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Thread: "the desire never goes away" ...is this actually true?

  1. #51
    Silver Member Rhonda Jean's Avatar
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    For me, I don't think the desire will ever go away. Change, yes, but not go away. Be manifested in different ways, yes. Ebb and flow, yes.

    Strictly speaking for myself... For a few decades it was like pushing a car up a hill. The hill was composed to a large degree of my everyday public "look", and also to the degree I took things when en femme. Looking at some of the boy mode vs. girl mode pics, some can transform so beautifully and completely that they can push that car way up the hill for their en femme times, and pretty much let it roll down to the bottom for every day. I didn't do that. I had long hair, long nails, shaved legs, and wore panties and feminine-leaning clothes when I was a teenager, so I was already part way up the hill. When I got married, I just kept pushing. Instead of letting that car roll back down, I'd throw something under the tire to keep it from it. I started wearing makeup, and threw a rock under the tire. Started wearing nail polish, and threw a rock under the tire there. Started wearing a bra every day, and again, threw a rock under the tire. You get the idea. I've hit a few obstacles that caused that car to roll back down out of control, but I've always started pushing it back up. I never knew what was beyond the top of the hill. I didn't really want to know. No matter how hard I pushed or how far, it seemed there was always a little further to go, and I liked it that way.

    Particularly when it came to my wife, I was always afraid of losing ground. Once I got her used to me rolling my hair, for example, I was afraid to retreat an inch, even if I wasn't all that into it at that particular time. I threw a rock under the tire there very early on. Not a good move, BTW.

    Handled correctly, which I did not, this can add a lot to the adventure of life. Utterly harmless and cripplingly destructive at the same time. I don't want the desire to go away! Along with it would go a lot of the joy of life.

  2. #52
    Adyson Saikotsu's Avatar
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    I, like many others, can only speak for myself. I hesitate to say it never goes away, but it transforms.

    Originally, I used clothing to help me come to grips with my gender identity. As a genderfluid individual, I had to find ways to manage an internal gender that wasn't constant. The more feminine I felt on the inside, the more I had to reflect that on the outside. I struggled to find a way to come to terms with it.

    But eventually, I realized that who I am on the inside is the real me. The clothes, be they male or female, were just that: clothes. They are a tool of self expression. Regardless of what gender I feel on the inside, I can wear my clothes and be comfortable.

    Sure there are days where I experience dysphoria, where the me on the outside is so out of sync with the inside that I feel I have to wear feminine clothes to sync back up. Today is one such day. But for the most part I'm okay wearing whatever clothes are clean. My desire to dress hasn't gone away. It has merely changed.

  3. #53
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    You, Emily (and others) have made some good points here... speaking from experience - as all of us can only really speak from that - I've had ups and downs and changes in motivation of how and why I've expressed this barmy, inexplicable condition... Periods of several years where it's declined substantially, but never totally gone away - and shorter periods like recently, where the urge has diminished and my male side has come back very strongly (Watch out, girls! ) but I know that I can still both have some fun and derive some benefit from the expression...

    So I think the answer must be: it depends

    I have to say, I see much more acceptance from the younger members here of a future life that potentially mixes the two aspects of our nature more frequently and publicly - some of that I think is a generational/ cultural perspective, where there are less penalties to reveal this nature, then the tendency is likely to be that expression will be made more freely and more completely. It's us oldies that have the behavioural barriers programmed in...

    Then again, I'm sure that there are those for whom the feelings decline completely and this just becomes a phase in life... and few of those will bother coming back here to share that view (although one or two have and do) as they struggle to gain airtime between those who are firmly on the track to the Big-T and those who are at least shrouded in Pink Fog for the present... As with everything here, it's difficult to draw generalisations as so much of our perspective is influenced by childhood, culture, age, etc.

    Enjoy it when and if you can - I for one wouldn't mourn if the feeling passed from me one day and never returned... (well, other than mourning for the opportunity to dance like a girl while more-or-less properly looking like one...)

    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  4. #54
    Senior Member MissTee's Avatar
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    I frame it as a "calling" rather than a "desire", and in that is a huge difference. A desire is something I would like to do and have a measurable amount of control. A calling is something much more powerful. Think of birds and migration. Hard to fight the calling.

  5. #55
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    I"ve wondered this myself. There was someone locally who had a really nice website years ago called "Yvonne's Place for Crossdressers." She had thoughtful essays and shopping tips & advice for the local community.Then, one day she announced on line that she had 'done everything' she wanted to do as a crossdresser & was giving it up. Website closed. Hasn't been heard from sine. i've often wondered if she was really able to quit or whether she just stopped being so public about it.

  6. #56
    Oh to be an English Rose Jane G's Avatar
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    Put simply it's true You can ignore it for as long as you like but it will never go away IMHO.

  7. #57
    New Member twelvestepemily's Avatar
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    Thanks for the thoughtful reply Ineke! You're right that CDing won't give you diabetes and that the negative effects are mainly from other people that aren't willing to accept it (though admittedly I also think about the time and money I've put into CDing, and those resources could've been spent doing something more "productive"). But those negative external effects are real in our society today ... if I could make a choice to rid myself of the desire, I probably would because I see it making relationships and life in general more difficult... but if it is something that I'm stuck with, then I'd rather just enjoy and accept it for what it is, rather than spending my life floundering in the middle.

  8. #58
    Member Julie Mehn's Avatar
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    i hope it never goes away

  9. #59
    Aspiring Member
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    My mom used to present me with that same "sugar" analogy. If you know it's bad for you why can't you think about it. If I do "x", it could lead to "y" and is not good. My response was cd is not what I do, it is who I am. Tied into my identity. What I had to learn was that it did not define me, but a part of me.
    It's deeper for me than a substance like sugar that goes from the outside in. This is already inside and wants to come out. They said 99% of the people attempt to deny 99% of the truth 99% of the time(ie, we all live in some form of denial about reality), be it survival or whatever.

    So it's part of us we are afraid to own.

    You can easily become overtly analytical about it until it racks your brain but at the end of the day it boils down to what are you getting out of it as to whether it will continue or not. Any time somebody tells you some absolute like that you have to question it. It is different for everyone of us and it is your own motivations that will determine your destiny with it. These motivations need not be absolute either, they can be be fluent and in a state of perpetual flux as you go thru life things can change.

    As you get older and grow you are not the person you were years ago even last year. Just try to go with your own inner vibe and let reality unfold unfettered.

    As for Audrey's reply at #55, I also was a big fan of Yvonne's site for CDers. Same thing with Gina Lance of the old GirlTalk magazine. It's like they reach a ceiling. Been there done that nowhere else to go with it. Sometimes I envy these folks, and feel it's not a conscious decision they make, it just happens.

    I am fascinated by the extremely public CDers that seem to go down this route. Who was it that used to do the videos, Jessica Who? There was a CD who wrote this book years ago called The Bliss Of Becoming One, name escapes me. Same route, one day she woke up and it was over. No desire to continue. I've come across a few more like that.It could happen to me or you, you just don't know. A girlfriend asked me 20 years ago did I see myself cd in 5, 10 years from there.

    I just could not even conceive or wrap my head around there being a time when I no longer did it. Not so much so now. Some progress some digress some get to a point where what is the point in continuing.
    Last edited by bimini1; 06-18-2016 at 11:11 PM.

  10. #60
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bimini1 View Post
    Any time somebody tells you some absolute like that you have to question it.
    Must we absolutely question it?

  11. #61
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    I once tried to stop CDing, back in 2013 i felt immense shame one night and decided i would not do it anymore. Course i didn't Purge so i guess i was destined to fail but i went a solid 63 days without dressing. After two months this thought came into my head and told me that i was making myself deprived of this forbidden fruit for nobody. Ever since then i accepted the fact that my fetish is here to stay and never tried to quit again. Life would be too boring if i tried to live the normal male route.

    The issue the OP is having is that there is this mental wall in your head that tells you what is weird and what is normal....And crossdressing is in the weird wall. You just have to realize that life is short, and being weird of conforming to standards really doesn't make a difference in the end. I also feel its not healthy to repress your inner desires when they are harmless
    Last edited by Shelly Preston; 06-20-2016 at 03:31 AM. Reason: Some things are not allowed. Read the Rules

  12. #62
    Aspiring Member
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    A girlfriend many years ago was reasonably accepting of my CDing. She sometimes let me wear her clothes including her panties.
    As our relationship got more serious, I decided to give it up because at the time I thought my desire to dress was to compensate for not having a woman in my life.
    I lasted about a month, and I underdressed with a pair of her panties. Later that day, she asked me if I was wearing her panties (I guess she had noticed a particular pair missing). I said that I was. She didn't mind, but said that she thought I'd given it up. I just told her that I tried and tried, but the desire is just too much.

    On a couple of other occasions I have got rid of all my female clothes, but just ended up buying more fairly soon afterwards.

    So for me, yes, the desire never goes away.

  13. #63
    Stephanie58
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    Sixty years after starting I am still crossdressing. The urge has recessed from time to time (possibly due to other pressures, lack of opportunity etc) but always returns.

    So for me the answer is yes.

  14. #64
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    I can only relate my experience and thoughts. Started very young (preschool). Again as teen. Future wife said only can be 1 woman. For 34+ years no cd! Then wife dies and it hits me again like a ton of bricks! It is wrapped around me somehow. Do not know if its mentally or emotionally. Just know we are all male and female some have more of one or other and some of us have both and we crossdress. Those are my thoughts right or wrong. Hugs Lana Mae

  15. #65
    Silver Member NancySue's Avatar
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    Since the age of 6, when I put on my first pair of nylon stockings, the pleasure, serenity, and warmth has never gone away. At times the desire is intense while there are other times of a lesser degree...but the feelings are always there. My development has been progressive as I became involved with wearing additional things....panties, a bra, a slip, makeup, heels, skirts, blouses, dresses, wigs, jewelry. When I get that "tingle", my first choice is always hose whether underneath or completely dressed. While dressing is very comforting, it carries many negative elements...discovery, acceptance which can involve personal and social consequences. We live in the Midwest where dressing is mostly viewed as a "no-no". I took the proverable leap of faith and told my wife early in our relationship...expecting her to bolt for the exit door. Shockingly, she accepted my dressing compulsions...happiest day of my life. Neither of us understand my needs, but it's here to stay, so we enjoy. Her help has been fantastic. We value our "little secret".

  16. #66
    Aspiring Member Fiona123's Avatar
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    For me it's true. The desire never goes away. I woke up today thinking I'm not going to wear panties. Too much bother. And yet here i am underdressed in floral cotton undies & loving it.🌺

  17. #67
    Nikki Windsor nikkiwindsor's Avatar
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    I'm an older gal and the desire hasn't left...woke up this morning at 5:30am and immediately and completely transformed to present my feminine self...feel so much more content and happy!
    Wearing my fuschia bodycon dress:
    http://imgur.com/6WkdAts
    For the first time, outdoors during the day:
    http://i.imgur.com/RmjIxbY.jpg

  18. #68
    Silver Member NancySue's Avatar
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    LOL I did the same thing. Ahhh, yes. It's a good day. I'm wearing a new blouse. It's beautiful.

  19. #69
    Aspiring Member Georgette_USA's Avatar
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    Have not read the whole thread. Not a CD but do know many on-line and maybe 100 in real life. I know quite a few in their 70-80s.

    Problem with a question like this is. If the desire goes away forever, why would they still be on here. And/Or do they tell others.

    The real question is, "Does anyone know someone who has stopped, and do they know if they still haven't started again". Would go along with the idea of purging, Yes or No.

    This forum has been around a while, so some might know if any stopped or just disappeared from here.

    Most I know if the dressing stops, would others know as most don't make the same friendships outside of the shared dressing. Of the CDs I know, have only met a few in their male mode, but have not made any friendships outside of their dressed selves.

  20. #70
    Senior Member Nikkilovesdresses's Avatar
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    It's fun to see you getting into the crossdressing world Emily. You have a balanced head on your shoulders and I know you'll follow a path which is sensible and true to your feelings.

    For me the desire to dress ebbs and flows. Currently it's just panties and girly-shorts- I haven't put on make-up or a wig in more than a year. I don't question it and I certainly wouldn't purge the clothes etc, because I feel pretty sure one day the urge will sweep over me again. I no more understand it than I understand gravity...

    ...and that's just fine.
    I used to have a short attention spa

  21. #71
    Aspiring Member Lacey New's Avatar
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    There are a lot of thoughtful responses here and I won't try to be as deep as many. I can and will only speak for myself and as such, my thoughts about the urge or desire to cross dress is my own opinion and certainly not science. As I age, I find that the urge ebbs and flows. Sometimes it is quite strong and requires that I do something about it. Generally that means a journey into the pink fog, shopping,dressing and achieving some some self gratification out of it. Other times, it is in the back of my mind and even though I remain interested, it is something that can wait. However, I think that as long as I can or will respond to sexual stimulus, a desire to cross dress will always be present.

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