Uncomfortable in male company

[CONSUELO]

I wonder how many of us feel uncomfortable in groups of males? I find that I do. I was at a party and dinner the other evening and the males all grouped together while the females were at the other end of the deck. I found that not only did I find the conversation in the male group boring but I did not feel at all comfortable there and ended up sitting by the females and listening to their much more interesting conversations.

I experience this feeling frequently. I much prefer female doctors to male ones for instance and while I got along well with my male colleagues at work I found I particularly enjoyed my female colleagues. I abhor groups of loud men especially in places like sports bars.

I am not a "sissy" as the term is used pejoratively. My career has taken me to some very scary and dangerous places and I have dealt with those challenges successfully. I don't mind physical danger and I have had to fly helicopters into gnarly places and camp out and reconnoitre active and erupting volcanoes. Yet loud boring and excessively masculine groups just repel me.

What do others feel?

[EllieMayxxx]

I agree but I just feel uncomfortable with anyone, i get anxious and my palms get clammy so i end up sitting on my own or just not engage with the conversations.

[DIANEF]

I know how you feel. I worked in a store with almost all female staff and loved it. I then moved to a job at my local airport, and while I liked the work I hated the macho male culture that pervaded the place. I conspired to leave but now another job looms which I'm hoping will be better, but I have my doubts. Its well paid and of course everyone thinks its great. We'll see how long I last there.

[Teresa]

Consuelo,
I know how you feel, both my brother in laws are farmers and most of their friends. Recently one of them invited us to Sunday lunch , I do try and brush up on agricultural topics so I can make a contribution to the conversation but try as I might they just wouldn't let me in. I gravitated to to women but one or two know about my CDing so they wouldn't let me in either , I will say my brother in law knows a good bottle of red wine so I gravitated to that in the end and spent the rest of the afternoon roasting my feet by the log fire in happy oblivion !

On the way back home my wife said I'd been quiet most of the afternoon , I replied that you don't have to talk that loud when you converse with yourself !!

I do try and include people in most conversations because I know the feeling of being made uncomfortable by being excluded.

On the whole I'm comfortable in either gender's company if they wish to converse openly , it's often surprising the lives some people have lived and you only find out by being polite to them and bring them into a conversation.

[NewBrendaLee]

I am the same way ,I prefer female company over male company. I remember growing up that I always seem to prefer playing with the girls over boys , dolls and playing house where more fun.

[Ineke Vashon]

A few years ago I was invited to a Thanksgiving dinner in a private home. About a dozen or so people attended. The dinner, in mixed company, was nice. Conversations flowed between male and female subjects. The minute dinner was over the men got up and left the room. Since I live alone, do my own dishes, enjoy female company, I automatically starting picking up dishes and silverware. They were gently taken from me by the hostess who said: "Thanks. The men are downstairs." Hint. I reluctantly went downstairs, huge TV, football already in progress, "knowledgeable" comments flowed, I was handed a beer. I don't follow football, the macho culture turns me off, I'm not a beer drinker, so went back upstairs, saw the women enjoying each other's company, and wound up reading a magazine sitting by myself on a stairway. Eventually, I went home.

As a CDer, I sometimes feel left in the middle of no-man's-land. Or is that No-'person's' land?

Ineke

[Tina_gm]

Depending on the all male groups, yes sometimes I feel uncomfortable and sometimes a feeling almost of intimidation. I can feel this way with female company as well, although much less often.

[Vikky]

Hi Consuelo

I can relate to what you say. I have always felt a bit of an outsider in mens groups. All the talk was football, rugby and cars (but never driven one in earnest). I have always followed my own line, have no interest in field sports, but been an active motorsports enthusiast and competitor – sometimes on very adventurous trips. Many men can’t relate to that.

Although in recent years I have been part of some mens groups in many social gatherings I have gravitated to the womens groups and generally they have been very receptive. Nobody, other than my SO, knows about my CDing, and I often wish I could talk about it to them.

Vikky

[sometimes_miss]

I wouldn't call it feeling uncomfortable, but rather a guarded feeling about disclosing any information. I've been taken advantage of by many males over the years, so I have a natural feeling of suspician whenever we're discussing anything. Far too many men love to get the chance to cheat another, as well as gloat about how they 'put one over' on another person. I know it comes from the natural competitiveness, but I still don't like it. Deals can be made that are fair to both sides. Yet, that is unfortunately the exception to the rule.

[Nadine Spirit]

I am equally at home in either group. I will chat up a group of women, as well as men.

If asked about football, I will admit, I generally don't like it, and will start talking about MMA. If handed a beer, I will reject it, and pull out a bottle of tequila and start pouring shots.

Yes I think I exist in the middle of the gender spectrum, which gives me the unique advantage of finding comfort with either group. Sure there are aspects of both groups that I don't fit in with. So I feel about the same with either group, a little accepted and a little rejected.

[Tracii G]

I used to feel that way but these days I can hang with either crowd.
Charlotte I know a few people that have that issue but in all honesty its their fear of other people.
I have one lady friend that said she was a nerd and used that as an excuse as to why she couldn't meet a guy. It was her fear that a guy might actually like her.
I worked on her for 6 months and made her go shopping with me and I bugged her to hang out just as friends.
She eventually talked to a guy she worked with and they have been dating for quite a while and very happy.
She calls me quite frequently and thanks me for helping her to open up and quit making excuses why she can't do things.
We all have worth and have a special unique personality so play up your good points and don't be afraid to be yourself around other people.

[Alice_2014_B]

I generally feel comfortable in any group, whether guys, girls or mixed.

[Jenniferathome]

I wonder how many of us feel uncomfortable in groups of males? ...What do others feel?

Nope, not me. I'm a dude. I'd hang with the other dudes over the women. I can hang with the gals but that's not my sweet spot.

[Karen RHT]

Yup, I'm another dude who hangs with the dudes. Certainly don't feel out of place in mixed company or if I find myself alone with the gals. Got pleasantly surprised the odd time that happened if you know what I mean.

Do draw the line if the conversation with the guys turns too sexist.


Karen

[lingerieLiz]

I'm happy talking to either groups. I can go to the sports bar for beer with the guys or go afternoon shopping and martinis with the girls.

[MissTee]

Depends on the group of guys or girls. I can talk hunting, fishing, guns, decorating, gardening, etc. Don't care for sports. Don't care to sit with gossip groups either.

[Tracii G]

If guys get nasty or start talking about their wives or GF's in a bad light. I get up and move to another spot.

[GBJoker]

I'm the opposite. Give me a group of guys, and I'll eventually start talking to them. A group of chicks? Never. I go out of my way to fade in the background so I can escape.

[ambigendrous]

I think I'm somewhere in the spectrum - I'm not a big sports fan. The only sport I really care about is hockey, and I played for years, but I'm more a fan of the game rather than a fan of a team. I have a hard time remembering who plays for who, but I'm fairly knowledgeable on the rules, history, etc. Similarly I don't watch football, baseball, basketball, or any other sport, but I am generally familiar with the rules of each, and can hold up my end of a conversation regarding any of the sports, so long as I don't have to know who plays where, who won or lost the last game, etc. When we go to parties I can hang with either the men or women, and often bounce between them. I must admit that I am much more at ease in the company of women, and generally they're much better looking!

[Ineke Vashon]

They usually smell nicer, too.

Ineke

[Tania75]

Get any group of males together, and add a bit of alcohol, and it ends up being all macho talk about male sports, women (and how wrong they are), and any conversation about men knowing it all and women just don't understand. It's boring, and the same conversation seems to happen time after time.
If you could be a fly on the wall and watch how, at any function, a group of couples end up being a group of males and a group of females discussing the problems with the other group, it would be something to laugh at.

[Anne K]

I have been saying EXACTLY the same thing for years all my life!

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Consuelo,
It's not an uncomfortable feeling, but more of a disinterested one.
For me a conversation is just that, people talking. If the the women
are talking about something that interests me, I'm right there with them.
Same with the guys.
Nadine, please remind me to pack some Tequila!
Ineke, that's is soooo true about the aromas, there's some guys out there
that just can't detect their own BO? PU ! That'll get me sittin' with the women every time !
Much Love,
Kristyn

[docrobbysherry]

Scintilating conversation is hard to find in larger groups. Anything over 3 or 4 and I'm usually bored silly be either gender in no time.

Even one on one I've ended up chatting with someone of either gender at a social function thinking about chewing my own arm off-----

Guess whom I never seem to find boring? In groups, large or small, and one on one? DRESSERS!
U r ALL remarkable people!

If u weren't so interesting and such good company? I'd never go out in vanilla land dressed ever again!

[Kiwi Primrose]

My close friends are women and I am not comfortable in a group of "blokes", and find I have very little interests that I will share with men.
In my early life I played rugby and enjoyed the game but never went to after-match gatherings to drink beer and talk sport, etc.
My wife and I have always refused to be separated into the "girls" upstairs, "boys" in the basement scenario; we will pick where we both want to be or go home.