Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 71

Thread: "the desire never goes away" ...is this actually true?

  1. #1
    New Member twelvestepemily's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2016
    Location
    CO
    Posts
    17

    Question "the desire never goes away" ...is this actually true?

    In this thread, OP posted the following
    I have been cross dressing for a while now but I'm concerned hows its going to affect my life negatively in the future and i don't want that to happen.
    and one of the responses was this:

    The only way to avoid ANYTHING negative occuring is to stop doing it. And for most, that's not an option, because the desire never goes away.
    This seems like pretty sound advice, but to be honest this is something I personally struggle with because it feels like an awfully big assumption. I hope I don't offend anyone by questioning this, but I can't help but wonder how we really know that "the desire never goes away". It seems like if you accept it as something that is tied to your identity, then its going to create a feedback loop that keeps that desire going. But on the other hand, I can't help but wonder if treating it more as a "bad habit" could make it become more manageable. (Again, I apologize if this offends anyone, its not my intention at all and really just trying to honestly reflect on and discuss the different angles of this. I know a lot of you have worked hard to accept yourself which is awesome and I don't mean to diminish that.)

    Just for example, lets consider eating habits. It's no secret that eating sugar and sweets is a delicious and satisfying experience that adds excitement to life. But sugar and sweeteners are also very addictive. I tried cutting them out of my diet for a few months, and lo and behold, I no longer crave sweets at all. If I'm at an occasion where cake is being served, I can enjoy a piece for what it is if I want, but I don't feel compelled to at all. Which is great -- it feels like freedom.

    But I feel like this would be so much more difficult if I went around saying, "I identify as a sweetener. I just love sugar -- that's how I was born, so I may as well accept it as part of who I am and love that part of me." Okay, but that's really a cop-out right? It's kind of ignoring the fact that in the long run this mentally is going to cause a lot of problems in your life that will lead to unhappiness and not taking responsibility for dealing with that because "its just how I am". Especially because we know that this is not true, and that it isn't that hard to break the cycle of sugar cravings by not indulging or obsessing over it.

    So again going back to the original statement that "the desire never goes away"...is that true? If it is, then it makes life a lot easier because the only path forward is to accept it. But if that's not true, then it gives us a couple options: to accept it as part of ourselves (which is fine - we're not hurting anyone and it feels good), or to reject it as something that doesn't bring value to your life in the way you want. But because it does feel very good, the latter option may be very difficult. Ideally it would be great if there were some studies out there that have determined fairly definitively whether this is something that really is a part of who we are, or if its just a fun thing we've discovered as open-minded people that we can reject but gets wrapped up with our personal identities due to being such a taboo subject.

    As you can probably tell, this whole thing is the cause of a lot of inner conflict for me. Not knowing the answer means that I don't feel like I can commit fully to either path. I'm not saying that it's not something that's just a part of who we are, I'm just questioning how we know that. (Unfortunately, part of the problem with this kind of question is that we're probably going to be relying mostly on anecdotal evidence, but most of us here are going to be in the "accepting" group. People who used to crossdress, but no longer, are probably far less likely to be active on this forum. Hopefully we can still have a balanced, honest discussion, but any insight is valuable! )

  2. #2
    Senior Member Laura912's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    East coast
    Posts
    2,559
    Yes, Emily, it will be anecdotal, and mine is, that after 74.5 years, it has not gone away. Ebbed and flowed, but never gone. "Individual experience may vary and there may be other side effects."

  3. #3
    Aspiring Member lmildcd's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    South Jersey
    Posts
    639
    I can only speak for myself. My desire comes and goes. I might go at least a month without wearing a dress. I might have a day where I have nowhere to go and I'll out on a dress or top with a skirt. Cross dressing is not a lifestyle for me but I enjoy it when I do it. I can say that the desire does not entirely go away.
    lmildcd is now known as Lennette Lost.

  4. #4
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    6,335
    What you referred to as "...This seems like pretty sound advice,..." is not sound advice at all. Cross dressings not a "habit." I would compare cross dressing to sexual attraction. Does it go away? You ARE sexually attracted to men, women or possibly both. You can choose celibacy but that does not change your sexual attraction. You can be sexually active AND not do anything negative. You can also be sexually active and screw up your life by cheating on a wife, for example. You can give us sex and guarantee that no one ever gets pregnant or gets an STD OR you can behave responsibly and accomplish the same thing.

    I've written before that anything in one's life that controls one's life and is at the expense of family, friends, work, etc is when you have a problem.

  5. #5
    Silver Member ClosetED's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    3,017
    Welcome Emily - this is your first post, but I am not sure how long you lurked. As Laura has the years of experience as well as many others here, the desire will not go away. It is not the same as a bad habit or liking sweets- sugar and fat cause a reaction that the body likes, but can do without. Sugar and fat are also socially acceptable, while crossdressing is not yet.
    Crossdressing seems to be an innate part of us, as Jennifer said, and while you may control your actions to limit how you express it, you will still always desire it. A nun may be heterosexual, but may choose to abstain.
    It is true that crossdressers who successfully stop would not be on this forum, but those who tried and failed and then returned will be. And there seem to be many of those.
    If there was a 12 step program that worked, no one has ever published a paper on it and no therapist is aware of one. The psychiatrists no longer consider it a mental illness.
    You are going through the normal questioning, so use this site, probably the largest collection of crossdressers in the world, to help you see a fuller view.
    Hugs, Ellen

  6. #6
    Senior Member samantha rogers's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    SE Michigan
    Posts
    1,146
    I think the saying "it never goes away" is anecdotal but based on the experience of just about everyone I have ever known (and I would guess everyone most people here have ever known) seems to be true. But every rule has an exception. And even so, the action to accept yourself IS a choice. Many people either deny this part of themselves (not recommended...that way madness lies) or else do accept it but do not choose to ACT on it due to real life responsibilities that preclude it. Theirs is often a very difficult life, but many make it work somehow.
    However, for many it seems to actually increase with age, or, possibly, the ability to block it weakens with time. And, further, only you can know, with a lot of real and honest self appraisal, just how deeply this runs in you and whether it is a CD thing or something more deeply rooted in your identity. Sometimes initial acceptance of self on one level leads to further layers that peel away revealing identity issues you did not realize were there.
    That's why we have therapists, right? lol
    Every fear that held me back, when faced, has proven to be hollow.
    Courage is not the lack of fear, but the willingness to ignore it.
    It's your life. Make it count.

  7. #7
    MIDI warrior princess Amy Fakley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    The South
    Posts
    2,047
    I can only speak from my own personal experience, which is that I wasted many decades of my life , struggling to make it all go away ... by any and every means a my disposal. Purging, denial, getting religion, losing religion, attempting to 'replace' this need with other interests, getting married, having kids, moving to a new town, changing jobs (when the one I had afforded too much free time for dressing -- lord, do I regret that one!) ... gawd! You name it, I probably tried it.

    At the end of the day it always came back. Actually, that's incorrect. It never left, but I managed to bury myself in the pursuit, and temporarily hide that troublesome part of myself, from myself.

    I'm not saying it's the same for everyone. If there's anything you can take from all the discussions here, probably the biggest is that while we all have some things in common, we are all way different.

    I'm certain there are people in the world for whom cross-gender expression really was a temporary phase. They outgrow it, and they move on with their normal, happy lives. Of course, you won't find many of them hanging around here :-)

    I think the question of "is it possible for me to rid myself of this desire?", is inextricably linked to where you are on the trans spectrum. For a whole lot of people, this is nothing more than a harmless kink ... just a bit of sexual playtime, and I don't know, but I suspect it's easier to walk away for a larger number of those people than it is for people for whom the cross-gender expression is a manifestation of internal identity.

    For me at least, it's not at all like giving up unhealthy treats.

    It's more like trying to change from being left handed to right handed, which is actually something I've had to do a few times in the past (first time in elementary school, and second time a few years ago when I injured my left hand). I can get by using my right hand ... but I'll never stop wanting to use my left hand, because it's just plain instinctual.

    That's very much how my girl side feels to me, and finally giving up trying to make it go away, and simply embracing myself for who I actually am has led to a much happier place in my life.

    Can you quit? Only you can find out, because only you can ever get a handle on where it originates inside you.
    Last edited by Amy Fakley; 06-14-2016 at 12:05 PM.
    "Why shouldn't art be pretty? There are enough unpleasant things in the world." -Pierre-Auguste Renoir

  8. #8
    New Member twelvestepemily's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2016
    Location
    CO
    Posts
    17
    Jennifer, the "sound advice" was referring to the users comment that the desire to crossdress is not something that ever goes away (implying that to stop doing it is not really an option at all -- I see how this might've gotten lost in context). So I think you're actually agreeing with that comment.

    I like your comparison to sexual attraction -- you say "you ARE sexually attracted to men, women, or possibly both". Personally, I'm just as conflicted about my sexuality as I am with crossdressing. Since I went through puberty, I've always been attracted to women. But almost in parallel with crossdressing, I've found a growing attraction to men as well, but this has been something that started as nothing and has increased steadily as I've explored these attractions. To me I guess it does feel to some degree like a choice -- by staying open minded and trying new things, and accepting them on some level, its almost like I've cultivated an attraction to crossdressing and men... but I feel like maybe if I had not been as willing to try new things and had drawn a line somewhere in the sand, and not crossed that boundary into crossdressing/gay fantasies, then I wouldn't feel such a desire to do those things now.

  9. #9
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082
    Twelvestepemily,
    Gosh your name is a mouthful !

    As you say many of the replies will be anecdotal , my Cding started at the age of 8-9 with some trauma, the circumstances left me with a gut feeling or need continually all my life. Some of that time was full of shame and guilt, the real eye opener was when I joined this forum and saw members older than me not only CDing but also enjoying it . It was at that point I realised my wiring was different so I was born like it and will go in my box like it. It's not a passing phase or a hobby it's part of my being, once you realise that you can start to accept yourself, become comfortable with it and then hopefully people round you can start to come to terms with it.

    Like your sugar intake you can try and abstain from dressing but the outcome is you're suppressing something that needs to be dealt with.

    The inner conflict comes from social pressures, at the end of the day they can say and think what they like but it won't alter what's inside you head. I personally don't believe that a CDer ever does stop permanently , they may have breaks of weeks, months sometimes years but when it comes back it really does knock them off their feet. You may not read where people have gone away and tried to stop but you will see plenty here that have come back on the proverbial pink cloud.

    Handled in the right way you can enjoy what CDing gives, it's not all negative, it's how you make it work and find a level with people round you.

    The point about sexuality, most non-cders do think we must be gay, I can only speak for myself but I'm bi-gender, I like women in drab and when dressed , I have no interest in men as far a relationship is concerned. We are all different but whatever you feel try and be honest with yourself. We do have to come to terms with our gender and sexuality which can become confused in the TG community.
    Last edited by Teresa; 06-14-2016 at 12:20 PM.

  10. #10
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Boston Area
    Posts
    4,099
    Think of it as akin to the statement, "Your left hand never goes away." You can find some cases where that is not true but for the bulk of people it's a reliable abstraction/generalization of truth. I had my first brush with the desire when I was in the early single-digit ages and now I'm in my 60's and it's still here. Do I know it won't go away tomorrow (or even later this afternoon)? No. Do I expect it to? No.

  11. #11
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    6,335
    Quote Originally Posted by samantha rogers View Post
    ...for many it seems to actually increase with age, or, possibly, the ability to block it weakens with time. ...l
    or is that, with age, one can come to terms with this more easily and therefore, tread where one once hid?

    Quote Originally Posted by twelvestepemily View Post
    ... But almost in parallel with crossdressing, I've found a growing attraction to men as well, ... but I feel like maybe if I had not been as willing to try new things and had drawn a line somewhere in the sand, and not crossed that boundary into crossdressing/gay fantasies, then I wouldn't feel such a desire to do those things now.
    So, perhaps you are bi. Something you have long denied or buried even deeper than cross dressing because we all know that being bi or gay is somehow worse than cross dressing Introspection is something only you can do but I suspect as I replied to Sammie, with age we can come to terms with things that seem puzzling in our earlier lives.

  12. #12
    Silver Member ClosetED's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    3,017
    Quote Originally Posted by twelvestepemily View Post
    But almost in parallel with crossdressing, I've found a growing attraction to men as well.
    Be careful you don't confuse a desire to have a man treat you like a woman (possibly as a way to affirm your femininity), and a desire to have sexual relations with a man with your current anatomy (which could have pre-dated any crossdressing).

    Ellen

  13. #13
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    The state of flux, U.S.A.
    Posts
    7,212
    Quote Originally Posted by Jenniferathome View Post
    Cross dressings not a "habit."
    We cannot know. Until we understand the individual's reason for doing it. There are asexual people who have existed, who might crossdress using some particular pieces of clothing simply because they like the way something looks; royals, for example, could wear whatever they want, without fear or even consideration of what anyone else might think. So little prince paisley could perhaps go his entire life wearing fem stuff, and never hear a word about it from anyone else. Habit? Well, sure, MAYBE. We don't know.

    And for many, there's such a reluctance to find out, because of the fear of what we might find. Perhaps there are crossdressers out there that DON'T feel guilty about it, and don't frequent online forums, and don't go for therapy for it. What about someone like that? We don't even know about all the types of crossdressers, because there are no hard facts collected, with so many in the closet.

    First, whether the desire ever really goes away, really depends upon why we have it in the first place. If you feel itchy, why? Irritating fabric? Sunburn? Poison Ivy? Or just dry skin? Build up of certain molecules under the skin from organ failure? Or parasites under the skin? Like the itch, crossdressing can come from many underlying things. Before knowing any more, we have to figure out what's causing it.

    I'm one of those who didn't crossdress for many years, and thought it had just been a phase I was going through. So after about ten years or so of not dressing up or even wanting to, you might think, 'well, I guess I'll never want to do that again'. The thing most forget is that our subconscious mind will suppress all kinds of things, and we're simply not aware of it.

    Easy example: You're hungry. So you decide to go out to eat. On the way, you get chased by an angry mob. While you're running away as fast as you can, jumping over fences, running though woods, past angry barking dogs who want to bite you, are you still thinking about that steak you were going to eat? No. It's out of your mind. Because your mind is busy thinking of other things. The desire to eat is pushed out of conscious thought.
    Later, you find a place to hide, and rest. The idea to eat comes back and you're hungrier than ever.

    Crossdressing can work the same way. We can shove it out of our minds, and because it's not a physical need that comes back, sometimes we can suppress it for much longer periods of time. If you're a crossdresser who links it with sex, though, it might come back faster because you get sexually aroused and THAT is what pushes the idea to the forefront, your horniness is dragging the crossdressing along with it. Then sometimes the guilt because 'I'm not man enough to stop myself from wanting to do this'. We can't stop wanting things; we can only stop doing them, but the desire to do it will always be there, deep down, suppressed until 'next time'.

    But back to the non sexual version, because I'm pretty sure that's there in all of us, perhaps even buried further in our psyche. It remains. We keep it bottled up. Until.....our minds become overwhelmed with other stresses. Then, we are no longer able to suppress the desire to crossdress, and it comes to the forefront, stronger than ever. We struggle with whatever other things are stressing us out, and the desire to crossdress competes with all the other thoughts we have to deal with. No longer able to suppress them all, we gradually lose control and things start to slip out; some, like me, will start to get short tempered, things we put up with happily now annoy us much more. We walk past the Victorias secret store a thousand times, but today all we can think about is that incredible bra and panty set, AND IT'S ON SALE! So we buy it, bring it home and now feel, 'What the hell am I doing?? I thought this was over with'. So we throw it away. Then a day later, before we take the garbage out, we fish out bag out of the bottom of the trash barrel, and hide it in the rafters of the garage.

    It doesn't go away. Maybe another way of putting it, is it becomes 'dormant'. But like a hibernating bear, it's just waiting to come out and bite you on the ass. Might be only a few hours. Might be 20 years. Or if you're lucky, you might make it the rest of your life, if you've resolved whatever it is that makes you want to dress up. But you won't be able to know, until you figure out what makes you want to dress up in the first place. And that can be so, so hard to do. It took me about three decades, and I read every psychology book I could find, piecing it all together, bit by bit. And there were many times where it didn't make any sense at all, and I gave up trying to figure it out for a while, because I thought my head would explode, struggling with seemingly paradoxical thoughts. Luckily, I figured it out, no thanks to any of the therapists I had gone to: They were all 'trained' to only think in a limited direction, you know, like blaming the mother or mother fixations on everything for example, refusing to consider what I had though of, possibly because I wasn't presenting it like a research paper, or maybe they simply couldn't accept that a patient had figured out something that a 'real' therapist couldn't. I had to put together a sort of psychological 'unified theory' to fit it all together. Then it all became very clear. It was like the stuff we see in cartoons, the light bulb goes on, the ah-HA! moment hit me. And suddenly it all made sense. The next therapist I went to, I brought my findings, and together we realized that maybe I was onto something. But with something as complex as the human mind, who knows, maybe there's something else going on, too. It's one of the reasons I stay here, and read everyone else's stories. I might pick up new information that I never considered before. And I share what I've learned with anyone else who wants to know.

    But, as far as we know, for most of us at least, it never really goes away.

    Read my sig. It's an important concept. it might start you on the road to understanding. Or it might not, but you won't know for sure until you try.
    Last edited by sometimes_miss; 06-14-2016 at 01:52 PM.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  14. #14
    Little Mrs. Snarky! Nadine Spirit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    California
    Posts
    1,400
    Quote Originally Posted by twelvestepemily View Post
    But on the other hand, I can't help but wonder if treating it more as a "bad habit" could make it become more manageable.
    Something that has interested me greatly as of late is how therapists don't eradicate this behavior. Instead they assist gender variant people with being more comfortable with their gender variations. This can be very troublesome to a few and especially their partners (who often would like this behavior to cease.) If it is so easy to decrease the occurrence of gender variant behavior, then how come these "human professionals" don't take this course of action?

  15. #15
    GG ReineD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Samsara
    Posts
    21,377
    Quote Originally Posted by Jenniferathome View Post
    Cross dressings not a "habit." I would compare cross dressing to sexual attraction. Does it go away?
    No, but libido does diminish with age, for some people sooner than later.

    ... and the crossdressing does diminish considerably for some people, who in their younger days might have thought of dressing 24/7 and did so at every single opportunity, to then only dress as they age a few times per month or every few months, even when there is ample opportunity. YMMV.
    Reine

  16. #16
    Gold Member Dana44's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Location
    Central Texas
    Posts
    5,982
    I agree with Nadine, Therapist seem to try to help in your gender issues, but I think may push some on where they may be on the border of transsexual. Which is a problem far greater than typical CDing. But in reality, we can suppress it for a while. However it seems to come back with a vengeance aka pink fog and that is an issue also. So, if one keeps things in perspective it can be balanced and keep yourself happy. Some tip towards the female role and some keep a balance of masculine/feminine and stay that way. While others are very masculine but still cross-dress. Me thinks it can never go away though unless you are chased by an angry mob.
    Part Time Girl

  17. #17
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    New Zealand
    Posts
    4,450
    my take on it

    my dad has depression - it's not "a habit" that he can just give up
    my crossdressing issues also stems from my brain, and hypnotherapy couldn't fix it, but I'm sure one day someone will invent a drug to make me normal. Until then I'm going to enjoy my mental illness
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
    http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz

  18. #18
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    2,615
    Just saying it never goes away is too simplistic. It is likely that a gender variant person will always at some point feel different. It may not be a feeling that is present at every single moment of their life. It may go into a sort of remission and some members on here have stated that they have gone years without the desire, but then it still returned. I would say that certain circumstances in their life may have been a factor. Even with circumstances though, each individual who is gender variant is so unique to themselves. Those who are TS will always feel wrong until they transition. Those who are CDers mostly due to a sexual nature will find the CDing heightened during arousal, or when there is opportunity or some sort of change in their sexual habits, partners, etc etc.

    With age it is likely to change some, even for those who are not overly sexual with their CDing. It may go from highly intense but rare to less intense frequently or the opposite, depending on the individual.

    The negative impacts of it if there are negative impacts are because of how the individual reacts to their gender variance in according to how they are living their life. The term balance is used a lot on here. The "balance" is the action of incorporating gender variance into your life without major changes to your life. For example, you continue to have your job, you stay with your partner, you maintain your friends, have good relationships with your family....

    For some, especially those who are TS, major changes to their life are unavoidable and for the most part are welcome. although there will likely be some personal loss. Painful often, but the quality of their lives will often improve despite of these changes and perhaps losses.

    What are you gaining vs. giving up? Each individual needs to make these types of decisions. Each relationship where gender variance is an issue has many such decisions relevant to the relationship, from both partners. In the end it usually comes down to what we really all need in terms of who we are and our individual self expression. There is no one right or wrong way to do this, but for the individual, there may be better or worse ways to do this. When, where, how long, to what extent. Who knows, who doesn't? Even for someone transitioning, what is better for one individual may not be better for another.

    It will likely never go away permanently. it may change, become less relevant, or more. Our needs may change, needing less, or more. Can we choose not to do anything about it? I am sure if you could go back in time a couple hundred years and ask someone who was TG back then, they would of answered, yes you can do nothing about it. But that was then, this is today, and why go through that if you do not have to.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

  19. #19
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    2,931
    We have no way of knowing whether it ever goes away. The information we get is mostly from members of this forum, and if you're active here, it's pretty certain that for you it hasn't gone away. We don't hear from those for whom it has gone away. And if we did, they're still alive, and it may come back eventually.

    But if you want my opinion, it never goes away. ... Why on earth would you want it to?

  20. #20
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Location
    Tucson-ish
    Posts
    128
    If you want to try to see if you can have more control of crossdressing by treating it as a habit, then get a copy of the book "The Power of Habit". The book is based on science, not psychological theories for which there is scant evidence. I think it is fair to say that CDing is not a habit just as sex is not a habit. However, people do develop habits of sexual behavior and of crossdressing. In the book, the author asserts:

    1) 50% of ALL human activity is habitual.
    2) ALL habits have the same structure.
    3) The structure is;
    - the "cue" that starts the behavior
    - the behavior
    - the reward
    4) Habits cannot be eliminated, they can only be modified.
    5) In order to modify a habit, you first have to understand the structure of it. Of the three parts of the structure, the "reward" is often the most difficult to discover. It can be discovered by experiment.

    I was able to lose 35 pounds after reading the book, simply by identifying, then modifying, habits of eating and exercising. And, yes, I do have Allison to thank for that. Nothing more rewarding than dropping a dress size

    For me, I see that crossdressing is not a habit (I am a crossdresser), but I do have habits of of crossdressing. Another way that crossdressing relates to habit, in a very positive sense, is that crossdressing has revealed habits I did not know I had. Allison has many fewer habits than my male self which is a part of why, as hard as it is, I would not wish my crossdressing away if I could. It is a blessing and a curse, but more of a blessing, for me, for now.
    Every human being is the natural guardian of her own importance.
    The art of progress is to preserve order amid change, and to preserve change amid order.

  21. #21
    Member Brynna M's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    393
    Im comfortable saying that I don't know why I like ice cream but the desire to eat ice cream will never go away. All I can do is chose when I do and don't eat ice cream.

    Im not sure why I have a desire to cross dress but I see no signs of the desire ever going away even though I chose to moderate my behavior so as to not screw up my life.
    I'm content being a once in a while girl.

  22. #22
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    876
    Quote Originally Posted by twelvestepemily View Post
    In

    but on the other hand, I can't help but wonder if treating it more as a "bad habit" could make it become more manageable.

    Just for example, lets consider eating habits. It's no secret that eating sugar and sweets is a delicious and satisfying experience that adds excitement to life. But sugar and sweeteners are also very addictive.

    As you can probably tell, this whole thing is the cause of a lot of inner conflict for me. Not knowing the answer means that I don't feel like I can commit fully to either path. I'm not saying that it's not something that's just a part of who we are, I'm just questioning how we know that. (Unfortunately, part of the problem with this kind of question is that we're probably going to be relying mostly on anecdotal evidence, but most of us here are going to be in the "accepting" group. People who used to crossdress, but no longer, are probably far less likely to be active on this forum. Hopefully we can still have a balanced, honest discussion, but any insight is valuable! )
    Emily, what a thoughtful post. And welcome as a new member, starting out with some valuable questions and ideas to be considered.

    Ref "desire" - From my perspective dressing female is not so much a desire as a blossoming and expansion of my real personality. One that I've spent a life time denying with all the negativity it created, but was necessary for my professional and personal survival in days when CDing and anything LBGT was cause for trouble. Now I feel somewhat like a saguaro, a cactus that doesn't create an arm until it is seventy years old (I'm quite older) and only displays beautiful white blossoms once a year. Accepting crossdressing for me is, as I've said before, an outer expression of an inner feeling, long subdued. It is part of me and I am content with what it creates - more creativity, more relaxation, more empathy, more emotion, much more comfortable with women, and women with me, less rough manly stuff. The latter likely is enhanced by my aging. I would not consider dressing as a "bad habit" for the purpose of beating it out of my system. I don't believe it is a bad habit. If there is a negative aspect to crossdressing it likely is the reaction by those not involved with it or not (yet) openminded enough to accept it.
    Continue your search, glad to read your OP.

    The comparison with sugar addiction is good, but CDing won't give you diabetes.

    Ineke

  23. #23
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    1,385
    on a forum such as this, as on any forums, it's pretty easy to 'over think' the specific subject matter. I'n a crossdresser...I like presenting as a woman..it's fun..I get a good feeling from doing it.It causes some stress in my life..but I keep doing it anyway.Could I stop???? I dunno. I quit smoking and that is probably way more physically addicting. I don't have a great desire to stop & I've pretty much given up on trying to analyze why I like it. It's just the hand I've been dealt.

  24. #24
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Western Washington
    Posts
    14,301
    Will the desire ever go away?

    Good question.

    I'm almost completing my seventh decade on this planet. I've had some interest in wearing women's clothing for the last fifty-five plus years. I've stated many times on this site I do not know why I do what I do. If I knew why, then maybe I could cease wearing women's clothing.

    There was actually only one period of time I had absolutely zero interest in wearing women's clothing...nada, nothing, zero. I was in the infantry in VietNam and was totally preoccupied with staying alive. I would guess my male dominate hormones or whatever circulates in the blood was sending out the necessary hormones to think and act like an animal intending to stay alive.

    Outside of that time there always has been some desire or interest to wear women's clothing. Sometimes, like lately, it is no more than keyboarding on this site. Other times it has been 24/7 for several days. I usually do into hiatus for the summer because my wife is a teacher. This year she had a back operation so Stephanie is locked away for an extra six weeks. I have no desire to wear women's clothing, but, I still check eBay and other sites for nice clothes.

    I believe whatever makes you tick will be the guide for whether or not you can stop wearing women's clothing. For sure you will not forget the memories. They will always be there, and, if cross dressing was pleasurable, then it probably will sneak back into your life at some time.

  25. #25
    Member marlacd's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Indiana
    Posts
    379
    You may as well accept that it's part of you. Just for a moment, consider what part of your personality would go away, if you could remove the desire to dress. Suppose some of your ability to care for others went away. You may get more aggressive, cold, and indifferent.

    I tried to stop, to please my then wife. I got more edgy, impatient, and negative. Part of me was cast off, and I truly hated it. Without thinking, I was making hateful comments towards my wife, and my sex drive went away for a time. And why not, the person who wanted me, didn't want that part to exist. I was fighting a battle that she just didn't understand, or didn't want to. Talking did no good, because there was places she didn't want to go, and in turn, I wasn't wanting to deal with her issues. How can two people discuss personal issues, when some are off limits and can't be mentioned?

    When the end of our marriage came, I felt like I got paroled. I'm now free to pursue me. It may be a taboo subject for others, but I wouldn't be me if I had to sit on my CD'ing again.
    I don't dress up because I want to be a woman, I dress up to make me happy.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State