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  1. #26
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JanePeterson View Post
    care to elaborate on this a bit?
    I'll have a go. Women seem able to put up with all kinds of things in their mates. They'll put up with drinking, drugs, dishonesty, cheating, thieves, murderers, physical and mental illness, you name it. Why? Because they're still seen as strong, virile men. Time after time, we see women who are ignored, abused, some even get killed by the guy they just can't give up. Ask them, all you get is, 'But I love him!' Put one in a dress, however, and it kills the sexual attraction, and the love can soon follow; once that's gone, she will look elsewhere for a strong male in her life, and love can easily grow with someone else.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  2. #27
    ADMINISTRATOR Sandra's Avatar
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    I think at times people get differing opinions mixed up with bashing. Just because people don't agree or can't understand what you do doesn't mean they are bashing you, they just have a different opinion.
    Sandra
    Administrator

    I always used to rib you about your legs can't anymore. R.I.P Sexy Legs

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  3. #28
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    I will have to comment on this one. I am and remain pretty much a costume, or fetish dresser. No one on this forum has bashed me because of that, the entire time I have been here. This is the best CD forum on the net. The members here, are the most supportive or any that I have seen. I will not stand by and see any of them treated badly. I have always felt welcome here, and consider this forum my home on the net.

  4. #29
    Member adrienner99's Avatar
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    Although it had nothing to do with fetish dressing, I got bashed so vehemently here once I left the forum for about a year.

    Beyond that--because of bathroom laws and other controversial TG issues, I feel the hatred and bigotry aimed at us is escalating. While civil disagreements here are fine, and actually can be useful, fundamentally we all should be united and supporting each other.

    I don't want to preach. But there are people out there who hate us. Let's not help them tear us apart from within.

  5. #30
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    I don't think it's as much bashing per se, as that some folk can be highly opinionated and dogmatic about aspects of this... it occasionally comes out in sweeping generalisations similar to:

    Quote Originally Posted by kimberly c View Post
    didnt we all start that way.


    As you've seen - we didn't - and while it may have been an aspect of many folks during puberty (my first CD experiences began at 5 or 6 so while fetishy feelings may have come later, it certainly didn't start for that reason...) it's clear there are many different origins and ways of developing that make it impossible to make rules for.

    But I hear you about dogma... it niggles me when some folk just keep coming back and shouting about their opinions as if they were gospel and there are rules to be followed - there aren't. The members here are predominantly what I would describe as TG/CD femulators - because they hold a majority view their voice is the loudest, but it's clear there are substantially more sites (and probably CDs) that lean towards the fetish rather than the TG end of things...

    Personally, I believe that even our fetish friends have something of a little gender wobble going on or they wouldn't have even some aspects in common... so we should all get along on that basis...

    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  6. #31
    Senior Member Lori Kurtz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sandra View Post
    I think at times people get differing opinions mixed up with bashing.
    True. But sometimes the disagreements have gotten a bit bashy. I've never been the direct victim of any such comments, but some things have come close enough to home to make me feel the sting.

    I think the best we can do on this forum is understand that most of us, earlier in our lives, have had a hard time dealing with the things that make us different from the mainstream, and that some of those wounds still influence us. If we can try to understand the pain that underlies a nasty comment, we can forgive, or at least not respond in kind. And when we ourselves are in need of support, we can seek out those who are able to give it.

  7. #32
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by redtea View Post
    its kind of funny, if someone caught me CDing, i would explain that im just a big pervert
    I wish you wouldn’t use the word "perverted". They used to think of it in this way over a generation ago, but that went out when they stopped believing that homosexuality was sinful or pathological and that couples living together without being married was a sin. Attitudes have changed. Now the medical and psychological professions know that people do have a wide range of sexual preferences and because of this, such a diversity is indeed all a part of the normal human fabric.

    Quote Originally Posted by Molly James View Post
    I should imagine that most of us have or still are struggling with some form of acceptance of our CD side whether that be our own acceptance of our femme side, ...
    I think this lies at the bottom of threads like these. If a CDer hasn’t worked it all out internally (even if he thinks he has), then he’ll believe that others are criticizing him even when they aren’t. If he believes that most people are critical of dressing for sexual reasons, he will read his own misgivings into other people’s words. If to this CDer, anything other than absolute agreement with a statement means "bashing", then of course he will feel bashed if people write about having different perspectives.

    Also it makes sense that if a person dresses for sexual reasons they will have difficulty understanding the motives of someone who dresses for identity, and the same is true in the reverse. But, understanding and agreeing with people whose motives are similar to our own does not equate to bashing people whose motives are different.

    So to those of you who say you’ve been bashed, did people actually say you were somehow less worthy? And if one person did say that (there are always people who are bigoted), was this sentiment shared by the majority of people who posted in the thread?


    ———————————————— ——————————

    And to those of you who say it didn’t start out being sexual because you started crossdressing before puberty, you need to know that it is developmentally normal for children to begin experiencing their sexuality before kindergarten. Young children know what makes their bodies feel good even if they don’t know what to call it and they are not old enough yet to produce semen. You should read up on childhood sexual development:

    http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/pub...ns/201-lessons
    Reine

  8. #33
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    Your honor if I may introduce this into the evidence as exhibit Y

    All members of the forum have the right to post and reply to posts and generally take advantage of the features of the forum without abuse from other members. If the board Administrators and/or Moderators believe that any abuse is taking place, the offender will be warned and their posts may be moderated. If the abuse continues, the offending member will be removed from the forum for a minimum of 7 days to 1 month. If on return, the abuse still continues, the offending member will be removed from the forum permanently.
    We can allow discussions here. We can allow disagreements (like I do disagree that fetish people get bashed a lot...not on my watch). Buty just because someone doesn't do a happy dance doesn't mean they are bashing. If you think they are, down in the lower left corner are some symbols, one is "report this post." or you can send me or another mod a PM.
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
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    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  9. #34
    Banned Spammer gabyespinotv's Avatar
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    Everyone here is a fetichistic crossdresser, some people just don't even understand what that means and get offended. Also, if you even suggest something about crossdressers having fantasies or sex with men, the moderators will delete your posts until hey make it look like that sort of thing doesn't happen, maybe their wives read this and they don't wanna worry them, but yeah, you will find a lot of censorship and ignorance here. Who would have tought .-..right?

  10. #35
    Senior Member Lori Kurtz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    I think this lies at the bottom of threads like these. If a CDer hasn’t worked it all out internally (even if he thinks he has), then he’ll believe that others are criticizing him even when they aren’t. If he believes that most people are critical of dressing for sexual reasons, he will read his own misgivings into other people’s words. If to this CDer, anything other than absolute agreement with a statement means "bashing", then of course he will feel bashed if people write about having different perspectives.]
    I've thought some more about my earlier comment, where I said, "sometimes the disagreements have gotten a bit bashy. I've never been the direct victim of any such comments, but some things have come close enough to home to make me feel the sting." I think Reine is right. I think that my feelings in response to what others say might well be the residue of my own negative feelings about my crossdressing history. Maybe I'm not 100% comfortable with it yet.

    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    And to those of you who say it didn’t start out being sexual because you started crossdressing before puberty, you need to know that it is developmentally normal for children to begin experiencing their sexuality before kindergarten. Young children know what makes their bodies feel good even if they don’t know what to call it and they are not old enough yet to produce semen.
    Definitely true of me. Dressing up was always a sexual thing for me, even though it started years before I was even capable of understanding what sex is.
    Last edited by Lori Kurtz; 06-22-2016 at 09:31 PM.

  11. #36
    I accept myself as is Gillian Gigs's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Katey888 View Post


    Personally, I believe that even our fetish friends have something of a little gender wobble going on or they wouldn't have even some aspects in common... so we should all get along on that basis...

    Katey x
    I will agree with you on this one, but only in talking about myself. Each one of us has to determine if that is true about them. I have no problem recognizing that I am not a macho man, or really masculine in any particular way. I have both masculine and feminine traits within me, and thats ok too.
    I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!

  12. #37
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    I agree. It all started with panties for me. I was super turned on by them. Then it just sort of grew into who I know as Deanna now. I enjoy crossdressing for every reason other than a fetish

  13. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by gabyespinotv View Post
    Everyone here is a fetichistic crossdresser, some people just don't even understand what that means and get offended. Also, if you even suggest something about crossdressers having fantasies or sex with men, the moderators will delete your posts until hey make it look like that sort of thing doesn't happen, maybe their wives read this and they don't wanna worry them, but yeah, you will find a lot of censorship and ignorance here. Who would have tought .-..right?
    How do you figure that? What is the definition of fetish, and how does everyone here fit that definition?

    As far as threads about sex, and sex with men and fantasy goes, there are plenty and still active. Getting graphic will get censored, but the topic is more open than many others.

  14. #39
    Junior Member JasmeVee's Avatar
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    So everyone is ignorant, fetishistic and have to conform to your definitions or interpretations? And i thought posting about moderation was against rules........

  15. #40
    Silver Member LilSissyStevie's Avatar
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    Let's not be like those people that huddle trembling in their safe spaces lest they hear hurtful words. Besides, fetishists don't get bashed here as often or as hard as do Christians or "rednecks." Count yourself lucky. I think this site is analogous to a fishing forum where you can discuss any aspect of fishing except graphic descriptions of killing, cleaning and eating fish. Of course, there is a built-in bias in favor of catch and release type fishing. Catch and releasers can blather all day long about their style of fishing whereas the fish eaters have to tip-toe around the subject of theirs. But so what? There is still lots to talk about: equipment, deep sea vs stream fishing, fishing off boats vs fishing from a pier, etc. There are plenty of other places where you can discuss cooking and eating fish uncensored. For the crossdressing fetishist, just for example, there are dozens of subs on reddit - some more serious than others. As for us all being fetishists, I don't think that's true but some of the self-delusion, denial and hypocrisy one reads here is amusing. There's no reason to call anyone on it unless I'm attacked directly. Otherwise, it's not my job to set the world right.

  16. #41
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    I wouldn't exactly call it "bashing". It just doesn't fit our personal experience or suit our hopes for social acceptance.

    The way I understand it, there is a wide spectrum within the crossdressing community. For some of us it started in puberty and it was erotic. While for others it started in early childhood without any understanding of sexual stimulation. So the erotic side of crossdressing doesn't fit us.

    For some of us, the "sexy transvestite style" is harmful to our social acceptance. We want society to be more accommodating to crossdressing and it won't happen if society thinks we are all dressing up in order to sexually stimulate ourselves.

  17. #42
    Junior Member Petra_Briar's Avatar
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    Many words have different meanings, here is Webster's definition of the word fetish.

    There are several people that pointed out they were too young so they could not have started because of a sexual feeling.

    If you look at the fist definition I think we can all agree that we all probably fit into that with some degree....so by definition we all started because of a fetish (a strong and unusual need or desire).


    Webster's Definition of fetish

    : a strong and unusual need or desire for something

    : a need or desire for an object, body part, or activity for sexual excitement

    : an object that is believed to have magical powers

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