Dress it not

[Just-Lucy]

Feeling confused. Guilty and out of place. I hate my face at the moment. I'm sitting in bathroom right now and arguing with myself over weather to shave, then dress like I want. I Just want to cry. I give up on the labels Either I give myself or get put on me. I'm just a confused, scared person. A ruff diamond, maybe. I feel so guilty for wanting to be more feminine . It's like the boy and the girl sides are fighting, and the girl side is winning but she feels bad for harming the boy or those that need him. Does this make sense? If not, at least I got it off my mind as such. But still , shave or not?

[Crystal Beth]

I think many of us have felt this way at one time or another. It sounds like there is a struggle to be who you are, true to yourself and who others demand or want you to be. Who are you "harming" as you say? The people in your life need the person, not the "girl" or the "boy", they need YOU

[AlyssaJ]

It does make sense and I feel awful to hear that you're feeling so conflicted right now. I understand what you're saying about other people who depend on the male you. To that I'll just say this, you don't owe anything to anyone to a degree that it supersedes your ability to be comfortable and happy in your own skin. There is that delicate line in marriage in particular, I understand that. But if you're not comfortable in who you are, they're going to lose you anyway. So I'm not going to give you advice here, for fear that it might not be good advice, but I will simply say "to thine own self be true" and pray that you find your happy state.

[Just-Lucy]

Shaved so hard, it made me bleed and still it's there! That god dammed hair not dressed in either mode yet but calming and in bath.

[Pat]

What will make you happy? Shaving or not? Do that. Don't worry about the label for now, just do what makes you happiest and later on you can figure out what that "makes you" if there's a need for that. My classic screed is that labels should describe you, not define you. You should never do something because you're a "crossdresser" for example. It's wrong-way-around to say, "I'm a crossdresser so I should wear women's clothes." If wearing women's clothes is something you do and it makes you happy, it might fair to describe you as a crossdresser, but you should never let the label drive your behavior. Be you. Be happy.

[dolovewell]

A lesson I learned was never to dress when you are in a bad mood or have a bad mindset. Just do something else that day and see how you feel the next day.

[Just-Lucy]

Out of bath and my partner asked what's wrong . I said I'm fine and bit my tongue on the matter. She knew I was lying but didn't push . Instead massaged my back and told me to get dressed. I'm now dressed and for comfort. Starting to feel normal again. And as I'm writing , the want to cry is still here but it's more of wanting to cry happy tears for the relief.

[DaniT]

Lucy,

I have bouts of guilt like this every time I change something about my appearance, for the exact same reasons you cited.

Thus far I have made three appointments to get my eyebrows shaped and cancelled all three, even though it's one of the most important things for me to feel better about myself, I can't seem to do it.

I am the worst person to give advise since I'm in the same boat as you, paddling up river, against a flood. At least I can tell you that you aren't alone.

Dani

[reb.femme]

Hi Lucy,

I'm the other way round, more often than not. I feel like crying when I change back to Bob.

Just don't plough your face girl, it's skin, not a field. Maybe a sanding disc might help? It's as others have said, dressing is something that happens and can't be pushed. I feel like that with work, as I was meant to be a multi-millionaire, lounging around on sun-kissed beaches.

You've got a supportive partner and great that she gave you the encouragement needed to dress. Stick with it. With what I've read from you, you're bounding along at a rapid rate. There will always be bumps in the road. (Stock cliche I know, but true).

Becky

[RADER]

Try getting an electric shaver, They do not cut the skin, so no marks.
Yes What to do can be frustrating, but try to always be flexible.
Now if you shave first, Like I Do, then you have options of dressing one
way or another. My self, I under dress all the time, and with a bra, that
way I feel dressed no mater what I wear over the undies.
Rader

[NicoleScott]

I've heard it said that we regret more the things we didn't do than what we did do but shouldnt have.

[Alice_2014_B]

I get the same feeling, Lucy.
Much like a conflict within.

[Tracii G]

You need to just let go and accept what you do as part of you.
Once you do that all the conflict goes away.

[Teresa]

Nocole,
I have to agree with you on that point but we often we only see in hindsight.

Lucy,
I had to go to gender couselling before I could come to terms with the internal battle, now I know I'm GD I can come to terms with it and learn to live with it. When I revealed my whole CDing story and the dreams that accompanied it my counsellor she told me that I had an inner conflict and the female side was trying to take control, it's so mentally tiring I just go with it now. It's not making any difference to my dressing needs but I feel much more comfortable with my CDing now .

[Lana Mae]

Lucy, mine is the opposite of you!! My boy side usually wins and feels bad for the girl side!! You make sense!! I think it happens to all of us in some form or manner!! I basically go with it knowing that sooner or later there will be Lana Mae time!! If urge gets too bad I underdress to ease it a little!! I know it is hard but share with your partner they may be able to help and that is what partners are for !! I am sure if they have a problem you are right there!! Best wishes going forward!! Hugs Lana Mae

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lucy, If you have to ask then maybe dressing is not for you, Maybe it's time to find a new hobby......

[suzanne]

The conflict starts with the deeply ingrained notion that it's taboo for a male to dress or act in ways that society has deemed "feminine". We've all been taught this from a very young age in so many ways, blatant and subtle, that we don't even realize it. It's like discussing the concept of water with a fish. Most people can't conceive of an alternative viewpoint.

I want to tell you it's all a load of crap. That you're not doing anything "wrong", much less harmful, if you put on a dress and go about your day. Many of the people who see you may disagree, but it's your life, your body, your happiness and peace of mind. The opinions of the others don't matter. I truly hope you can lose the notion that it's wrong to dress the way you want, so you can live in peace.

[sometimes_miss]

Try getting an electric shaver, They do not cut the skin, so no marks.

Some of the newer electrics DO cut so close, that they can scrape the skin if you're not careful. I replaced my Norelco with a new 7310xl and got razor burn & bleeding on my neck. Have to remember not to press so hard next time.

[Maria 60]

Wow! That's some powerful stuff there. I was never one to grow a beard or goat tee, anything that need maintenance. I was considering a goat tee, but put Maria first and never grew one. In the winter months I sheave my legs and then we go on those unexpected vacation and have to have that no hair complex. I never thought of it this way but in your words, my male side does sacrifice for my fem side. Great point of view and thanks for posting.

[SamanthaDarling120]

I had a decent size beard that I was growing for five months. I understand how you feel. I loved my beard and I looked really good with it. But I decided to shave it and I felt so naked and my face felt so small. It was horrible. I looked at as positive as I could, telling myself now I can dress again and not feel so gross. I feel gross when I have hair on my face and dress because I feel like a man in girls clothing. I know that is what I am either way but when I dress I do it to look and feel feminine and the beard ruins it for me personally. So now I am battling with whether I should shave or grow my beard back. I really like the beard but I love looking like a woman and feeling feminine. So I'm going through this as well. It's tough and I was actually going to start a new thread on this till I saw this post. I hate it because I feel like I have to choose male or female. I want to be both. The good thing is that hair always grows back so to me right now, the girl in me is going to win. It's hard being a crossdresser

[HelenR2]

I hate shaving and I absolutely LOATHE having to shave. My greying hair doesn't suit laser treatment and a very limited income pretty much rules out electrolysis. If you can afford these I would say go for it.

[Krisi]

Life can be tough, but we either learn to deal with what we have or we go insane or worse. Shaving is one of the things we have to deal with as crossdressers. With a few thousand dollars, a lot of time and a lot of pain, we can have our beard removed but is it really worth all that?

Focus on the good things you can do. Do your best with the rest and move on with your life.

[Just-Lucy]

Answer we have come to is: WAX getting sorted at the end of month and lasts 3-4 weeks. YAY!!!

[Oria]

Remember, who you are is different than what you are. That is true for everyone, cross-dresser or not. Let your self have fun and enjoy the time as a woman. Don't let you hair or even your face get in the way. I know I am an ugly woman. I love the feeling of being in girl mode so much. I just don't let the mirror wreck my girl time. Some times that is hard for me to do for sure. But I practice and hope and try to just enjoy the time as best as I can. That being said, that is only my experience. I can't even imagine what it is like for other people, I just hope my experience helps someone else.

[Helen_Highwater]

I feel so guilty for wanting to be more feminine . It's like the boy and the girl sides are fighting, and the girl side is winning but she feels bad for harming the boy or those that need him.

It seems from what you described your SO is supportive so who are these who need the boy? Can I ask is it in your mind that at some point in the future you intend to transition? Not, is it a possibility, is it something you are positively working to, the ultimate goal? If the answer is no then why do you see it as a battle? Literally thousands of us here go about our daily lives fulfilling our male roles and then when time and the muse takes us we alter our presentation to fulfill that other part of our being. It is what it is, something we do that's not wrong or bad. Just us being who we are. OK I will concede that not all around us take that view but that still doesn't make it wrong.

Shaved so hard, it made me bleed and still it's there! That god dammed hair You're not alone in facing this problem that's why there's a thread on beard cover. It's nature's way of having a laugh at our expense.

Perhaps the biggest hurdle we all face at some time is self acceptance. With the support you have from your SO you have the opportunities to simply dress and then relax about the house in the same way you might shower and then put on a dressing gown. It's as simple as that.