Thinking ahead to the day when I come out to my SO (I know it is long overdue).
If I am to venture out dressed, which is preferable to visiting hotels, there are the neighbours to worry about.
How do others cope in this situation. Have you managed to reach the position where they take you for granted
whether in guy or girl mode?
Quite simply, I don't care if they know or see me dressed but I won't shove it in their face. I assume a few of them have seen me in my comings & goings. None have ever said anything to me. Note that we are not really close with any of them, but we do talk occasionally when we meet on the street.
I usually just get in my car as normal & go.
Kim
"I just gotta be me"
I'm kinda like Kim -- I take care of me and let the neighbors take care of themselves. I haven't had a problem. I'm waving acquaintances with most of my close neighbors and they all still wave and say hello. Neither they nor their kids nor their visitors seem to have any problems though. Neighbors further up the street see me go by on my walks and seem more interested in their own business than in mine.
I am friends with my closest neighbors and they take care of my house and yard when I am away and I help them with projects so coming out to them as a crossdresser would be awkward. I keep my crossdressing away from my neighborhood and from anyone I know except my wife. Life is simpler that way.
I choose to keep my TG-ness away from my neighbors out of respect for my wife and also children who don't need that kind of static in their young lives.
That said, two things are your friends.
1) No-fly zone, an area around your home within which you will not go out. Mine is pretty well defined but I have very few select places within the zone where I'll go out.
2) Changing-on-the-fly. This takes practice, the ability to change out on the road means you can leave the house in your anonymous-dude self.
Keep in mind that a no-fly zone is not foolproof. Historically, I have run into people I know twice. Once in Vegas, once closer but still outside of my zone. Then came yesterday where my friend Kim and I were at an outlet mall in Carlsbad (well outside of my zone). We walked into a store and within 10 seconds I spotted the wife of a friend. She was staring at her phone so I doubt she saw me. This calls for drastic measures, what Kim calls a "Code 13" which is pretty much an about face and depart with no questions asked. I said to her "let's go" as I turned to leave and she replied "Code 13?". Yep, 'nuff said!
Such is life when one chooses to keep this part of their self compartmentalized away from the normal routine. It is about risk versus reward and taking careful measures without falling victim to paranoia.
Last edited by Sara Jessica; 07-30-2016 at 09:09 AM.
Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)
My wife is very paranoid about the neighbors seeing me as Jennifer. So she has strict rules.
However, when staying at my mother's house 10 years ago. While mom was in a nursing home. The across the street neighbor, single lady and her adult daughter spotted me getting into my car as Jennifer. She asked me about it next day, and I came clean. She was cool with the idea. Advised me to keep the curtains drawn.
You may find that it isn't how you react to the neighbors knowing about the other you.
You may find out it isn't about how you react to the neighbors knowing about the other you.
You may very well find out that what really matters is how your SO reacts to the neighbors knowing about the other you.
My suggestion is to be honest with your SO. You have to be honest with yourself first, BTW. Then give her time to get comfortable with the new situation. Keep your dressing indoors until she is comfortable with your new situation. This can take ten seconds or two years. It's all up to her and how well you help her deal with this. Once she tells you she is comfortable with you indoors, then ask if she is ready for you to go outdoors and how she wants you to handle the social interactions. Those are way more important to her than you. If she says NO then stick to it. You may find a support group that meets in a place not exposed to the general population, where you can go, transform, and be "OUT", albeit behind closed doors.
Just be considerate of her. She probably didn't sign up for this and it could throw her for a loop.
Having spent a lot of time today thinking about this I can't decide, do I tell them or do I wait for them to find out? it is easy to say do I care? yes I do, I want everybody to know the truth, but the problem is what do people do when they are told the truth?
Hazel xx
All of my neighbors have seen me en femme. I go for bike rides around the neighborhood en femme. I'm not really friends with anyone around here, but no one seems to care.
I have pretty good neighbors now and do come up to me when I am dressed as Lisa.They talk to me.Use to have a couple bad neighbors I had to call the cops on a few times.One stole from me was one reason why.
I would have to say i am with Kim on this one, but my wife is a little paranoid about it, i basic go out side all the time even with a state highway behind us, i go out and hang out clothes on the line as a woman normally every week. You must know what is right for you, take care, hugs.
[SIZE="3"][/SIZE][SIZE="3"]Stacy Lynn Coral[/SIZE]
I have been living full time for three years now, but way back when- I pulled into my own driveway, and my nieghbor was borrowing my lawnmower. I couldn't back out, and pretend I was never there, he had already waved at me. I got out of my car wearing a blue floral sundress, and wedges. He looked me over from top to bottom, and said 'You look great'.
My nieghbors on the other side moved in later. I always waved at them. Some time later, after introductions, she told me she always thought there was three people living here. I got a good laugh out of that.
Before my neighbors across the street left for yet another year long mission, they had Hi def security cameras install on the front of the house. They get a straight on view of the entire front of my house and driveway. As I know he is a retired IT specialist, I'm sure he accesses video on his phone. Probably just to make sure the landscapers are keeping the yard nice. I generally venture outside every morning and lately I've been running minor errands in full Carla mode early on the weekends. But, I've decided that I just don't care what anyone thinks. Funny, this morning as I was returning from an uber buxom shopping adventure, just as I entered the community gate, I pulled up behind my next door neighbor who was on his morning bicycle ride. I just pulled back and followed slowly until he passed my house. I do get funny vibes from my other next door neighbor so, I'm wondering if he's seen me and is just doing the uninformed faux homophobe thing.
You know, I really don't give a rat's patoot!
I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!
Neighbors. well, let me think. The guy up the hill is misogynistic, the guy down the hill is overtly masculine and angry. The people across the street are at lesat 3 families in one house and seem to have people coming and going at all hours.
I don't get into their business and they don't make any difference to me in mine. (and at least I am open about what I am)
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
I have good neighbors all things considered, yeah some are noses and others mind their own business.
They have seen me dressed up leaving and returning to the house on numerous occasions. Nothing has ever been said they still waive and speak to me, and whenever there is a cookout I still get invited.
Don't waste time worrying about the neighbors, just saying
Way too Girly !I couldn't smell the smoke, and now I'll watch the flames
Out on Parole ......Woo Hoo
I tend to keep to myself.The only naighbours I really talk to is the naighbours with small dogs like I have. I really don't need go out dressed.
Angie
Actually, some of my neighbors seen me and never have said anything. One called me a lady. LOL but I have been out and go to the truck and anybody could seen me but what heck does it really matter. They may think I am a trans but really, I don't give a crap anymore. I just go about my business and they go about theirs. I go across and talk to them but they are always nice to me and I am sure they have seen me.
Part Time Girl
Joanne,
My wife is more sensitive to this than me, when I drive off to my meetings she gives me the all clear from a short distance down the road, I walk round my garden now without worrying too much , I do feel the best action maybe just have a quite word with them and tell them that on occasions they may see me dressed differently and hope they aren't offended. They may have already seen me, the point not to forget is we aren't the only CDers who knows what goes on in your neighbour's houses.
I would have certainly approached the situation in this way if I had separated from my wife. It's much better to bring it out in the open and tell them face to face than let them gossip behind your back.
Maybe a good example is when I was shopping in a charity shop in my home town and one of my son's neighbours was a SA in the shop I had a blouse in one hand and a pair of heels in the other, he said hello behind my back , I just turned and explained clearly that I was buying for my own needs and it was part of dealing with a situation I was born with, he just smiled and and politely gestured me to carry on. I could have dropped the things and run for the door so what would he have said then to other people, I bet he never mentioned it to anyone.
Last edited by Teresa; 07-30-2016 at 12:25 PM.
I just don't care enough about my neighbors to worry about what they might say.
I live in an apartment building and I could care less what the neighbors think.
I've never hidden it and now most know all about me.
I do have new neighbors next doors and they are two middle aged ladies so its possible they are lesbians just not sure yet.
They have seen me mow my grass in capris and pink accent tennis shoes and a floral tank top.
Hair pulled up high in a pony tail with different colored scuncis.
I have spoken with them and I'm sure they think I just the neighborhood gay guy but thats fine with me.
I was with a group of neighbors and we welcomed them as a group like we always do new neighbors.
I have one friendly neighbor, one grumpy neighbor who always seems to be home, one neighbor I will never speak to again, and a couple that shop at the same thrift-stores I do at the same time on half-price day, so they know. At some point I won't care, but it concerns me enough to have changed in the car and in a (men's) bathroom stall the only two times (so far) I've been out and about.
Our neighborhood isn't all that social, beyond a wave now and then. I used to be worried about the neighbors seeing me, including hiding in the back seat as Mimi drove us away.
Over the years I've come to realize that nobody really cares! I now walk out to my car, climb in, and drive away, holding my head up proudly. At worst, I'm just seen as another woman living at my address.
Back when I was in my early 20s, and living on my own in an apartment, I occasionally would have neighbors catch me either wearing pantyhose, or in heels, and would say shit like faggot or pussy. Eventually move to another apartment building, and nobody said anything.
Fast forward many years later, and after a divorce, living on my own again, venturing out wearing heels in the summer, nobody ever said anything to me.
Bring things into the present, same lifestyle, happened to be wearing wedge flip-flops at a laundry facility in my apartment complex, and an older woman looked at me looked at my feet and just continued folding her laundry. Nothing was ever said, nobody freaked out, and no fire and brimstone to place.
“They’re not women’s clothes. They’re my clothes. I bought them.” (Eddie Izzard)
My neighbors are for the most part older than me and we (myself and SO) mow their lawns and shovel their walks and both have seen me en femme and only one put up a For Sale sign on account of it (just kidding, they're wonderful people).
Just had a new neighbor move in two houses down though and appears to be a bachelor who drives a Porsche and a Harley...wait'll he gets a load of me! 🤗
Posting Permissions
