18

[deebra]

If you could be 18 again in 2016, not married, not in love, no kids or real commitments, mediocre job that paid for food, your own apartment, car and know what you do now; would you pursue crossdressing further, even to try it for a year or so? Such as at 18 you are of legal age and you could start hormone therapy (at this young age just out of puberty your body would respond and get better results than if you started at 50; testosterone blockers, estrogen enhancers to start growing breasts, hips, etc. to start changing your male body to a female body). Grow your hair long, earrings, dress in girl clothes as much as you wanted and even live as a woman. 99% say if you are born a CD it's there for life. If YES to the question wouldn't this allow you to find out how male or female you wanted to be and then chart your own future. Not like some on this forum that because of commitments to their family/job or a controlling wife prevent you from being the more feminine and happier person than you desire to be.

[Dana44]

If I was 18 and knew what I know now. Yep I would have way more fun being happier and even more successful. I still would be my gender fluid soul and wow so many girls and even boys, oh yeah i would be far different than I am now.

[Nikki.]

18 in 2016 vs 18 in the late 80's, and knowing what I know now? Yes.

Edit: Yes on doing things differently, no on hrt, surgery etc.

[OCCarly]

I already had long hair at 18, (1980) and in this culture I definitely would again. And I would be on hormones in a heartbeat. I stood around 5 foot 6 when I was 18, and my shoulders had not yet developed. My nose also still had a bit of a concave curve to it. I would have made a very cute girl.

But, at 53, the hormones still have had some wonderful surprises for me.

[Lily Catherine]

I feel it's inherently flawed to assume that transitioning solves everything and magically kills off every single issue. Ditto for hormones, as much as I've given some thought to them.

If I could reset the last three years and be eighteen again with all my hindsights, I'd still be in a state of identity turbulence, trying to pinpoint exactly where I am on the spectrum - less than a TS, more than a CD. I'd be conscripted for a couple of years as would any other Singaporean genetic male, and consequently still have one heeled foot in the closet. I would avoid jumping into transition unless I was absolutely 100% sure that there wasn't any other viable option.

As the conditions allow me to live on my own property (extremely uncommon for someone this age in Singapore), I'd certainly have much more breathing space to explore this side of me. I'd also possess silicone forms and a few wigs at this point. Naturally, growing out my hair during my uniformed service would be out of the question.

I would also avoid wearing overly short skirts too often, like I did when I first started taking photos of myself. Ironically, I would probably wear Daisy Dukes quite frequently. I would also take much greater care of my face (and look annoyingly younger, which is bad enough) and skin than I did. Not that my natural face shape would be any different.

I would definitely still face the trouble of coming out or getting outed by family members, although I hope to have established a firmer stand than I have right now. It isn't for me to say if I will meet them as Lilian at all. I would still face the inevitable anxiety and effects of them denying her, or worse, denying all of me in the most extreme case (even in reality I haven't reached that state, thank God.)

It's not for me to guess if I'd be happier; I try to let my happiness remain unshaken by any external factors. I am hardly succeeding. More satisfied, more at ease perhaps. I probably mightn't have smoked (although this is for health reasons), and might have drank less as well. Admittedly, I'd also be less distracted and hopefully less conflicted in the ideal situation. Less frustrated, absolutely not. Less bitter, unlikely.

Most of my issues are sadly religious - clearly off-topic here - and I'd still be working my way through it whether it be now or three (or even seven) years ago.

As a random side note, my 18-year-old self in this alternate present might also have maintained a fairly shameless social media presence, albeit thankfully devoid of duck faces. She might also club on a less-than-regular basis, but avoid being known by her other name. She would, as I do, worry about scholarships and university and studies. No word on whether she still fantasises emptily over being a race queen / car model.

[Kate Simmons]

I'd probably be who I am now, only more so.

[Teresa]

Deebra,
What a question !
Between that age and a couple more years after I'd managed to find two GFs who didn't mind my CDing and even got to the point of being engaged to them. My hair was long but in those days CDing was a shared sexual high. At that point gender wasn't in question and my sexuality was never doubted.
The sexual content has never left me but the gender question has become more of an issue. Setting aside the sexual content I enjoy my CDing and prefer to look femme, I now understand the reasons. I didn't begin to question the possibility of being part female until I came out in my forties and I felt there was another side to me, the gut feeling wasn't the sexual pull, it was something else.

I'm not sure how different my life would have been if I could go back and live it with the information I have now. Perhaps I wouldn't have married the same person but then I wouldn't have the great kids I have now.

It's great as humans we can ask these questions and consider the possibilities but one thing we haven't worked out yet is how to turn the clock back !

[xNicolex]

I was 18 in 2007 and if I could go back in time and tell myself everything I know now, well I'd change alot as for my dressing I'd start dressing at 18 would have been great to have those years to experiment with my look

[Jenny22]

Deebra, with the initial conditions you expressed, at 18, I'd move to San Francisco and get a job with the city so their health insurance would pay for my HRT, SRS and possibly any FFS that might be needed. I'd do it in a heart beat!

[Lorileah]

So let me get this straight, you're a CD? And you want hormones? and you're 18. Something there doesn't add up.

If you were a TS and 18 and wanted all that then YES. CDs changing body style scares me when they say they want to be guys sometimes

[Tracii G]

This right here ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

[deebra]

Lorileah,

You start out as a CD and love crossdressing, you would like to take it a little further and see where it goes and if this is for you. Starting hormone replacement therapy can allow you to start changing your body from male to female and spending more time dressed as a female and figuring out as you become more of a woman if this is what you want, the HRT can simply be stopped any time and your body will loose all the female attributes and go back to male. Same thing if you have breast implants, they can be removed and your male chest restored. If I met all the conditions in my post I would love to take the journey, then you know if you will be happier as a man or woman.

[RADER]

When I was 18,I was just out of high school; And working as an apprentice Carpenter
Making good money. Just think, the Stock Market was well below the 1800 mark, so
knowing what I know now, I would have invested heavy into the market.

[NicoleScott]

Sorry Deebra, but it's a crazy plan to start HRT because you love CDing so much and that you can undo it all if you change your mind. Occasionally we see a post where a CDer [thinks he] wants HRT for a more feminine body (presumably so the clothes look better - why else if you're truly CD?). I would think more of a solid commitment would be needed.
For me, a CDer, a private place and time to dress up would have been great. It's always been a part-time activity that I want to stay that way, still needing all those guy things I enjoy (sports, hunting, fishing, camping, etc.....I never regretted all that time wasted hanging out with the guys playing Risk)

[Lana Mae]

At 18, I was in the air force. Not a good place to crossdress. Would be good that I could get into crossdressing earlier in life but as was stated that means my two kids would not exist! I would not have met or married my wonderful wife who did not want me crossdressing. All the male friends I had would be a different relationship. Have no desire to turn into a women. Only want to glance at my feminine side for now and go from there! No thanks ,I am fine with my life and situation concerning crossdressing! Hoping yours turns out fine for you! Hugs Lana Mae

[TrishaTX]

At 18 , I was in year one of college, unhappy, no girl, crap job and trying to figure out who I am. If I had any knowledge about this, I would have totally pursued this stronger although I doubt I would ever try to transition, its just not for me. I would enjoy dressing, learn more about makeup and wear all kinds of great clothes and hit the clubs. I also would have been much happier than confused me was...

[Emma or Darren]

The 18yr old me had zero self confidence/esteem forget CDing in the closet I think I lived there so knowing what I know now my life would probably of been better who knows where the dressing would lead definitely would be able to spend more time and money on it.
Emma xx

[CarlaWestin]

At 18 I had beautiful hair down to the middle of my back. And a smooth baby face palette for makeup.
In the situation as described, I would probably start HRT and prefer a sexy buxom tomboy existence.

[deebra]

I've read all the above threads and fully understand and respect we all have different roads we want to travel so let me say a little more about what I envision. Imagine the freedom and pleasure to be able to wake up in your own apartment and dress female with no criticism from anyone, the freedom to go anywhere. To wear the many styles of clothing, shoes, makeup, hair that we love that would transform you into the woman you want to be. Wouldn't this just be so cool and rewarding to live as a woman and really see what it's like? Like really getting into it for a year or so. No commitments and the freedom to explore being another person/gender. We all love the clothes and the female presentation, at this time of your life knowing that the desire to crossdress will be in your mind everyday for the rest of your life, wouldn't it be worth trying?

[pamela7]

my butt has gone back up to size 18 skirts, definitely would prefer to be back at 16 instead :-)

[Julogden]

I was 18 in the late 1960's. It was a very different world from what it is now. If I was 18 now and knew what I know about myself now, my life would turn out massively differently, I'm sure. Although I've never pursued transition, for various reasons, it isn't from the lack of wanting to. My issues have always been due to gender identity, not dressing for a thrill, so I'd be transitioning if I was 18 now.

But if you're a CD, then why would you go on hormones and try to transition? If those are things that you want to do, then I'd say that you're not a CD.

[Tina_gm]

For me, it would be to not have been at war with myself. I don't know if I would be doing any perma changes like HRT etc etc. but I would be open to being gender variant to anyone who wished to know, or anyone I was close to. Basically I would just be open about it. Probably live in a place that was at least somewhat accepting.

[Amy Fakley]

What's that cliche ... "we get too soon old and too late smart"
It's funny 'cause it's true :-/

If I could be 18 again ... I'd be 18 again. I'd be back in the deepest denial, and depression and I'd probably be just as much determined to rid myself of my troublesome "problem" as I was the first time at that age. But maybe not ... today's world is unrecognizable from 1992. Even 10 years later, it would have been night and day in terms of information I had access to. In 92, I was still literally looking up tiny shreds of info about trans stuff in the card catalog of my local library (and finding practically nothing).

If I could know then what I know now ... lol.
But I can't ...

Also hormones are a big deal in terms of health risk and permanent side effects. They aren't a good way to "test the waters" as the op described.

[Stephanie47]

There is a world of difference in the availability of knowledge concerning the spectrum of sexuality available in the 1960's and now. Visually, back in the 1960's at age 18 I would have appear as an attractive tall blond. There still would have been the thought my tallness would have attracted too many inquiring eyes toward me. With hindsight I would not have thought of myself with the negativity I felt in the 1960's. I do ascribe to the belief there is some degree of innate femininity in my DNA which has me swing at times into the world of Stephanie, but, I have always enjoyed my maleness. I guess I would just be more comfortable with being Stephanie for whatever reason or motivation she decides to assert herself. I have no desire to become a woman, because, then there would also be the desire or pull once a woman to emulate a man.

[Rhian]

I think people over estimate how liberal the younger generation are. Even in academic circles at the most prestigious universities LAD culture is still subscribed to by a large proportion of the students. While I have no doubt that someone who is trans would be treated with respect and dignity I think someone experimenting would be the object of ridicule. It's easy to say you would be free to experiment when in reality you still have to meet the peer group expectations of new and old friends.