Thanks Nikkilovesdresses.
I don't know whether it's something in the air or because I'm actually seeking help from and talking to you lovely ladies/people but things - as little as they may be - are moving mentally & physically for myself & my wife in the right direction....or at least in a more positive direction.
I was never able to talk or express much about my feelings regarding anything but of late I find myself in a better place with my wife.
Last night and again this morning my wife offered me to put stockings on......I declined gracefully. She wasn't upset - nor was I but we did discuss a lot throughout.... which was kind of weird for me but therapeutic and relieving for both of us. I still feel bad about not being able to tell her my real desires for dressing up but I'm playing all that by ear and taking my time with it.
As suggested by someone earlier in this thread that I need to find out where I am in relation to CDing before I can explain or express it to my wife.
RE: my paranoia - I've always had a sense of paranoia about me, I've suffered from depression on and off, I've attempted suicide, I've lost a sibling to suicide, I've suffered being badly treated at work, I've done drugs (all sorts) throughout my life and I'm sure I've left some stuff out but yeah the paranoia thing.....I was once told by a so-called psychiatrist that "if you think they are talking about you - they probably are".....great help!
So as you can all probably guess from reading I'm just a tiny bit messed up at the best of times.
Sorry for ranting.
Don't really know where I'm going with all this.
I think typing is my new therapy.
I have my eye on a French maids outfit that we joked about buying before for her (but really for me too) but I can't help wanting to get it and get it on me to have a day to myself - wife & children free - to see for the first time what I would look like and how I would feel all transformed.
I have started to look at make up online and size 10 (not-so) high heels.
Yes, it's official - I'm nuts. Haha
👗