More Specialist Advice

[Lucy77]

Hi,

Well I already got a dress. Got the hair removal cream which works great and got the wig. Bit by bit, it's starting to come to shape.

However, I think maybe with my relatively fragile mind, it would be good getting some more structured support, to be able to talk things through and maybe find a group I can try things out in safety and get some tips and help. Quite frankly, I don't know whether Im coming or going. I've been totally lost these past few years. I don't know who I am or what I want out of life.

I am scared that my openness about this and lack of emotion one way over this and so many other things, means that this isn't genuine. It has me doubting all my actions!

Im not surprised I don't feel comfortable though. Out of everyone I've told, I've had great encouragement and support and a few have told me to be careful about who I tell and suggest I should discuss things with a professional.

But those closest to me, my parents, tell me that what Im doing, the dress, the wig etc, isn't me. They tell me it's wrong and stupid and I should stop. What would people say? They ask if I've told anyone and when I say I have and have had support, Im told they're just being polite.

So that's where I am. Im still exploring. I've bought some make up, and will have a look at this. But it would be nice to speak to someone, to help get in touch with me and unlock me.

[suzanne]

You have lots of friends here who have been where you are and come out the other side better than ever. The first thing you need to know is there's nothing wrong with you. You are not committing any crimes. You are exactly the person you are meant to be. You are a beautiful person who has a right to be here.

If you think your parents are wrong about you, they are. They seem to be clinging to their comfortable notions about you, but only you know yourself. Find a counselor. He/she will help you put your thoughts in order so you can express yourself clearly.

[Pat]

We can't tell you if it's genuine. In the end, only you will know that. The advice to get professional help (I'm assuming that means gender counsellor / therapist) is probably a good one. If you can find one, they'll have experience with many TG folks and can help you sort things out. And if you are TG they can help move you along the path to self-acceptance. But in the end, it's going to be you who answers the question. Good luck.

[Curiouser&Curiouser]

Get help!

No, seriously though, I try to give this advice to everyone: if you're doing something for the first time, get the advice of a professional. Doing your hair? Talk to a hairdresser. Overhauling a motor? Talk to a mechanic. Making a personal discovery? Talk to a therapist. It is simple and sounds obvious, but for some reason we have a stigma associated with counseling. Like it is some way of admitting fault or weakness. I just think of building a better me, and it seems clear that I could use a little help. And if cost is an issue, I advise people to search for a university with graduate counseling programs - you can get young, energetic and committed therapists for a fraction of typical costs. If there's a school within sensible geographic proximity.



Sandra

[Teresa]

Lucy,
I've checked your age but your profile doesn't say but I assume you are quite young. Your parents may look at it as a passing phase, possibly even saying get yourself a GF and it will all go away. Only you can say what you feel inside, many of us were born like it so it's possibly going to be with the rest of your life, maybe if you sit down and think it through even write it all down, if you do feel you need counselling at least it's clearer in your mind.

It is becoming far more accepted, you shouldn't feel guilty or ashamed of something inside you can't change, you have to start to come to terms with it and accept it, if you can do that others will start to understand it .

Asking about the details of how to apply makeup isn't as important as coming to terms with it, so you don't question your actions, you will find eventually much of that will pass and you will deal with makeup and clothes selection and shopping without the same questions and fears. Coming out is not the big deal many fear, you are not the only one and the number is growing with a greater acceptance.

[Lucy77]

Hi Teresa, Im late 30s and live in the UK too.

To everyone else, I say Im exploring my feminine side, but I think there's a few people who can't quite process that part of that means Im going to put on a dress!

I know I've wanted to do this for a long time and I've buried it. The question is why. I don't know why. I have no clue why. I just don't want to bottle anything up any longer and I want to explore every element of my personality. Every time I feel "I think I should try that", i want to do it, and see what happens. I'd quite like to find a CD Group and talk with them, get help, advice, be around like minded people and be Lucy with them.

When I look online though, it does seem most groups are for people who are confirmed/committed people, rather than people exploring. I would feel like I was gatecrashing, or had some obligation!

[Rachelakld]

Not only specailists, but also beautians who wax your legs, see the girls for a makeup session, chat to a friendly sales girl when buying a new dress.
Most females are supportive, my daughters understand that they have the better life and surprised more people don't want to have a life like theirs.

[Diversity]

This forum is a great place with which to be associated. I had similar issues and through this forum I overcame the anxiety I was feeling. I encourage you to read the threads and posts and, perhaps, discover a friend with whom you feel comfortable to converse.
Good luck!
Di

[sometimes_miss]

suggest I should discuss things with a professional.

Best advice. There are therapists who specialize in gender identity and you should seek out one of those; general psychologists do not have the experience to know and treat us. They try, but are often stuck learning along with us, so it's really not much help. I have watched a few documentaries done in the UK and it appears that the health service there does acknowledge transgender patients, so perhaps you can get a referral that way.

But those closest to me, my parents, tell me that what Im doing, the dress, the wig etc, isn't me.

Of course. They probably adhere to the tradition that men are men and women are women, and neither should ever, under any circumstances, cross that line. That's how they were brought up, and those beliefs are often very, very strongly held.

Im told they're just being polite.

This can often be the case. No one likes conflict in their life, so it's simply easier to tell someone what we think they want to hear. This is often the case with us; I'm in the closet, and at work I often see people being nice to gays, crossdressers, transgenders, transsexuals to their face, and then laughing at them behind their backs. This is the primary reason I don't tell anyone about my crossdressing.

[Teresa]

Lucy,
There are two sorts of groups, some are help groups and others like mine are social, but all are welcome , it's up to you if you wish to socialise with others or you need a help group, we are are a mix of Cders and TSs, many partners also come along so it's good to chat with them and get their perspective. We also have clothes, wigs and accessories for sale, I usually spend some time talking to the SAs about outfits and their thoughts on the TG community .

[Maria 60]

Well you got the typical parent worry, they never care about there children's happiness but worry more about what people would say. Well at least the people are happy. I could never figure that out. Unfortunately there's only one person that can answer your question and that's you. Pour a big glass of wine and do some heart thinking.

[Alice Torn]

Lucy, You are 39. Old enough to make your own decisions. I had overly controllong parents, and older control freak siblings. They think they can control you all your life!