How I Have interacted with People since I have been out

[Aleca]

during this month of being out of the closet I have discovered a lot of things but I think one of the most surprising is that my personality and character remains unchanged. I am still the same lamebrain idiot, airhead, whether I am dressed out as female or out as my regular self. that did surprise me and I got a wake-up call this afternoon. I went to my co-dependents anonymous group, fully dressed as usual, started to say something out of mine and the surprise of getting criticized hit me with the awareness of my humanity. Another challenge for me has been to act and dress respectful of the cisgender women in the group, a couple of times with near-wardrobe malfunctions but I am getting better. None of these things are at all possible for ourselves to discover until we are out of the closet.

[Dana44]

So true Aleca, when the rubber hits the road as they say you are now in the real world and yes it is eye opening.

[docrobbysherry]

It's usually easier when out among other dressers. They seem to identify with us better for some strange reason---

[Teresa]

Aleca,
No one is perfect, women get it wrong too, I only have to overhear my wife on the phone to her friends to know what women say behind the other one's back !

I do enjoy putting outfits together , I know I'm doing OK because my painting friends in my class , mostly GGs have given some very nice comments.

With most CDers the main problem is overdoing it, sometimes everyday clothes means toning it down but not as far as being drab .

[Aleca]

Very true noticing all this. Women have many different opinions of one another just like men. Such an individual thing. I learned that being around women doesn't mean being approved by all women. The only time I heard a sarcastic remark was from a women driving by, or I can get it from my wife who uses remarks against me about dressing because she knows I will give it up for a while, once I get embarassed.
Then there is your painting crowd, where the ladies are mostly interested in their art work than someone elses appearance.

[Aleca]

In my first month I have kept my chin down a lot, pretending to ignore people as I walk by.My first week out I found myself crossing the street a lot from people to avoid walking right by, or eye contact. I am a little better now, not running from people as much, I still try to avoid talking so they don't hear my male voice but do give a polite nod to others. When out walking I prefer to walk curbside so I can feel like I have lost a few inches in height and I leave my glasses in the car, to be less recognizable but also so I can't regonize others, so I become a little less self conscious of myself. With my neighbors they now all know. Most see me fully dressed much of the time but I am working and so are they so other things in mind. At home though still very careful this week as I have had conservative church group friends come visit to see if I am okay one week now after my father died.
This is all like learning to live all over again.

[Teresa]

Aleca,
I recognise there is a big difference between going out socially and meeting other members of the TG community and walking down the local High Street.
Admittedly the meetings are held at a hotel but I still hold my head up and try to miss pot holes in my heels .

You mention not wearing glasses, as soon as I knew I was going out I was determined to get female glasses. You may have seen this story but in the process of asking the male SA to help choose suitable frames he came out to me about a dressing problem , he felt guilty about liking it after he'd dressed for a party. I said I would help him out , so on the collection day I gave him some contact details and then showed him my pictures, he could see I wasn't concerned about showing them, when I left he shook my hand gratefully , I could see the relief on his face, knowing he wasn't the only one who had those feelings.

[Allisa]

Aleca, as you venture out more you will find that most people don't care about who is passing them by and by holding your head up and smiling a lot of the time others will look down to avoid eye contact. I'm sure you will gain more confidence with time and going out and about will become so much fun you'll wonder what took so long. Please wear your glasses you need to be able to see where your going so you don't walk into a pole or something and be aware of your surroundings. The more you try to avoid being seen the more conspicuous you are. Good luck on your journey in CDing.

[Tracii G]

Allisa makes a very good point the more you avoid being seen the more conspicuous you become.
Unless you are Elton John I don't think people are going to recognize you just by your glasses.
All the fears you are having and how you are handling them is completely normal.Lots of first time CDers do the same thing when out in public.

[Alice Torn]

Aleca, Same here. i went out last Tuesday afternoon and evening, and did not speak to anyone... until three other senior citizens sat next to me on the bleachers at the outdoor concert, and just like in drab, i said somethings to them, and I think, partly, to validate Alice. It was my male voice, trying to sound more female, but not a good job, and one woman was not pleased, i could tell. I see you just lost your father. Same boat here, as mine is not expected to make it through this weekend. He is at home, and my sister and i have been helping him for years. 95 yrs almost 5 months. We both have grieving, though i am part relieved.

[Alice Torn]

I will be able to relate in a few days , as my father is not expected to make it through the weekend. I have been helping him over 6 yrs. As far as conservative church group, I was involved in one many years, still stay in contact with a few people, I came out to. They would like me to stop dressing, but i have explained it as well as i can. Dealing with the public when dressed is tough because of one thing most of all, VOICE! Women are very vocal, chatty social creatures. Men are not so much. I think i am read, because i am alone when dressed, all the time. Very few women are alone all the time. This gives some of us away, and when we do try to talk, we are clocked. Very difficult to speak with out giving away our cover!

[Aleca]

Very sorry to hear about your father Alice. That will take center stage in your life for a while, so from losing my father last weekend, I understand.

[Diane Smith]

Oh my, Alice. Although you have been anticipating the end for a while now, I had no idea it was likely to be so imminent. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to support you over these next few weeks. And for goodness' sake, try to get your act together to plan how you are going to get out of that place after your father has passed.

- Diane