At what point did you officially recognize and accept yourself as a crossdresser?

[Marcelo]

I don't remember the year but it was in the last 5 years when I wrote a song called Dress Me Like A Girl. There's something about writing poetry and/or music about something in my life that makes me realize this is part of who I am. I've been dressing up and getting out in public to some degree or another since I got my driver's license in 1983. (Sometimes that meant just wearing my regular clothes with a skirt and panties)

When I get out I go as the traditional guy dressed as a cheerleader but I also fantasize about being some kind of dancer on stage at an arts festival. I don't try to fool anyone and I don't always wear a bra. The major differences is that I go all the way with the girl clothes by only wearing panties under my skirt and I also shave my arms and legs. I guess that makes me a guy dressing as a girl going out in her old cheerleader uniform only wearing a panty because she can't find her trunks. I always loved it when girls did that on Halloween and accidentally gave everyone a peek.

It all started by the time I was 6, maybe 5. I remember reading my mom's Cosmopolitan magazines and seeing women provocatively flashing their panties. I knew there was something naughty, inappropriate, embarrassing, etc... or just wrong about doing that to men and the general public and wanted to experience it for myself. I remember the first time I got one of my mom's panties and wore it under my house robe. I sat on a short object to make her panty visible and imagined people walking by and seeing it.

This is just the tip of the iceberg for me as far as experiences and motivation. I'm not even sure what I do or how I approach it qualifies me for the title of crossdresser but I realize to stop would be going against what I feel compelled to do.

Marcy

[Krisi]

You can play golf and not be a golfer. You can fish and not be a fisherman. And you can put on a dress and not be a crossdresser.

For me, the realization that I was actually a crossdresser and not someone who occasionally crossdressed came a few years ago, after I told my wife and after I had bought myself breast forms, a wig, padded panties and my first pair of women's shoes and I was dressing as a woman several days a week at least for a couple hours.

[Amy Fakley]

My absolute earliest recollection goes back to preschool. I must have been 4 or 5 years old. Looking back with my analytic adult mind, I don't know what it was about that particular situation that was different, because my parents were prolific church-goers, and I had most certainly interacted socially with girls many times in classroom/daycare environments before then.

But something clicked this time, and I became very aware that all the girls had pretty clothes, and I wanted pretty clothes too. Badly. I convinced one of my little friends to swap socks with me. She had these pretty pink ankle socks with frilly lace around the tops ... I had (if I recall correctly) Oscar the grouch socks. I was quite happy with the arrangement! Nobody noticed until I got home ... and when they did ... well ... that was also the day that I first learned it was not ok to want pretty clothes for myself ... That being pretty was for other people, not me, and from that point forward, this was a thing I had to deal with.

It was a small house we lived in, with one bathroom ... and as many of us know ... Mom's clothes in the hamper was my first "stash" ... So literally before I learned to write or speak in complete sentences, I had already learned denial, self-loathing, and hiding.

And it just went on like that for decades ... I'd learned my lessons from such a young age, it was just ingrained ... The denial was like a blind spot hard wired into my psyche. I'd get all dressed up and feel so wonderful and amazing behind locked doors, then I'd pack it all away and go on with my public male life like absolutely nothing happened.

It was a subtly destructive sort of equilibrium, in that at some level I did know something was wrong, but I wasn't dealing with it. I was just sweeping everything under the rug and hoping the bill would never come due. Was able to carry on like that through college, through marriage, and two kids ... All the while hiding and lying and hating myself and becoming slowly more miserable day in and day out.

The breaking point for me was about 6 years ago, when I was diagnosed with cancer. I still can't believe how lucky I was. It was caught very early, and I got through the whole ordeal. I recall a moment very clearly when I was in the hospital ... This wave of clarity washed over me like "I might actually die here, and I can't pretend this isn't real anymore ... I am one of those people"

It took maybe three or four more years from that realization for all the crap I'd built up in my mind to start unraveling, which eventually led to me coming out to my wife and the rest.

But there you have it, in excruciating, extremely wordy detail ... That was the moment I realized :-)

[Lee Andrews]

I have been dressing on and off since around ten. Moms hose was calling to me for some reason. So one day I did and that started me on this journey in life. Went from that to experimenting with other articles of clothing to make up. Through the eighties and nineties I was messed up. Couldn't figure out why in the world I enjoyed this so much, it seemed so wrong. Knew I wasn't gay yet I loved dressing up any chance I had, I thought only gay people did this at the time. Thought I was the only one. I was so confused. It wasn't until the Internet came along that I realized there were others just like me. That's when I accepted this was a part of me and an inner sense of peace washed over me. Every once and a while I get a sense of why do I do this but it passes.

[Glendy]

For me it was a year ago when my wife got upset with me about me wearing female clothing to regular with out letting her know ahead of time. She knew about my crossdressors, doesn't like but she understands. Anyway I decided I didn'the want to put her to this part of me anymore so, I broke the golden rule and purged all my stuff. That didn't last long and the urge to dress go to strong to bare so I started to buy more female clothing. Thatsunami when I knew for sure that I was and am a crossdressor forum life. Just to let you my wife did tell me not to get rid of my female stuff at the time. She still doesn't like that part of me but she understands that my female feeling are never going away or my desire to crossdressor .

[JeanTG]

Start having the feelings? As a child. Recognize? In my early 20s. Accept? In my early 50s. Reluctantly.

[Karine]

As a teenager, I thought I had some kind of fetish for heels. I was too scared and had not any opportunity to try heels on at this time. I finally did it at 30. Immediatly, I thought it will be better with a dress, then with a wig, then with makeup and so on. I finally realized and understand that I am a crossdresser the first time I was satisfied with my look (especially my makeup) and felt the joy of the all process of preparation (shaving my legs, doing my nails, choosing the outfit and the shoes, doing my makeup, ...)

I now totally accept it and just trying to figure out how to deal with (how to come out to gf ?) and make it more fun (how to socialize ?).

[Ressie]

I believe recognizing and accepting are too separate things for most CDs. I can't pinpoint an exact time for either one, but accepting it came much later.

[Zafira Skye]

At what point did you officially recognize and accept yourself as a crossdresser?
Like so many, my memories of being fascinated with women’s clothing goes back to my earliest recollections. I reminisce now about secretly wearing my sister’s underwear, that sumptuous sensation of dressing in their bikinis, the quiet moments alone delighting in the soft, mellow feel of lace and satin against my skin. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t dreaming and fantasizing about being a girl.

However, it was costume dress up box which gave me the most freedom at home. Much to my father’s dismay, I loved dressing up in costumes and role playing some make believe story or fairytale. I would make up my own superhero costumes and let my imagination take me to the realm of Gotham City or Metropolis. A tight little pair of superhero pants were in reality a bikini bottom I was wearing in my imagination as a girl. The lycra superhero top was actually a hot little crop top I was wearing in my mind as the feminine me. I still enjoying dressing in superheroine costumes and role playing.

[JulieC]

I'm curious as to what point other girls realized that dressing up for you wasn't just a phase or a something you were just trying out?

I was age 24. I'd been through the guilt, the purges, the self denial, etc. We've all felt it, done it. I just never allowed myself to believe I was anything buy a regular guy. By this point, I'd been dating a girl for a couple of years whom I really, really loved. I'd purged just after we started dating, not wanting her to find anything. After a couple of years, I just couldn't handle it anymore. I went out and bought some pantyhose, and couldn't wait to get home. When I was putting them on, my hands were shaking so terribly it was difficult to put them on. When I'd gotten them on, my brain about exploded. The fundamental explosion was intense. This had nothing to do with anything sexual. It was a powerful, deep feeling that I can't describe.

I knew, beyond any doubt at that point, that I was something other than just a guy.

[Bruce64]

I am not a Crossdresser because I do not wear all the Female attire and go out in public places.
I am more a Person described as a Lingerie Fetish. I don't wear Women's make up, shoes, dresses and i do not want to be a Woman.

[ellbee]

I just did a Google Image search for "lingerie" -- all photos of women.

[krissy]

When i got on here it took awhile for me to admit to myself and accept it .but i have been doing this since i was 7 im 58 and just this year said to myself this is who i am

[BecomingMichelle]

Being a crossdresser and accepting are two different things. I struggled with it for most of my life until finally accepting it this summer. It took decades. Still coming to terms with this side of me.

[Ressie]

I am not a Cross dresser because I do not wear all the Female attire and go out in public places.

Wearing any clothing at all from the opposite sex is cross dressing. It doesn't have to be in public. Many of us have taken this to female emulation with make up, padding etc., but even wearing panties in private is considered cross dressing. Still, you don't have to label yourself as a crossdresser. Just admit that you have cross dressed and probably will again.

[Lori Kurtz]

For me, dressing up was always a guilty pleasure--like masturbating, which, as soon as I was old enough to discover masturbation, became a part of my dressing up. I grew up in a day and age when masturbation was itself a kind of a guilty pleasure, so there was so much shame swirling around both my masturbation and my crossdressing, it was hard to just relax and enjoy either of them. And then, well into my first marriage, my wife discovered my crossdressing, and that was the end of the marriage. After the subsequent pink-fog binge, I gave up the dressing up in order to have a better chance of eventually establishing a new relationship with a woman--a real woman, rather than the pretend woman I could become. That was a success, but it left me with very mixed feelings about my crossdressing past. To some extent, I came to terms with that through several bouts of psychotherapy over the years. But I have to say that it's only in the past year or two, and largely thanks to my interactions in this forum, that I've felt more relaxed and comfortable about the part that crossdressing has played in my life, and about the crossdressing fantasies I still have. Thank you, crossdressers.com.

[MissTee]

I started very young. Somewhere before age 10. Didn't know what I was doing, just knew I liked the feel of panties, silk night gowns, etc. It was probably in my mid-teens that I understood enough to know what I did in private had a name -- cross dressing. Then I did it off and on, in private, until my thirties. Fortunately my wife Es OK with my dressing so I did it as much as I could (which was mostly underdressing) while the kids were growing up. Only in the last decade have I had the ability to dress much more it and do so. I never go "out" but have a second home and stay dressed inside most of the time. Although the desire to dress ebbs and flows, for me it has never gone away.

[Dragonfir3zz]

Welcome to our forum family home away from home.

For me i have known since very little, since that firat ballerinia out fit. Qhen i got old enough i had a few things together, but when i could drive i could buy my own.

No my parents still dont know but my 1st wife was ok with it, she REALLY liked it.

I purged about 10 yrs ago when i moved back to take care of my parents who sadly may or may not have much time left. Yet i had to get a wardeobe together, I jave friends who let me get ready at their place (all GG-lesbian and straight).
A open mined massage therapiat and a sheink i have know since he was my high school latin teacher

[ellbee]

Nope -- she wears!


It's really only a word, so who cares! Sometimes people try to soften the blow on themselves & just write it off as something else to make it easier to accept. Or perhaps even just not aware of some terminology?


But there are are all kinds of "levels" -- everything from simply wearing a pair of panties on occasion, to going full-blown head-to-toes & venturing out into the world, and everything in-between.

All good!

[Ceera]

For me it was the first pair of feminine shoes that I bought. A simple set of black pumps with 1.5 inch heels. Prior to that, I was wearing panties under my male clothes on a daily basis, and had been for 6 months or so. I was also playing around with a push-up bra, a skirt, a blouse, and a really cheap wig, in the privacy of my home, and only when absolutely no one else could see me. It was 'something fun I was trying', I told myself, and all the 'girl stuff' I owned to that point could be crammed into a small gym bag. I hadn't even shaved off my beard yet, or bought breast forms, or any makeup of my own.

But when I bought those shoes, I had to tell myself, "Okay, I really wouldn't have that much need to buy these shoes unless I intend to actually go outside in public, dressed as a woman." That was the tipping point. I didn't go out, yet, but I knew I would, when I got up the nerve. And I knew I was finally accepting the feelings I'd had for years, looking longingly at women's shoes and clothes, and wishing I could wear them openly. The biggest thing holding me back then was that I was married, and really didn't want to screw up my marriage. My wife knew I was wearing the panties, but not about the other girly stuff.

I was about 57 when I bought those shoes, and sadly, just a few months later I was a widower and free to do as I pleased. Three months after my wife passed away, I was beardless and practicing applying makeup, had breast forms and a much better wig, and I'd come out to my daughter, who lived with me. less than 9 months after buying those shoes, I was happily going out fully dressed, in broad daylight. And I easily owned enough women's clothes and shoes to overfill a very large suitcase!

[Savannah_Skye]

I started dressing when I was about 4, though it was more simulated dressing as I used a pillow case for a skirt and so forth. I had always associated myself more with girls, so role-playing as Laura Ingalls Wilders's perfectly accessorized best friend from Little House on the Prarie didn't seems like a big deal. After getting in "trouble" multiple times for dressing as a girl, I hid it as best I could and as I grew, simply thought I just like girl stuff. I think I finally recongnized/accepted my cd/tg nature in college when I was complaining that the "other girls" could wear dresses to some dance we were having. It was the word other that finally convinced me this is no longer a phase.

[Pattie]

I can't really say for sure but I was not to puberty yet, so it was all natural. Me and my sis would dress alike as we are twins, so it was very early in my life.

[NicoleScott]

Through teen years, Army, college, and early marriage I dabbled in CDing how and when I could. After my wife busted me and then divorced me for crossdressing, I realized it wasn't going away. So I decided I needed to get better at it. I found myself with enough time, privacy, and money to get more serious about it. It took many years of trying and rejecting different looks before finding the right one for me. Fun journey.

[Tina Davis]

I started dressing when I was 10, raiding mother's and sister's closets and laundry. I liked the feel of panties, hose and heels. I dressed for a long time with no makeup or wig and started buying my own clothes in college. I knew I was a crossdresser then, but I would say that I accepted it several years later. I don't usually put on makeup unless I go out (a rare occurrence), but I do put effort into looking as feminine as possible otherwise.

[wanda66]

In my teens panties were a big thing no sisters so my mom would loose a pare from time to time .never thought much about it .Now and then over the years i had to wear support hose . Then i tryed regular pantihose, liked then better.later in my 60's i found that i enjoyed dressing up in woman's things,and it's be nonstop since,.I get to dress often and i sleep in a silk lingerie every nite.I let my hair grow so no need for wigs.
Iam in the close and the first time i call myself a crossdresser was right here. I have no desire to be a woman,i just enjoy dressing like one.