while a witty quip might seem like a good idea, the best reply is, "Have a nice day," while you exit.
    Last edited by Jenniferathome; 06-07-2016 at 11:58 AM.

  22. #22
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    The one thing that jumped out at me on this one was the point that she was with a toddler. I firmly believe that there is nothing as fearsome on this earth as a Mother protecting their young.

    Ask yourself, did she feel threatened and was acting to protect her young?

  23. #23
    Member Alexa CD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lorileah View Post
    mean and wrong. really? woman does not mean genetic female.
    I'm really not trying to throw shade here but for the vast majority of people that is exactly what it means, for the most part expecting people to just adapt to and adopt this concept is like asking (demanding) them to perform backflips. Mean and wrong and well they shouldn't is the world we live in.
    Last edited by Alexa CD; 06-07-2016 at 01:16 PM. Reason: Edit in brackets.

  24. #24
    Woman first, Trans second
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lorileah View Post
    mean and wrong. really? woman does not mean genetic female.
    Agreed, but woman does mean woman. If you're a male identified CD, then I think it's a fair point.
    Coming out is like discovering that you've been drowning your whole life after actually breathing air for the first time.

  25. #25
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    Yay for the bathroom bills, which are likely to cause more and more of this type of reaction. It is the intention of these bills I believe, to create a more unfriendly environment. Not saying it wouldn't have or hasn't happened in the past, but it will be and has shown to be on a quick rise.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

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