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  1. #1
    Member kimberly c's Avatar
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    bashed

    Hi it seems on this forum that most bash you if you are a fetish crossdresser, didnt we all start that way. the love of panties or stockings and garter belts. It seems many started by being aroused by wearing panties. As we grow older we begin to enjoy all things feminine. lets welcome all types of crossdressers.


    Huggs Kim

  2. #2
    New Member twelvestepemily's Avatar
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    ++++! I agree and though I'm new around here, I do feel like that kind of elitist mentality is really toxic to any community

  3. #3
    Senior Member phili's Avatar
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    I haven't seen any bashing so far when I sample the forums, but maybe a few hints that if someone's interest seems like a fetish then they are a bit 'less than'. I'm with Kim, -it is worth refreshing our commitment that the really special thing about this board is its gentle inclusiveness. We all have enough trouble in life elsewhere, and here it is safe to share interest in women's clothes however it is for you.

    It is people making social norms and then telling others they are less than normal, or out of bounds, that creates the pain in our lives, so lets' not do it to each other.

    I'll own up to having to admit that my interest was definitely fetishistic, aroused by panties, sexual release, repeat. But it never seemed fair to me to call it a fetish, dismissing it as an aberrant or exaggerated preoccupation. It seemed deeper to me, and more important and significant, and as it turns out, it was only the fear and closeted frame of reference that led me to this very simplistic and highly charged method of addressing my need to somehow cross the gender-polarized divide in our society.

    Today I can enjoy seeing and wearing panties without arousal, but I am generally taking the position that my lingerie, skater skirts and lace dresses aren't women's clothes, they are feminine clothes for men. Is that still crossdressing? Does it matter? The frank and fearless sharing here has shown me that some others come to the same conclusion, for the same reasons, and we are all growing together.

    So minority opinions are welcome, and for example, even if I am the only one who thinks there is hope for a 'hairy legs are sexy' look, I'll feel safe saying so here, and we can have a friendly discussion about it!
    We are all beautiful...!

  4. #4
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    No we all didn't start out because of a fetish.
    I can honestly say I don't have any fetishes.
    Panties never did anything for me plus I find hose and garter belts kind of trashy looking but to each their own.
    I haven't seen any bashing of fetish dressers lately.
    I find it weird but you are free to do whatever you want.
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  5. #5
    Member marlacd's Avatar
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    Think back to when you were in school. Were you ever the new kid? Or been around the new kid in class?

    Same thing exists here. I don't think anyone really wants to shun you. We just happen to have known one another for a while. Or in my case, I just happen to have been born when Ike was president. We know what polyester is. (And some of us hated it) We remember that new, marvelous invention called panty hose. We remember Woodstock.

    Give us a chance to get to know you, and vice-versa.
    I don't dress up because I want to be a woman, I dress up to make me happy.

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    Hmmm, if you're not gay and you have a strong femme side how can it not cause some form of 'incorrect erotic targeting' ?

    I'm no phsycologist but it actuality makes perfect sense.

    Sexuality has nothing to do with gender!

  7. #7
    Pink Panther paintmepink's Avatar
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    I am strictly a fetish dresser. I do not like all feminine things, nor do I like pink as blue is my favourite colour. However, I feel I have an alter ego which can be fun to dress up as. That and some other reasons.

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    For me it started with a tights fetish and it progressed from there. I tried them on, loved it, and then I went to panties, dresses, skirts, heels, wigs, makeup, etc. By the time I was 20 I more or less had a female persona.

    To be clear I still have kinks/fetishes/fantasies, most related to crossdressing, but my dressing up is what gets me going. It's pretty sexual for me, but it's also moved on from being just that.

  9. #9
    I accept myself as is Gillian Gigs's Avatar
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    There are many fetish dressers on this site and I am one of them. Don't get offended by what someone may have said, when push comes to shove you may be amazed how fast we will rally around you. Some may write about their panty collection, or another fancy,and thats ok. We just don't want to read about your antics while fetish dressed, if you catch what I am attempting to say! Whatever the reason on how we started, we all need to help and support one another.
    I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!

  10. #10
    Non-binary/Questioning Mayo's Avatar
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    I think that whatever the reason we're here, we're all atypical in our gender expression, and that's our common theme however much we may differ in details.

  11. #11
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    I have no issues with anyone with a fetish in general its your thing but yeah we don't need to hear about how excited you are sexually at any given moment.LOL
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    it's because us "CD ONLY" people "ruin" it for the people who are trying to portray a honest femme persona.

    its kind of funny, if someone caught me CDing, i would explain that im just a big pervert, that being perverted is better than having gender issues
    While people with personas/trans will state that they do it for self fulfillment and that its nothing sexual.

  13. #13
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
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    We have a wide spectrum of members here.

    They range from the fetish dresser or the member or those who see themselves as a man in a dress to those who have transitioned.

    There are times when we will disagree but I don't think there is bashing going on.

    If you feel there is a problem you can always contact the staff by reporting the post
    Shelly

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  14. #14
    Little Mrs. Snarky! Nadine Spirit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimberly c View Post
    ... didnt we all start that way. ... As we grow older we begin to enjoy all things feminine.
    Hi Kim-

    Uhhh..... no, we did not all start that way. Maybe making that assumption is what is making you feel that fetish dressers are bashed around here. Generally speaking many of the fetish dressers tend to have that same belief, that we all start off there and somehow progress into the different gender variations after we loose that "special" feeling. That is a very narrow view of the gender spectrum.

    I personally do not have an issue with anyone who enjoys cross dressing and has a fetish slant to it. More power to you. The difficulty, in my opinion, arises when us non-fetish folk want to go out in public and are then seen as fetish dressers using the public to further a fetish. Most of the public knows two gender variations, fetish dressers, and those who transition. To the uneducated, those are the only two groups. And when searched online, the fetish group has a LARGE presence. So maybe what you are seeing on this board are those of us who are trying to represent another side.

  15. #15
    Silver Member ClosetED's Avatar
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    I have seen where comments about sexual enjoyment from crossdressing are disparaged. Many of the members no longer are, or never were, turned on by being dressed. That view is usually accompanied by a belief that there is another reason why they crossdresser than sexual gratification. I admit I started out that way and then quickly took off the clothes (never turned on by panties-it was hose). But most boys do not even get sexually excited from women's clothing, so there is something more in us that takes us down this path. If that something more overshadows the sexual aspect, or starts off as the only aspect, then you might look back on the sexual part as a side effect.

    The site tries to be inclusive, but I think, IMHO, that the site members prefer to not be a pornographic site or discuss sexual exploits and leave those to other sites. There is date-a-crossdresser site, there are pornographc sites, story sites, and sites that sell to CDers.

    I have had members tell me they really enjoy my pictures and are turned on by that. I am OK that they feel I present very well and I understand that sharing their enjoyment is a compliment to make me feel better. But I do not get sexually turned on by their compliments, just pleased. I see their point of view and acknowledge it is valid, not disgusting.

    I try to never say someone here is wrong (which would be bashing) but only offer my view of the issues, unless I had well documented literature to back up a correction.

    Hugs, Ellen

  16. #16
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    I started crossdressing when I was 3 years old. I had no sexual feelings of any kind at the time. Once I hit puberty, I was surprised to find that feminine clothing did produce a reaction. By then I had been crossdressing so much that it was "just something I did." The "reaction" period faded rather quickly. For me, the feelings are not sexual, and except for a short period in my early teens, never have been sexual. It's more a feeling of "correctness" that I get when I wear female clothing. In fact, I wear female clothing a lot more often than male clothing these days, so mostly I don't have feelings of any kind. They are just "my clothes."

    That being said, I couldn't care less why you wear female clothing. Crossdressing is cool! No matter why you do it. If you put on a dress (panties or whatever), we're sisters. I'm proud of you. Be proud of yourself. You deserve it.

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimberly c View Post
    Hi it seems on this forum that most bash you if you are a fetish crossdresser, didnt we all start that way.
    Nope. We didn't all start out that way, nor was there ever a sexual excitement component in everyone's crossdressing. My own certainly wasn't; but what did happen, was post puberty, I was horny so much of the time that inevitably there would be times when I was dressed as a girl and became sexually aroused. But the clothes weren't the cause, they were simply there when it happened. After all, as a teen age boy, I was horny pretty much all the time. 'Self gratification' was something that I indulged in multiple times each day, and even then, unwanted 'hard times' occurred almost daily. I think that's part of the problem with trying to figure out what turns us on; at that age, it will happen no matter what we're doing. I never did figure out why algebra was apparently so sexy....
    It seems many started by being aroused
    Perhaps you suffer from the same thing lots of people do; wanting to feel normal, you like to believe that most other people are like you. It's a very common mistake. Yes, there are some. But it's by no means universal.

  18. #18
    Junior Member stlmichelle's Avatar
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    I guess I am still a fetish dresser, simply because I don't have the freedom to dress fully. Even if that opportunity comes along, I will still have my fetish items on. It is these items that in my mind are the epitome of feminine apparel.

  19. #19
    Member Candice June Lee's Avatar
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    I've seen a bit of bashing. Not in the crossdresser vs trans realm. But that's not why I'm posting here. The fetish idea of getting started isn't that bad IMO. I know some folks who started that way. They find it a way of dealing with their desires. For me I found some support in the fetish community. Even though I knew i wasn't a fetish dresser. It allowed me to get my feet "wet" and progress. There truly is nothing wrong with whatever way or reason we all get going. Some start very young with different agendas trying to fit in to societal normalcy while others embrace it early on. Some people, it's nothing more than a home fetish, or once a month outing with fetish friends. Others its more than clothes, it's who we are deep down. We have to progress and be the woman we were meant to be.
    I personally welcome being able to have friends on both ends. But when I need help with my transition I have to turn to my trans sisters. With the exception of work I'm full time now days. Work is coming close to being told. Speaking of work, one of my co-workers is a fetish dresser. We met at an outing. No troubles at all.
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  20. #20
    Member JanePeterson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by redtea View Post
    that being perverted is better than having gender issues
    care to elaborate on this a bit?

  21. #21
    Member Yoshisaur's Avatar
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    For me I started crossdressing when I was around 4-5 years old, I just really liked to look cute and pretty. The fetishes and arousal didn't come up until my teen years and even now I still get turned on when i'm wearing something I find sexy. I don't really see a reason to bash or harass anyone who is a fetish dresser, we should appreciate the fact that we all have something in common that we enjoy. So lets just accept and support each other.

  22. #22
    I am me! TrishaTX's Avatar
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    I am a fetish crossdresser too, I think. I don't think anyone needs labels, you are what you are!
    No regrets except I should have got dressed & stepped out sooner.

  23. #23
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    I started crosdressing around age 14 dont honestly remember if i started out as fetish or not.

    I did have a few fetishes when I dressed up, wanting to be that girl in the romantic moment, being taken to some fancy place to eat, whine an dine, make out...etc.

    But thats it. I also used to get excited when i slipped into womens underwear, but that has since passedsomewhere around 2008. I have had bisexual thoughts more than once, never acted on them though.

    I simply cant remember everything, heat strokes have taken parts of my memory.

    I dont recall seeing anyone here bashing persons who cd for fetish, everyone is different this is what makes us unique.
    Last edited by MsMissy; 06-21-2016 at 02:27 AM.

  24. #24
    Member Molly James's Avatar
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    I should imagine that most of us have or still are struggling with some form of acceptance of our CD side whether that be our own acceptance of our femme side, our partners, families or friends acceptance & of course society itself which is why this forum is such a great place to be yourself & connect with other people who share a common desire to explore a femme side - whatever part of that wide spectrum. I think the golden rule is that if you read a post that you don't like, just move on to another post & forget about it or, if you feel someone is having a go at you then contact the moderators. Otherwise, have fun & enjoy yourself.
    Just be who you wanna be - even if only for a few hours here & there!

  25. #25
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    I agree with what Nadine said.

    I see no bashing rather than distancing.
    It's the same Hierarchy issue again. If we could only accept and embrace our differences then we could all get along nicely.

    For those with strong feelings and needs to express their gender it's pretty hurtful when someone dismisses them as doing it for sexual reasons, so they distance themselves from that activity which leads to being accused of being elitist or bashing.

    So we try to stick to some definitions so we can all get along with greater understanding of each others differences.
    Unfortunately someone then inevitably takes offense to labels, someone else takes offense because they think they are being somehow excluded and further someone else tries to manipulate the known definition until it's meaningless and then we are full circle back to the mess of bickering and misunderstandings

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