Scared

[Antonia Flemming]

I have been crossdressing since i was a youg boy but have always hidden it away and petrified of anyone finding out about me, am i perverted, am i sick or am i just confused? I love my wife very much and she allows me to buy whatever i want to for my CD purposes, but saying that she has no interest in seeing me dressed at all. I want to go out into the big world as a part time Woman but i am to scared to take the plunge for fear of being ridiculed by society, i dont think i could cope very well with negative reactions. Anyone else suffering from this problem and has any advice for me then please reply?

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Antonia

I think you should seek out a support group. A lot you can attend without being dressed they will provide support for you. Then you can decide you nest step from there.

It is a good first step to getting out.

[Meghan4now]

Ah, yes young miss Flemming, pretty much most of the members here have had those concerns and feelings to one degree or another.

Only you yourself will be truely able to answer them, but it might just help to read some of the past posts, especially some of the sticky posts. There are all sorts of resources on the web, some terrific some terrible. You may even want to speak with a psychologist or other gender identity counselor. Not for a CURE, but to get a handle on what you are feeling and how to deal with what you discover and deal with the world. Sounds like your wife is a good partner, and may be able to help you make some sense of this.

[Tina_gm]

I think where you are is going to be in part a determining factor as to the reactions you may get. Although in more accepting areas you will still find some negative reactions, and in less accepting areas you will find positive ones too. I would suggest at 1st, to find a place you can go to where it is general no big deal. In the northeast, in NYC, the village in manhattan, or at the tip of cape cod there is provincetown. Either of these two places would be a great starting point.

[Antonia Flemming]

Hi Gendermutt!
Im not from the states i live in Germany but thanks for your reply.

[Adriana Moretti]

the hardest part as they say is the first 10 steps. I have noticed the more I went out, the less frightened I became, and also the less negative reactions. These days its mostly positive from both men and especially women, which I think has to do with dressing correctly for the occasion. I have noticed reactions before, and as my friend has said when going out with a big group , when one is read we all are. And being read isnt bad, as long as you look respectable .I also live in a very accepting part of the country so that helps here. But going out for the first time is very scary, but over time it becomes second nature. xoxo

[Alice Torn]

I would guess your wife would have big trouble with you going out in public? Maybe she is ok, as long as she does not see you dressed up? I have been very scared, before i first went out, felt that everyone would see me, and point, or say something negative. I was stopped by a police officer the second time i drove dressed! Was scared, but he was professional, just gave me a warning about my nervous driving. Like, other said, dress to blend at first, for the occasion, fairly modestly. It gets easier, but there is always some nervousness, and vigilant of surroundings, people.

[Jenniferathome]

Antonia, you are in your head. Get out. I know that may read as trite but we are our own worst enemies. I just a few years ago, I thought going out was an impossibility. Yesterday I wore this to the UPS Store and then into a boutique to buy a new dress. The day before I was out in Monterey having dinner with a friend.

No one is out to ridicule you. But, there will be haters sometime. Do you really care what a bigoted stranger says to you? I have written the following a hundred times and it is what helped me get out: I do not pass as a genetic woman. And that's ok.

Those that go out were in your shoes. Just turn the handle and go outside.

[Nikki.]

I have no advice, as I have not gone out yet either, but you are not alone in your history, experiences and desire to be out in the world. I plan to go out this fall, I'm really nervous about it, but I'm going to say to hell with it and go anyway. I'm more scared of lying on my death bed filled with regrets than getting laughed at. :shrug:

[Antonia Flemming]

Wow you look amazing! But i dont have the courage to go out dressed, My family would disown me but its killing my hiding it all away plus i could not do it to my 5 year old Daughter.rsz_120160705_165024.jpg

[Helen_Highwater]

Hi Antonia

I think you should seek out a support group. A lot you can attend without being dressed they will provide support for you. Then you can decide you nest step from there.

It is a good first step to getting out.

I can only second Shelly's suggestion. You will find kindred spirits with whom you can chat, share experiences and hopefully come to realise you're not some sick pervert. What you fear about being found out by family and friends is something most of us have gone through or still are. That doesn't mean however you can't find a time and place where you can express yourself.

[Jenniferathome]

... i dont have the courage to go out dressed, ...

You don't have the courage, YET.

None of us had that "courage" on day one. In fact, it is not courage you need. You are not facing a lion. That would take courage. You need to just not care what others may think. I know, it sounds simple... because it is. I do not want to be embarrassed nor do I want to cause friction for the normals. The key to both is to dress for the time, day, location and event.

Also, there is no need to out yourself to your family. If this is a part time thing, they do not need to know nor accept. When my gut was in knots because I was frustrated stuck at home, I reached out to others on this forum. Most notably AllieSF, who took me out. A wing man is great thing. We cross dressers are everywhere. We are near you. Just reach out. That holds true for support groups, IF you need "support." If all you want to do is go out dressed, then I would not call that needing a support group.

[chelyann]

Antonia if that is a picture of you, you look fine and should pass fine
find some gender nutraul clothes and work your way up to womens ,go to a mall so there is a lot of poeple to be safe

have fun

[Stephanie47]

If that is you at #10 one of the fears of going out into the world is believing you're body type will pass for a woman. I've been out, but, I have not mingled with the masses. I really do not have any desire to go to a mall. I've found it relaxing to go out totally en femme at a place where there is minimal chance of running into somebody I know. I also go out in the early evening when it is dark. I also find going out when it is raining lightly. Using an umbrella helps obscure my face and my height. It gets fairly cold in Germany. Getting out in an ensemble of boots, tights, skirt/dresses and a hooded parka may be the way to go.

I think most cross dressers have had doubts about their overall sexuality. At least you're not in the dark ages before the Internet. You may not find a cross dresser living right next door, but, we're all over. You may even find that having gone out for a evening stroll has satisfied your curiosity. Sometimes the anticipation of the event far exceeds the actual event.

[Tina_gm]

You can take a middle approach. Rather than grabbing a bullhorn and announcing it to the world, you can be discreet. Many of us have children that do not know, myself included.

[Tina81]

I'm at the same stage with Antonia and Nikki although I'm more emotionally aligned with Nikki_P, want to go and not live with any regrets that I did not. I've got the clothes (have shopped regularly at Talbot's outlet and Kohl's) and the shoes, the jewelry. Just need to get a wig and figure out this make up without looking like a raccoon.
At this moment, I'm living vicariously through those who do go out like Jennifer and the others.
Thanks for everyone's words of encouragement. It really does help. I hear your voices when I'm shopping in DRAB for clothes, shoes and jewelry. And I know I'll hear your voices when I take the first 10 steps. Thank you for sharing.

[TheHiddenMe]

There is a saying about how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

Ten years ago I went to a trans party dressed. After about a half hour I got nervous and left.

Two Halloween's ago I got dressed in the evening, and then walked around a public area in St. Louis for about an hour. The world did not end.

Then last year I had a golf trip to Reno, and decided it was time to get bolder. I booked two nights in San Francisco, and drove from Reno to SF. The first afternoon, I went in drab to a MAC store, and had the assistant (a guy) pick out the right foundation and powder, and he put both on my face. I walked back to the hotel with the makeup on, did the rest of my makeup, dressed, and went out. Got to try on shoes, and walked around.

The next day I got made up at a Sephora. That was a goal for a long time. The assistant was nice and I really enjoyed it. I then walked around the stores, and even went to The Cheesecake Factory for a late lunch. Tried on clothes. There were lots of people in downtown SF, but if they noticed, nothing bad happened. I am sure that I don't pass, but I didn't care. Nobody knows me there anyway.

For Halloween last year I dressed earlier, went to a Dress Barn (tried on clothes)--and the sales associates said to come back--tried on shoes, and went to an Ulta to try on and buy a lipstick. I then walked around where a Halloween street party was happening. Again, the earth didn't stop.

Since then, I've tried on woman's clothes (dressed as a guy) in department stores and thrift shops.

I also joined this forum and posted pictures of myself on here. Never thought I would be brave enough to do that.

As you are in Germany, you are a train ride away from any number of cities where nobody knows you. Pick a city that is TG friendly (Berlin?), book a room, and go.

And after you do it the first time, you start planning your next adventure.

[Robin414]

It sounds like you're at the confidence building stage Antonia, good news, confidence is easy (just takes time and a little thought). Try going 'out' slowly where you know you won't be seen and eventually move up to places where you'll be seen but not likely interacted with (a nice park in the early evening...i.e. broad daylight with folks walking the dog). Before you know it you'll be shopping at Long Tall Sally and visiting local convenience stores comfortably en femme!

Confidence is just a symptom of success (which is why it's so universally attractive), and success is easy...if you choose your battles carefully early on (unless you look like Jenna Talakova, in which case...whatever 😃 )

[Sarah Beth]

As Shelley said making contact with a support and starting out in the friendly confines of that group would be nice. You said you live in Germany but still there must be some there. That is unless you are like me and live in the middle of nowhere, the closest support group to me is almost five hours away.

Also, in spite of what some people who post here think, some us live in areas where it is completely unadvisable for someone to go out dressed in our communities. I have learned to accept that I am not going to be able to go out dressed. It's not like I would ever pass anyway and I doubt at this point in time that it would add anything to my life if I did do it. My only experience going someplace public dressed didn't turn out all that well anyway.

You just have to decide what is right for you, what is safe for you and move forward with that.

[OCCarly]

Start small and under the radar if you are afraid. My first forays dressed were fast food runs through the drive through.

[Antonia Flemming]

Im trying so hardme1.jpg

[Sascha Marie]

makeup makes a huge difference. iv watched a ton of makeup vids on youtube and im getting much better. practice makes perfect