In the waiting room waiting for my first therapy session🤔😬
In the waiting room waiting for my first therapy session🤔😬
moving forward in life - always the best way to go.
See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz
Hi Jessica,
Hoped luck
good luck with today! I am telling my doc soon and looking forward to finding out how your visit goes xXx
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.... Scrap that, Set the unicorns freeeeee
Hi Jessica, That sounds great, Keep us advised...
...
Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~...
I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !
If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.
Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!
My counseling sessions were so helpful and I hope yours will be too. Let us know how it goes.
Jessica, good luck! As everyone said, keep us informed!! Best wishes!! Hugs Lana Mae
Thank you all she was a nice lady easy to talk to I explained my history and were it started and the problems I have now and my need to give this up for my marriage she asked if I would try anti depressives she said it can reduce the urges and said I should bring my wife and try negotiate would be better only get 45 Minites so it's a lot to take in
It's ok to be nervous. You've just taken a big step in. Your life.you'll be fine
Why are you going to a therapist?
Hi because I need to leve this part of me behind and be the family man my wife married I have to
At lease try to save my marriage I do not want to quit but I don't want to lose the life I have but sadly it's one or the other
If I understand correctly, you are going to a therapist so you can quit crossdressing?
A lot of people on this forum will try to tell you that it's impossible to quit. These people are "enablers'. Crossdressing is something that you can quit. It's not chemically addicting like drugs, alcohol or smoking. It's basically a habit.
Each morning when you get up, you have a choice of a bra and blouse or a shirt. You have a choice of panties and a skirt or briefs and pants. Pumps or oxfords. It's up to you.
It's sad that you have to make the choice between your hobby and your family, but life isn't always fair.
Good luck and best wishes. One thing you might want to do is to stop visiting crossdressing forums. Hanging around here won't help you quit and your wife wouldn't understand it.
It sounds like an ultimatum. Your wife, or the dressing. I hope your wife will agree to going to a session with the therapist, at least once, in hope of a compromise. If not, kiss the lady things goodbye. And hoping your marriage goes better.
Jessica,
I hope it goes well for you, I've been through two different sessions now but they can only guide you you have to come to your own decisions hopefully knowing yourself better with her help.
I've been on antidepressants twice, the problem is they may ease your anxiety but I found they also took away the feeling of guilt and shame from CDing so the outcome was I felt more comfortable with my dressing. This is not the outcome my wife wanted , which it appears you are trying to achieve for your wife's sake. I'm going to say sorry but it doesn't work like that , you are backing yourself into a worse situation which may blow up big time in the future.
Your therapist can't stop your CDing she can only help you and hopefully your wife come to terms with it, it's part of you that you can only bury for so long. Please believe I've been there and tried to do exactly the same thing, and by my early forties nearly ended my life through the the situation and my wife's attitude to it. I had the added problem that my wife wouldn't attend any of the sessions, I was the one with the problem and it was for me to sort it, that is very hard when you're alone with it and no one to talk to. ( I wasn't a member of the forum then !)
I'm not saying we are all the same a but I can see enough similarities to see you are expecting the wrong outcome from counselling. I went to get the facts straight , I then wrote it all down and offered it to my wife to read, at that point I told her that was where my CDing is, if it's too far out of your comfort zone then we should accept a separation . We have stayed together but now I go out socially all my family know about my dressing, I've told her I'm not bothered who knows because it's not going to change me, she still chooses not to see me but accepts it something I need to do. I do accept it's a compromised lifestyle but at least we have an intact family so we can enjoy our grandchildren together.
Keep at the therapy and my best wishes.
Several people here believe that cross dressing is just a hobby or a "habit" but I don't subscribe to that view and neither does the majority of the psychology profession.
i had a hobby of stamp collecting which I pursued with enthusiasm for many years but over time my interest in that hobby faded and leaving it behind was not traumatic.
I also smoked cigarettes when I was young and that was an addiction and a very bad habit. I gave it up one day and although it was a struggle at first it became easier and now I wonder why I ever did such a thing. I have never been tempted to go back to smoking in many decades.
I tried to give up cross dressing and it was as if a part of my fibre was being torn from me. It was qualitatively very different and felt like part of me was being wrenched from my psyche.
Neverthless you have a vitally important issue facing you and I wish you the best in resolving it. Keep up with the therapy.
Wow, so happy you got your PhD in psychology. You should rock the whole profession. Honestly if it were "Just a habit" people would walk away every day and never return. So how do you explain the depression, the self hate, the anger toward the spouse, the relapses, the feeling that it is a part of who you are? But since you evidently are well versed in this matter, I have to wonder why you still hang here. You never seem happy. Maybe you just need a new hobby.Originally Posted by Krisi
To the OP, you made a good choice going to therapy. I don't agree with getting on a drug to break the cycle but sometimes it will help you get where you want to be. Your responses flag things that should be discussed with your therapist (and I also agree that your wife being in on some would be helpful). You believe that somehow, when you dress you are no longer "the man". You are still the same man, you can do all the things you could do in jeans in a tshirt. If counseling helps you function in life without dressing,that's great. I am sure others have done it. Not saying they were happy doing it, some may have been , others probably held a lot of resentment for being forced into a corner. You do the best you can and you do one day at a time. From what I hear from you, this isn't what you want in life.
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
I totally get what you are feeling and why. If I could ask a few questions. How does your wife feel about this? Would you feel the same about this if you were not married? Do you think it is wrong, or just wrong for your situation?
A therapist will attempt to help you in whatever way you wish to be helped. So long as what they do fits within ethical boundaries. rx for anxiety for gender issues does fit within this.... It will dull whatever you are feeling, gender anxiety and pretty much anything else you are feeling. This is a bandaid of sorts, but it won't take away your desires to dress or be feminine. Nothing really will. Depending on where you are at in regards to transgender (if you have a good idea) do you feel you can live your life as male only? I know you want to for your wife, but can you, and do you really want to? Perhaps.... an inbetween approach, depending on how your wife is reacting to this might be a good idea.
Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned
Answers don't come from therapy, they are released from within when you are honest with yourself and your wife. Having 5 sessions this year, I was given a diagnosis from my therapist, but many of the questions I had were answered through talking over three months. The first session I walked out feeling great, honestly speaking about my past, my present, my future. Next day, as all the old feelings settled back down, they repositioned themselves. Some lost their weight and some seemed to regain their strength in how they affected me. Yet, I am happier most days. Social awareness and anxiety still affect me but not as bad. And my wife and I, she supports me and who I am, have actually grown more as I am able to discuss feelings with her and our open relationship is even more clear.
I wish you the best, but be true to yourself. It is easy to put our feelings or ourself last, believing that this is just easier or makes us the better person. I am not sure how much counseling you have had with this doctor, but seems that the answer of medication is quick, unless you are in a place thinking of hurting yourself or others. Talking to anyone you can trust is a great therapy.
Oh, the things we could do, if we only knew, the things we knew we could do.
Good luck
xoxo
Caitlin
Hi thank you for you replies the truth is I don't want to quit I think this is why it's so hard but I need to try and save it it's a good marriage .I'm going to stick with the therapy it may help me find we're I am in my self as for the drugs I'm not sure yet the wife says I should try them but I think she is looking for a cure I think she'd rather I had a arm missing than be a dresser I've had the ultimatum of stop or were over. She has tryed to live with it but feel she can not any more she has never see me dressed it's just the thought of she hates it .my wife has said she will join me for some sessions I'm hopeing to negotiate with the help of the therapist but this is a long shot I think we will see kris is right I do need to stop looking at this forum it's not going to help me stop but it's the only place were people under stand me and my problems thank you for your help
She's not worth it, stay true to your desires, we all deserve someone who is interested in them, not disgusted. Your desires are more important than your partners, it's your life! Don't let anyone force you to contain your excitement. If she matters that much, than make a compromise so you can both be happy.
I agree with the joint counselling to attempt to negotiate a compromise. That's what a true loving relationship is. But, I will refrain from entertaining the other two comments as I would violate many of this forum's policies.
Tiffany J, you've said it all
In my personal situation, I choose to be my whole self. And I'll never be a cardboard cut-out to decorate someone else's perceived life. And in turn, my Wife can be her whole self without me bestowing her with commentary about what a perfect Wife should be. And we wouldn't have it any other way. It's not perfect. But, that's the perfection of it!
I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!
My degree is in reality.
Telling someone they can't stop crossdressing isn't helping them to stop. Why don't you just tell the OP to leave the wife and family and continue crossdressing? That's pretty much what you're saying.
So if people don't don't believe the same as you Krisi, they are living a fantasy?
To the OP - your best shot at happiness is a compromise with your wife. By totally quiting, it's not really a compromise.
If people believe that it's impossible to stop crossdressing once a person has started, then they believe it is a mental illness that can't be cured. Is that what you believe? Is crossdressing terminal?
Quitting drugs, alcohol and tobacco is harder than quitting crossdressing because they are physically addicting. Yet, many people have quit these things. It takes wanting to quit and it takes willpower.
Posting Permissions
