Leaving it behind

[Gillian Gigs]

There have been threads about whether it is possible to leave this life style behind, but where do most of you stand on this? Pick one of the following, make up your own, and state why you think it is so.

1. Impossible, it ain't going to happen...ever!
2. Well there is maybe a one in thousand chance, but that is not much of a chance.
3. Only if I really had, or wanted to.
4. Why bother putting yourself through the suffering and denial.
5. Anything is possible if you put your mind to it.
6. Most of us don't, because we enjoy it too much.
7. It is harmless if handled properly.
8. I can quit any time I want, but why.
9. This is the way we are hard wired, CDing is really denying that we are a TS in waiting.
10._____________________ .

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

I am in the number 6 area, I enjoy it and for the most part it is not affecting other areas of my life. I am not going to deny that it would be very difficult stopping, because I have stopped in the past because of guilt and always started again, usually within 6 months.

[Lana Mae]

For me, #1!!! I wore panties around 6-7 years old and had no idea what I was doing!! As a teen, wore panties!! It was sexual but still did not know what I was doing!!!! Twice after married ,around early thirties!! Still sexual and not sure why!! Widowed and turned 65, Hello pink fog!!! Like a brick wall!!! Thank you internet and this forum!! Now I know why!!! Guess what, I am not going back!!! I am on a journey to find my feminine side and will find Lana Mae!!!!!! I caught a split second glimpse and will not be satisfied until I find her!!! It is hard wired in but no plans to transition for now!! Getting too old!! LOL Well, I have been long winded for me!! Hugs and love Lana Mae

[Andrea2656]

Interesting set of choices. I am not sure that they are all mutually exclusive. I think I am a 6-8. I do not feel I have a reason to stop and my SO is supportive (we certainly have some house rules). If you do not deceive people (a problem I had and worked through) it is mostly harmless (though the shoes start to add up!). I am not sure about 8 but I have had gaps measured in years so it may be possible.

[Allisa]

#10, not until they find my lifeless body and then who knows what's next. I've invested too much time, money, emotions and mental well being to stop now. It's too much fun.

[phili]

#2 since there is always hope, and let's face it, not being a CD would be easier. I've really been working on how to stop since my wife is super agin it, but it is a deep rooted piece of how I feel, and always has been. that said, it is obviously harmless, acceptable to a large number of people, and my wife can't really explain why it is so upsetting- so hopefully I won't have to find the 1000th solution!

[mykell]

#10, not until they find my lifeless body and then who knows what's next. I've invested too much time, money, emotions and mental well being to stop now. It's too much fun.

this ^ and ill just add when they can pry my pumps and my wig from my cold dead body is when ill have to consider being a quitter, even then i could still be buried with them....

[CONSUELO]

IT IS ME and a part of my entire being. I can't leave a piece of me behind and live. It is that straightforward.

[Teresa]

Gillian,
Now I'm in my mid sixties and know I was born like it, and it's for life, I can't see the point of denying myself the pleasure I'm finally getting from it after being in solitary confinement for so long. So put me down for 1,4, 9 and finally 6.

We all know it's more complicated than a set of numbers but it's just a bit of fun to see what other members come up with .

[NancySue]

Numbers 1, 4, & 9.
# 1. Since age 5, starting with nylons, I've compulsively and willingly moved from from a single item to dressing completely and continue refinement of the finer parts. This life style is a compulsive behavior pattern that will never completely go away.
#4. Why bother with suffering and denial ? What about depression, guilt, secrecy, financial loss (purging) etc. They come with the territory. I've dealt with each and have resolved each. My wife has been very supportive and accepting.
# 9. Our life style is definitely hard wired (genetic). It might be TS denial for some, but not all.

[Alice Torn]

Since about 13, started sneaking into mother's, and sister's things, quit for many years, because of church condemning it. Ordered mail order pantyhose several times. Age 51, bough used dress, then wig, then heels, then jewelry, perfume, purses. Had to quit, when living with other people a few times. It is a deep seated thing. My religion says to repent of it, stop it all, but i know i will have this thing at least part time, until i am too ill, too hurt, or dead. Or, if i met a woman who deeply loved me, was patient with me quitting. I have never got to have a beautiful wife, like most on here. I think i would be willing to talk about it with a potential wife, and be willing to stop most of my dressing for her.

[Nikki.]

10. I dunno. For me it comes and goes. 2-3 weeks ago the pull was so strong I was counting the days until life permits me to go full time if desired. the past week and a half, I'm meh about the whole enchilada and have little desire to dress. I should keep a journal and see if cyclical or falls into a pattern. Though even when the desire isn't there, I know it's still in the background...

[sometimes_miss]

Having quit a few times already for numerous years, theoretically it's possible, depending upon your ability to isolate the desire to a point where you can tolerate the desire to do it without indulging in the behavior itself. Of course, you will need to figure out why you're doing it in the first place before you can do that, and from what I've read, most here are unwilling to tackle that problem.

[Elizabeth G]

I think I'll make myself a 10. Sure I can leave it behind. I've done it a number of times. Then I can leave it behind again when I start up again. Lather - rinse - repeat If I ever choose to leave it behind again, and that's a huge if, I WILL NOT PURGE! Simply because I know I will be back at some point.

[Kate Simmons]

Since I've made it a total choice to do or not, it's no longer a necessity but a "nice to have". I consider it an art form and have fun with it.

[CarlaWestin]

#6 for sure. I'm just not going to stress this thing that I like so much. That's called the gift of self acceptance. Which leads to #4.
And I just don't subscribe to #9.

[Pat]

10. Not clear where "lifestyle" fades into identity -- it seems to me that crossdressing is a symptom which could potentially be left behind but the underlying condition (let's call it transgenderism) is permanent. To scratch the itch of transgenderism you'd either have to find a new behavior that would satisfy you or you'd have to be able to ignore the itching. Evidence seems to suggest nobody can ignore the itch and bad things happen when we try to (stress, anger, health issues, etc.) But if there was a different behavior that could scratch it, you could presumably replace one with the other. No idea what it would be, though.

That may be what we see when we look at the range of behaviors -- some folks are into very wild dressing that happens intermittently (itch builds up) and some are very low-key but constant. I like to tell myself that self-acceptance and accommodation of transgenderism reduces the itch and so reduces the symptoms. But I have no science to back it up.

[Meghan4now]

Well,

I think the answers will vary from person to person. While not a popular opinion, I see CDING to be a potentially addictive habit. I'm sure I will get burned for that, but when people say they CAN'T quite, that there is some physiological or psychological NEED that overrides otherwise logical choice, this is by definition an addiction. But even addictions can be conquered.

Even if it is not an addiction, but a basic drive (libido is a drive, not a need. No one ever died of a lack of sex. Maybe wanted to, but physically no.) People have been successfully celibate for years, or got up and worked out every day even though they would rather sleep.

So I believe that people CAN choose their actions, even in defiance of desires. But it does take will power, and ultimately a choice of priorities of gain versus investment. Personally I experience 5-8 at different times.

[savannaxdrsser]

Hello all! I am a #6. I have stopped for a time, but i always come back to it, it is just a part of who i am and how i enjoy expressing my feminine side. Of course being on the internet and finding others who are similar to me has both helped and has kinda fueled the progression. It was for a time enough just to slip on the most basic things, but now I feel the need to dress completely when i have the chance and enjoy my other persona.

[Tina_gm]

#10- many of us leave it behind all the time. Work, friends, family, our partners.... We don't do so permanently, but we do leave it behind. We do so for practical reasons perhaps, It doesn't define us enough to make it permanent... (these are mostly my reasons) If my life circumstances made it so I could never dress, unless drastically altering my life then it would really truly be a choice. One I am not certain I know which way I would choose. I know the femininity and the desire to express myself in that manner will never go away. For now I leave it behind for the reasons I stated, and dress when those reasons are not a factor.

[Majella St Gerard]

#1, the genie ain't going back in the lamp for anything.

[Krisi]

You can quit dressing if you want to or have to. Join the Army and you will quit. Go to jail and you will quit. It's a matter of willpower. If you say you can't quit dressing, you are saying that you have no willpower.

[Amy Fakley]

Well ... all I can do is speak to my own personal experience.

My experience has been that this is an expression of inborn identity, and as such, I can stop dressing, but that is not the same thing as exterminating the desire to dress. Whether I indulge the desire or not, it will remain ... it's has always remained, since the very first day that I realized there were girls and that they were somehow different from who I was supposed to be.

In a similar way, I am left handed by birth. I can learn to not use my left hand. It's as simple as "well just use your right hand instead, dummy!" Given enough time and dedication I can (and have in the past) learned to use my right hand just as well as my left. It is possible, no doubt! But given the choice, im.always going to go back to using my left hand, because that is how my brain was wired from the get-go.

With dressing, however, the emotional consequences are far more severe. Left unchecked, this unfulfilled need to express myself begins to grate on me, and turn me into an irritable person. In the days before I could be honest with myself about who I am and what this was, that irritation was compounded with an absoloute mountain of shame and self loathing, and though I struggled mightily to keep it all inside and not be a hard person, I often failed.

So I guess what I'm saying is that there are all kinda people in the world. For me, yes I can certainly stop crossdressing, but as I've grown in my understanding of myelf, I've come to understand that I can't stop wanting to, and indefinitely abstaining from cross gender expression ... while possible ... is not psychologically healthy for me.

Your mileage may vary, of course.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Gillian, #1. Crossdressing is like the Mafia, You just can't quit! ......

[Ceera]

I would like to say 8 - that I could quit any time I like, but I just don't see any reason to. But it is probably closer to 3 for me - that I could quit, but would need a very good reason to do so.

I feel like I have full control on when and how often I go all the way girly. I carefully plan most of Ceera's social calendar and the days I will just let her have free reign to do anything, from buying groceries to walking the dog through our neighborhood.

But at the same time, my day to day male presentation has become increasingly feminized. The cashiers at my grocery store remember me as the guy whose nails are always painted and look fabulous. The sales associates at Hot Topic and at Claires know me in both presentations, because I can't refrain from dropping in even in male mode to check for new earrings, necklaces or other girly things and buy them. Even in my most masculine presentation, my nails are done girly fashion, my ears are pierced, and my arms and neckline are clearly shaved smooth as a girl. More often than not my pants, belt and sandals are from the girl side of my closet, even if they are relatively unisex.

I lost my job this week and will need to go to job interviews soon. I considered whether or not to have my pretty acrylic nails, which have been girly 24x7 for the last 7 months, returned to natural nails or at least toned way down to what would pass as male style nails. And not only did I decide not to give up my girly nails, I even decided that I may just attend some of the interviews fully en femme! Why not seek a fully accepting employer?

Honestly, if I could quit easily, would I spend as much as I do and as often as I do for girly clothes, accessories and makeup? Would I spend well over 80% of my social time out fully en-femme? So yeah, it would probably take exceptional circumstances to make me quit. Like finding a perfect woman to spend the rest of my life with, but she could only accept me as 100% male.

[Georgina]

4 and 6. I don't want to or need to stop. Once I finish work I don't wear any male clothes until the next morning.