A little background: I've always been totally closeted, keeping this a secret like my life depends on it (really has felt that way). However I recently started seeing a sex therapist and have told her about my Emily side...first time ever telling anyone! She's been great and has basically guided me toward seeing that keeping totally closeted is really just doing nothing to cope with it, and so I'm working on trying to connect with the community a bit.
Well so yesterday I found a local trans support group online, and decided I may as well take that step and go to a meeting. They just happened to have one yesterday, and I didn't have any excuse not to go, so I went but was going to be about 15 minutes late and was excited to meet some new friends.
When I got there (meeting was at a church), I saw a bunch of older women walking around in circles on the lawn spinning umbrellas over their shoulder. I stayed in my car for a few minutes trying to decide what to do and ultimately decided that this wasn't for me.
1) I was kind of weirded out by the whole thing (ironic I know...who am I to be weirded out by anything? that's the same sort of judgment that I fear so deeply, and that most people would cast in my direction if they knew about my private life. nonetheless, I guess I just couldn't wrap my head around why they were doing what they were doing and it felt very uncomfortable to me)
2) I wasn't too keen on being outside where the whole neighborhood could see this spectacle (it was a good 25 minute drive from where I live, so this actually wasn't a huge deal...but just in theory...I mean, why not offer more privacy for a support group like this?)
3) It was literally 95 degrees out. The sun was scorching. Again, why???
4) From where I was, everyone looked like they were 50+. Nothing wrong with that of course, but as someone in their early 30s, it was disappointing that there didn't appear to be others in my age group present there.
5) Everyone was dressed up. The meeting bulletin said everyone on the non-standard gender spectrum was welcome so I went in guy mode as I'm not yet comfortable en femme in public, but felt like I might not be very welcomed as a black sheep to the group.
Is this pretty normal with these support groups? Should I try to adjust my expectations for these things, or my tips for finding something more suited to me?
(...annnnd then again maybe this was just a group of older ladies enjoying a beautiful summer day and the actual trans support group was meeting comfortably in the cool confines of the church )