how do you perceive members here

[Teresa]

Meghan,
You have to accept everyone as having a need to appear female or feminine in some way, some do it very well and some struggle to get it right, that comment could also apply to GGs, it comes more natural to some than others.

I personally can't get my head round members who love dressing and do want to pass but have a full beard . I don't claim to be an expert but sometime I do wish I could give some basic advice to members who wish to pass but have a long way to go.

I do remember when I first joined and was greeted by some people who I thought were GGs, talking to them and referring to them with female names was a little weird for a few weeks.

The problem I have is I can relate to a member more if they use a femme name that makes sense and better still a real avatar .

[annecwesley]

Well what's wrong with a "man in a dress"? Especially if he has great legs that would be ashamed to keep hidden!

[LaurenS]

And of course, my own narcissistic self doubt wonders how I am perceived.

I'm sure I could write some valuable reply with insight to this, but I think it wraps up your interesting question nicely.

After pondering for a few minutes, I suppose I think more along the lines of presentation quality, rather than labeling, but a part of me wonders if the poster is happy with their presentation.

And then, I too wonder if my presentation is futile, but since I've never been out, I don't know. I am comfortable with ignorance, but curious to know.

Aargh! Humans!

[Molly J]

I perceive people trying to find a safe haven, be it this site, home, place of worship, work, etc., where they can freely express themselves . I perceive people with differing levels of confidence, trying to come to terms with themselves. I perceive people, with different life circumstances, trying to to figure out what works for them. We enter the door of this site with a name and the clothes we wear, but after introductions are made, life stories are shared, and stereotypes are shattered, we are often left with new realities. Yes, some pass more than others. Yes, some accept who they are more than others. And some express themselves more clearly than others. That's true, too. I just find it more compelling to look beyond the pretty avatars and photos. Some days that's harder to do because there is a lot of pretty eye candy that inspires on a good day and challenges on a bad day. Being fairly new to the site, I want to take it all in, focus on the life experiences shared and let myself find my new reality. Hopefully a reality that matches what's been inside of me for as long as I can remember.
.

[Lee Andrews]

Hummmm, never though of it before. I just see people here, like myself seeking others that are the same and admire those that can 'pull it off' because I sure can't. I have my days but they are few and far between. Generally don't even think of their gender as I'm reading posts.

[Sara Jessica]

When speaking with someone you have never met on the phone, it isn't unusual for your mind's eye to picture the person on the other end. More often than not, we end up being dead wrong in how we envision that person. The odds certainly are not in your favor to be right given the variety of human traits to choose from.

In these pages we are sometimes graced with an avatar which bridges that gap, yet we may still hear a voice when reading their words which betrays the image they are trying to present. I think this has to do with how one perceives the words which are being read but more importantly, it also has to do with how the person sees themselves from a gender standpoint. For example, if one is all good being a guy who happens to CD, their mind may hear a male voice despite the avatar picture.

[CarlaWestin]

I think of posters here as women. 🌺

Yeah, me too. And every now and then someone will post a picture link or something that exposes their whole male existence.
And that really catches me off guard.

[NicoleScott]

I'm sure you have offended a few here with the screams man in a dress comment.

I was in early agreement with Lorileah: "this can't end well". And with Tracii that some will be offended. Fortunately, neither has come true. Yet.
Many have posted that they perceive others as women or females. Some of us are "a man in a dress". Should we be offended if we are perceived as women? Why then would someone who identifies as a woman be offended if perceived as a man in a dress? The OP asked us to reveal our perception of others. Only the "right" ones should respond?
For me, I generally perceive others as they describe themselves. I have no "universal" perception. Those who, like me, posted multiple times and consistently that they identify as guys who like to dress up are perceived that way by me. Same with those who identify as women, or gender-fluid. Others, though, I have insufficient information to have formed a perception, and still others send very confusing signals.

[Meghan4now]

Well what's wrong with a "man in a dress"? Especially if he has great legs that would be ashamed to keep hidden!

Fair statement Anne. And I would like to point out that a good representation of our spectrum has responded, with great input. I probably should not have added that comment, and I don't have a problem with someone who wants to present that way.

Occasionally I will see posts where an individual appears to try way to hard to present a stereotypical female image, but in trying to hard, actually have quite the opposite effect.

Now the really interesting part of this original question is that our perceptions of others has a root in our self perceptions and desires. A mirror, albeit distorted, faded or poorly lit.

I am absolutely pleased with the discourse so far. Lots of opinions, and everyone tending to be open and respectful of one another. That's even better than an affirmation right now.

[Lily Catherine]

I see multiple, complex variations on a common (if decievingly simple) theme. Perhaps because the very title of the site (crossdressers.com) itself carries quite a large umbrella to begin with. Consequently the least I can do is to look at all of us with acknowledgement and acceptance, distinct from and independent of approval. I read posts in the same way I'd read an informative article or a newspaper, although occasionally I do slip into hearing it from a GG of similar age - to sometimes awkward results from my overactive imagination.

As much as my 'narcissistic self doubt' (to borrow Meghan's own terms) wonders how I'm being perceived sometimes, I can't bother to take it to heart. Our identities are bound to grow and change despire the common ground we're anchored in.

[steftoday]

I read just about everyone's posts as being spoken with a female voice (usually affected in pitch, inflection, volume by seeing the avatar the poster is using). If it's a FTM, I "hear" a male voice. I've done this since I started here.

Obviously, that changes if I've met the poster in person.

[Devi SM]

I personally am not too naturally sissy. It's hard for me even when dressed. My wife says that I over act the role a femme.
But that's not new. I read the book "She's not there" A life in two genders from Jeniffer Finney Boylan, a real story of the life of the author that struggles for around 40 years with the gender issue. When first year of the transition, her best friend, another famous writer, writes an email telling her that she is acting, she answers that for people that is watching her now as a woman, and are not acquainted with her new reality, she is actin, but she says that that is really who she is.
In my personal experience, I don't know how to be a woman, but when I'm dressed, the more time I spend dressed more natural, more feminine I feel. I see in chats with others cds that they use all the language of women, I don't that language, is not normal in me, so I keep writing and talking as the man I've been for more than 40 years but Id love to be more feminine and sound feminine.
I read here some girls that sound like a man, other with more time sound more like a woman. I think that is part of the transition. I my life were different I would go all the way as Jeniffer Boylan, even the surgery, but it's too late. So I would like to sound more feminine, so you tell me girls (I know my English is broken and that gives a different completely weird sound) how do i sound?

[Jenny22]

What an interesting post / question! However a male wishes to perceive himself femininely, I'm almost always perceiving that person as intelligent and caring of others. This includes GGs who accept their SOs as males who cannot change. I love this forum!

[Katey888]

Good question Meghan...

As well as the obvious diversity of perceptions among us more 'involved' folk, it perhaps also lends a little insight to how the muggles perceive us and why things can be so confusing for them... as well as for us, sometimes, of course...

As you asked the question, I always think of you as very feminine... partly because of how you present, but also because of the sensitivity of your approach (not saying that's an exclusively feminine trait, but we always stereotype here, don't we..? )
And those are really the only two things we can get from the forum - trusting to the veracity of photos (which contribute hugely to perception) and the relative consistency of an individual's tone and style in what they say. On the whole, I tend to think of most of us as our femme image.

But there are many - for me - where those aspects conflict. While I'm more than happy that most folk that tip up here and join in are sharing aspects of what we do, I do think our motivations are hugely different for why we're doing it. It is possible that some folk here aren't necessarily expressing any feminine aspects to their persona - they may just enjoy dressing up or participate for some other reason (equally valid) but I think that absence of something that embraces that confusing 'mix' comes across in tone, approach and sometimes a repeated assertion that "they're all male underneath..." or similar... Out of respect for that assertion - I find myself thinking of them as unfeminine males dressing as females...

Curiously, having met some folks as both male and female representations, I am able to think of both aspects of them as being the same person. Perhaps that's a level of acceptance we can only ever dream of from the muggles...

Katey x

[Ellie Summer]

In my head I think of everyone in here as females, at least if they're presenting themselves that way. The ironic thing is that where most of us would been seen by our peers in shock when dressed, if I saw any of you dressed as men it would seem out of place to me. I'd still accept everyone however they present themselves, I'm just used to thinking of everyone in here as women. It's a little bit like my swim group. We're so used to seeing each other in our small swim suits, that on the occasion that we bump into each other in the grocery store we'll joke "Oh hey! weird, so that's what you look like with clothes on!"

[Robin414]

Great thread, I needed to get this off my chest: I perceive members here as women who COMPLETELY understand guys (imagine the ultimate girlfriend; sexy, feminine, compassionate....but still knows how to change the oil in her car, and laughs at dirty jokes!)

[Judy-Somthing]

Are we suppose to say what we think people want to hear or how we really feel?
Lets see if I got this right. I've always thought that Cross-dressers were guys who love/like to dress as women or in women's clothes!
And some don't know why they dress, and some are and feel or know they are a women in a man's body.

For me, I half to go full fem with makeup or forget it, I do con sitter myself a "Guy in a dress" and I love it.

I say to each they're own!

And to your question. I love it and can relate to it when a CD'er say they are a men in a dress!

[sometimes_miss]

Technically, most of us are men in dresses, 'crossdressers' with no other feminine feelings oh, maybe 99% of the time. We go about our day doing things the way we always have, in ways that people would distinctly recognize as typical male behavior. We move like men, sound like men, and of course, smell like men.

Then there are the rest, who exist somewhere else on the gender spectrum. Most are still 'infected' with at least some leftover male thoughts or behavior from how we grew up, but may have some desire to BE female, or, genuinely feel that they are female but are stuck in a male body. We have to accept each person's feelings as genuine, and respect that.

I don't think that we will be able to completely change the general public's view of what we are; that will change over time. But because so much of the planet's population is still in an intellectually stunted state, it's going to take a very, very long time before TS are accepted to be just as genuine as those who were born with the 'right' genes for their self felt gender. But at least, we can hope that more and more, people will recognize that what we are is O.K., and accept us all without feeling that there's something wrong with us, any more than there's anything wrong with someone who prefers ketchup on their hot dogs instead of mustard. We're all, just people, in all kinds of varieties, and there's nothing so terribly wrong with any of us that anyone should feel the need to feel threatened by us.

So. A man in a dress. Not that there's anything wrong with that. No big deal. I yam what I yam.

[Ressie]

I tend to imagine every CD that has a fem avatar as a woman. The more convincing the avatar, the more that thought will stay in my head. I may think differently once someone refers to their self as a dude. Seeing is believing I guess.

[Cristy2]

There are sharks with very hurtful bites in every sea, but most of the fish are are sweet and pleasant enough.

[Kate Simmons]

I mostly tend to see folks as individuals, pictures notwithstanding.

[MissTee]

Never really thought of people here in a gender persuasion. Rather, I see everyone as a support resource. We may be different in the micro sense, but at a macro level our differences bond us. Yeah, sometimes we don't all agree, but for the most part we support each other -- and that is why I come here.

[stormy_skyxx]

For me we are all a sort of family, also because here i can be free to be free and i am always glad to hear from others with similar feelings or experiences...a place where you can talk, and listen....

[NewBrendaLee]

As family, as all of them as sisters

[Jane G]

What a great question and one I have not read before. It's so easy to just look at our profile pics and avatars and apply the 12second made my mind up rule. I suspect we all do it, to some extent. Then we start to read and a different image forms. At the end of the day though I tend to take the easy way out and try to treat others and respond to others, on this forum, as they treat them selves. Over the years this approach has helped me to better understand our community and my own perception of who I am.