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Thread: coming out to your SO

  1. #1
    Aspiring Member
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    coming out to your SO

    I came out to my wife in December, we have been married for 11 year & I am about to turn 50. I have read many threads about people coming out in the late 40's & early 50's or being married for 10-15 years.This makes me wonder if we just can't hide anymore or no longer care if any one know. I just wanted to know how long you were married & how old you were when you finally came out to your SO.
    Sara

  2. #2
    Member carrie001's Avatar
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    Is was 43 and we were together 20 years. I think it wss equal parts can't hide anymore, don't care who knows anymore, and don't want to lie anymore.

  3. #3
    Aspiring Member Mykaa's Avatar
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    Well I dont have a SO but, I have come out to a few people, after 40 plus years of hiding, really Im kinda tired of that. Im me and Im not ashamed of me.
    Mykaa is me! Discovering Peace throughout from the Girl within.
    David Bowie "Don't stay in a sad place Where they don't care how you are..."
    Disturbed The Light "The truth is waiting there for you to find it
    It's not a blight, but a remedy"

  4. #4
    Senior Member Gretchen_To_Be's Avatar
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    I was 45 and we were married 11 years.

  5. #5
    Member elliemoss's Avatar
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    It is very interesting, there does seem to be an up-rise in general globally TG.CD related stories/news/media. I think it could also have something to do with age, I guess the older you get the less you tend to care what other people think. I am single at the moment. I have only been in one serious relationship before that lasted 6 years (5 living together). In that time I 100% hid my CD'ing from my GF and it really took a toll on me so for me the next relationship I get into I'm gonna come out pretty quickly to her.

  6. #6
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    I've been married for 30+ years and am now in my 50's.

    I first broached the subject while we were still in college and a couple of years before we were married.

    I only wore occasional pieces of feminine clothing at that time but not unexpectedly it grew slowly from there.

  7. #7
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    i was 55 and married at that time for 27 yrs
    still married but our marriage is not the one
    it once was

  8. #8
    Silver Member Mollyanne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giselle(Oshawa) View Post
    i was 55 and married at that time for 27 yrs
    still married but our marriage is not the one
    it once was
    I can relate to the fact that "our marriage is not the one it once was"

    Molly
    "To thine own self be true"

  9. #9
    member stacycoral's Avatar
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    I told my SO before we were married, and i have had my limits from time to time. still married after 25 years.
    [SIZE="3"][/SIZE][SIZE="3"]Stacy Lynn Coral[/SIZE]

  10. #10
    Senior Member JocelynJames's Avatar
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    I came out to her at 42 after 5 years being married. My X never knew and we were together 16 years. Coming out to my SO was a good decision for me and us.
    If you only knew the power of the pink fog! ~Joss

  11. #11
    Gender adventurer JamieG's Avatar
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    Welcome to the forum, Sara! I am in my mid-40's and have been married for 15 years. I came out two years after marriage (we dated for 4 years before that). In my case, I finally realized that "getting married wouldn't cure me of crossdressing." I also think the ability of people to discuss crossdressing over the internet anonymously has given us courage that was more difficult to come by in the pre-Internet days.

  12. #12
    Member Jess S.'s Avatar
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    I told my new SO 3 years into our relationship we have been together 6 years.
    I am in my 50 s and very lucky she is accepting.

  13. #13
    I am a meat popsicle ariannavt's Avatar
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    I didn't really begin to sort it out until I was somewhere around 36 or 37. We had been married for about 12 years I don't recall a specific coming out. Instead it was a series of discussions where she would ask questions about how I was feeling, and I would answer as honestly as I could. I had a lot of confusion about what I was feeling and had no idea what I wanted (or needed). It took a year or so before the picture really solidified... and now, about two and a half years later I still have plenty of questions; however I have a more solid sense of me.

    TLDR; I didn't have a point where I "came out" to my wife. It was a multi-year process of exploration.
    - Arianna

  14. #14
    Member alice clair's Avatar
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    I told my so on our first date, but I have known her since I was three years old. I am now 60 and she is my best friend and buys me things on a regular basis. We have been married for 24 years.

  15. #15
    A Lucky Girl Kim_Bitzflick's Avatar
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    I came out to my wife after we had been married 15 years. The more interesting thing is that I came out to myself at the same time. It wasn't until then that I realized I was a crossdresser. Although looking back at it I had been curious since I was about 11 years old.
    Kim

    "I just gotta be me"

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member Sarah Beth's Avatar
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    I never came out rather I was found out after four years of marriage. Then it was back in the closet for a number of years until I finally had to have a talk with her about it again. I know that hindsight is a whole lot better than foresight but I really wish that I had just told her and discussed it with her to begin with rather than have her find out the way she did. I am a lot better educated about it all and my feelings about it now than I was then. I think one of the reasons I didn't tell her was that I was so uncomfortable with it myself that there was no way I could expect her to understand.
    "It takes all kinds of kinds" Miranda Lambert
    Now some point a finger and let ignorance linger
    If they'd look in the mirror they'd find.
    That ever since the beginning to keep the world spinning
    It takes all kinds of kinds.

  17. #17
    Silver Member Sarah Louise's Avatar
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    I only told my wife 3 months ago. I was 47 and we'd been married 20 years. Mind you, I've only been dressing for the last 1.5 years after a long break that stretches back to before I met her.

    My main reason for telling was I didn't want to live a lie for the rest of my life. Fortunately, although she no doubt would rather I didn't dress and doesn't want to see me en femme, she accepts this part of me.

    I'm so glad I plucked up the courage to tell her.
    Last edited by Sarah Louise; 04-30-2016 at 12:53 PM.

  18. #18
    MIDI warrior princess Amy Fakley's Avatar
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    I was 39, we'd been married 17 years.

    I think it was just that a lifetime of hiding, and lying and covering my tracks and dealing with shame and anxiety and depression that come with all that had just finally had worn me down to the point that, honestly ... I was just at the end of my rope. She caught me browsing dresses on Amazon, and I literally could not stomach another lie, and another cover up, and I just broke.

    Coming out to her was, without any shadow of a doubt the best thing I ever did for my marriage. It was so hard, and so painful exposing all my shameful bits to someone I loved so dearly. It was hard, there is no two ways about that, but it was so worth it. My only regret is that I didn't tell her from the very beginning.

    I documented the whole experience in excruciating detail in this thread (if you're interested)
    "Why shouldn't art be pretty? There are enough unpleasant things in the world." -Pierre-Auguste Renoir

  19. #19
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    I admitted to my wife about my CDing last year, at the age of 44. We've been married for about 4 years, but living common law for over 14. She had her inklings, for example my expansive collection of one piece swimwear, but as many mentioned, coming out was the hardest thing ever.

    I did not know what her reaction would be, but thankfully she was supportive and the only concern was "why did you not tell me sooner ?".

  20. #20
    Girl from the Eagles Nest reb.femme's Avatar
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    I met my wife when I was 14 years old and I came out four years ago, aged 52. Pushing 57 now...eek! Married for 36 years. How the years have flown by.

    My little hobby has been with me since I was about 10, so just thought that I was a naughty boy (read perv) with my love of girl clothes. The whole CD thing really hit me big style a few years back which culminated in being caught by my wife when I was dressed in her nightie and gown. The upside though? You should see my wardrobe and chest of drawers overflowing with girl kit.

    As has been discussed on here before, it would have been lovely to have told my wife many years ago, but what to tell her? I love dressing in your softest clothes and having a guys solo sex session whilst dressed? There was little info available about our special interest back in the day, so you live with your secret and life carries on without being out to anyone else.

    Becky
    Last edited by reb.femme; 04-30-2016 at 03:26 PM.
    Flying high under the spell of life!

    http://www.rebsweb.co.uk

  21. #21
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    Sara,
    I came out to my wife in my forties, and by that time had been married twenty years. I couldn't live in solitary confinement anymore but still cared very much what people thought obviously my wife was top of that list.
    It had to happen at some point but as I've said before there never is a right time, I had kids at school , my business to run but at the same time was being torn apart inside, it was like taking a millstone off my shoulders but I'm afraid it went downhill badly for some time, our relationship has never been the same since , life is just a series of compromises now, but I still have a family and I'm still a husband, father and now grandfather they respect me for trying to retain that .

  22. #22
    Silver Member SherriePall's Avatar
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    We were married nearly 25 years. That was over 15 years ago. Age-wise, I am on Medicare (do the math to get an approximate).
    Still together (amazingly after a really rough first couple of days).
    Basically, in a DADT situation which bends from time-to-time. She does do laundry, but I have to be careful not to overdo it.
    Why did I tell? Can't really say. How did I tell? Just blurted it out one night in bed as I was upset over something. I seem to make big decisions when I am angry.
    That's my story.
    Sherrie Lynn Pall

    Sometimes I make sense and that frightens me.

    Please don't let me be the last post on this thread

  23. #23
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    She had seen me wearing her clothes (with permission) when we were first married (I was 23). It was probably 20 years before I told her I needed to get my own clothes and dress more often. We have been married 40 years and I dress openly (dadt was not for me)

  24. #24
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    For myself I took a big chance and told her one week back from our honeymoon, I seen that the dressing wasn't going to stop and I didn't want to live the life of a fugitive for the rest of my life. I thought she was going to run to her mother and tell her that she married a fag. Instead she excepted it and with a few rule that we were both happy to live with its now thirty years later. So I was 24 at the time.

  25. #25
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    mid 40's, together for 25, married for 15. she knew about hosiery and other bedroom lingerie since the beginning. early on I convinced her to try makeup on me. was very no bueno. repressed anything other than lingerie with her until a few months ago when I came to the realization I was totally in denial about my true gender issues and had repressed them for 20+ years (desire to fully CD sometimes and some mixed gender feelings occasionally). I would occasionally try some of her clothes when she wasn't around. so I came out to myself first, then to her. so far so good, but I don't let it take over or compete with my other responsibilities. interestingly since the big revelation, I'm kinda meh about the lingerie side, no desire to underdress and just want to dress fully and go out once in a while.

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