Does my neighbour have a point ?

[Teresa]

This may not be a completely hypothetical question, maybe someone has experienced this.

The scenario is I'm relaxing in the garden fully dressed, my wife doesn't wish to see me so she's out. My neighbour pops his head over the fence and says I'm glad I've caught you in that state because my wife has seen you and is disgusted to see it. If you don't mind can you please keep that kind of behaviour out of sight !

OK we all know how to educate people that think like that but does he have a point, my wife makes it clear she doesn't want to see me does he have the right to make the same point ?

OK this came into my head sitting dressed in the garden after a couple of beers !

[ReineD]

No, he doesn't have a point. What you do in your garden is your business. If his wife doesn't want to see you, she needn't look into your garden.

[Nigella]

I will second Reine's post 110%. What you do is not illegal.

[Teresa]

Please remember this is a hypothetical question, but I would be interested to know if anyone has had this situation or anything similar occur .

[Lorileah]

My neighbors don't like me but even on my deck which overlooks their backyard, I can do what I like. If any neighbor said that, hypothetically, I would tell them to take a leap

[Charlie Sissy]

I have had completely the opposite reaction from my neighbours they have said that it is my life and as long as I am content they have no problems how I present , (I am always decent although I have been out sunbathing in a bikini , but will have a robe or loose blouse to cover up if needed.

When I was first discovered by my neighbour I was worried how things would work out and kept asking if it was a problem for them and was prepared to accommodate them in not being so public , but luckily for me they would have none of it

[Teresa]

Charlie,
I'd like to think all neighbours would react like that, the question was does he have a basis to complain.

I guess the follow up questions would be what you say to him ? Lorileah has one way of dealing with it.
If I had separated from my wife and moved away I would have gone directly to any neighbours and introduced myself and then informed them that they may see me dressed differently and hope it wouldn't offend them, I've found the direct approach deflates any situation before it can take off .

[Kate Simmons]

Three possible answers from myself: And.....?, Your point? and So what?

[Lorileah]

Teresa, I did that for the only neighbor who mattered (now he won't talk to me but she still does). My neighbors on either side avoid me, the people across the street are anbivilant. But I am alone so it did not effect a spouse

[Meghan4now]

Well, they would have a point if it were considered lewd and lascivious behavior as defined in a court of law, but then it becomes a legal matter. Which is why there is supposed to be law and order and due process. Instead of lynching mobs. They can call the cops if they want.

[JamieG]

Your neighbor has the right to ask and you have the right to refuse. If your goal is to get along with your neighbors, then it is best to talk to them and try to find compromises that keep things from getting out of hand. In your hypothetical, the neighbor came to you and asked, as opposed to involving a HA or the police. That was good. However, saying that CDing is disgusting would be an impolitic way for him to approach the issue, and I would understand if you would be offended should he bring it up this way. I would probably say, "Well, I'm doing nothing wrong, but I am sorry that my choice of attire is causing your wife so much grief. Maybe we can find a compromise?" Perhaps a privacy screen to block sight of you from their yard, or maybe a schedule so that you will be out at different times. If you could care less about your neighbors, then a simple "Then tell her to stop looking in the direction of my yard" will do.

[Ms.Julie]

I don't think that it's as simple as the fact that what you're doing is not lewd or illegal. You have to consider what kind of relationship you want with your neighbors. Feuding with your neighbors is not a lot of fun. In the past, I've been in fist fights with neighbors(not over what I'm wearing). Upsetting the people next door can cause something as minor as feeling very uncomfortable every time you come-and-go all the way to physical violence--depending on how strongly they feel about what you're doing.

Don't get me wrong, I get it and would lean toward telling them where to go, but you do have to keep in mind that you are living next door to them.

[sometimes_miss]

My neighbour pops his head over the fence and says I'm glad I've caught you in that state because my wife has seen you and is disgusted to see it. If you don't mind can you please keep that kind of behaviour out of sight !

I'd start sunbathing naked at times she was expected to see. Lying face down, legs spread a bit. Just for effect. Or maybe trim my hedge like this one: Ass_hedge.jpg

[carrie001]

Did you ask why the hell his wife was poking her head over the fence in the first place?? If you're not breaking any laws, seems to me she's going to have to get use to it or stay on her side of the fence.

[Lana Mae]

Ok first it is none of their business how you dress on your own property!! I noted however, that most of those answering are from the USA!! I would be interested to see how people from different countries would react to this!!! Hugs Lana Mae

[Alice Torn]

Maybe ask them it the wife is playing Poke'mon Go!

[Dana does shopping]

Tell them to sod off ...

[CONSUELO]

I suppose you could counter by asking your neighbors to stop being "peeping toms". Folks do all sorts of things in their backyards and it is none of the neighbors business. I swim naked in my pool. My backyard is well screened but if they wanted to the neighbors could find a way of seeing my. If they do that is their problem.

Of course the modern version of this problem is what happens when the neighbor's camera drone circles overhead.

Bottom line-- Teresa, get out there and do as you want!

[Stephanie47]

The man does have a point. The point? His wife should move out of the neighborhood. Maybe North Carolina would be more to her comfort.

[Karen RHT]

No...the hypothetical neighbours don't have a valid basis to complain Teresa. It's likely however these hypothetical neighbours believe they hold the moral high ground, are "offended" by what she/they saw, and want the crossdresser (you?) to conform to their standards. Granted..."their" standards are common to the standards of many people, but my point is they're asking you to conform to something you don't hold as absolute, and they want you to conform to their standards while you're sitting comfortably on your own hard earned property.

Similarly, I can't think of a response you could offer that wouldn't come across as confrontational, offensive, and unreasonable to them. To their way of thinking, they have every right to peruse the neighbourhood, and shouldn't have to suffer exposure to "that kind of behaviour" while they do it. After all, they try very hard to be good neighbours now don't they. Said with tongue firmly in cheek.

I'm all for educating those willing to listen. I've also learned there are none so blind as those who will not see. IF you believe they will actually make a reasonable effort to "see," by all means attempt to educate them if you so choose.

Have I been in this hypothetical situation? Yes...but only partially. Although my wife is mostly supportive, she is absolutely paranoid a neighbour will see me dressed, then approach her with comments, complaints, or questions. She's made it crystal clear to me, she simply refuses to defend or explain Karen to anyone. Despite my occasional ventures out into our back yard, our neighbours haven't said anything to either of us to this point about Karen. Otoh, the landscaper we use clearly has seen Karen. He expectantly showed up while Karen was shaking out rugs in our backyard. I "owned it" as they say, which allowed him and I to basically laugh it off. The wife avoided any/all contact with him for about six months. They spoke with each other recently, but he never said anything to her about that unexpected surprise.


Karen

[Kim_Bitzflick]

I'll answer your question with a question.

Do you have a point asking him to put on a shirt because he is super hairy and you find it disgusting?

[AlyssaJ]

For me, know, in this situation your neighbor has no right. First, on the logistical side, you said the neighbor had to peep over a fence to see you, so stop looking over the fence. But I realize that wasn't really your point. Two things come to mind here. First, asking you not to wear certain clothes because she's "disgusted" by it is akin to telling an overweight person not to wear certain clothes because it "disgusts" you. It's wrong and there is no place for it. We all wear what we choose to wear not to make others feel one way or another nor to appease their vision of us. Everyone wears what they choose to wear based on their own motivations and likes. So to the neighbor I say get over it.

Now having said that, my second point I think is the crux of your hypothetical dilemma. If it's not OK for the neighbor to tell you what you can and cannot wear in front of them, why is it ok for your wife? Well, at the very heart of the issue, it probably isn't. However, when it comes to our wives, there is far more at play than our neighbors. First, she has to live with you day in and day out. She has no choice but to see you dressed if you dress when she's around. Second, I think we all as CD's harbor some guilt in that very few of us whose wives don't want to see it, were honest about our crossdressing before we got married. Most of us I think feel that our wives married us with a false or incomplete understanding of who we are. We made a commitment to our wives and vice versa to spend a lifetime together with a somewhat false pretense in place. I think most wives feel that way after they find out as well. So we give them more leeway and are willing to work with them to compromise. We've made no such commitments to our neighbors. Third, we have to live with our wives or lose them. Plain and simple. Again for this reason we're willing to find a compromise solution. And again, we have no such attachment to our neighbors.

So really, no one, not even your wife, really has the right to reject something that is a part of who you are and what makes you the person that they know. But wives and family get far more leeway than someone to whom we have less commitment.

[nvlady]

Would you be happy if I dressed normally and made love to my wife in my own back yard?

[NicoleScott]

If I had separated from my wife and moved away I would have gone directly to any neighbours and introduced myself and then informed them that they may see me dressed differently and hope it wouldn't offend them.....

I wouldn't. I think this would be setting yourself up. "Gee, if Teresa (or the name they know you as) thinks it's offensive, maybe it is".
If we're not doing anything wrong or intend offense, we can't be responsible for others taking offense.
Taking Offense At Nothing - it'll be an Olympic sport in 2020, the way things are going.

[Tracii G]

Are you asking this for a "friend" or did it actually happen to you recently?
Maybe I am reading a bit too much into this because its an off the wall question.