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Thread: Does my neighbour have a point ?

  1. #26
    Fember Lauren Richards's Avatar
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    Allowing your neighbor, or anyone else, to determine your behavior is against "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." One State motto is " Don't tread on me". I would update that to "Bite me!" Hypothetically... of course..

    Lauren

  2. #27
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    Great thread Teresa, I've often contemplated this myself and it's one of my greatest demons! I've never experienced it personally, my neighbors are wonderful but the thought of it nags at me!

    I'd say they don't have a point though, if you don't like it don't look at it, there's nothing wrong with it!

    On the other hand though, who wants to come across as 'offensive'...sigh 😐

  3. #28
    Junior Member Kelly Whelan's Avatar
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    "We object to the fact that you walk around undressed in your house in clear view of my family. I have lost count of the number of times I have walked into my kitchen, climbed the small step ladder, stretched out as far as I could, pulled the blinds down and seen your naked body."

    A satirized version of a true story. [not to do with me ]

  4. #29
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    Teresa, the mere fact that these types of thoughts and insecurities are (even hypothetically) circulating through your mind prove that the guilt trip that your wife is foisting on you with her incessant "OMG, what would people think if they saw you dressed as a woman?" mantra - along with the corresponding shame and humiliation that you would both then (again, hypothetically) face - is really getting to you.

    My wife has attempted to control me with a similar type of brainwashing, and for a number of years she was successful...until I mustered up the courage to go out in public en femme for the first time because the time had finally come, and I could no longer confine "Leslie" to just our house. As others here have corroborated by sharing their own experiences in this regard, it ended up being a total non-event, and I have been going out in public as "Leslie" for nearly 10 years now without so much as a single "incident". I have shopped in major shopping malls and countless women's clothing, shoe, and lingerie stores in my city, interacted freely with SA's, had my nails and makeup done by accommodating GG's, had bra and wig fittings en femme, and have used women's public restrooms extensively without ever encountering any negative reactions whatsoever.

    In short, the only person who has ever been distraught over my crossdressing has been my wife. Based on my own experiences and empirical, fact-based evidence, SHE is the one who is on the wrong side of history on this issue now, and so it is with your wife. Odds are that unless your neighbours are skinheads, religious fundamentalists or football hooligans, if they ever saw or met "Teresa" they would be totally nonchalant about the whole thing, if not downright empathetic and supportive.

    You have nothing to fear, and your musings truly are hypothetical. They are about as likely to come to pass as are the odds of you being hit by a meteorite.

  5. #30
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    Leslie,
    Your first paragraph could be the truth, she accepts me driving thirty miles dressed to attend my social meetings, but she does have the concern about me going from house to car and the first hundred yards to get onto the slip road to join the main highway.

    I thank everyone else for replying, it does sound as if some have encountered problems and dealt with it.

    Just to clear a few points up, we have been neighbours for about thirty years, his house and my other neighbour's overlook me from first floor windows, they may or may not have seen me in the garden but for some reason ( I think Leslie made the point) the thought of him objected raised the question of his rights.

    I know I've said this before but we're not the only CDers, I haven't a clue what goes on behind his closed door, it would be in interesting one if he stuck his head over the fence dressed and asked if he could join me in a beer.

  6. #31
    Stand-up Comedian En Fem❤ Alice_2014_B's Avatar
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    I've never experienced such, but like others have said: What you do, legal of course, on your property is your business and none of your neighbor's.
    Melissa: "... and why are you dressed as a woman?"
    Coach McGuirk: "Because it's freeing."

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  7. #32
    Curmudgeon Member donnalee's Avatar
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    Yes, he has a point - at the top of his teeny, tiny head.
    ALWAYS plan for the worst, then you can be pleasantly surprised if something else happens!

    "The important thing about the bear is not how well she dances, but that she dances at all." - Old Russian Proverb (with a gender change)

  8. #33
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    Leslie makes a good point I think your wife is more worried how people will view her rather than you if you were to be seen by the neighbors.
    Good chance they already know and don't really care.

  9. #34
    Member Marissa V's Avatar
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    when you walk across the street dressed, and someone walks up to you and says he's offended by the way you dress, you utter 2 words most of the time...'bugger off'. Why would it be any different inside your own house of wich the garden is an integral part?

    Secondly...being offended is a choise, you can as easely choose not to be offended. And in the words of a famous Aussie..."nothing happens when you're offended. Its not like 'yesterday i walked in my yard, and i saw a crossdresser and when i woke up in the morning....i had leprosy'." When you're 9 yr old comes in crying because 'charlie called me an idiot' your most likely first reply is 'dont worry about him, he's a moron'. So basicly you teach toddlers 'deal with it'...if that principle is ok for toddlers, and its said to us that we need to 'deal with it' when confronted with stares and gossip in public.....i'm sure it had to apply to your neighbour aswell.
    You can't fly with the eagles if you sleep with the pigeons.

  10. #35
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
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    The neighbours might not like it.

    I would say as long as you are not doing anything to cause offence.

    Its them who have the problem.
    Shelly

    Super Moderator....How to tell your partner......Abbreviations

  11. #36
    Member Marissa V's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shelly Preston View Post
    The neighbours might not like it.

    I would say as long as you are not doing anything to cause offence.

    Its them who have the problem.
    if he doesnt like it...you have caused offence. Thats the entire thing. And as you say, its he/them that have the problem. They can as easely choose not to be offended. If 'not causing offence' is the argument....we can all stop doing anything we are doing...because somewhere someone could take offence to anything we do. And if being offended these days is a 'valid right'...then so is 'bugger off'.
    You can't fly with the eagles if you sleep with the pigeons.

  12. #37
    Aspiring Member LaurenS's Avatar
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    Of course you're free to do what you will in your own back yard, but is this hypothetical friend closeted? If so, then the neighbor could share it with the world. If not closeted, then use the front porch. 😀

  13. #38
    member stacycoral's Avatar
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    Teresa, girl your in your yard and if they don't like so be it, but they don't need to down grade you, some people can't get out of there glass house. take care girl hugs.
    [SIZE="3"][/SIZE][SIZE="3"]Stacy Lynn Coral[/SIZE]

  14. #39
    Genderfluid Swiftie DanielleLee's Avatar
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    I'll take a chance and dive a bit deeper. While yes, you aren't doing anything wrong or illegal while in your backyard; and that SHOULD be enough... all of us who have neighbors know that sometimes in order to keep the peace, you have to put up with some BS from time to time.

    In this scenario too, you've indicated a DADT relationship at home, or at the least... a situation where the wife is going to be pissed if she finds out that the neighbors have seen you. (regardless if they approved or not)

    Just something to ponder while looking at the other side of the coin :-)

  15. #40
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    Reading all the responses, it's clear that some are not serious and some are not realistic. I think Danielle Lee has a good point about keeping the peace. I remember growing up and my parents and the next door neighbors feuding and it's not really a fun or comfortable situation.

    Since becoming an adult, I have tried to be on good terms with my neighbors. There are lots of advantages even if you don't socialize with them. It's nice to be able to go away and have someone to bring in your mail and packages. It's nice to have someone to keep an eye on your house. It's also nice to be able to get help with heavy lifting or to borrow (or loan) tools.

    You do have a right to prance around your property in a dress, but sometimes it's better in the long run not to exercise all your rights.

    In this case, we're talking about a DADT relationship and a relationship where the wife would rather her husband not be seen by the neighbors dressed as a female. I would say the solution to the perceived problem is to stay in the house when dressed or take the dressing away from the neighborhood.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    OK we all know how to educate people that think like that ..........
    We cannot "educate" anyone who doesn't want to be educated. All we are doing is arguing with them.
    Last edited by Krisi; 08-18-2016 at 08:39 AM.

  16. #41
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    DanielleLee,
    I'll agree that's part of the problem, my neighbours may well have seen me and are OK about it but my wife may not be so happy.

    At the moment recent events have confused me, I have arranged to play golf with another member, so she asked calmly would we be playing as men or women ? So what level of DADT am I in ?

    Jenn may chime in here and say it's OK as long as it's not on my doorstep !

  17. #42
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    If they don't like what they are seeing they can build a taller fence.

  18. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kim_Bitzflick View Post
    I'll answer your question with a question.

    Do you have a point asking him to put on a shirt because he is super hairy and you find it disgusting?
    Kim, I glad you said it. I deleted it from my post/comment, but, I had the same thought. I did not want to offend anyone. However, if I do I apologize. What would and does really make me cringe is morbidly obese men and women. When I see a morbidly obese hairy guy who decides to go shirtless...yuck!

    I also have had in the past curious neighbors who took it upon themselves to spy of me while en femme. I usually can sit in my backyard without being visible to anyone in the rental house to the north. I must have slipped up one day, and, the nosy neighbor spied me. I did not know it at the time, but, when I was doing some chores on that side of the house I over heard the comment of one to another, "I don't know why he wears women's clothing." After realizing I had been observed over a back fence which is five feet tall set on top of a four foot wall that someone was being overly curious. I noticed the entire family, none of whom (three generations of women) were employed would line up to see if I was going to give them another fashion show. I curtailed my back yard sitting. These neighbors were gossips and I suspect they ran off and told some other neighbors, but, none ever said anything. Anyway, they were evicted for non-payment of the rent and had the utilities turned off my the city. The new neighbors are friendly, but, they have small kids who like to climb the wall while playing. So, my outside activities are limited to when school is on.

    My wife is not accepting of my desire to be en femme, so, in deference to her I have not decided to do an "in your face presentation" to the neighbors.

  19. #44
    Silver Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    I would tell him to mind his own business, I don't care what my neighbors think, I can dress anyway I want to, or not at all it's my property and they should not be looking over the fence.

  20. #45
    Gold Member Dana44's Avatar
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    As this is a thought up situation, I would tell him to bug off. But here where we have no fences. I've been out and about. But don't flaunt it and no neighbors have said anything except one down the street calls me a lady. LOL no matter how I am dressed. I guess once a lady always a lady.
    Part Time Girl

  21. #46
    Silver Member NancySue's Avatar
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    We live in a quiet suburban neighborhood. I just finished mowing my lawn, dressed...makeup, bra, with forms, panties, a dark blue tee shirt, women's shorts, flats, nails, and a touch of my favorite perfume. My neighbor came out to get his mail, smiled and waved. In this "conservative" area, one never knows gossip-wise. But, at this point, I could care less. Our neighbors are great friends. We only hope, if my being "comfortable" while I work, becomes an issue, they'll chat with me one on one. The GLBT issues have not been well received or accepted. My guess is, those that object the most and loudest probably dress too. 👗👠

  22. #47
    Member sarahcrossed's Avatar
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    id tell them to mind their own business with a middle finger on each hand up.

  23. #48
    MIDI warrior princess Amy Fakley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    My neighbour pops his head over the fence and says I'm glad I've caught you in that state because my wife has seen you and is disgusted to see it. If you don't mind can you please keep that kind of behaviour out of sight !
    "I'm glad I've caught you expressing a regresive, borderline bigoted opinion, because me and my wife have heard this before from you and I'm disgusted to hear it. If you don't mind, can you please keep your completely inappropriate troglodyte objections to my private behavior inside your head where they belong. Thanks, and have a nice day"

    Hypothetically speaking, of course :-)

    update just for clarification, this my hypothetical response to Theresa's neoghbor! Not to Theresa directly!! -- sorry for the confusion :-)
    Last edited by Amy Fakley; 08-18-2016 at 01:54 PM.
    "Why shouldn't art be pretty? There are enough unpleasant things in the world." -Pierre-Auguste Renoir

  24. #49
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    Saying someone is disgusting is wrong on so many levels, and could only lead to defensiveness. No they have no right to tell you how to dress in your own home. Such small mindedness! Seeking some kind of compromise without giving up your rights would be the ideal approach IMHO. My SO is ok with my wearing women's clothes but because I work as a consultant she's worried that it may impact my Biz. A point well taken by me. Compromise works for me.

  25. #50
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    Amy,
    Those are not my thoughts it was possibly something a bigoted or small minded person might say, I'm going to apologise if using that tone offended you that certainly wasn't the intention of the thread and I would never use that tone with anyone. Also I apologise if other comments have offended you, if you wish to PM me to explain I would be happy to put your mind at rest .

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