Afraid to go out

[BettyMorgan]

No, this is not the first question. In fact, it is not a question to even ask. It's irrelevant because passing as a genetic woman is a virtual impossibility for all of us. So forget that notion.


DO dress for the time, location, event and you will be fine. Head up, eyes up, shoulders back.

You are so right Jennifer!
I have been slowly coming out of the house. It was a terrifying experience at first. Now it's not so bad. I don't pass 100% but it's rare that anyone actually looks at me in public. They pass by, that's all.
I went to a city three hours away bc my GF had a conference there. I went out dressed, shopped, ate, wandered the city. No one gave me a glance except for a 5 yr old boy. It was great. But in the evening when I went out to dinner with my GF, and we passed groups of people on the street, I lowered my head to hide my Adams Apple. My GF said, don't hang your head - be proud of who you are. So I agree with Jennifer, head up, eyes up, shoulders back.

[Curiouser&Curiouser]

No, this is not the first question. In fact, it is not a question to even ask. It's irrelevant because passing as a genetic woman is a virtual impossibility for all of us. So forget that notion.


DO dress for the time, location, event and you will be fine. Head up, eyes up, shoulders back.

Preach!

The sage wisdom of a self-assured, beautiful person to another beautiful person coming out of her shell.

Good luck Lacey, I hope to join you on the outside soon!

Sandra

[Lisaleggy]

I have massive respect for anyone with the guts to go out!

[Laceyveil1987]

Thank you so much everyone for all of the information, suggestions, and support! This will be challenging given my extreme anxiety and panic attacks. It is very scary to even think about but talking about it helps a lot

[Krisi]

As usual Krisi's answer made me shake my head.

Glad I could entertain you today.

Realistically, if you look like Hulk Hogan in drag, you will have a much harder time blending in with the crowd than if you are closer in size and shape to a woman. If you're not uncomfortable with people laughing and pointing at you, that's one thing but we're talking about someone who is afraid to go out. Being laughed at could make this outing the first and last outing.

In my experience, a lot of "advice" given on the Internet is self serving or given with an agenda in mind. Lets try to remember that we are dealing with real people with real feelings. That's what's important here. Helping this real person.

[BrendaPDX]

Hi Lacey, Lots of good advice here, I like following Jennifer's posts, always has great advice. My first attempts were pretty pathetic, 4" stilettos, way too short skirt, big breast forms, a cheap wig, and no purse! My makeup looked like a grade school girls first attempt. I didn't know how to walk in heals outside, or what to do with my arms and hands (I still have problems with this). My posture was poor, and I walked like a lumberjack. I am much better now, but the bar was pretty low back then. Use the advice that works for you, but I think the most important thing is to keep your posture stright, chin up, look around but no eye contact, walk like you know where you are going and you belong there (you do). Revel in the feeling of being out!!! Please share your experiance with us. Good luck, Brenda

[Rachel Anne]

I was in exactly the same spot...well, still am to some degree.

My first time out was by accident...I'm always en-femme at home, and I was in casual mode...tank and shorts...and went to take the trash out. Was half way there before I realized what had happened.

Fortunately I'm OK at 20 feet, and it was night...soooo.

I've made a few forays beyond the mailbox, but never further than a few blocks, and never in the day. I had the begezzus scared out of me my first drive around and that put me off for a long time.

[Jessica Watanabe]

I vividly remember the first time out, and the second, soon they all blend in. I travel for business. I find that stepping out of your room (Don't forget your room key) or flip the bar so it doesn't close behind you. I would walk up and down the hallways a few doors each way. What a thrill it was. As your get more comfortable, try walking to the ice machine or soda machine. Just be confident. Once I was returning to my room from the ice machine and a man was coming the other way. I just smiled at him and continued to my room. Of course once in the room my heart was racing.

[Alice_2014_B]

The confidence does grow each time.
I started by going to the post office, in high heels, at night; then I ventured to department stores at night.
Start slow and at your own pace.

[Stephanie Lynne]

I agree with Alice. The you go out, the more confident you become. Start slow and in places that you're comfortable with. The more than be learned to dress to blend, the easier it has become. People really are too involved with their own errands, stiff, or phones to notice. Those that do tend to just look and move on. Enjoy life and have fun!
Stephanie

[ellbee]

My answer is always the same, and it worked for me (back in the dinosaur era).
Go to gay bars. Fun, accepting, safe.
NO!!!! You don't have to be gay. NO, you probably won't get hit on, and if you do, a polite no will suffice. YES, you can use the lady's washroom. NO, gay men's pheromones won't turn you gay, but may stir up some fun feelings.

+1

Also helps if you can go with a GG or gay male friend.

[docrobbysherry]

Lacey, going out is NOT for everyone. I go out a lot. And yes, it's easier the more u go out. But, I never go out in vanillaville without being stressed!

The only time I remotely enjoy being out is when I'm with other girls. I would never go out to a Dennys, Walmart, mall, etc. during daylite hours. Or anytime by myself. It's just not much fun. Wondering who is going to say what. Or, where's the next chuckle or fish eye coming from? When it comes to those venues, I can go there or anywhere, anytime, in drab without a care in the world!

I'm a closet dresser. For me, that's where dressing is all fun with zero stress!
Not all of us want the hassles and the dressing compromises necessary to go out amongst muggles.

[Eryn]

I'll tell you what NOT to do: Don't do anything that a GG wouldn't do. Don't go wandering around alone at night.

You also don't want to go to someplace where you're the only person to be watched.

Better to go someplace where there is a moderate number of people who have something to do. A shopping mall is a good choice. Everybody there has something to do, so you can go about your business pretty much unnoticed. It also gives you the opportunity to make limited and controlled interactions with people if you want to.

[DaniT]

I'm with you, although I repressed all this for many years. I feel not only an intense need to go out but also an intense need to come out to most of the people close to me in my life. My fantasies about it are both vivid and enticing. So far my intense fear of rejection has stopped me but I am working through the fear and hope to get out on Halloween at first and then work my way up to a regular thing after that.

Dani

[Rachel32533]

You are all right! I went to the casino last night and took time to really look at the women! There were all types big and small, tall and short some very feminine some very manly. Some very beautiful some not.. There were all types.. I could not guess if some were real or if some were not. I guess what I am saying is their are all types and unless you really want to stand out, you can disappear in a crowed. Stay out of bright lights and we all can look great! Good luck

[Stephanie47]

Halloween is on a Monday this year. I am assuming there will be parties galore through the entire weekend at many venues. My first forays among the masses was on Halloween. I figured "What the heck!" I went as a tastefully dressed woman in a black dress, hosiery and heels and a blond wig. A different Halloween I went in a knee length jade and black dress, heels and blond wig. Full makeup and nails. I went into a doughnut shop and Safeway and just drove and strolled around. Mentally, it was more relaxing because it is a day for dressing up. On another thread I suggested going out this Halloween weekend on all the days and even getting a female based costume for Halloween such as a princess or witch.

Any other days I will only offer "Do what makes you comfortable." Do pay attention to safety. I've found I am more relaxed taking evening strolls when there are still sufficient numbers of people around so you are not the only woman on the street. I love the rain in the Pacific Northwest. The rain offers an opportunity to use an umbrella which will hide your face and somewhat detract from your height. It will shield you as you pass in front of people. Makeup small trips that will force you to get out of a car. I dropped off books at the night return slot at the library. I grab a newspaper from one of those free paper boxes. I mail a letter.

I've found going out alone become boring. If you do not have a place to go or something to do, then after awhile I have satisfied my urge to explore that new part always seemed challenging. I actually do prefer being an in-home cross dresser because I actually do accomplish many domestic chores and enjoy emulating a woman.