Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 26 to 50 of 62

Thread: U r not TS nor live as a female but want to go out dressed in Vanilla Land. Why?

  1. #26
    Little Mrs. Snarky! Nadine Spirit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    California
    Posts
    1,224
    Laura -

    Yeah, I've heard that. I know, California is SO progressive. How come then, in the middle of Wisconsin I found the exact same reception? Oh yeah, in Chicago it was the same. Except for the people in Chicago told me that the people in Wisconsin wouldn't be so cool with it. Oh yeah, and then there were the people in the small steel mining town in Pennsylvania. Yeah, I know not every part of the state, or country, or world is the same. But I have yet to experience the hate and vitriol that I thought I would before I ever personally experienced all that I have.

    It's easy to think that people will hate, it's hard to find out if they actually will.

  2. #27
    Stop that, it's silly.... DIANEF's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    TEHRAN
    Posts
    2,275
    Hi Laura, thanks for the advice, but I think I might just be brave enough to have a full daylight outing. Sounds rather tame for some but for me it will be a big step. Really just waiting for the opportunity now...

  3. #28
    Gold Member Rachael Leigh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Dallas Ft Worth metro
    Posts
    5,583
    Same for my part of Texas Nadine I mean I think it's just come down to just about everyone has their own business to deal with who cares if the girl over there looks like a guy so yeah I know exactly what you mean
    Last edited by Lorileah; 09-11-2016 at 11:36 PM. Reason: You didn't need the quote to make that point

  4. #29
    Aspiring Member AlyssaJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    610
    Sadly I've witnessed first hand how awful the people in Wisconsin can be. I live in one of the most conservative counties in the state. There are places where it wouldn't be a big deal and there are places where the people are such backwoods conservative bigots that'd you'd be lucky to come away unscathed.
    Last edited by Lorileah; 09-11-2016 at 11:35 PM. Reason: you didn't need the quote to make that point

  5. #30
    leggings junkie ellbee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    US
    Posts
    1,683
    Nadine,


    I think at least some of it is how one presents themselves out there.


    You mention "blending." Well, fact is, some don't, from what I've seen over the years. They stick out like a sore thumb, for various reasons. Eyes will be on them. Judgements will form. And sometimes outward negative behavior will shift because of that.


    And honestly, sometimes it doesn't even *matter* how good or blendable or somewhat-passable or whatever one might look. If certain people "know," they can definitely have a problem with it for whatever reasons -- and not be afraid to share their opinions.



    Anyway, geography can most certainly play a role. Even as local as neighborhood to neighborhood, or city block to city block. It's a big world out there, and not everyone has had the same experiences as you.


    I've been out there off & on for like 20 years, and my experiences have certainly run the gamut, everything from legitimately passing to getting clocked HARD -- and everything in-between (and I've learned why both those extremes can happen). And just as there's a lot of love & acceptance out there, there's also a lot of misunderstanding & even hate.

  6. #31
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2016
    Posts
    330
    There is a big thrill in doing something your mind says "dangerous". To some people like me who have feared humiliation to the extent of never dating/touching a girl, Doing something that seems risky feels really good once the worst is over (generally the first 5 minutes, that initial walk out the door, that initial first person you walk past)

    The mind tries really hard to figure out what is so humiliating but once it fails, it just turns into excitement. It's like gambling and losing 10 times in a row and expecting to lose on the 11th spin only to hit the jackpot. Well our jackpot is being at the top of our goal for the day and "getting away with it". It gives us a hit and we become more confident in ourselves.


    The first time we do anything different in public, it was just to experience what it's like to wear the clothing outside. I must say when I wore spandex shorts in the sun my thighs felt so good. The black of them absorbed the heat making them feel like they came out of a hot dryer. Ever since that day I would get itches in my head to experience public dressing. Some days I'm not so brave yet the urge to be ambiguous is just too much. One night I wanted to just take out the trash wearing my special jeans. I walked out and began down the stairs only to hear someone enter the building downstairs, I panic and retreat! but 5 minutes later I try again. It's like a smoker needing to step outside for a smoke, My mind fills with thoughts about going on a adventure while I'm just watching stuff on the internet or making art.

    So yeah for me it's Thrills/excitement/urges .


    Life is given in a limited amount, We could be snuffed out at any moment. If I had 1 week left to live, I don't think I would sit around in my room playing dress up all day. I would go out into the world and experience the greatest highs I can think of! I would go to Victoria secret wearing a skirt and a tanktop with my lacy bralette showing in male mode and talk to as many people as I can. I would obviously tell lots of people about my fetish, because dying a virgin would suck. Basically everything I don't do because of filters created out of fear would be done. But no, we got plenty of years to live, thousands of days we think so we don't bother with the over the top thrills right now, we think we will do them later or just not at all. We hold on to secrets even though there's no reason to hold them, we avoid danger even though it was excitement in disguise, and we ultimately don't LIVE life with capital letters, we just sort of live life and that's it.

  7. #32
    Little Mrs. Snarky! Nadine Spirit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    California
    Posts
    1,224
    Laura-

    Yeah, I've been out there as well for about 20 years as well. I have a hard time believing that I have simply been lucky.

    I think that more than blending, but who you are, is what goes a long way towards how other's respond to us. Trust me, I may take a decent picture, but in the real world, everyone knows I am a guy dressed as a woman. Especially when I am not in a wig or makeup, and I have my bald head showing, with a week or two of growth on my face, sporting short shorts, a tank top, and a bra. Don't even go there with me, that I experience what I experience because I pass or blend so well. Not likely.

    I do believe that holding your head high, putting a smile on your face, looking people in the eye, having a sense of humor, being willing to talk to people, being willing to give others a chance. I truly believe these things go a long way.

    I am not so foolish to think that stuff does not happen. Stuff happens. Stuff always happens. I get it. But I am quite confused as to why some seem to report nothing but negative experiences while I have experienced maybe two or three uncomfortable experiences. Hmmm.......

    Oh, and yeah if you have legitimately passed then your doing FAR better than me, as I don't think that has ever happened. And if you've learned how that extreme can happen, maybe you should enlighten all of us.

    Rather long winded, but really just to say - don't blow off my experiences by stating that my geographical location is why I have had the experiences that I have had, or imply that I have not been doing this long enough, or state that my ability to blend is so fabulous. Maybe something else is actually going on here.

    How did this thread turn into a conversation about my personal life experiences anyway???

  8. #33
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Posts
    3,043
    Interesting thread Sherry, I'm the dreaded GF myself but I did at one time identify as CD (DVD, Blue Ray). From a deep phsycolological perspective maybe it's 'testing the water', like what's it like to really interact and feel like the opposite birth gender?

  9. #34
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    260
    I am a crossdresser. I just dress for fun. I sort of agree with Sherry. I can get myself to be passable at a distance. It takes a lot of effort, contouring makeup, hip pads, corset, etc. This does not make for a comfortable trip to Starbucks. I do go out often, to vanilla land, but it is to clubs, live music sites, bars, something exciting.

  10. #35
    leggings junkie ellbee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    US
    Posts
    1,683
    Nadine,

    Perhaps we're taking this thread too far off-topic? LOL


    No one is "blowing off" your experiences -- just as no one else wants theirs to be.

    But what I was originally getting at, is that there are a *lot* of variables out there, as you know, which can certainly determine one's own experiences -- and which can vary even within minutes of each other. Some of these aspects we can "control," and there are others which we simply can't.


    From what I've read here with others sharing their stories, apparently everything isn't all doom & gloom, as the OP alluded to. Plenty of positive experiences, and many more neutral ones. And yes, sometimes some bad ones, which may be inevitable.



    Anyway, it sounds like the OP had more in mind regarding the "why" rather than the "what happens out there" kind of thing.


    And I suppose the answer to that is, there are a lot of different answers!

    Those who are new to the idea of going out in public, and/or who are doing all this for a certain reason at a certain level, can easily differ from those with more experience under their belt, and/or who have something else a bit more than "just simple CD'ing" going on.


    There's no one right answer. And even then, one answer is not "more right" than another.

  11. #36
    Member Dena's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Texas, behind the pine curtain
    Posts
    366
    It gets boring staying at home when you get dressed! I love to feel the breeze caressing me with my dress over my slip, bra, panties, and stockings. I got fairly good with my makeup (colors and application), clothes, complimentary styles and colors, and that's when I wanted to get out.

    I went out a number of times but never found a place I wanted to "hang out" at. Then I caught a thought that going out was kind of macho!
    Going out became less fun for me for those two reasons.

  12. #37
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    6,337
    Quote Originally Posted by Nadine Spirit View Post
    ...I do believe that holding your head high, putting a smile on your face, looking people in the eye, having a sense of humor, being willing to talk to people, being willing to give others a chance. I truly believe these things go a long way....
    Not just a long way, all the way. And this relates to Sherry's question/assertion about "stealth." I think the normals react negatively to stealth. When confronted with a happy person, it's far harder to dis them. There will never be 100% positive experiences, but I don't get that in guy mode either.

  13. #38
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    22,076
    I do it because I want to.
    I have no idea what people see when they see me male? female? who knows for sure.
    Its just me being me no stress or anxiety being seen in public. No sexual thrill or thinking I pass 100% because I know I don't.
    If I can go out and get along with everyone and live my life its all good and maybe just maybe I can show someone that TG people aren't bad people.
    I see things a lot like Jennifer its just me doing my thing.
    Sherry the act of blending is not stealth at all because you are out there trying to look as much like a normal female.
    Stealth would be more what you do. Wearing a mask is hiding to some degree is it not?
    I think what you do is fabulous Sherry and you are really unique. That is a good thing.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 09-11-2016 at 11:58 PM.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.
    Expert plumpologist

  14. #39
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    11,174
    Sherry,
    I know we have this conversation before when you differentiated between vanilla outings as shopping in malls and going for coffee to going out to meet others dressed in a social situation. I know Jen prefers the day to day outings as apposed to meeting in groups but to me the line is blurred. When I go out it's in daylight to drive the the venue, t a hotel, so you do meet the general public, that is other hotel guest and the staff, also last time there was a wedding going on and our group was asked to join in at the reception the bar area was open to all, OK we were being eyed up but that was inevitable. Next time our meeting will be a barbecue held at the home of a member that will mean walking through part of her village , it something we will have to accept whether it's a thrill or not, so why do we do it ? Well to get from A to B and that's what many others have to do, they want to shop or go for a coffee and wish to do it presenting as a woman, but maybe not passing as one , OK some are bound to look but very rarely make a comment.
    I'm sure some members actually do want to be read , to be caught out as a thrill , a big high, they have their reasons to do it, and maybe some will think they are doing our community some harm, well there are worse things people do out in public so if they wish to do it to raise a few eyebrows then who are we to stop them, maybe we shouldn't question our own community quite as much. As Allie asked why do you only go out wearing a rubber layer, I couldn't do that, if I couldn't go out dressed as me I probably wouldn't do it at all and certainly not encased in rubber, sorry Sherry I can't see the point in that .

  15. #40
    Curmudgeon Member donnalee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    2,057
    As someone who dresses pretty much 24/7; I don't look at it as dressing fem; it's dressing as me.
    As to a reason for going out, I can no more explain it than I can why I dress in the first place, except that it feels right to me.
    ALWAYS plan for the worst, then you can be pleasantly surprised if something else happens!

    "The important thing about the bear is not how well she dances, but that she dances at all." - Old Russian Proverb (with a gender change)

  16. #41
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Midwest U.S.
    Posts
    7,090
    Hate is an extremely explosive, strong word. It is more likely surprise, being uncomfortable with what is unusual, strange to them, caught off guard, not what they are used to seeing, maybe against their upbringing and religion. Hate is sometimes used recklessly on here. Most are just not at all used to seeing a guy dressed as a woman.
    Last edited by Alice Torn; 09-12-2016 at 05:20 AM.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN. See my photos and videos on FLICKR - Alice Longstems.

  17. #42
    Aspiring Member AnnieMac's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    575
    So what is this new sub-forum about that was suggested earlier?

    And on the topic, I am primarily closeted but I do indeed feel the draw to be out in public, not sure why yet, although
    I've been dressing a long time.

    In two times that I was seen in public, one time when I was strolling in the evening at a strip mall, I got the dreaded," OMG
    That is a MA - AAN, " yelled at me from a car, it scared me a little so a went to back to my own car. The other time I was dressed in a Hotel Room just walking out the door, and A guy smiled at me and said hello, in a way like any normal guy might do politely when he runs into a woman in a hallway. Interesting extremes I thought. But I honestly think at least for me that it is not all that complicated. I just like to look and feel like a woman sometimes and being in public helps that perhaps. I dunno I'm no transgender genius by any means.

    Lastly, Nadine, you mentioned you don't get a thrill out of it, but you do seem to get enjoyment from it - what do you like about being out and about?
    Last edited by AnnieMac; 09-12-2016 at 06:30 AM.

  18. #43
    Silver Member Elizabeth G's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    2,046
    For me there is no simple answer. Validation as Jennifer said, it is for me simultaneously terrifying and exhilarating. I feel more alive. Perhaps those emotions will temper over time but for now the opportunities are few and far between so it is still a very exciting thing to experience. Also, I think that the idea of casually strolling along and being perceived by the world around me, at least at first glance, as a woman just feels good. Again, validation I suppose.
    Last edited by Elizabeth G; 09-12-2016 at 07:57 AM.

  19. #44
    stone free mykell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    jer-sea shore
    Posts
    3,545
    sherry i may not be the most experienced at being out in the wild but i have learned one thing, its is much less stressful than a root canal, that being said that would not be my answer before joining here....
    i can honestly say that if i had the what i consider the attitude or courage of say nadine for instance, presenting in public in various states of dress and having a "water off my back" attitude while doing it some forty years ago i would have a lot less "what if" moments.
    the one thing it wasnt for was thrill, it was because i wasnt doing anything wrong, whether im going to a support function with an understanding group, stopping to buy makeup remover cause i ran out, getting gas or buying a burger i was for the most part genuine. im a person who likes fashion, albeit what is considered womens fashion. the only reason i have forms it to get less of quizzical look when i decided to venture out, worked on my makeup skills to look less like a clown, again to blend into the background and not draw attention. just as i do when not wearing those clothes.

    now ive shared good times and ive had some bad or uncomfortable times out and shared them and was called out when i did but its not always going to be sunshine, rainbows and puppy love. we are a largely stigmatized part of society and the more we put ourselves out there the more folks will realize we not predators and sexual deviants, we like wearing clothing from the opposite side of sears and sometimes we just have to pee.

    awhile back you shared a candid photo of yourself, i thought you looked rather nice, would you not like to jump out of the car and run in to a ordinary venues as McD's, Dennys, Walmart, super market, Starbucks, etc. as "yourself" and not sherry and not have it remind you of a root canal ? still confused ?
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that those who deny freedom deserve it not for themselves
    NOBODY gets a pass to blow out someone else's candle in order to make theyre's shine brighter

  20. #45
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    1,107
    there is an old joke that asks why dogs lick their private parts, and the answer is "because they can" Guess that's the same reason I go out dressed. Because I can.

  21. #46
    Silver Member Barbara Jo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    "Upstate" NY USA.... Site of the first crash of the "Vin Fizz"
    Posts
    2,239
    For me it's really simple..

    I can see myself as a woman when at home.

    However, whoever I appear in public enfeme ( even if I have no real interaction with other people) I love it when others can see me and just assume that I am a woman.

    BTW, I always love to wear ether a skirt or dress in public, and that also removes any any doubt that anyone might have that i am female .
    Last edited by Barbara Jo; 09-12-2016 at 03:51 PM.
    Happiness is not a future condition. It is a Present state of mind.

    "....And it's only the giving that makes you what you are" - Ian Anderson

    "It's all right now, I learned my lesson well..... You see, you can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself." - Ricky Nelson

    "It is hard to imagine a more stupid or more dangerous way of making decisions than by putting those decisions in the hands of people who pay no price for being wrong." -Thomas Sowell

  22. #47
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    7,016
    Well, I've read a lot of complicated answers and some off topic chatter but for me, I go out dressed to see how well I am doing presenting as a woman. Yes, to see if I am passing or "blending".

    If I get normal reactions or no reactions from people on the street, I must be doing OK. If I get negative reactions, laughs, finger pointing, etc., I am not doing OK and need to figure out why and improve.

    Now since I am trying to be a "normal" woman, I will be going to places that normal women go and doing things that normal women do, I suppose I am going to "ordinary venues". That's fine with me and I do not find it boring.

  23. #48
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    S.E.Baltimore Co. Maryland USA
    Posts
    36,648
    Hi Sherry, It is like I've said before, " It is just who I am , And it is just what I do. "

    Having the best of both worlds is fantastic......
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  24. #49
    Member josrphine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Nokomis Florida
    Posts
    250
    Hi I vote with Nadine Spirit. I go out because its me. I like to go to the hard Rock Casino in tampa Fl. I go almost every Sat. for the day I under stand what Nadine is talking about, If u dress on how you like, my wife has taught me that less is better. Then on Sunday I attend our church still as Josephine. I am very well received an respected, I have talks with many women and men as to why I am dressed as a women. I don't care if they think I am some sort of a predator. I have talked at collages human class's they have 40 to 50 young people attended. I have been held over for questions some bad some good. But the best thing that has happen to me is that I have been told that I look like a women. Remember less make up big boobs 4 to 6 inch heels and short skirts age great if you want to attract a man. I am married an have a great wife were we are our best girl friends. Josephine

  25. #50
    Member AllieBellema's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    NE Indiana
    Posts
    369
    I'd mainly say it's because of the type of clothing I like to wear compared to most else since you don't typically see petticoats and hoop skirts out in the everyday world. Other than that, I really haven't thought much about it and last halloween has so far been the only time I've been out in public in a dress. Not to say the desire wouldn't ever be there, if the situation comes up and I have the right outfit and learned how to do makeup, then I'd seriously consider going out in public.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State