Hello all,
This is my first post here on these forums, I elected to skip the introduction sub forum but I might post there too.
I just have to say, the community here is amazingly supportive, which is why I decided to become a member here rather than the dozens of other places that I could have sought support. You guys are amazing!
I have a long background of cross dressing, I started somewhere around 8 or 9 years old and continued right up until the end of high school. I didn't have internet then and lived in a very rural area. I had no idea how common cross dressers were. When I left high school and moved away from home I left it all behind, including the shame and fear I felt growing up in a small conservative, religious town. To be honest I just quit, didn't think about it, and I didn't worry about it. I know that over the years I remember seeing girls clothing, wanting to put it on and wondering how I would look, but I never did.
Fast forward to this year.
Sixteen years later I am a reasonably successful member of society. I've been married to the love of my life for the last four years and we've been together for nine. This is where it gets weird.
A month ago, during a period of ultra high stress for me, it all came back at once. My wife was gone for two weeks to Europe and somehow I lost my mind. I honestly went from having not dressed in sixteen years to pink landslide in one day. I couldn't even say what started it. I went from owning no female clothes to having a decent wardrobe, silicone breast forms, hip and butt pads, full make up kit, nails, eyebrows, wigs, virtually overnight. Stuff you amazon prime.
I do have some insight as to how this happened. I supervise twenty five specialized heavy equipment operators, this environment is so flooded with testosterone that you nearly slip on it walking to the lunchroom. I work twelve hour days, very often seven days a week. I have to be the absolute alpha male in this environment at all times, if I'm not, many of these guys will attempt to do whatever they please. I love my job and I'm good at it but I'm reasonably sure that my current super high stress schedule is responsible for my state of pink landslide suffocation.
I spent an entire magical week dressed as a woman after work. It took the stress away and left me relaxed and refreshed. I was revitalized and ready to go alpha male everyday at work, even though the week before I had been on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
So... after reading so many threads here and elsewhere, I know that I need to tell my wife next week when she gets home from Saskatchewan. I don't think that it is going to go away for sixteen years again. It turned out that cross dressing was so therapeutic that it allowed me to do my job calmly under maximum stress to the best of my ability.
She is a devout catholic, but also rails against the church for the lack of understanding on LGBTQ issues so it could go either way. She is very enlightened and 5 years younger than me so I am hoping for the best.
Do you think I am doing the right thing by telling her or do you think that this is going to go away again and I will be able to put it back in a box and then bury the box in the back yard?
I don't feel like it's going away this time. I'm not scared of the reality of it, other than my wife's reaction, as this has seriously never every come up in the nine years we've been together.
I have read all the threads about breaking the news to SOs already so I guess I'm not even sure why I'm typing this but what the hell.
Wish me luck?