Flagged at work sort of...

[njcddresser]

Well today was ugly xmas sweater day where I work. I was dressed in drab and had on what. I'd call a unisex really ugly sweater.

My boss sees me from across the room to comment on the sweater.

She told me she didn't realize it was me when she first saw it. That she thought it was one of the girls that Work there and that I looked like I had some small boobs. I made a silly little comment and laughed. I had only wished that I'd had on one of my bras that I sometimes wear to work.

All in all, a very entertaining encounter

[ellbee]

"...that I looked like I had some small boobs.

...

...one of my bras that I sometimes wear to work."


Perhaps I'm a bit too "suspicious" of how some people operate & erroneously get 5 from adding 2 + 2 -- or, perhaps I realize that some people actually do operate in a particular way for certain potentially socially-awkward situations when they don't know how else to approach them otherwise.


But I have to bring it up, as I've seen similar things here before...

Do you think there's a possibility that this is her way of telling you that she's noticed your bra on other days?

[Tracy Irving]

Sounds like you have the bosses permission, or at least an excuse, to wear a bra to work. Well played!

[Julie MA]

Unless you and your boss have a close, open communication relationship, I find what she said inappropriate, whether you wear a bra to work, or not, and even if she was hinting about it. None of her business actually. Think if it was a male boss saying that to a female employee, mentioning some male body part. Makes me uncomfirtable. Did it you?

[ronda]

I think you need to read between the lines she is telling you something

[Stephanie47]

It would be interesting to see what the conversation would have been if your boss told another woman she thought she had small boobs. Was there alcohol involved?

[Sallee]

I wouldn't worry about it. Some of the responses make it sound like you should be offended. I think she was just saying what she thought he saw and when she realized it was you. We tend sometimes to be to easily offended when really nothing is meant and we are interpreting it wrong

[lingerieLiz]

I wouldn't get bent out of shape. Your overall appearance may have been on the fem side. Do you have long hair? Years ago as a manager I had employees that pushed the envelope in many different directions. Some that enjoyed their diversity that I could joke with and others that I couldn't. I was a very popular manager and could take teasing as well as giving it out.

[IleneD]

I find any comments regarding personal appearance, good or bad, to be out of place between any supervisor and employee. The boss has leverage as the senior partner in your working relationship, and controls the terms. She should never have made such an inappropriate comment.

Now.... I am the brazen type, so I"d perhaps handle it quite differently than most folks.
I would schedule a meeting at the workplace with her and ask what she meant by the remark. It may put her on the spot or on the defensive, but you deserve a REAL and honest explanation. And I would make it clear that you intend to NOT make grist over it; i.e. filing an EEO grievance, taking it to her boss, elevating it in any way.
But she owes you an explanation for her remark. Who knows. You may actually find out from her that she KNOWS you're wearing a bra (or other femme garments) to the workplace. It's her awkward way of alerting you that she knows your secret (perhaps). If so, it's wise that you know that others see it and you can adjust your behavior accordingly. AND BTW..... there's no obligation for you to spill your guts or reveal your secret to her even if she lets you know she's seen you in a bra at work.

But be strong. You have all the "right" on your side. I think this rates speaking to your supervisor. It will only fester in your mind (and maybe hers' too) unless resolved.

[GaleWarning]

I had only wished that I'd had on one of my bras that I sometimes wear to work.

All in all, a very entertaining encounter

Methinks those who are offended and are suggesting further action doth protest too much!

[njcddresser]

To set the r cord straight, I did t feel my bosses comments were at all inappropriate or that I need to take any further action with her or HR. I believed her that she just thought it was a woman she thought she saw. Nothing more.

Inside though, it did put a bit of a smile on my face

[Krisi]

First, do you have small boobs? If not, why did she think that?

Her words would be considered "inappropriate" for the workplace, at least in the USA under the current "I get offended at most anything and I'm looking to gain from it" attitude. I don't think they rise to the level of a complaint though. Personally, it wouldn't offend me and I wouldn't complain but I'm more of the old school "cant we just get along" mentality.

It's a little late now but when she commented that you looked like you had small boobs, you could have offered to let her feel them or you could have said "Why yes, they are small compared to yours."

That way, you are both being inappropriate and it cancels out. Unless of course, a third person witnesses this and complains.

[Lacey New]

I might have said "Yes, and do you know how hard it is to find an A cup bra?"

[Shelly Preston]

There is an old saying.

Many a true word spoken in jest.

I am sure the boss made the comment not even thinking that it was possible, that her words were anywhere close to the truth.

[ellbee]

Sorry, but respectfully disagree.


People notice things, especially GG's. They're not blind.

And this is some people's quirky & safe way of acknowledging -- or at the very least, "testing," if they're not 100% certain.


It's kind of an "odd" comment of the boss to make, if there was truly nothing there, don't you think? Too much of a coincidence, IMO.


Not that it really matters, honestly. Definitely one possible way to further some positive dialogue, should they choose to, in situations like these. (Though arguably, the boss/employee relationship may or may not be the best for this... Perhaps moreso in a social setting, anyway.)

[Ally 2112]

I have small boobs

[Leslie Langford]

I agree with the others here who feel that the particular comment made by "the boss'" in this instance was inappropriate in the greater scheme of things, even if njc's reaction to it was more benign. This is sexual harassment, pure and simple, and if a male supervisor had made a similar comment to a female employee, there would have been H*ll to pay. Just because this boss was a GG doesn't give her a free pass to say these kinds of things. This individual needs to undergo some workplace sensitivity training to understand that this is 2016, and that some things just don't fly any more nowadays.

There is also a larger issue at play here that transcends njc's recent experience. The real unanswered question here is how does this boss conduct herself with her other employees in similar situations? Is she equally off-hand with her inappropriate comments in dealing with them? Sounds as if HR needs to get involved here to do some re-education and ensure that all existing Company "respect in the workplace" guidelines are being adhered to by all concerned. That, or else fire her @ss...