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Thread: Assuming a CD is Homosexual

  1. #26
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    Lori: Ding, ding ding! Correct!

    Now excuse me while I round up the three crossdressers that just escaped through the front door.

  2. #27
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    Following up on Lorileah's comment on ignorance, we should all remember that we know so little about this enigma we call cross dressing. The psychologists don't really understand it despite their many, though admittedly rather limited studies, and we tend to base our opinions and "knowledge" on our personal experience and those of a few others we might know well.
    It is any wonder that most of society does not really understand us when we don't really understand ourselves. We should all remember to practice some humility in the face of such overwhelming ignorance (that is, "not knowing).

  3. #28
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    The question is:

    Why do most people think because someone cross-dresses they are automatically gay?

    It's because historically gay men have been portrayed as effeminate. You don't have to have seen the recent film about the Kray twins, Legend, to know that this is a gross distortion. Gays like any group of people are drawn from a broad cross section. However the power of the media leaves an indelible mark upon people's psyche. Even the recent film, The Dallas Buyer's Club, portrayed a Trans character as a drug dependent sex worker.

    It's hard to think of a positive role model that's been portrayed by the mainstream media that accurately depicts, and I hesitate to use this phrase, what the average CD'er is actually like. Let's face it, it's not going to be box office to show someone who works a nine to five, comes home to a wife and 2.5 children, and then goes out in a dress to have a quiet drink with others while wearing a dress before going home to go to work like everyone else the next day.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  4. #29
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    Helen, you have a point, but I So want to see that film!

  5. #30
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    An ex was fine with my cross dressing until I started to wear breast forms, she immediately leaped to the conclusion that I wanted to transition to a woman.

  6. #31
    Member Jacqueline Vivaldi's Avatar
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    It is 2016 and I believe that the biggest problem that we have is we still make a big deal of the "Gay" concept. I think that we should realize that all people are different and have many gender orientations. We don't need labels anymore. This evolves throughout ones life and we should be very natural about our evolution. In my mid forties, I realized that wearing a dress made me feel very special. In the following years, I learned all of the important things in becoming female. I did all of the physical things to make me look and feel feminine. I pass very well, but the important thing is that I feel like a woman, period. I am attracted to men, because I feel so feminine. It does't make any sense to ME to do all of the things to be female and not be fulfilled as a woman. Not all trans women feel that way, and that is perfect for them (if they have truly given considerable thought to the question of who they really are.).

    I think that a good course for us is to be natural and very thoughtful in finding out where we are on this rainbow, and we should disregard the biases of nomenclature. It is to me so delightful to look glamorous, walk down the street with a handsome man, gently holding hands while we have dinner; and if there is a many faceted attraction, I think that it is logical and reasonable and exciting to fulfill your feminine self.

    Understand yourself and be your self, whatever you are.
    Jacqueline

  7. #32
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    Jacqueline- you stating your attraction to men because you are so feminine.... and what about feminine women who are attracted to women? are they not still allowed to be feminine too? and what about masculine gay men? Maybe they still like to feel masculine yet are sexually attracted to men too.

    FWIW- I do believe that when it comes to people within the transgender spectrum, there IS a higher percentage that in some way or another has same sex attraction or at least curiosity/fantasy of it. It also appears that TS women are far more likely to have attraction to men. Although there are plenty who still are attracted only to women even after every available way there is of transition and some continue their marriages.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

  8. #33
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alice Torn View Post
    Janet makes an interesting point, in wondering why lesbians are not more interested in very feminine looking CDs.
    That's because lesbians are into women. A male who wears women's clothing is still male.
    Reine

  9. #34
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    I endorse what Jacqueline Vivaldi posted. Its time we got over this labelling nonsense. Gay, bi-, hetero- whatevero- Just be yourself and treat others kindly.

  10. #35
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    Alice because lesbians are only interested in women like reine said.
    The level of homophobia here is actually higher than you would think.
    I am done with labels and all the goofy I feel so girly in hose threads.

  11. #36
    Member Jacqueline Vivaldi's Avatar
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    Just to respond to Gendermutt- It has always been my belief that all of us have a position on the Rainbow of diversity of genders, and for me, I love the position that all of us take relative to our sexual or non-sexual behavior. If one has given due thought as to who they are currently (this may change with time), I find it is beautiful that we involve ourselves in any sexual behavior so long as it is not harmful to others or OURSELVES.

    Secondly, It has been my observation from several forums that Trans women generally state that they have no interest in sexual relations with men. This is OK with me, but I find it hard to understand from where I stand. My problem (a little one).

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    To AliceD and Rein Torn's points. I think that when I am really dressed up and looking good, I am a woman,and the thought never comes to me that I am any kind of man. Secondly, I have wondered why gay men are totally disinterested in attractive Trans females. The reason is that they like men just as lesbians like girls. That is just fine. The really shocking things that I have observed by my time spent in public places, mostly from bars, is that absolutely normal women are extremely attracted to me. Even in the presence of their husbands, they simply can't , in a subtle way, keep their hands off me. There is our rainbow again, and I love it.

  12. #37
    Aspiring Member krissy's Avatar
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    my current wife i have been married to for 38 years used to be with women before me, said she loved being with women but after the night i met her she told a girl i know she wanted to get with me in my mind i was like this should be a win win . boy was i wrong the first time her and her friend did me up after they finished i couldn't be leave how bad-ass i looked she freaked out told me she didnt want to ever see me that way now Im in a dadt relationship it sucks.but i thought i had it made with a girl like her because she liked girls but alas didnt work now i face going out to meet others like me where were all the help and support back then i missed out on so much

  13. #38
    Senior Member Nikkilovesdresses's Avatar
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    I can see that the average hetero guy would look at a male CD and in the simplistic way many of them regard females, think, 'They must be trying to attract me, therefore they're gay'.

    What's more interesting is how women perceive us. I have far less intuition about their perception of us.

    Reine??
    I used to have a short attention spa

  14. #39
    Member Ashley090's Avatar
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    I think one of reasons is that people asume that one person in gay relationship having a "female role" and when see CDer they asume that he/she is that one with fem role. I guess.
    Also there is thing about creating labels for anyone out of ordinary. In my country, for whatever reason, any guy who do anything little bit girly and not exactly asociated with males is called out as gay no matter sexual orientation or gender or sex.
    "Do not care what others think, do what you must" - Javik, ME3

  15. #40
    tiptoeing thru the tulips ellbee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nikkilovesdresses View Post
    I can see that the average hetero guy would look at a male CD and in the simplistic way many of them regard females, think, 'They must be trying to attract me, therefore they're gay'.
    It's the same thing that shows the difference between how women & men view yoga pants/leggings, for example.


    GG's: Comfy, soft, convenient, versatile, cute, no see-thru issues, how they fit, long-lasting, how they perform while exercising, etc.

    Men: Woohoo!

  16. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by reinasblack View Post
    The stereotype that a man does manly stuff and a manly man/macho man is not into girly stuff unless he likes men. Also in the public view of things like social interaction ,men dress up as women to attract men.
    These are actually two different things, though they are related. Masculinity is often very tightly constrained, meaning some things will generally cause you to lose your 'man card' instantly - one of those is MSM (men having sex with men), another is crossdressing. And if you aren't a man, then you must be a woman. If you aren't physically female, the next closest category is gay man (who are commonly thought of as 'effeminate', or woman-like - see how that works?).

    Quote Originally Posted by gendermutt View Post
    FWIW- I do believe that when it comes to people within the transgender spectrum, there IS a higher percentage that in some way or another has same sex attraction or at least curiosity/fantasy of it. It also appears that TS women are far more likely to have attraction to men.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jacqueline Vivaldi View Post
    It has been my observation from several forums that Trans women generally state that they have no interest in sexual relations with men.
    I'd agree that the percentage of bi/curious people is higher in those who are gender-nonconforming. I'm not sure about same-gender-attracted (referring here to pre-transition/assigned gender), but given our inability to accurately estimate the percentage in the cisgender population, even a doubling would still be difficult to discern (e.g. from 2% to 4%). That said, I agree with Jacqueline - my impression is that trans women are more likely to be attracted to women (remember also that gender identity and sexual orientation are not necessarily dependent on each other).
    Last edited by Mayo; 10-17-2016 at 09:33 AM.

  17. #42
    tiptoeing thru the tulips ellbee's Avatar
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    "If you aren't physically female, the next closest category is gay man (who are commonly thought of as 'effeminate', or woman-like...)"


    That's only because those gay males who are like that are simply more "visible" & obvious to pretty much everyone. They're probably more likely to be "out," too.


    But if those who think that way would ever step foot in a gay bar/club? I think they'd be in for a bit of surprise -- there are a lot of big manly dudes out there who you'd have no idea were gay!

  18. #43
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    That's quite true - gay men, like men in general, come in all types. I'm talking about the common stereotype of gay men, though - the one that specifically presents gay men as non-masculine/effeminate.

  19. #44
    Member Michelle Girl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by laurababe View Post
    It's the same thing that shows the difference between how women & men view yoga pants/leggings, for example.


    GG's: Comfy, soft, convenient, versatile, cute, no see-thru issues, how they fit, long-lasting, how they perform while exercising, etc.

    Men: Woohoo!

    Hi Laura,

    I'm afraid I don't agree with your comment here. It implies that only men derive some kind of sensuous pleasure from female clothing and that women don't. That for women the clothes are somehow neutral and are only cute or practical and don't provide any other form of pleasure, whereas for men it's "woohoo".

    It perpetuates a myth even amongst many crossdressers that only guys enjoy the sensuousness of women's clothing. If this were the case then women would simply confine themselves to the same old dull, scratchy garments as men.

    There is a highly respected text by Efrat Tseelon called the Masque of Femininity. It is part of a Female Studies course in my local university and in it she concludes that many women experience a low level sexual charge or sense of pleasure from the clothes they wear, not just the special sexy clothes that may be worn on a special occasion. (This work entails interviews with hundreds of women on the essence of femininity and it is very accessible).

    In my view there is nothing intrinsically feminine in this pleasure. It is a human sensation shared by female and male alike. We, of all people, should avoid assigning binary value to clothing. Men and women are different of course. But not THAT different. It is just generally more permissible for women to wear such clothing because women and women's sexuality have not traditionally been a threat to society.

    I will perhaps open a separate thread in the Gender / Non binary section of the forum, where I think this probably fits, rather than take this one off topic, if it is something that members might wish to explore further.
    Michelle

  20. #45
    tiptoeing thru the tulips ellbee's Avatar
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    Weird, but after reading all these blogs by GG's, as well as their GG-readers' comments, as well as hundreds of Amazon reviews, very few women sexualize this stuff.

    Men, however (assuming non-CD hetero), almost always tend to sexualize them.


    Anyway, looking forward to your thread elsewhere!

  21. #46
    Aspiring Member Lacy PJs's Avatar
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    I believe that another reason why most people "assume" that crossdressers are gay is that is the image put forth in many areas. If you search on something like crossdresser sex, you hardly ever find a male/female couple with both of them dressed. It is almost 100% gay sex with one partner dressed.

    No doubt this will be a controversial comment on this forum, but I also think that some grounds for that belief comes from forums and websites just like crossdressers.com. Look at some of the subject lines here and you will see that not all of us are heterosexual. While this is in no way intended to be accusatory of those individuals, it does suggest that crossdressing for some people is an expression of far more than their interest in strictly dressing in the attire of the opposite sex.

    Lacy PJs

  22. #47
    tiptoeing thru the tulips ellbee's Avatar
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    I get the impression that CD'ers are somewhat more likely than the general population to be gay or (more likely) bi / bi-curious -- but the overwhelming majority are hetero. I've read anywhere from 80-90% are straight... and the amount of posts re: wives/GF's far out-number the "gay threads."


    And for those who might (want to) fool around, they may be more inclined to hook up with another CD'er, as they might view that as "less gay." I could be wrong on that one, though.


    Anyway, a 1 in 5 or 10 shot of a CD'er being gay/bi? Yeah, wouldn't want to put money on that by assuming that they are, because that's a losing bet.

  23. #48
    Platinum Member Eryn's Avatar
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    Back before I understood TG issues I assumed that MTF crossdressers were gay.

    When I became a crossdresser I realized that crossdressers weren't always gay.

    Now that I've transitioned, I am, by definition, lesbian.

    Go figure!

  24. #49
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    You have made the mistake of expecting to find logic in the realm of human dynamics. Not possible when there is so much shrillness around LGBTQ issues.

    When I was a teenager in the seventies, the three letter F word was bestowed on anyone who displayed behavior or appearance outside the bounds defined by the unwritten rules of masculinity. To this day, the bigots still apply this rule, although the word itself is rarely spoken out loud.

    There has been a lot of public education since the seventies, mostly around gays and lesbians, thanks to their coming out en masse beginning decades ago. At some point the majority realized they knew someone personally who was gay or lesbian so they slowly refrained from viewing them as some kind of alien threat. Nowadays, there is the increased visibility of Trans men and women, and with it the assumption that those who crossdressers are merely in transition or contemplating it.

    Crossdressers haven't yet reached anything like a coming out tipping point, and may not for some time. Firstly, there appears to be fewer of us. But another reality is that the goal of many crossdressers is Passing, or blending in with the female population and becoming invisible. I don't blame anyone for that; it can still be a hostile world out there, but at the rate we are going, general visibility may never happen. So you can expect most of the muggles to have some confusion about our true nature and which category we need to be crammed into.

  25. #50
    Junior Member EffyJaspers's Avatar
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    One of my favorite bands, placebo, has a bisexual androgynous male singer and a bassist gay male. The bassist likes specifically Latino men, and the singer likes women with small tits + boyish and men that are very feminine. What does this have to do with your take on the stigmatization of CDs are gay? ---> Everyone has preferences that do not neatly fall in line with straight or gay black and white scenarios.
    My friend accidentally found out and his response when I asked him to keep it a secret --> everyone is different, doesn't bother me. ... sadly i was ashamed of it and never really hung out with him much, though i should.
    Preferences shape the our world view, so everyone views you different. Read the stories posted throughout here, you'll see.

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