Only my VA therapist gets it, a little.

[Alice Torn]

Other than some of you , I do not no one person, who undertand why a man would, dress as a woman, other than a lost bet, or holloween costume. Only my female VA psychotherapist, among th people i know! One gay friend says he does not know why a man would wear a woman skirt, and not a male kilt!. One of my friends who once had homosexuals pulls, but says he overcame them, says he can understand why I might have issues that pull me to dress, but if i solve the issues, and replace my dressing with a beautiful girlfriend, or wife, i will not have the desire to crossdress, and another woman have corresponded with, says i must rise above my pulls, and no longer CD. Not one friend, or acquaintance accepts or understands. i can understand why they can't understand it, because i really do ont understand it!

[I Am Paula]

So you have, essentially, stumbled upon the real world.

[Stephanie47]

I see a VA therapist for issues related to combat. Of course, our conversation digress to almost anything. Her opinion on transgender boys and girls is based on DNA. It's the pull of the DNA that will lead a boy/man or girl/woman to live his or her life to match their sexual identity rather than their birth sex. That conjecture seems to be as valid as anything else I've read on the issue. It seems totally logical, if a boy/man or a girl/woman definitely feels the transgender "pull" it is logical he or she will wear the clothes ascribed to that sex and act/live in a manner society prescribes of that gender.

How about a man who is drawn to wear woman's clothing but has no desire to become a woman? If my therapist feels "to some degree everyone has DNA of both sexes," then is it not logical there may be a pull by the DNA to find comfort in wearing woman's clothing. I've always posted on this forum there is a difference in what a man gets out of wearing woman's clothing, such as stress relief, and, the "why." If it was to shown there is a genetic factor involved in cross dressing rather than a belief it is nothing more than a "choice," then maybe there would be more acceptance? Or maybe there would be a telethon to raise money to "correct" the urge? Just speculating.

[Devi SM]

Yeah I agree with you. Even for us is hard to understand and I think I found the reason.
I've dealing with it for around 50 years.
My background is religious. I was a pastor.
So for me it was a strange deviation kind of perversion.
I tried to quit uncountable times, I Last the most 3 or 4 years without it but I never stop thinking about it.
It was after my findings about the truth of religion that I finally get the release of all pressure and even told to my wife the truth and finally found the freedom.
I'm not going to discuss here my findings about religion and my actual beliefs but I can say that the "moral" in our world is greatly infused and shaped but religion and its idea of good and evil, sin and holiness.
One example of it is that every human being knows that we exist thanks to our parents had sex (whoever that wasn't artificially incubated) but nobody talks openly about sex, you must be in an environment of 18 years older, and even there nobody wants to even imagine his or her parents having sex.
Even in this website we cannot show explicit pics or openly talks about our sexual experiences.
So my point is that our minds are so strongly preformed but some standards that are very old from a world moral that wants to cover what everybody knows but religion has forbiden.
Then our feelings about sexuality and gender are deviated but you keep thinking about it because is something that we can't control because is part of our "nature" that's what we are, men that love dressing as women, our feminine sense is stronger than other men. We are in different points of the rainbow of sexuality or gender.
Today we find from men that love dressing as a woman, others that love the same and like have sex with a man, man that likes have sex with these men dressing as woman, men that love dressing as woman and like woman and like cds too and have sex with them, men that want more than dress and get into hormones but keep their sexual organs, other that go to the SRS and viceversa, men that dont dress but like other men and are pasive, other like are other men but are tops, other that like other men and can be versatil, we fimd the same in the women world, so are all they perverts? Base on the moral they are, but do you feel a pervert?
I can say that in the slavery day and civil war for some it was normal, for others, they were ready to die for abolished it, today it's something we don't talk about it. It's ridiculous to talk, we don't need to talk about it.
The same is gonna happen in some more few years with LGBT. It's gonna be accepted for everybody as something normal but while that happens our minds will keep rejecting it, so my advice is to accept yourself, if you have the guts to tell at least your family or closer love ones is gonna help you and don't worry about the rest of the world.
I think that the worse can happen to a human being is to be on the dead bed regreting about the things that never did.

[Alice Torn]

Some people, like my family of origin, and members of the churcn i was with, and neighbors, i would never tell, and some people i do business with. It is rare people i will tell. I agree with a lot of what Stephanie, and Vannessa wrote. DNA, and hormonal brain imbalance, and religion, and society morals has a lot to do with how we think, act, and handle it.

[Dana44]

OF course society feels alarmed about it and brought it to the forefront lately with the hate mongers and bigots giving many a hard time. I don't think anybody gets it. We don't even understand as you all know. But we are who we are and embrace it for what it is. I am an optimistic person and see the silver in the dark side of things and for sure we should be happy with ourselves as no one else will be. Enjoy life and Alice you need to find a place where you are happier.

[Teresa]

Alice,
If a person doesn't have that trait they will never fully understand. I know I may stir up some comments but a CDer is possibly harder to understand than a TS. Why a man would want to wear women's clothes but not to be a woman is hard to fathom but to wear the clothes to signify you have a deep need to alter your gender is clearer to accept.

[Krisi]

"Only my VA therapist gets it, a little."

Don't be too certain about that. A therapist is someone you pay to agree with you. If it's the VA, you might not be doing the actual paying, but it's her job to listen to her patients. That's what puts food on her table.

The human mind is difficult to understand and there's no blood or X-ray test that will show that or why a man would be a crossdresser. It's just something we are drawn to. At your (and my) age, it's not important why.

[Pat]

A therapist is someone you pay to agree with you.

No. Just no.

A therapist's job is to help you work through issues you're having. They don't have to agree with you or endorse you, but they are there to help you.

[Kate Simmons]

I've made it a total choice, so evidently I understand it Alice.

[Alice Torn]

Though it goes against my religion, i accept that i have this trait, and all the beating myself up, never helped. I would not want to do it all the time, though. I dress up maybe three or four times a month completely, otherwise, just panties, or guy clothes.I don
t really need to tell anyone

[Sara Jessica]

Today we find from men that love dressing as a woman, others that love the same and like have sex with a man, man that likes have sex with these men dressing as woman, men that love dressing as woman and like woman and like cds too and have sex with them, men that want more than dress and get into hormones but keep their sexual organs, other that go to the SRS and viceversa, men that dont dress but like other men and are pasive, other like are other men but are tops, other that like other men and can be versatil

All I could think of when I read this was the lyrics of Girls and Boys by Blur...

Girls who are boys
Who like boys to be girls
Who do boys like they're girls
Who do girls like they're boys
Always should be someone you really love

That pretty much sums it up.

Now back to our original programming...Alice, I think you are going about it backwards. Instead of trying to find a friend who you hope will be open to your trans nature, why not find someone who is trans who you might be able to find other common ground to form a lasting friendship? That seems like it'd be infinitely easier.

[Stephanie47]

No. Just no.

A therapist's job is to help you work through issues you're having. They don't have to agree with you or endorse you, but they are there to help you.

I agree 100%. Krisi's comment is 100% incorrect. There maybe therapists in the business who just shake their heads and agree and collect money, but, they are a minority. Of course, a person should weed out therapists who do not possess any expertise in the issues to be addressed by the patient.

[Katie01]

Some therapists do it only for the money but those are the hacks and not very good. That's true of any profession.

[TrishaTX]

My therapist gets it and makes me more comfortable with it. Everyone is else ...doubtful...

[BettyMorgan]

"Only my VA therapist gets it, a little."

Don't be too certain about that. A therapist is someone you pay to agree with you. If it's the VA, you might not be doing the actual paying, but it's her job to listen to her patients. That's what puts food on her table.

If a therapist is agreeing with you all the time, then they are enabling you and certainly not helping you overcome your problems. A good therapist will challenge you, call you on your bullshit, force you to make decisions to move you forward. Above all else they will understand and hear you, but it won't be to put food on the table. That comment is simply disrespectful to a group of helping professionals.

Alice,
You have to realize someday that your crossdressing is not a problem and is not the problem. If you try to figure out why you cd it will drive you crazy. Ask a guy why they are attracted to girls with pony tails. Ask why some people spend all their spare time raising roses. Why do some people like sci-fi novels? Why do some men like to wear women's clothing? I don't know the answers. And it doesn't matter. I'm not hurting anyone, I'm not late on the rent because I'm blowing all my money on bras. I'm not neglecting my children because I'm dressing instead of spending time with them. So who cares?

So who cares? That's the hitch. My SO lives with me and has become over the past two years 100% supportive. A few others in my life know and support me as well. You're issue may not be crossdressing but finding people in your life who accept and support you the way you are. That may mean moving to a new city and making new friends. It can be done. But don't give up. And don't try to stop dressing (if that's what they mean by "pulls"). It will only cause anxiety and frustration. THERES NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.

[deebra]

Go back to "Why Do We Do It" and read my thread #11.

[Ressie]

I understand Alice. I think we all do

[Devi SM]

Wow Betty Morgan! there's no better way to say it. You did it perfect!
It's helpful for me too.
Thanks.

[Alice Torn]

To be honest, it is the teachings of the church i made a commitment to in 1981. I have to keep it a secret.

[Stephanie47]

Alice, without getting to deep into religious tenants and getting a comment bounced, there are so many churches that view the same scripture in different manners. In my youth I was raised in a church that was so narrow and "un Christian" to anyone who did not think the same, I cannot fathom now why I ever remained with that denomination. I still see it around me. On this forum there are postings of ladies attending church en femme with total acceptance. It does not mean someone has to be en femme all the time, but, it means the tenants of the church are more accepting. I hope you have raised this issue with your therapist.

I have read your comments about your family. One of my family members was so toxic that I "divorced" her. My wife always has said "You can pick your friends, but, you cannot pick your relatives." However, there is no reason to be wedded to a family member or church or anything else that is injurious to mental and physical health.

[CarlaWestin]

My personal revelation of self acceptance started about ten years ago when I stripped my conscience completely of any form of religion, or guilt trip, or other superstitious nonsense. There is now just a pure faith that a higher power logically has to exist and nothing in mankind has ever explained it without a hidden agenda. And, therapy was OK yet, ultimately just an annoying waste of time. Truth is, I'm a male that is comfortable with myself as that. And I enjoy everything about experiencing being what I perceive as female. I find it more like enjoying a musical talent rather than a condition. As far as people I've disclosed to: Daughter, thinks it's fabulous. A few millennial acquaintances, total acceptance. GP, agrees that it's a condition with more benefit than issue. Wife, DADT and hates it.

Your milage may vary.

[BettyMorgan]

To be honest, it is the teachings of the church i made a commitment to in 1981. I have to keep it a secret.

No, actually you don't.
Things change, even if your church or friends don't. Thirty years ago, I know people who moved to Vancouver or Toronto, Canada, to get away from the "shame" of being gay or lesbian. Now people don't have to do that because things have changed. There used to be several gay bars in my city. Now there are two left. Why? Because you don't have to be ashamed to be gay in this city so people can go to any bar with their date. Things change.

:::

I posted this in another thread this am and I'll post it here, too.

:::

Maybe find a more accepting church?
My friend who is a CD, who just started coming out late this winter, has just this summer started performing as a drag queen! Believe it or not, she performed last night at a church in Edmonton, Alberta! An all ages drag show at a Unitarian church, with proceeds going to Camp fYrefly.

How progressive is that?

Camp fYrefly:
Camp fYrefly is Canada's only national leadership retreat for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans-identified, two-spirited, intersexed, queer, questioning, and allied youth.

Link to
All ages drag event

[sometimes_miss]

i can understand why they can't understand it, because i really do ont understand it!

Then perhaps more research is in order. The information is there, I know, I've read it. Gettest thou to the libraries (most libraries have borrowing privileges with other libraries in the are, perhaps even those further away)! From what i remember, you have lots of time. READ! Watch youtube videos. There is so much easily accessed information available there's no excuse not to be educated anymore!

[Krisi]

I have told two female therapists, although at the time I was just dabbling in makeup. They were both delighted and highly encouraging. I am looking forward to going back one of these times and telling one of them how I have expanded my repertoire.

And that reinforces my original post about therapists.

Many times when someone asks about seeing a therapist, someone will advise them to find one who understands "gender issues". In other words, look for a therapist who won't try to "cure" you or help you stop dressing as a woman.

If you see crossdressing as an issue requiring a therapist, are you looking for one to help you stop or one to tell you it's OK? And why can't you make that decision without seeing a therapist twice a week forever?