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Thread: should I confess to mom?

  1. #1
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    should I confess to mom?

    Hello everyone,

    Lately I've been seriously considering telling my mom about Rose, the reason is that I need support and she's the only one I would trust with my secret.
    But with my desire to confess comes a huge fear that she may not accept this and It may be a heavy load on her chest. Where I live, such a topic is not near the be common or even spoke of, so I'm afraid she will have a hard time trying to understand it and provide me with the support I need.

    I'm so confused and I don't know what to do, do you have any experience with a similar situation? Have you told your mom about it? Your feedback is highly appreciated

    Love.
    Rose.
    Something that feels so right can't be wrong. No matter what others may think.

  2. #2
    Silver Member Mollyanne's Avatar
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    Overall moms are supportive of what their "children" do. I told my mom many, many years ago of my penchant for dressing up. She totally gave me the support I needed when she told me that my secret was safe with her, AND IT WAS, SHE TOOK IT TO THE GRAVE 15 YEARS AGO. Good Luck with whatever decision you make.

    Molly
    "To thine own self be true"

  3. #3
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    I agree with Mollyanne. I wish I would have had the nerve to tell my mom. I always wondered how my life would have been different.

  4. #4
    Senior Member StacyCD's Avatar
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    I never told my Mom but I think she knew. However, I'd like to think she would have been supportive.

  5. #5
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    Flip a coin...

    Just remember you can't untell something if it does go wrong... of course everyone here who has told anyone with a positive result will give you encouragment - but are you thinking of telling her because she needs to know, or because you need to share with someone...?

    I have told other CDs and GFs about this side of me only - they are outside my family circle so I have found an outlet that is neutral, safe and wouldn't upset a family relationship if it turned out to be unsupportive... which may happen - other folks' reaction is beyond our control or ability to predict...

    Perhaps consider a neutral sharing first - a friend or a professional (therapist) if this is really about you sharing and revealing...?



    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  6. #6
    its important mykell's Avatar
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    hi rose,
    katey is correct, once the toothpaste is out of the tube it certainly will be difficult to place it back in,
    just as sharing this part of yourself with your mom,
    if you need support you could try a group, not sure of your location but i use p-flag,
    have gone dressed and as my male self, i feel comfortable there either way,

    i have started a meetup, and gone to other meet-ups,
    some are better than others.

    quick story, mom passed last year, we had the task of cleaning out her apartment....while doing so my wife found a packet....inside was a self published handbook,
    it was written by a transsexual.....she was her nurse.....she saved it and the notes for her care, now mom was divorced when i was quite young young and i never shared this side to her but wonder now.....

    in my particular support group its a mix of friends and family and while i do feel most are accepting ill be honest some looked uncomfortable sitting beside me.

    so for the most part more folks are willing to accept and some are forced to learn when loved ones are open and share this part of themselves, just wanted to share some different perspective with you and whatever you decide....it is your decision and you will have to deal with the outcome not anyone else, you have all the facts and know all the players, anyone here offering advise is just speculating or sharing theyre thoughts, whatever you decide i hope you have the desired outcome....

    hope my shared thoughts helped....
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that

  7. #7
    Senior Member MissTee's Avatar
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    I like to think that with the people we know very well we can at least loosely anticipate how they might react. While there is always the potential of getting it wrong, our intuition is usually a good guiding light. Thus, I can safely say my Mom would never be accepting and I base that on a near 60 year knowledge of her views. What does your intuition tell you about your Mom?

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member Mykaa's Avatar
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    Yes my Mom knew when I was younger Rose, no she didnt understand, only recently have I begun to understand this myself, I did tell her when I joined the forum and got some terms to use & define this, Yes shes ok with me, but we have always been close. I dont know your Mom, you do, Id go with whatever you think is best for your Mom and You.
    Mykaa is me! Discovering Peace throughout from the Girl within.
    David Bowie "Don't stay in a sad place Where they don't care how you are..."
    Disturbed The Light "The truth is waiting there for you to find it
    It's not a blight, but a remedy"

  9. #9
    MIDI warrior princess Amy Fakley's Avatar
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    'Eh ... Depends on where you are with this. If you just need to talk to someone, as others have said ... Support groups are wonderful, with the added benefits that:

    1) you don't have to worry about them not accepting you
    2) you don't have to deal with fallout for the rest of your life

    ask yourself "what benefits do I get from her knowing?"

    On the other hand if you are at that point in your life where you're really clear on what all this means to you, and you're just tired of hiding and ready to be out .... "damn the torpedoes", and just do it girl!
    "Why shouldn't art be pretty? There are enough unpleasant things in the world." -Pierre-Auguste Renoir

  10. #10
    Oh to be an English Rose Jane G's Avatar
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    The vast majority of mums are excepting of most any thing their children choose. Dads on the other hand take the strap to their cross dressing sons. (hopefully things have changed). Be sure the people your mum will inevitably tell, to share the load, will also support you and her.

  11. #11
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    Remember you know your mother best. If you think she can deal with it, go for it. My mother would have accepted me any way I am. I am sure she knew, but only hinted at it.
    Sara

  12. #12
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Rose, You did not say where you live. In some areas, there are no support groups, or anyone, who gets it. My mom must have known i was sneaking into her and m sisters' clothes, as she did not mention it, but said i need a "shrink" or mental health doctor! I agree with Katie. If it goes badly, life will be much harder, with mom. If she never finds out, until later, AFTER you move away, maybe less trouble. Maybe some person outside of family, neutral, like Katie said. If it makes you feel better, i am alone, far from any support group, and have only told several people. It can be a lonely road for many of us, and not just for us, but people who are tiny minority, in beliefs, or other things.
    Last edited by Alice Torn; 06-18-2016 at 03:58 PM.

  13. #13
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Hi Rose,
    I don't see where you mentioned how old you are or whether or not you live with your mom. If you are on your own, I guess you would have to consider why you want to tell her? Is it for your benefit, or for hers? You know your mom best, will it cause her grief or do you think she will be happy that you confided in her? Is there any chance that she may already know?

    I don't think you should just tell her because it makes you feel better or you think she will be supportive. She may be a fabulous ally or a weepy mess. Again, you know her best. (If she was anything like my mom, you may never hear the end of it - and not in a good way).

    Good luck with you decision.

  14. #14
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    There is a risk in telling your mom - if you need her support it may be worth the risk of alienating her if it goes badly

  15. #15
    Senior Member Amanda M's Avatar
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    Confess? To what?

    Who will benefit from your "confession"? You? Her? Both of you? Sound her out very gently and carefully before yo take the leap, for both your sakes.
    If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got!

  16. #16
    Silver Member Amy Lynn3's Avatar
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    No attempt to be a wet blanket here, but my Mom caught me dressed several times while I was still living at home. She and Dad both forbid me doing it anymore and I heard how wrong it was. They both have been gone for a long time, but I feel deep down if Mom were by herself she would have embraced me. I'm sure I would have needed to explain it to her understanding, but back then I never understood it myself.

    Good luck.

  17. #17
    New Member twelvestepemily's Avatar
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    Just wanted to say I feel where you're coming from... I've thought about telling my mom, and think she would probably be cool about it, but also feel like it might be a burden for her to keep a secret from my dad, who would have a harder time. I guess in the end, it doesn't seem worth it for me at this point. (I've found talking to a therapist about it to be very helpful though, as I know I can count on her to be totally supportive, but also honest and without impacting my personal life. Like someone you pay to be the perfect mom to talk to! haha)

  18. #18
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    Thank you everyone for your feedback.

    Knowing my mom I guess she will have a hard time trying to understand this and a lot of questions that I feel ready to answer, I don't know how supportive she would be and whether she may or may not participate with me, but at this point I feel that I understand myself and she deserves to know this part of me.

    By the way for those who asked about my location, I live in Syria where such a topic is recognized as a perverted behavior. I don't think there is any support group nearby and if they exist, they are secret enough for me to know of.

    Thank you everyone for opening my eyes on aspects that I didn't think of before.

    Love.
    Rose.

  19. #19
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Rose, Thank you for sharing your location! A totally different situation, than in the USA or western nation, to say the least! No support groups in that entire region, except maybe one nation. You are wise to keep your dressing secret there, unless you know others who are like you.

  20. #20
    Member leannejacobs's Avatar
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    Water off a ducks back, that's what I felt when I told my mum, she didn't care in the least, I suspect most mothers would be the same.

  21. #21
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    My mother has elderly dementia. On her good days she recognizes me, but she doesn't know my name. I never had any mother-daughter time with my mother, and never will. I regret it. This is one regret you can avoid. If things go wrong, you'll have time to fix it.

  22. #22
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    I did and she surprised me by saying guess I am a crossdresser too. I like to wear mens shirts and pants.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Told my Dad before he died, all he said is that everyone is different.

  23. #23
    Senior Member Nikkilovesdresses's Avatar
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    Hi Rose,

    I can't advise you strongly enough not to share this with your mother, doubly so since reading where you live.

    Two things you say cause me to doubt the wisdom of doing so: you say you need support; and she's the only one you trust. But those are two statements about you and your feelings- are you being a little selfish? You go on to say the news might be a heavy burden for her: yes it might. The fact that you live in Syria increases the pressure on her (and on you of course) and as Katey and others have pointed out, you can't un-say it.

    I know, believe me, how important it is to be able to talk about feelings, but you're not a child now- your mother has done her job- now it's your turn to take care of her, and dumping such potentially upsetting news on her just because you can't trust anyone else seems unfair.

    In your thread title you use the word confess. Why 'confess' rather than 'tell'? Confess implies guilt, as though you have sinned. You haven't. Not even a little bit. Crossdressing is not wrong, or bad, or any other negative. There are people in every country who consider it to be a sin, but they are wrong. They are speaking from a place of ignorance and prejudice, perhaps fear too. Perhaps crossdressing is illegal in Syria, I don't know, but it certainly isn't illegal in any of the other countries represented on this forum, and that is many, many countries.

    You have this forum now, and you are free to make friends among us and to say here anything you can't say at home. Please, use this place to let off pressure and perhaps use the internet to find others in Syria who would be supportive- I guarantee you that you are not alone, probably in your own town.

    Hugs, Nikki

    Quote Originally Posted by leannejacobs View Post
    ...she didn't care in the least, I suspect most mothers would be the same.
    Now that's what I call optimism.
    Last edited by Nikkilovesdresses; 06-22-2016 at 03:41 AM. Reason: further thoughts
    I used to have a short attention spa

  24. #24
    Silver Member Mollyanne's Avatar
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    Rose, being that u live in a nation where such things as x-dressing and such are a forbidden topic I would be very careful as to who I speak with.

    Molly
    "To thine own self be true"

  25. #25
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    Given where you are, I would also fear your mother could also possibly be persecuted if you were discovered. Might be better if she does not know. Stay safe!

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