I will tell my wife about me dressing only when and if I decide to transition.Cross dressing is the only thing in my life I would be selfish about it. This is for me and I have no plan to include her or to share this with me.She gives me no room to breathe and sometimes it's hard for me to log onto the forum,so feel I have sacrificed a lot,by lot it will be too much to type and post.This is for me and only me ,so sorry my dear SO I will not tell you.
Sounds like Mommasan is a control freak? I pity your relationship.
Jon
Yeah but part of it is my fault also I spoiled her beyond and also her up bringing I see a lot on how her mom treats her father and my SO trys to incorporate some of those customs in this household. I'm ready to go ready to leave
I'm not saying you should leave, in fact it would be terrific if you can keep your marriage going. In MY case, the best thing that ever happened to me was my ex leaving me for someone else. I have the woman of my dreams now and have never been happier. Good luck to you, my friend.
Don't be like me and collect ex wives--I have two.
Jon
To expand on what Joni said slow down a little with the leaving thought. Slow and steady wins the race. Unless your lives together are completely in the crapper I hate seeing any relationship fail. I can't speak for everyone but I'll always be here to talk and help put things in a different perspective 👍
If you aren't happy in the relationship tell her.
If she does stuff that aggravates you tell her.
If her upbringing as you call it has things you don't like tell her, she doesn't have to be like her Mom If her Mom is a nag she will be one too more than likely.
Stand up to her and say OK i have had enough you treat me like shit and if you don't change I'm done.
I will get slammed for what I just said but you know and I know women make ultimatums all the time of their men.
You probably should not tell her anything about your activities so she has no ammo to use against you.
I'm really amazed all you big strong men here won't speak up when you get treated like shit.
Last edited by Tracii G; 09-01-2016 at 12:14 AM.
Travii is my kind of girl. No BS. Ain't it funny that most of us big tough guys dress in hot ass feminine clothes would probably have no problem whooping a little ass but don't have big enough balls to face off with in my case and possibly yours too the woman I love more than anything in the world (except dressing of course) and be 100% honest with our feelings
[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]
Sorry Tracii. My bad on poor spelling
May I offer a GG’s perspective? Could it be that she doesn’t leave you alone because she senses that something is pulling you away but she doesn’t know what it is? If you look for opportunities to dress or go online to sites you don't want her to see, she senses that you would prefer to be alone. Any woman would sense this. Could it be that she is afraid of losing you? What if she suspects that you are having an affair - might this be why she walks into the room when you’re online?
I’m putting myself in her shoes. If I had a husband who gave off vibes there was something else he’d rather be doing and he would prefer it if I wasn’t there, I’d worry like crazy. I’d begin to doubt myself. I’d wonder if he stopped loving me. I’d try to fill in the blanks and come up with all sorts of crazy scenarios. The trust I have in our marriage would begin to erode. And I'd be scared.
Back to you … if you perceive your wife as the single biggest barrier to the CDing (which she has no clue about, so how can she be a barrier), no wonder you resent her and no wonder you read the worst possible things into her. You might even get to the point of wanting to leave so you can dress in peace. Not good.
You should just talk to her instead, and try to not be angry when you do. If she initially rejects the concept of the CDing, this is natural. Most GGs don't jump for joy and do cartwheels when their husbands first tell them about this, and it does take time and lots of patient discussion to get past the first few difficult talks. But if you can speak to her from your heart and not a place of anger or resentment, this will help.
With what you've already described in this thread, if you don't talk to her I think that matters will only get worse. She'll continue to feel insecure in her relationship, and you'll continue to feel resentment.
Reine
Jennifer,
You're in a very difficult situation and it sounds like you're really beating yourself up about it, I know exactly how you feel, I've been there and felt those feelings.
First of all your not selfish , you can't change what's inside you , it's part of you and you can't deny it. You have to find a way to come out to her for your own sanity it's irrelevant whether you're TS or not . I know how destructive bottling it up can be, I admit my wife still doesn't know about the forum so I have to log on when she's not about I would prefer her not to know now.
The problem is I'm bi-gender and desperately wanted to share it with a woman, but it just isn't going to happen, I had to resort to counselling before the penny dropped with my wife that it wasn't something I was making up or hadn't grown out of. Getting to the point I'm at now has taken time but at least I now go out socially and my family all know and accept me.
secrets apon secrets does not a marriage make.
I wonder if the truth will change your situation or maybe you have already emotionally left your wife?
Theoretically a partner will be 2 years "out" of a relationship before physically leaving the marriage, maybe your on that journey?
Best wishes to you and your wife.
See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz
I don't envy you at all. I was only able to fully explore my crossdressing once my marriage broke down. I know full well that my ex wife would never have accepted Sophie.
Jennifer, I can relate to some of what you say. I have yet to tell my wife about my cross dressing, though that day is now on the horizon and I fear it greatly. It can be very frustrating being denied time to express your female side, I know from experience but now I have learned to be grateful for the time I do get and not get in a moody if I cant dress, (this very recently after a conversation with a wife of a CDer). I'm just wondering how long you would let this situation continue, is a marriage break-up inevitable as it seems that is the only way out for you or will you ever be able to find some compromise with your partner? Whatever happens, I wish you well.
She must be pretty insecure as a person if you have no free time away from her. Not a good thing really.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
Sometimes the BEST thing that could happen is to split up. Mistakes are made; people grow apart. I naturally want to think that divorce is like a failure, and both parties may be at a low point in their lives, but rationally, there is nothing "bad" about it.Originally Posted by Joni T
If you discover the relationship is incompatible, unless there are other reasons to stay together, end it. To keep one going due to appearances or embarrassment seems to me to extend the pain.
Jennifer, I have no idea what is the correct decision for you, but thought I would share these thoughts. Forests and trees, ya know.
You are you. You are beautiful. Labels are worthless.
Hi Jennifer, I wish you luck I hope that it works out for you.
See line #4 in my signature......
Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~...
I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !
If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.
Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!
Jennifer, there are a lot of excellent comments here. The best one is from Reine with whom I totally agree. I've learned to totally respect female intuition. I believe it's a gift they were born with. A woman will sense something long before the issue surfaces. I, shaking in my shoes, told my wife before we walked down the aisle...expecting her to dash to the nearest exit door. Yes, there were some initial doubts, but she already "sensed" there was something hidden on my plate. She stayed and talked...a lot. She did a lot of reading. Neither of us understand the "why's", so we accept it. She later told me she admired my courage and honesty. Deception and dishonesty are never good to sustain a positive relationship. My guess is she will, sooner or later, find out, then the issue will be the secrecy, not the dressing. You might look in the mirror and ask yourself what are your priorities...you or your relationship with your wife. You sound pretty set. Good luck.
All I can say, is that I recognize a whole lot of my pre-reveal self in what you've written.
It took the trauma of coming out to clear the way for me to see how much of myself I had withheld from my marriage over the years. Without taking that step, I was completely blind to it. Not blind to the guilt and the shame and hiding and all of that .... of those things, I was keenly aware.
What I was blind to, was the cumulative effect of essentially putting up a front for 17 years of marriage. In the beginning it felt like nothing ... there was just this one little part of me that she didn't know about, what was the harm? I loved her, and i would just try really hard not to let it affect our relationship. But as the years turned into decades, I had been blind to how it all adds up ...
I, too felt smothered in a way by her constant presence. I worked from home during that time, so when I say we were always up in each other's grill, I do mean that. The only escape was a trip to the grocery store just about.
But here's the deal ... why would I feel so trapped by someone I love? How could that be?
It was my own fault! I was "trapped", by virtue of holding my dreaded secret.
We, too were on the verge of divorce. Coming out was so hard, and like any decision of that magnitude, there are positives and negatives, but one of the positives was this ... I was finally able to bring my whole self into my marriage. For that reason alone, my marriage is much stronger, and much more enjoyable to be in than it ever was before I came out.
There are complications, too, don't get me wrong. But on balance, if I had not told, I would not be married now, and I'd probanly have lived my whole life without ever knowing what it's like to be loved, warts and all.
Last edited by Amy Fakley; 09-01-2016 at 08:59 AM.
"Why shouldn't art be pretty? There are enough unpleasant things in the world." -Pierre-Auguste Renoir
This is exactly what people that do not disclose do not realize
Your wife feels the distance. This to her is a ball and chain...especially because she has no idea why she feels it...
you can't wish this away.
I am real
I see a marriage that's going to end eventually and it's not going to end well. And I don't see it as being entirely the wife's fault. The post seems selfish and immature.
Marriage is a partnership and a compromise. People who don't understand that will not be married long.
Jennifer you know your wife better than anyone else, I believe it's probable that you know what her response would be and you know in your heart it would not be good for you. Tread carefully and good luck.
you feel smothered by the relationship? Please come back after it's over and tell us how wonderful it is to be free.
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
I beg to differ Teresa,Jennifer is being extreamly selfish. It appears it's all about me,myself and I. Sorry wife and kids,it's all about me.
Thanks all for the advice very good,but the only thing I'm selfish about in my life is crossdressing.I provide,I'm a father,I'm a husband maybe not a perfect one but if her female intuition tells her I'm having an affair then she got bigger issues then me.I cheated on her about 10 years ago and that was the first and the last time and I told her myself. So coming clean ,me telling her I think I could tell her,but crossdressing is my escape.
Well, good luck to you.
Reine
But you are kind of having an affair...with crossdressing. You're being secretive,you're lying to yourself and to your wife and children. And then you admit to cheating 10 years ago and what? Just because you admitted it you deserve a medal? Your secretive behaviour is clearly contributing to your wife's behaviour and I don't blame her. You are the one with issues,not your wife. I suggest you give that medal to your wife. She deserves it.
Posting Permissions
