What have you learned??

[xNicolex]

So through being a crossdresser what have you learned about yourself and other people? This can be something you gained or lost through being yourself. I'll get the ball rolling, I learned that you can't always trust people to do the right thing, and that not being true to yourself leads to misery I think being a crossdresser enriches your perception of the gender pool and you learn a greater appreciation for people. But thats just my How about you?

[Linda E. Woodworth]

Sorry Nicole but I don't agree with the basic premise that we gain or lose something by being transvestites.

Without trying to steal popeye's thunder "I am who I am" and dressing does not add or subtract from that.

[Dana44]

Eeek, I agree with both of you. However, the fact that we are trans and that makes us a bit better with more empathy for fellow humans as gender dysphoria does make us more fem. That is my

[Angie G]

I'd be in some misery if I couldn't dress every day. It hurts thet I can't be Angie 27/7. I've learned that crossdressing as made me a better person.
Angie

[Roberta Lynn]

While I was growing up. I was very conservative. Didn't like for people to be different than what I thought they should be.
I'm a lifetime crossdresser and back then I considered it a terrible perversion.
As I matured and especially after I found this forum and the wonderfully diverse people here I came to except who and what I am..
I also realized that as long as someone wasn't hurting anyone else they had a right to be just who they want to be.
I agree with Dana. Being a crossdresser has given me more empathy for my fellow human beings.

Roberta

[Teresa]

Nicolex,
Your first two points relate to life anyway, I was self employed so they were points to remember to remain in business.

I think the point I've really learned is how complex our brains really are, sometimes what we achieve despite part of out brain being on different plain is incredible, my CDing is with me 24/7, no ebb and flow ! If only all that could have been channelled in the same direction instead of different ones ! That's GD for you !

[LisaJ1]

I have learned my feminine side came right out very well and has made me a better person in life.My mom has seen it made me a better person as well,she says I am much calmer as Lisa which is true.

[Amanda M]

I've learned that it can be uncomfortable - or even dangerous to be different. You see, I do not associate that with crossdressing alone. Any perceived difference gives rise to fear, doubt and reticence. If you are in a wheelchair, people may not speak to you directly. The server will ask your caretaker "Does she take sugar?"

Being black - or white, depending on the neighborhood, tatooed, physically deformed leads to the same social judgements for many people. If you are different, then in the eyes of the ignorant, you are a threat.

Here, in the UK, racism has a different slant. "We don't want any of them moving into our street!" "They are all stupid, just wanting welfare"

When I meet this is I love to say " Imagine. Your wife is 20 minutes from death from a perforated appendix. The only surgeon available comes from India, Africa, or Rumania.

Do you want him to operate?

[sometimes_miss]

I've learned that homophobia is still a huge problem. Both in the acceptance of LGBT people by the general public, and more importantly to us, our own fear that WE might not be perfectly straight. Until I started reading this forum, I had no idea how many people were creating female personalities in their own head to blame homosexual feelings on. I had initially thought that the use of a female name was just something they did for fun; I had no idea how deep the fear was to avoid potentially accepting their own homosexuality. I was also surprised at the reluctance to try to figure out why they crossdress; it drove me crazy to not understand what was going on in my own head, for years I grabbed at any information that might lead to an answer. To suddenly find that such a huge percentage of us accepted the idea of being born a crossdresser with the inconsistancies that went along with it, just blew my mind. I was never able to block out my thoughts or feelings; I didn't forget things that happened to me. While I understood the concept of traumatic amnesia, I had only seen one patient with it in my life, so I thought it was rare. Yet, something is clearly going on in a person's head when one day they have no interest in dressing up as a member of the opposite sex, and in an instant, they suddenly do. And I find it very odd that no one finds that unusual at all.
And last, in the past 18 years since my divorce, I've learned how very, very few women can accept crossdressing in a mate. I didn't understand all the dynamics of sexual attraction, and how being perceived as feminine in any way was such a sexual turn off, to the point where they wouldn't even consider dating us.

Again, there are exceptions, but there certainly aren't enough of them to go around for the millions of crossdressers out there. For anyone who really believes that there are a whole lot of women out there willing to date and marry crossdressers, again I challenge you to open up a date a crossdresser website and see how many women you get applying. We're waiting, anxiously. We'll even pay. While you might not think I'm a great catch, there must be, out of those millions, at least a few tens of thousands who are nice, have great jobs, and at least decent looking, who any woman would be very happy to 'catch', if he were not a crossdresser. So where are all these crossdresser friendly women? The only answer I ever get, is 'oh, they're out there, just look'. Right. Always back to the useless answer.

[Lorileah]

Linda, everything is a learning experience.

[pamela7]

I'll suggest, pending Nicole's response to Linda, that it is possible the act of "coming out" gains in some life areas and loses in others. I've just come back from my first face-to-face with my inlaws after revealing my trans-ness to them, and I can tell you there's a distinct change in the frosty direction. The gains in personal happiness are weighed against the unhappiness of others who cannot love difference.

As to learnings, oh my goodness, I could write an essay for hours on those, on subtle m-f behaviourals, on subtle discrimination, on the horrors of patriarchy and misogyny, seen from "the other side of the fence". I've discovered my brain is wired female and that I cannot go back, ever, to the male mode.

[NancySue]

I've learned that once you recognize and accept yourself as a cder, it's here for the duration. The more you "fight" it the more it takes over. Denial leads to bad things....guilt, depression, anxiety, monetary loss (purging), etc. This is exactly why I faced it early, told my fiance, before marriage...gladly, she appreciated my honesty and is very supportive and helpful. I am blessed. I know where we live, society is not ready for us, thus we must maintain a low profile and guard against discovery...which would be a business and social disaster. Sad, but reality. When we go out it is out of town, but even then, we are aware of the possibility of being read, ("small world" encounter), auto accident, police, etc. So far, we've been lucky. We accept this and always try to make lemonade out of lemons.

[xNicolex]

Hi Linda I understand that, you are who you are, we are all who we are. There is no ''basic premise'' Everyone experiences lifes ups and downs differently. I merely just wanted to know if being trans had altered the way we as CDers experience the world. Of course life is a journey of learning that doesn't stop and as I said is an individual one, but for us trans people we will experience more ups and downs than that of none trans folk, given our normal everyday stresses and strains on top of being a crossdresser I'd say we learn a little more about people as we are more cautious of them and their opinions of us, weather we are comfortable in our own skin or not nobody likes to be discriminated against for any reason. Pamela7's example of her meeting with her inlaws sums that up, as a frosty reception was had. Sorry to hear that Pam hope it works out for you But that's just my point we will all lose or gain something in life based on the choices we make, trans of not we are still people with the same feelings and desires as everyone else. Thanks girls for all your feedback its been interesting reading your replies I can relate with many.

[Jaylyn]

My wife tells me I am more compassionate, caring and understanding person when I get to dress. She says my patience for her getting dressed to go out has increased and said we have a closer and better marriage now. I guess I learned all this by dressing and trusting her that would accept me no matter what look like when dressed. I told her it could be just me getting older but I would like to think it came from dressing.

[Lori Kurtz]

I always liked to be a bit of a tart. For going out in public, I had to tone that down somewhat, but still, part of the thrill for me was to know that the sex appeal that I was projecting was having an effect on men. Of course, that brought an element of fear--what if some guy were to persistently try to hit on me, or worse, start to hit on me and then realize that I wasn't a woman at all? Even though I am a smaller than average guy, I have never felt any sense of threat of violence from other males while I was in male mode. But part of the heightened excitement of being en femme in public was that element of fear. And that made me realize that genetic women are always at risk of being subjected to unwanted advances from men who are bigger and stronger than they are. And women are in a sort of a trap: they are encouraged by the media and social expectations to look sexually appealing, but then are condemned for doing exactly that, and women who are harassed (or worse) by men are often blamed for the boorishness of the men who victimize them. I think that stepping into the female world has helped me to have a visceral understanding of what women have to deal with, and has encouraged me to be more sympathetic and considerate than I would otherwise have been.

[renaej7]

Wow. Where do I start? I've learned so much. The most important lesson is that I have to love ME and reach my level. I spent so many years trying to look like this or that particular woman. It was exhausting and brought a lot of disappointments when I looked in the mirror. Once I began to love ME and reach my own levels, I became 10x more happier.

[Gillian Gigs]

I have learned that nobody is perfect, me included. I had to accept myself for who I was, and also accept others for who they were. I learned that I had to stop judging others, because I didn't want them judging me.
Being a CD'er is only one part of my life, so why should I get my panties in a knot over it!

[EffyJaspers]

So through being a crossdresser what have you learned about yourself and other people? This can be something you gained or lost through being yourself.

I'm stratching my head to think of something as it's tough to think of something if you don't push on that thought pattern.
I guess I learned that going out just in feminine bottoms but still looking completely like a guy can create great anxiety until you start enjoying whatever you went out to do... in my case shopping a bit or actually went to work for like two months on and off in yoga pants.
Someday I will know if I was needlessly pulling away from some friends that learned I wear panties.
Someday I will know what a facebook community thinks about it, because I don't want to live thinking of a random acquaintance running into me and questioning it. It's unlikely they would provoke something, but it's that anxiety that they would gossip sort of behind my back to people that didn't know about it, but if I broadcast it then I will know for sure that they could have gossiped than worry that it was more of a gossiped rumor.
I learned to accept more different kinks and differences because I have what could be considered a kink. CDing is an added on spice that is my life as much as being a furry is an added spice to another person's life, or how being an adult baby is too.... to stigmatize adult babies is super easy, but... I always think how my perspective would be if someone made fun of my comfort zone of CDing sometimes. Or if I was into bondage, or etc etc. I GUESS ITS TAUGHT ME to be more accepting, to look down on myself when I roll my eyes at something I don't like. Just for most added spices to life though; I will think further on it for all people but I still look down on fat people because 'only so much of it is genetics'.
Still a jerk, but more accepting of 'all' others. End of blurted thoughts.

[Tracii G]

Accepting my female side has greatly changed the overall person I am.
I know it and other people have seen it and remarked about it.

[Lily Catherine]

I'd say I learnt most importantly that acceptance from within is paramount - the emotional roller coaster began to smoothen out as I started to come to terms with this habit, this compulsion. Pushing it to denial is tantamount I dare say to lie to myself (and for that matter to God). I've wished and willed this side of me away in the hopes that it'd disappear, or better yet, that it had never happened. How stupid of me to think that.

Another point would also be looking at acceptance from without - and understanding that it never comes easy. Beyond a certain threshold, I don't feel acceptance can and should be forced - as much as I crave acceptance, it's the highest privilege for someone else to accept this part of me.

For all it's worth me presenting as a woman, and consistently having a waxing and waning desire to do so, I learnt as well that the clothes don't become me. They're a mere tool - albeit an indubitably essential one at this point - to bring light to the darker (unseen) side of this moon. My identity isn't a satellite revolving around a certain cut of clothing.

On a less feel-good note, I've come to realise that we operate a great deal on our hidden presumptions, especially negative ones grounded in fear. Fear being the mother of caution, I can still get it. My side of the world, being trans often carries with it unsavoury assumptions about engaging in prostitution, and the act of crossdressing with perversion of multiple forms. Perhaps these are the most visible elements where the rest of us are either closeted (like myself), or making efforts to blend in seamlessly. We have here a global observer that already doesn't take particularly kindly to social deviancy, so I dare say it'll take quite a while.

I've learnt also that Seizing The Day is another high privilege never to be taken for granted. At this point - much as I do want to - it's fairly difficult to go full time, and consequently my opportunities to at least put on the wrapper I feel most comfortable in are limited. I don't expect to be Young And Beautiful (if I am even the latter at all) for long anyway, but I still anticipate that my desires won't magically disappear.

[Kate Simmons]

For myself it was just one piece of the overall puzzle. Still working on most of it.

[lisa_vin]

I've learned that simple crossdressers are still the most disliked, distrusted and misunderstood of all people under the trans umbrella! Even therapists and gays have told me that. I've also learned that acceptance is very limited and very difficult to find. Despite all that, I've realized that I, myself, am a better, happier and more well-adjusted person because of it.

[Tiffany Jane]

I have learned more in the last year than I have hid in the last forty years. Our spirit is not to be darkened or diminished. It also takes it upon itself to be expressed in many different ways. Having accepted help this last year and reaching out to family and friends, they have witnessed the person they knew before and didn't realize why I had compartmentalized my attributes to two different spectrums when it was me as a whole that made me who I was. I am trying now to meld them and as easy as it is for some to go out fully dressed, it is my attempt to blend the appearance of myself that is heightening my social anxiety. Women's clothes, jewelry, and make up but just the same old body underneath. Gender dysphoria looking back at the mirror, but it makes sense when I see my reflection.

Learned the phrase "Just be yourself" is not as easy as it sounds coming from someone who looks in the mirror everyday and recognizes themself regardless of how they look.

Talked to my sister-in-law this weekend about it who knows. My sister had told her after my birthday that she had never seem me look so happy and looking so good. Grown my hair out, new clothes, painted toes, and some make-up. My sister-in-law, just told her I was working on giving the family back the person that they knew before. My sister was in tears.

[Teresa]

Lisa,
I'm sorry you have had such bad experiences, I'm not sure if there is such a thing as a simple Cder, we're all different but up to now I've never come across the differences in attitude from counsellors , and SAs and the public don't really know the various differences under our TG umbrella. I may have been misunderstood but never distrusted or disliked by anyone for being a CDer.

[Sometimes Steffi]

There was a time, before I accepted myself, when I thought that I was the weirdest dude in the world. Now that I accept myself, I'm much more willing to accept people even "weirder" than me.

I've also gained a much greater appreciation about how much work it really takes for a GG to look pretty and well put together. I'm so much more impressed now about GGs who pull it off, and sh much more accepting of GGs who don't pull it off, either because of how hard it is or because they're not really interested in doing it.

I've also found out that some women's restrooms have many more amenities than the men's rooms.