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Thread: Is your marriage better or worse because of your crossdressing?

  1. #51
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    Thictoria,
    I have to say your last line is so true, the feeling of rejection is a killer, it did drive me to almost ending my life, so it can't be discarded lightly.

  2. #52
    Member renaej7's Avatar
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    Reading everyone's post. My heart goes out to those who's relationship did not survive and/or barely hanging on. The notion of being rejected existed before I told my wife. She is supportive and we do some shopping together but there is a balance. The fear of her waking up one day and saying "I can't" exist in my mind. I would say, 1. It has made our relationship stronger. My dressing has evolved. I started out in Victoria Secret panties, now I am full make-up. I'm just glad I was able to tell her and we have been able to evolve as my dressing has.
    be sweet for me

    -Renae

  3. #53
    Junior Member Jolynne Wynn's Avatar
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    I am gonna answer in reverse.
    Q2. Did you tell her on your on terms or did she find out herself?

    I told her on my own.

    Q1. Is your marriage/relationship:

    1. Much better
    2. A little better
    3. About the same
    4. A little worse
    5. Much worse / we split up because of it

    My marriage was about the same when I told her. She was supportive of the crossdressing, but was less affectionate with me at the same time. Hence the balance of a positive and a negative.

    But as time went by and I felt CD'ing was just not enough. I sought help in the LGBT community and figured out I am more of a Transgender than a CD. Confirmed with a few therapy sessions with a specialist. Then decided to tell my wife, first, before coming out to my friends and family. That's where it all went downhill. Her attraction for me changed when presenting as female went to identifying as a female. Her exacts words were "I married a man, not a woman."
    Still going through our divorce. Glad it's not a messy one. We are both being very civil about the whole thing. We have 19 years of wonderful memories. And will have more as friends, just not as lovers...

  4. #54
    richelle richelle1's Avatar
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    Mine is 1. i have so much more cloths and panties then ever. On top of that she ordered 3 new wigs for me.

  5. #55
    Aspiring Member Brenda Freeman's Avatar
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    I told my wife late in our marriage as I was needing to dress and could not hide it any more. She was at first in shock, but once she realized it was just crossdressing for me not transitioning or telling the world, she has been supportive in a prefer not to see me way. Our marriage was great but now much better as my only secret is out and we can talk about it even talk fashion and accessories, and she has seen me and is okay I have even received a few compliments. I think we are even closer in ways as I can relate to her in ways some men cannot or choose not too! I guess it was on my terms as I chose the time and place. I feel so blessed that it worked out for us.

  6. #56
    Silver Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    My wife was very accepting of my dressing and would often buy me clothes. I'd dress and we'd fool around. I'd dress and we would go out together. Unfortunately we just broke up, nothing to do with crossdressing, she said we drifted apart, but she was seeing someone new right after she moved out. She broke my heart, I had been replaced even before she was out the door, sorry for the rant, it just came out.

  7. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by Majella St Gerard View Post
    My wife was very accepting of my dressing and would often buy me clothes. I'd dress and we'd fool around. I'd dress and we would go out together. Unfortunately we just broke up, nothing to do with crossdressing, she said we drifted apart, but she was seeing someone new right after she moved out. She broke my heart, I had been replaced even before she was out the door, sorry for the rant, it just came out.

  8. #58
    Member Shayna's Avatar
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    She found out. In general I would say our marriage is about the same. Two exceptions to that, first is it's better because the truth is out there, but at the same time she has hard time with it so it's a little worse in that regard.

  9. #59
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    It's complicated. My motivation to dress can vary and often has some element of suppressing communication. This might be a good thing to find the right words and search through feelings--on both sides.

  10. #60
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
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    all remains the same, except apparently shopping is a much more enjoyable experience :-)
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJFyz73MRcg
    I used to believe this, now I'm in the company of many tiggers. A tigger does not wonder why she is a tigger, she just is a tigger.

    thanks to krististeph: tigger = TG'er .. T-I-GG-er

  11. #61
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    1. A 4.5 -- much worse but we are still together.
    2. I told her on my terms. She uses it against me often. I will not do anything that stupid again.

  12. #62
    Oh to be an English Rose Jane G's Avatar
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    Impossible to answer your question. All I can add is, my wife did not know when we married. it was a few years until she caught me out. LoL. There was turmoil at that moment. We worked it out and have been very happily married in the 35+ years since. I remain a closest CD largely as she wishes that to be so. If I was out of the closest to the world would my life be better or worse, than it is? It pretty good now and has been for many years, so I doubt it.

    There is more to life than being a CD.
    Last edited by Jane G; 07-16-2016 at 10:31 AM.

  13. #63
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    I told all before we were married. Resistance grew after getting married and although I dress openly it is not completely comfortable. She believes that my cross dressing has diminished her femininity.
    Lesson learned- just telling your future spouse that you are a transvestite (the term I used back then ) is insufficient. You both need to first thoroughly understand what that means and how it manifests itself and explore what it means in some detail, if necessary with professional help. I did not understand that my cross dressing desires would grow over time and that my sexuality would change as it grew.

    So the net result right now is about a 4 to 5 though not all of that is due to cross dressing.

  14. #64
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    i am 4.5 not divorced but really a marriage in name only

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    oops question # 2 i just blurted it out after i was late picking her up from work(i had been at MAC store getting a makeover)
    that after 27 yrs of marriage is the WRONG way to come out to your spouse

  15. #65
    Lisa_vin lisa_vin's Avatar
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    #1 - 4 and strictly DADT.
    #2 - She found out. I did try to subtly tell her for years but she either ignored me or got angry and simply refused to go there.
    Lisa

  16. #66
    New Member Samantha54's Avatar
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    #1 - 4, but not only because of dressing, but it didn't help
    #2 - she found out through playful sex, and it was a mistake, but she accepts and likes that I'm not guy's guy either.

    Such a predicament to be in!

  17. #67
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    Q1: My wife thinks (I think), it makes no difference on our relationship. However, I think she is like 3.5 (wish I was just a guy). However, I think it is 2 because I feel I am better, more understanding and caring person because of my dressing.
    Q2: Said on my terms.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    My heart goes out to all 4s and 5s...Don't lose hope folks!

  18. #68
    Junior Member Zoe B's Avatar
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    Q1 is a 1
    Q2 Apart from CDing when I was a lot younger it been something I had suppressed during previous relationships and I had just considered a phase. We discovered (rediscovered for me) it together and I am forever grateful that that's the way it happened.
    I have a policy of total honesty between us, nothing to hide. It really is the best way to be.

  19. #69
    Member Meg East's Avatar
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    Maybe a 1.5 and I told her on my own terms. We have been married for 43 years and she has known for the last 19 years. In the beginning things were rocky (the old i married a man line) but she soon saw I wasn't as depressed which was a positive for the marriage.

  20. #70
    Aspiring Member Julie1123's Avatar
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    For question one, a little better and a little worse. On one hand, it sucks to have this thing that I can't share with her, that I have to keep out of sight. On the other hand, we haven't had very many big issues in our relationship so seeing how we are handling this and being able to handle this is really strengthening our relationship.

    I told her on my terms.

  21. #71
    Member Athena_'s Avatar
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    Q1. Is your marriage/relationship:

    1. Much better
    2. A little better
    3. About the same
    4. A little worse
    5. Much worse / we split up because of it

    3 is my answer. DADT currently, and that is better than 4 or 5. I respect her and her feelings. I have tried to shake the desire to dress, but I cannot. I still love the feeling that I get when dressing.

    Q2. Did you tell her on your on terms or did she find out herself?

    She discovered my stash and was ultimately relieved that I was just a cross dresser. She did allow me to move my clothing and accessories up to our room. I have even gotten the rare, would you like this clothing item before I give it away? Progress certainly.

  22. #72
    Aspiring Member Cheryl James's Avatar
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    5 - Though, we have not split up.

  23. #73
    crossdresser jo_ann's Avatar
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    Between a 1 or 2. I think my wife realizes how balanced on the gender scale I am (literally down the middle), so I'm understanding from both sides and I'm a much more understanding person. It is amazing how many of her female co-workers are divorced, or on the way because the husbands are jerks, or don't pull their weight, or simply don't listen to their wives. She's very happy in our marriage, so much so sometimes she's afraid of me going to the store in fear I'll get in an accident (always 5 miles from home). She's never had an issue with me dressing, in fact sometimes she'll get upset when I do it when she's not around because she feels like it's being sneaky, or somehow she thinks that I think she doesn't accept it. Honestly sometimes it just feels good on your own because of being slightly weirded out having a wife that's so accepting.

  24. #74
    Laura So Cal Laura28's Avatar
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    Q1 Number three, she is fine with it. She has known since we were dating some 40 years ago. Never was much of an issue and i wasnt into it as much then you know the story life kids work etc,,, But would dress in her stuff on ocassion and she liked me in Panties and thi highs . About 6 yrs ago went full tilt, have numerous outfits shoes wigs make up. She is ok with it buys me make up and cloths and such. She doesnt mind seeing my pictures but doesnt want me to see me fully dressed.

    Q2 i guess it was on my terms,we were dating i was about 18 she was 17 at a drive in following around int he front seat, had a little to much to drink and i told her i like to dress in womans cloths, she oh ok. that was it never really discussed again till about 6 years go when i told her i wanted to dress more she said ok.

  25. #75
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    Q1. 3 (she understands I was born this way)
    Q2. I told her and explained what I discovered about why do men crossdress.
    Tina

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