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Thread: Regrets

  1. #1
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    Regrets

    Wish I would have come out when I was young

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
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    Paula

    Coming out was not so easy in the past. I am sure you are not alone on wishing you had been able to come out earlier.
    Shelly

    Super Moderator....How to tell your partner......Abbreviations

  3. #3
    Senior Member Nikkilovesdresses's Avatar
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    Me too Paulah, mainly because I was just so much closer to passing than I am now. I did crossdress a little, and I always loved it, but I just never allowed it to develop.

    Marcusa: 'never chose to encourage it to develop' might have been a better way to put it. Too busy being 'normal'. The urge wasn't overpowering - for that I had to wait till my 52nd year!
    Last edited by Nikkilovesdresses; 06-22-2016 at 04:56 AM. Reason: response to question
    I used to have a short attention spa

  4. #4
    Member Julie Mehn's Avatar
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    why is that

  5. #5
    Super Moderator Raychel's Avatar
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    Yes, that would have been great, There was a few times where I should have told the truth
    and just come out years ago, But missed opportunities are gone.
    Cant sweat over the past, all you can do is make the best of today.

    Thankfully I have come out to everyone that need to know now and live is as good as it can get
    for me at the moment.
    my sister's reply when I told her how I prefer to dress

    "Everyone has there thing, all that matters is that you are happy, love what you do and who you do it with"

  6. #6
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    I only regret not coming out soon to on of my GG friends. I was mostly ok in the closet.
    Sara

  7. #7
    Aspiring Member Mykaa's Avatar
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    One of the things Ive come to realize in my life, to quote something from A TV show I like "Dont waste your time looking back, your not going that way" Ragnar Lothbrook
    Mykaa is me! Discovering Peace throughout from the Girl within.
    David Bowie "Don't stay in a sad place Where they don't care how you are..."
    Disturbed The Light "The truth is waiting there for you to find it
    It's not a blight, but a remedy"

  8. #8
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    As Mykaa said crying about the past doesn't get us much, moving ahead is loaded with possibilities.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  9. #9
    Member Candice June Lee's Avatar
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    I wish I would have embraced my self sooner then came out sooner. But things do happen fur a reason. As mentioned below, coming out twenty or so years ago was not a good time, but it looks like now isn't either. Maybe we as a person wasn't ready then, now we are. Oh the great mystery. Lol
    Candi
    Perfection Is a Road Not a Destination

  10. #10
    There's that smile! CarlaWestin's Avatar
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    So consider the very reasons why you didn't come out and all of the potential drama and trauma you avoided.
    And then just put it to sleep and enjoy the day.

    Yesterday's history.
    Tomorrow's a mystery.
    I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
    My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
    And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
    Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!

  11. #11
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    If i had pursued it a lot more when younger, no doubt, i would have messed up a lot more, gotten into unwanted situations, maybe trouble, beaten up, made my dysfunctional life much worse, if i had. I started around age 13, amd my mom must have suspected, because, though not mentioning my dressing, she tried hard to get me to see a Psychiatrist.
    Last edited by Alice Torn; 06-22-2016 at 11:37 AM.

  12. #12
    Member BethanyCross's Avatar
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    I told my Mom when I was 13 in 1970. She sent me to a psychiatrist who first put me on (what i think was) Premarin. That at least slowed down the raging pink fog I was living in. Then the psychiatrist just kept asking what I fantasized about and what was the one thing that really turned me on. I have always wondered what would have happened if I told him the truth that getting a permanent was my big turn on. I hypothesize that the word 'permanent' told to this guy might have changed my life - for good or bad I will never know as my teenaged mind did not understand the implications of all that was going on. Several years later I saw another therapist and she investigated this one and found out he was somewhat of a quack.

  13. #13
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    I try not to think too hard about the what if's had I accepted myself sooner. I do think I would have saved a lot of self hatred, and a battle that I waged within myself that could never be won. It was a monumental waste of energy. Nothing much good ever came of it. I just try to forgive myself for wanting to be normal well, at least normal as far as cis gender anyway lol, and trying my hardest I could to be. It was of course harder on TG people then. As hard as it may be now, it was that much harder 30 years ago. I likely would have been deep in the closet for at least the 1st couple of decades, but at least I would have not been at war with myself.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

  14. #14
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    I don't regret not coming out when I was young. I don't think that my family would have supported that.

    I do regret not taking advantage of some opportunities when I was young. For instance, when I first graduated from college (when I was small and skinny), my first job was working in an office where all of the employees were females (even my boss). Well there was one employee who was my age and who never wore a skirt or dress. One of the older women was trying to encourage to dress more professionally for the office, in a dress. The employee's response was "I'll wear a dress to work when Confucius does". That remark brought a lot of laughter but it also drew a few words of encouragement. Even my boss supported the concept saying it would be fun and good for morale. With the added attention the female employee in question did wear a dress to work. So my opportunity was closed, and no one at work ever encouraged me to crossdress at work again.

  15. #15
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    No regerts (I'm eating a Milky Way).

  16. #16
    Senior Member AmyVanessa's Avatar
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    I have the same feeling, I too often wish I'd embraced my feminine self earlier in life.
    I spent way too much time trying to be a manly man, wanting to be attractive to women. Now I know that's something I'm not.
    Of course it was different times then, not as accepting as now.
    Stay inspired
    Amy

  17. #17
    Silver Member Mollyanne's Avatar
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    I'm NOT so sure about having regrets. After reading your post about this I started thinking if I did what were the ultimate consequences and to whom??????
    I shudder to think what would have happened to me 45 yrs ago if I "did come out". Today's times are a bit easier but far from perfect IE: THE ORLANDO KILLINGS. Coming out has its own advantages and disadvantages as well but the end result has to be a personal decision chosen carefully.

    Molly
    "To thine own self be true"

  18. #18
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    It's difficult to imagine what my life would have been like if I'd told someone about my secret interest. For me, the need wasn't that strong a lot of times so it's probably best that I didn't share. It was hard enough asking a girl out without worrying about that.

    Still lots of future left and a huge world of lady stuff to explore.

  19. #19
    New Member michellechong's Avatar
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    If only I did not give in to family and peer pressure and wasted 10 years of my previous time, I am sure I would be a better "woman" by now....

  20. #20
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    Paulah,
    There's never a right time to come out, there's always something in the way and other people to consider .
    I don't know your age now so how long ago would you have come out given the chance ?
    Whenever you finally do it, try not to step back too much , it can be enjoyable if handled right !

  21. #21
    always lurking geek's Avatar
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    Regrets... many. More than any other, I regret having to hide my inner turmoil from all those I know, possibly causing them emotional pain in the process due to my seeming lack of trust in others.

  22. #22
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Yes it would have been better to have come out, at least to my SO many years ago; opportunity missed.

    The thing is to learn from your mistakes and were possible don't make them again. It was the desire not to be on my death bed looking back and saying "I wish I'd" that made me determined to tick off as many things on my CD'ing bucket list. Still in the closet but I do get out and about from time to time and have undertaken social activities enfemme.

    So like others have said, the past is just that. Make the most of the now and the future.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  23. #23
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    Yes, I too regret not coming out sooner. It might have made it easier to accept my spouses reaction to my choice of life style.

  24. #24
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Looking back, coming out would have been a nightmare. I was better off staying in the closet. At least this way, it's just an inconvenience; being out all those years would have been a continuous struggle every day. Life is hard enough without having to deal with anyone disliking you for no good reason other than how you look. I lived through a childhood being shunned by a lot of other kids, just because of a birthmark. I didn't want to re-live that expererience being known as a crossdresser.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  25. #25
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    I don't regret coming out sooner because the time when I discovered my passion for dressing was not favorable to such a revelation. Those were the 1950's when anything having to do with sexual orientation was forbidden.

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