Wife said she would never had married me!

[Judy-Somthing]

Talk about not coming out to the wife.
I tried coming out five months ago.
She blew up on me tonight, said she would never had married me.
I think it's time for the dreaded PURGE!
I'm thinking of Purging all my hobbies, not just the dressing.
ARRRRRRRR!
I guess this is life at least for some.
She thinks she feels bad, how about me when she says "You're all messed up"
Less face it no one wants to be called "all messed up"
Well anyhow this will be an interesting trip!

[Lauri K]

Well for whatever it's worth, there is likely another couple of hundred thousand guys getting an ear full from the wife tonight saying they never would have married them if they knew that they liked poker, gambling, fishing, shooting pool, collecting panties, restoring hot rods, deer hunting, cigars, hard liquor, porn, etc.

So put things into perspective is my advice.

Oh and never purge, because it will cost you twice as much to replace all your things plus all that valuable time to shop for more.

Time for some very thick skin !!!!

[Toni Citara]

I am so sorry to hear you're going through this stress in your life. I can only say that sometimes things happen in life that lead to better relationships. Hopefully the woman you love and married can accept some changes in a relationship and find a new Dynamic to appreciate.

[Lee Andrews]

Don't purge. Just put it in a box or multiple ones depending on your stash. I did it once, stopped for a year or so and regretted doing it to this day.

[Janine cd]

I agree with Lee. Don't purge or think that you will ever lose the desire to dress. It's a natural feeling that will keep coming back.

[TrishaTX]

This is sad...if you love someone and your married for years, you will both have issues.You need tonight through them and accept! It is too easy to just leave now...In my opinion

[Rachael Leigh]

I see a lot of beating up the wife here for not accepting this, while I'm sure we would all love for them to accept us, that it's just not always possible for some. Many wives feel that they can no longer respect us once they see us dressed or find out the many aspects of this lifestyle.
I agree with others here to not purge but just remember you are suppose to be her man and not her women.
I find it hard for me at times to recognize this myself

[Alice Torn]

Judy, I am very saddened to here this. I do not know her, or you that well, so any advice from me, driving a car blindfolded a bit. Lots of sound advice on here. I guess have more talks, referring her to this site, loved ones forum, her doing some research, and offering both of you to see a therepist. If none of this helps, and you can't live without dressing, and she stays adamant , as hard as it seems, maybe a separation is best , rather than live in life draining turmoil, and civil war. If after separation, there is no compromise, then maybe divorce. Sometimes, a wise man said, divorce can be the most loving, merciful thing to do, rather than stay in a warzone. I do hope she will be willing to educate herself, or go with you to therapist first.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Judy,
PURGE? NOOOOOOOOOO.....
You'll just end up regretting it, and that'll cause more
tension between the two
So she didn't know about your CDing before marrying you.
I'd try to explain to her that she married YOU.
You're still you, that same guy she married, and you're still
completely capable of being that guy.
Then explain that this is something you've done (for however long)
and the only thing that has changed is... now she knows.
Ask her to do some research into CDing, and then discuss whatever she may find.
She may come across some bad info somewhere, and you can give your input as to
wether or not you agree with her findings.
I hope things work out for the two of you.
And you're not "messed up" or "crazy",'you're just you!
Much Love,
Kristyn

[CherylFlint]

The common denominator is the failure to disclose the truth is the same as a lie.
So you lied to your wife by not telling her you were a cross dresser when you first met, so THAT’s the problem.
Good luck with that.
By the way, FYI, all purging does is gives you an excuse to buy a new wardrobe.
Not one of us became “cured” by a purge.
It’s an expensive way to face up to the fact that, once a dresser, always a dresser.
Repressing is not a cure.
Wish you well.

[Valery L]

Leave her. Life is hard enough to be tolerating crap like that from someone who is supposed to love you and support you. It sounds like that marriage is already doomed.

[Rachelakld]

If you want to purge, do not your hobbies or clothes, but purge your marriage.
Many wifes except us and if you can't find a nice wife, then single is better that being ridiculed.
Sorry you live in the USA where "who's to blame" is the big kicker, instead of understanding it takes 2 to make a relationship.

[Teresa]

Judy,
Please hang in there, we don't know the full facts but the roof may not be falling in as much as you think. Find somewhere to store your stuff .

You know it's not going to go away, long term. I don't know if you've had counselling but it may be the only way to show your wife you're not messed up just wired differently.

At least don't give up on your other hobbies, you can't unbalance your life that much, having nothing left isn't going to help you out mentally.

I do feel for you, lets hope the dust settles and she gives you time to talk sensibly without blowing up. I've been their so i know what it's like .

[Shayna]

I'm not sure purging will help. Your secret is out and you can't put that genie back in the bottle. Even if you never dress again, her knowledge of the fact that you did or you may won't disappear. Hopefully she'll realize you are still the same person.

[JaytoJillian]

Hi, you're definitely not alone. I have had several blow-ups with my spouse over the years, ranging from, "I would never have married you" to "You're sick and twisted." About three years ago she demanded that I see a therapist--her rationale being that therapy would "cure" me. Of course any competent therapist will tell you that crossdressing is not a mental problem, occurs in all societies, has no "cure" etc. My therapist actually encourages me to attend our sessions en femme. In fact she admitted that she is caught off guard when I show up in guy mode. Perhaps going to therapy together or going on your own and sharing the findings could strengthen your position that you are still the person she married regardless of the clothes.

[livefree83]

I'm sorry to hear about your marital troubles.

Many of us can certainly relate and understand.

You did not mention how long you have been married and how long you have known your wife.

She probably is not upset about the crossdressing itself, but rather the fact that you were not honest and open about everything early on in the relationship.

Avoiding the discussion about crossdressing does not seem to be helping either.

Therefore, if you love your wife and wish to continue/fight for your marriage, I would suggest seeing a marriage counselor together.

In fact, to give her some control of the situation, I would say to let her research/choose which counselor to see together.

If she loves you, she will agree to counseling.

It will give both of you a safe zone to discuss and a neutral party to help provide clarity in moving forward, even if that may mean separation/divorce.

Nobody ever said marriage is easy, but in the end, since we only have one life to live, we owe it to ourselves to enjoy the things in life that make us happy.

Good luck!

[Judy-Somthing]

Thanks everyone,

Well after slepping on it which it did take a long time to fall asleep.

At this point I'm thinking of just purging half the stuff I'm not very fond of and the rest will go into storage.

I ask her if she loved me and she said "yes but cress-dressing is really messed up, no women would want that"

[alwayshave]

Judy, I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. Unrelated to crossdressing, my ex-wife use to use that line for any number of things, "If I had know that you would want to watch football with your buddies on Sundays, I would never have married you," etc... The "I would never have married you" was one of her favorite lines. I mostly just ignored it, it was her attempt to manipulate me into doing what she wanted. However, near the end, when I was completely sick of the line, every time she used it, my response was "if I had known that you would become a selfish, sexless, cold-hearted, smelly shrew, I would never have married you." After about ten times, she stopped using the line.

[Tracii G]

Sorry your wife is not even considering your feelings and only hers.
That sucks and its partially your fault for letting her push you around.
This is just me but if her name isn't on the mortgage I would tell her its time she found somewhere else to live for a while.

[Emma or Darren]

I feel for you Judy my wife has just clammed up on the whole situation but told my son the same thing she would never of married me etc etc
Do you have anyone mutual to you both that knows and can talk her round.
Emma

[EffyJaspers]

Rooting for a GOOD outcome Judy. Reading this thread has helped shape the way I see a "in the future likely" scenario play out and all these people's advice.
It's only been two days from my count, so your "black hole of despair" situation could within a week turn out to only be murky. You can work with a murky situation more so than a complete shut out.
I'm younger than you by more than half your age (59 someone said) so I don't know much. I'd advise you to talk to her like the rest, do your half purge eventually (no reason to disappear on her and get her nerves twisted even more), and overall again say try to fill her with a new perspective knowledge.

I wish for a GOOD outcome, because who wants it to only be okay.

[JocelynJames]

My wife said she wouldn't have married me after I told her. Now, 5 years later , she says that it would have been her loss as this has been the best relationship she has known. Yay!!

[trishacd]

My wife said the same thing,its a shock to them.I told her theres no way I could ever loose the urge to dress. All ot takes is time. I have drawers full of lingere ,I underdress every day,I shave my entire body.When I was in your spot I never pictured how much better things got with time. A lot of times we have sex I wear hose,panties ect. It keeps getting better.The key is dont push it on her.Tell her you wouldn't tell her before you married her but you couldn't stand the thought of loosing her.Tell her you thought with time mayby she could accept it.

[Di]

GG here

DO NOT PURGE THIS WILL NOT SOLVE ANYTHING

Have you explained this whole cding thing to her? It is a part of you and its not wrong.
Your purging might punt it down the line a bit BUT when you hid it ....and you will ... it will be far worse.
Besides you not telling her before getting married she will not trust you at all with you making promises you can not will not keep. As I have never known anyone to purge and stop forever.
Maybe get her some reading material , set up boundries or invite her here.
But you must speak up and not let someone that knows NOTHING about this dictate to you.
Explain to her you have not changed this is part of you.

My advice is coming from our relationship that I think we both love unconditionially and maybe your marraige is not that way?
But how heartbreaking that would be.

But really have you given her the info to grasp this? And if she wants a dadt relationship can you not work out times times that you can dress ( her being away or you going to a support group)
Just do not purge that solves NOTHING.

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE....I went back to read your posts and I read you did it when a teen and your wife knew.....work and kids came in and you had no desire and now its back.
i still think you might think of addresing it as I did this for fun as a teen...YOU KNEW....its no different its fun for me and we can work this out where no one knows and I can do at home at pre arranged times so you do have to to see it.

My previous answer because this is a big part of our life together ....but for you it seems to be an occasional fun thing and I still think it does not have to be a big deal.
Best Wishes....you know your wife and relationship I do not ....I hope you can find peace.

[char GG]

There is a "sticky" in the Loved Ones section titled "Now I Like It, Now I Don't". It may be interesting for you to read if you haven't already. Some GG's who love their men flop back and forth on the CD issue when they are trying to understand what is going on. It may not entirely pertain to your specific situation but I believes it spells out some of the turmoil that GG's minds may go through.

My only suggestion to you is don't go to extremes. Don't purge (you already said you weren't), don't give up other things. Have meaningful conversations with your wife and don't beat around the bush by "hinting", etc. Be honest. You know and have known for many years how you feel, she doesn't.

Good luck on your journey.